BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - ROMANCE

BIGGRSTAFFBUNCH

Moving in a Non-Linear Fashion (or, Five Conversations Kaylee Frye Never Had About Simon Tam): |Chapter Two-Jayne Cobb|
Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Kaylee's never been one to get complicated 'bout her feelings. Now that she is, though, it sure is a good thing the crew of Serenity is around to help. [post BDM angst/genfic/romance/who knows] ::explicitly, S/K, mentions of Rayne, Mal/Inara, Zoe/Wash::


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2413    RATING: 9    SERIES: FIREFLY

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II. And Vera Was Her Name: Jayne Cobb

By the time she gets to the infirmary, Kaylee's worries have resurfaced and all the cryptic River talk in the world ain't helpin'. The door to the infirmary stands in front of her, immovable and taunting. She contemplates stickin' her tongue out at it, just on principle, but decides she oughta draw the line between herself and immaturity somewhere. Just 'cause she's all awhirl inside don't mean she can't be the picture of calm on the outside.

It's just Simon. Only now, sweet, handsome, noble Simon wants her as much as she wants him, and Kaylee ain't quite sure what to do with that.

Her thumbnail firmly in her mouth, she moves her lips silently over her finger as she debates steppin' through the threshold and...what exactly with the doc? Conversin', according to River, but Kaylee ain't so good with the words. Then there's the matin', and yeah, Kaylee's awful good at that, but she ain't sure it's exactly the most appropriate time for that sorta activity, on account of Simon's still-healin' bullet wound.

Without words or sex, Kaylee's pretty sure all that's gonna go on in the infirmary is a whole lotta standin' around lookin' stupid, with a lil' confusion and uncomfortableness mixed in. She could just do that with Jayne if she wanted, she ain't never gonna understand him neither--

"You gonna stand out there forever, girl, or you gonna go in and make some room in this here corridor for other people who gotta walk?"

Kaylee jumps. Turning, she faces Jayne, who's eyebrow is raised and his gun slung across his shoulder. Speaka the devil, Kaylee thinks bemusedly.

"Doin' the nightwatch," Jayne explains, gesturing to his new firearm. "And right now, I'm watchin' you standin' out here like a fool little girl. You ain't no shrinkin' violet, are ya?"

Kaylee juts her chin up out of pure habit. "No," she says. "No, I ain't."

Jayne gives a wry sorta grin. "Then git in there. Doc ain't gonna bite. 'Less he's inta all that kinky stuff, in which case, you just give me all the details later on, okay?"

Kaylee wrinkles her nose. "Bizui, please," she says patiently. "An' I'll take my sweet own time, thank you. Ain't afraid he's gonna bite. More afraid that he's gonna wanna talk." She worries her lip between her teeth, peering at the door like it's a big engine that she can just deconstruct.

Jayne makes a face. "Doc tends to do that a lot, yeah. But innit what womenfolk normally want? Lotsa talkin'? 'Bout feelings and such?"

Kaylee gives a small smile. "Now, Jayne," she says teasingly, "Just when have you ever known me to be all normal-like?"

Jayne smirks. "Never," he says, as if it's obvious. "Don't mean that you ain't just like every other girl who takes a look at a shiny, swai doctor and starts gettin' tingly in her nethers."

Kaylee grimaces good-naturedly. "Next time you talk 'bout my nethers, you're gettin' a wrench in yours," she says. "And I ain't into Simon just 'cause he's handsome. He's...nice, Jayne. Real nice." She pauses. "He's nice and everythin' else that's shiny and good, an' for the first time ever, I think I could maybe get it. I could have something nice, Jayne, an' that's just a little scary-makin', okay!" Her words burst out 'fore she can stop 'em, and she waits for Jayne to make fun of her.

Jayne mimes a shudder. "Real scary," he says, rolling his eyes, but that's all. His eyes get slitty and calculating. "You yellow-bellied?"

"No!" Kaylee insists. "It is too scary, 'cause when you have somethin' nice like that, 'verse is always lookin' to take it away."

Kaylee thinks of all the ways their meeting could go wrong. About all the hope and tenderness she's tryin' to keep at bay, despite everyone thinkin' she's so open and free with her feelings. There's a difference between lovin' someone and bein' in love with someone, and she thinks about fallin' off the edge into somethin' bigger than she's ever known. What does Jayne know about that anyhow?

"What do you know about that anyhow?" she demands, a little resentfully. "'Bout love and niceness and, and...and bein' afraid."

A flash of hurt zooms through Jayne's eyes, and Kaylee looks down, ashamed at herself. 'Course Jayne ain't some superhuman-ape thingy. He's got feelings just like the rest of everybody, and she knows there're times he's plenty afraid, he just don't show it. Kaylee's been kinda glad for it too, 'cause seein' him so strong has made her wanna be that way just the same.

"Hey, Jayne," she begins, ready to make up.

"I once been in love--close to love as I'm gonna get, anyways," Jayne blurts out defensively. The statement shocks Kaylee so much that she just stands there with her mouth hanging open for a few seconds 'fore speakin' again.

"In love? Really?" Kaylee fights the squeal buildin' up in her throat. "That's shiny, Jayne! Who was the lucky lady?" She may be conflicted some, but Kaylee's optimism ain't never far away. If Jayne ever had a relationship, or somethin' close to it (meaning a moment with a female who weren't a whore), then Kaylee's got some hope yet.

Besides, it's sorta cute.

"I fell in once with a gal named Vera." Jayne says distantly. Kaylee's smile falters and she draws her brows in confusion. Less cute, then.

"Jayne, that's your gun," she explains hesitantly. Figures Jayne would make the comparison to him and his gorram guns--

"Naw," Jayne shakes his head. "Back home. I was fifteen."

Kaylee nods slowly, shocked. "Go on," she says. "A real live girl? An' you? And you wasn't, you know, just ruttin' in the sack?"

Jayne's eyes flash. "I ain't always been this way," he says lowly, and Kaylee feels a flash of empathy. They all ain't always been the ways they are now. Ain't no one on any world in this 'verse or another the same as the day they were born. Life brings you changes an' you learn to live with 'em, or ya fight 'em, but there ain't no stayin' the same.

Not even for Jayne Cobb, Kaylee guesses. She wonders distantly if Simon's changed at all since comin' aboard Serenity. Seems to her he's still a mite twitchy and repressed, and for all the confessions under fire he could give, she's still waitin' for him to turn around and decide she ain't worth it all.

Just another thing she could lose out here in the black. Just another way she could lose it.

"How'd it all come about, Jayne?" Kaylee asks, wanting to hear his story instead of focusing on her own.

Jayne grunts. "Ain't sure you really wanna hear it," he says petulantly.

Kaylee rolls her eyes. "You know I do," she says. "Come on, please?" She breaks out her pleading smile, and Jayne gives a big heaving sigh 'fore givin' in.

"Knew this girl once," he says gruffly. "Real sweet. Liked me somethin' fierce, used to come out and watch me play 'round with the guns before I went inta the mines." He shrugs, trying to look unaffected. "She used to help my Ma with the house and the cookin', so I'd help her Pa with the men's work on their farm." He shrugs again, though his jaw is noticeably tense. "Got it in my head to likin' her, but I didn't wanna let on. Set up to court her instead, old-fashioned and slow-like, 'cause my Ma said that was best. Thought we had all the time in the gorram world. Didn't even let on how I felt." He squints. "'Cept I think she knew 'nyways, 'cause I smashed in Jethro Brown's nose once just fer lookin' at her."

His eyes are faraway and Kaylee feels a bit like she's been thrown into a bizarre new 'verse where Jayne is a big 'ole sap 'stead of a dangerous merc. Despite herself, she's fascinated. Always was a sucker for romance.

"So what happened?" Kaylee asks eagerly.

Jayne's eyes have hardened, and his tone is purposely flat. "She were playing with a new gun she got me 'round my sixteenth birthday. Went off and shot her lil' brother. I didn't really know what to do 'nymore, so I went off on my own without sayin' much to her.." He shakes his head. "An' she ain't never talked to me since."

Kaylee gasps and tears slowly come to her eyes. Jayne's shoulders slump slightly.

"That day broke the girl so far down the middle, ain't no one ever put her back together." He fumbles with his gun. "Worst part is, I keep thinkin' that if I'da been with her, she ain't never have shot off that gun the way she had. An' later, if I'da only told her how I felt, mebbe she woulda got a little better, 'stead of going in herself an' not comin' back out--" He hefts his gun, clear his throat. Kaylee just touches his shoulder sympathetically.

"Ain't nothin' you coulda done, Jayne," she says. "It's how the 'verse works. You want something real bad and ya get it and then it's gone, through no fault a' your own."

Jayne shakes his head. "Now, that ain't true. I ain't found a girl I like as well as Vera since, nor am I likely to, ya know. If I'da just told her, I mighta had some time...but I didn't, now all I got is memories, and what in the ruttin' hell are memories good for out here in the black?"

He ducks his head and speaks again after a moment of Kaylee workin' his words through her head. "I'm sayin', I know a thing or two 'bout niceness and fallin'." His eyes harden. "Just ain't so stupid enough as to think that once you got it, it's just gonna wait 'round for you to decide you want it after all."

Jayne's hand falls heavy on Kaylee's shoulder. "Love ain't scary-makin', Kaylee, just stupid-makin'." He watches her for an intense moment, blue eyes clearer than Kaylee's ever seen 'em. "Ya wonder why people care so hard for ya, or why ya care so hard for other people--an' you decide not to. Ya end up alone, an' you think yer okay, but you ain't ever. It ain't love that makes you hurt so bad, lil mechanic-girl. It's what you decide to do with it. Or not do with it." He gives a pointed look at the infirmary door.

Then he takes his hand off her shoulder, shoots her a bland look, the old, dumb-as-rocks Jayne. Walks off to do his job, the grumpy merc instead of the sad, complex man she'd seen not two seconds ago.

Kaylee just stares for a moment, tears still heavy in her eyes, and Jayne's story in her heart.

"Well, then," she says under her breath. "That's somethin' new."

The infirmary door don't look any more movable, but it's a little less daunting than before, and inexplicably, Kaylee's got Jayne Cobb to thank.

---

Next: |Chapter Three-Inara Serra|

COMMENTS

Tuesday, March 13, 2007 5:59 AM

TINADOLL


*claps*

That was GREAT. Thats so true to Jayne. I am tearing up right now. Good Job. I can't wait for the next chapter!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007 7:59 AM

HAWKWING


Excellent..just excellent.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007 8:24 AM

LEIASKY


Huh. I know I commented on this, and it wasn't there. Oh well, I'll try again.

I liked this! And I'm definitely looking forward to seeing what Inara has to say to Kaylee.

Looking forward to seeing more S/K from you!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007 9:23 AM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Oh ho...a two-for-one deal on character growth!

;D

This is all kinds of shiny, biggrstaffbunch! Definitely loved how you made Jayne more well-rounded and complex without tearing away what makes Jayne the way he is. Also could imagine him naming his favourite weapon after the love of his life like that;D

Gotta say though...hope a tangential stream of tales arise from this series to look at how the characters, changed too with their conversations with Kaylee about love, decide to affect their own lives for the better;D

BEB


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