Wash didn't even wait for Mal's signal to cut the audio again. Everyone was staring at Simon doing a passable imitation of a gaping fish. Kaylee finally broke the silence.

"Simon, you never mentioned having another.sis..."

Simon interrupted her. "I don't...I mean, it's just me. And River."

At that moment, Jayne came in. "What's goin' on?"

Zoe tipped her head in Simon's direction. "We just found out that the doc's got a long-lost relation. Older sister."

Simon was getting more exasperated. "I don't *have* an older..."

Jayne opened his mouth, looking confused, about to say something.

Mal finally spoke up. "Button it, Jayne. Wash, let's not keep the doc's big sis waiting."

Wash flipped the audio back on just in time to hear the mysterious woman's voice barking indistinct orders in the background. "Uhh...hello...Miss Tam?"

Simon groaned.

"Sorry about that," she said. "Got my hands full...hang on a moment." More orders, slightly more distinct. "If his internal organs aren't leaking out, he can gorram wait."

Mal cleared his throat. "Sounds like you've got some trouble there. Anything we can do to help?"

The woman sounded completely unruffled, almost amused. "Just the spring thaw in these parts. Natives get a bit restless. Though I won't turn down an offer of help from your medic. Little bird tells me he's passable. I just sent coordinates. Just ask for Jes when you arrive."

"Anything else?"

“One last thing. Very important. You don’t by any chance have some Dragon Flower Tea you’d be willing to part with? I’m addicted to the stuff and the last of my supply ran out about two weeks ago. My people will be very grateful to you if I could get some more.”

Kaylee nodded. “Inara left some behind.”

Mal leaned toward the intercom. “You’re in luck, Dr. Tam. We have some left in stores.”

"Fantastic! Oh, and by the way, my last name isn’t Tam. See you soon.” And with that, the wave was disconnected.

Jayne’s brow had been getting more and more furrowed as the conversation had gone on. He was clearly deep in thought, which meant deep trouble. Finally, he spoke. “Hey doc, if she ain’t got your name, does that make you a bas...”

“Button it, Jayne!” the rest of the crew chorused.