It started at suppertime. Mal was just about to dig into the surprisingly fine meal Jayne had prepared when it happened.

He was lying back on his bunk, naked and sheathed to the hilt inside Inara, who was keeping those beautiful full breasts just out of reach of his tongue as she rocked back and forth.

Just as he had convinced himself it was real, he was suddenly snapped out of it by Kaylee asking him to pass the peas. He coughed and spluttered a bit to cover what had just happened, but he could tell he would have to be very careful when he got up from the table.

Mal stole a glance over at Inara, who looked completely unruffled. What the hell had just happened?

H managed to distract himself after supper with a few hands of tall card before heading for his bunk.

River called out after him, “Sweet dreams, Captain.”

Right after he finished brushing his teeth, it happened again. Except this time, he had Inara up against a bulkhead, her skirts around her waist and his pants around his ankles as he thrust furiously up into her.

The sound of the toothbrush clattering into the sink as it fell out of his hand brought him back to the reality of his harsh breathing and aching groin, alone in his bunk. He stared at himself in the mirror.

Maybe you’ve just been overworked, Reynolds.

The third time it happened was when Mal was getting undressed for bed. Suddenly, it wasn’t his bed, and neither was he alone. Instead, he was hovering over Inara, her long legs up over his shoulders as he worked himself inside her. Just as he was about to have his release, he again found himself sitting on his bunk, gripping the edge with white knuckles, chest heaving.

No rutting way was he getting any sleep tonight.

After he was certain he could walk without doing himself any serious damage, he very slowly made his way to the mess. Maybe some tea would clear his head.

There, sitting by herself was the last person Mal wanted to face in his current condition – Inara. She looked far too warm and real, not unlike the fantasy woman he’d experienced earlier. She looked up at him and smiled just as she had when he and her were...

“Hello, Mal. Come for a bit of tea?”

Mal figured the only safe place for him to be looking was at his boots. “Uhh...yeah. Tea.”

Suddenly, an exasperated sound could be heard from a hidden spot behind the semi-closed door. Both Mal and Inara started.

“River?” Inara asked.

River came into view, looking every bit the sulky genius teen-aged girl. “Why didn’t you listen to me, Captain? Then you two would be happy!”

Mal looked confused. “’bout what, lil’ albatross.”

Another exasperated sigh. “About having sweet dreams.”

And then it clicked. Mal stared at River, forgetting Inara’s presence for a moment.

“You...you did this? Little one, you had no business mucking about in my head like that! And just where did you get those notions anyway?

River just giggled. “Nothing you weren’t already thinking, Captain. I just made it easier for you to see.”

“Darlin’, I’d appreciate it mightily if you’d stop helping. Girl your age shouldn’t be thinkin’ such things anyways.”

“Not my thoughts. All yours. Just made you see them better. See past the wiles.” And with that, she skipped out of the mess, leaving Mal to face a gaping Inara.

One look at her face, and Mal knew he was humped beyon all easy reason, and not in the ways River had seared onto his brainpan earlier.

“Malcolm Reynolds!”

He was done for now, as she had used his full name. Yep, those boot-toes were about the only safe bet.

“Just what sorts of things were you thinking about me?”

Maybe he could distract her. “She had no right! Man’s entitled to his own thoughts!”

Inara crossed her armed in front of her, not about to be deterred. “Which were?”

Mal distractedly ran his fingers through his hair. Time to just come clean. “Inara, I ain’t gonna lie to you. You are without a doubt the most beautiful gorram woman I’ve ever seen in my life. And sometimes, a man gets to thinkin’...thoughts. Thoughts that just oughta be his and his alone. Not that he means to act on ‘em without prior approval, but just, you know...thoughts.”

“Mal.” Very softly, without a trace of the earlier anger.

He very slowly raised his eyes to look at her.

“Am I really the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen in your life?”