The Captain of Serenity gazed into the mess area, his eyebrows pulling together in confusion. There was a skinny, pale man sitting in earnest discussion with a larger muscular figure. “Who’s this fella then?” Wash glanced at his captain and replied with a smirk, “Salesman.” “Salesman? Didn’t you tell him we wasn’t home to salesmen?” Mal turned his level gaze on the pilot. “What sort of salesman?” “Knife salesman. I tried to tell him we won’t be needin’ any, but Jayne heard the word knife and got all school girlish.” Wash continued to watch the conversation in the mess area. “What sort of knives? I don’t much feature Jayne with additional sharp objects.” “Steak knives is what the man promoted. I have a feeling Jayne didn’t listen to the specifics.” “Well call me when it gets violent.” Mal hitched his suspenders and strolled back down the corridor.

“This is the finest knife known to man, guaranteed to cut through even the toughest meat. It will stay sharp even if I cut through a can.” The skinny man adjusted his glasses, looking for a Tin Can to demonstrate upon. “Enough of the foreplay, show me the real cutters.” Jayne leaned forward, unconsciously menacing the smaller man across from him. “I’m sorry? The real cutters?” “You’re a knife salesman, show me your inventory; the stabbers, the gutters, the skinners, the slicers, the disembowlers, the cutters, and the easy to hide ones.” As Jayne spoke, his guest was looking increasingly alarmed. “Good sir, I am a steak knife salesman.” “Come ‘gain?” “I sell the finest steak knives you will ever own. Watch this, I can cut an old combat boot, and then slice a tomato.” The knife salesman cast about for and found a combat boot sitting on the deck. He proceeded to saw through the boot, removing the front four inches. He looked around again. “Do you happen to have a tomato?” “That were my finest pair of boots.” Jayne appeared incredulous that this slimy sneak had just chopped up his footwear before his eyes. “Does it look like we’ve got any fancy eatin’ like tomaters? Hell boy, we don’t even got any Steak.” The salesman was getting more alarmed by the moment. He realized that he had completely miscalculated the clientele this time. “We don’t need none of this Go-se. See, all we’ve got to eat is compressed protein. So you take your fei-oo knives and git afore I see how well they cut through skull.” “Wo de tien ah! You’re nuts!” The knife salesman snatched up his bag and charged down the hallway, down the ramp, and out through the cargo bay. On the way he almost knocked Kaylee down, spilling his wares all over the floor. As he scrambled to recover his inventory, he caught sight of Jayne brandishing the mutilated footwear. Kaylee jumped quickly out of his way as the knife salesman dropped his bag and pelted out through the airlock. “Who was that Hwin dahn? And what are you doing with River’s boot?” Jayne started chuckling as he reached down and began picking up steak knives. “reckon he remembered another meeting. He left us a gift of new steak knives though.” “Shiny! But what’s up with River’s boot?” “Who understands that crazy girl? Looks like she been chopping the toes off.” Jayne tossed the boot through the doorway into passenger bunking. “I’ve got some cans to saw through.” Jayne turned his back on Kaylee and wandered back to the kitchen whistling off key.