Never really bothered me before. Didn’t ever think ‘bout it. Ain't never even considered she might be the one. Not that there was ever gonna be just one. I ain't built like that. Always enjoyed the company of womenfolk too much, even if’n I was payin’ for it. But she’s …

First time I saw her, I was holdin’ a gun on her. Her and the captain both. Marco was mouthin’ off as usual, and I was just kinda standing there, waiting to shoot. And there she was, all dark and interesting. Course, didn’t shoot her. Mind you, I’ve felt like shootin’ the Cap often enough. Came close, too, once or twice. But not her. Trouble was, she was married. To that long streak of piss that pretended he was the pilot. Right. Like I'm the Queen of Sheba. But I guess he weren’t as bad as all that. Saved our hides more often than not, and managed to land the boat the last time as if he pulled a miracle outta the hat. Didn’t help him, none. And she was left all on her lonesome.

I offered. Told her to stop grieving and I’d make her feel a lot better. Don’t think she’s ever come closer to killin’ me, but I had to say. I’d’a made her feel all right. Made her feel like a real man had taken her, not some pale excuse for a summbitch who died first chance he got. She told me to stay away from her. Only not in those exact terms. More Chinese in there, and nothing repeatable in mixed company. But all quiet like. Been better if she’d shouted, hit me, thrown something. But instead she just told me where to go, and walked away. Think maybe I didn’t handle that as well as I shoulda.

It ain't like there ain’t other females on board. There’s that crazy sister of the doc, still a coupla mugs short of a saloon, in my opinion, and I ain't forgiven her for lunging at me with that kitchen knife. Still got the scar to prove it, tho’ the doc patched it up good. Ain't gonna tell him that, a’course. But that sister of his ... sleep with her and I could wake up one mornin’ and find I’d be missin’ somethin’ important.

And little Kaylee. She’s a good girl, just too ready to make it with the doc. Walked in on them more’n once, too. Not that I mind that. Just gives me something else to think about in my bunk. ‘Sides, she‘s more like a sister than anything else.

Then there’s the Companion. Ain't never been with one of them. Never had enough cash at one time, and even if’n I did, ain't sure they’d want to take me on as a client. Not their kinda person. And they ain’t mine, neither, truth be told. Too ... clean. All prissied up, making like they never wun gwo pee. Give me an honest whore any day of the week.

The other one, though, now she’s something else. Don’t make no difference she sleeps with the captain. If’n she turned around and looked at me like she looks at him, I’d’a faced the fires of hell for her. But she only ever looks at him. Like he’s worth it. Still, I guess it’s somethin’ that we’re friends. Though the time she fell asleep in my lap, wearing nothing but a smile, didn’t go down too well with the Cap’n. Thought he was gonna try throwing me out the airlock again.

So that kinda leaves Zoe. Some days I just wanna push her up against the wall, wipe that look off her face, just make her say or do something that ain’t business. Won’t, though. Ain’t my way. Never had to do that, and don’t intend to start. So I’m bidin’ my time. She’ll see I ain't one to run away. If she don’t take that new pilot into her bed before I can make her believe it.