Jayne's Bunk Challenge 2, the sequel
Sunday, August 1, 2004

Stolen Moments


A/N: By popular demand, I was not allowed to let my previous vignette languish on its own....and well, frankly I'm scared of any large group of women obsessed with Jayne. So here's the sequel. Just finished this tonite and it's not beta'ed again (mostly because I know my fellow judge Neroli is waay too busy to beta right now), so any errors I blame on the fact that i've been forced to do academic writing for science for the past month!

Disclaimer: Don't belong to me, but if you like, I'll come and write this stuff in exchange for a paycheck!

Stolen Moments Chinese glossary Liou coe shuai du biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh ur-tze- Salivating son of a bitch and a monkey! Bi zui – shut up Diyu - hell

"Where is that ape?" Wash yelled furiously as he burst into the cargo bay. Mal, on the bottom deck talking to Book, looked up as the pilot stomped over to the empty shuttle.

Nodding to the other man, he went up the cat walk to see what had Wash at Jayne's throat this time. "He's not around. What's goin' on this time?" They'd been in deep space a while now and the crew was starting to get a bit batty.

Wash's entire face was colored a bright shade of red; whatever had occurred the younger man was very upset.

"Liou coe shuai du biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh ur-tze!" Wash cursed. "I know he took them!"

Mal raised his eyebrows. He hoped the big merc hadn't been dumb enough to take something personal of Zoe's. The resulting mess would be too big to clean up for weeks most likely. "Took what Wash?"

"My dinos! I left them where I always do, but when I went to plot the new course they were gone!"

Mal snorted as he struggled to stifle his laughter. "Oh, is that all? Well get back to work, we'll hunt those toys down later," Mal ordered.

"They're not toys. They're priceless artifacts!" Wash corrected over his shoulder as he stomped off.


"If he's down there, tell the Little Man to come up and face the music," Jayne yelled down the ladder into Wash and Zoe's bunk.

Zoe climbed up and pushed him out of the way. "He's not down there. And remember Jayne, I'm the only one that makes him face the music on this boat."

"Gorram pilot stole something from me and I want it back!"

Zoe tried not to laugh, really she did. But just the idea of Wash sneaking around the ship with Vera to hide it was too hilarious to resist. "I doubt you have anything Wash would want."

"Well you'd be wrong. And I want 'em back now," Jayne demanded.

"He isn't here Jayne." Zoe grabbed Jayne's shoulder before he could leave. "And remember -- you hurt him, I hurt you."

Jayne shook off her hand and stomped back down to the kitchen.


Mal finally stopped laughing. "Oh, this hurts. Funny as hell, but way too painful." Zoe nodded in agreement as she wiped the tears away from her face. "I still can't believe that your husband was so hard to control! Think that if those toys were worth so much he'd keep better tabs on 'em."

Zoe choked her words past a new bout of laughter. "He told you they were worth money?" Mal nodded. "That's fei hua! I was with him when he bought those last two. Just cheap knockoff replicas of some rich man's toy collection. Guy even gets royalties on every last one that's sold."

"That's rich. I swear though, if we hadn't been behind them, I almost wonder who would have won the great Toy Fight of 2518."

"Dunno sir. Don't think Simon would have thanked us for it."

Mal guffawed. "Oh, but if he got front row seats he woulda."

"Still the pole-axed look on their faces.."

"Priceless. We'll have to see to it that someone plays with their toys every so often just for the entertainment value."


Mal ran for the kitchen as soon as he heard the first plate break. Gorram girl had better not be breaking the few plates they had left after her last little fit. The scene taking place upon his arrival at the door to the kitchen made him wish he'd be watching River sweep up glass for the next few hours.

Several plates had obviously been thrown by the two combatants before Wash's shorter legs had failed to keep him outside of Jayne's reach. Now both men were wrestling on the floor with Wash attempting to get out of the hold Jayne was applying to his hair and shoulder. In the midst of this, both were demanding to have their belongings returned.

Mal sighed in relief when he saw Zoe arrive at the other side of the kitchen. Years of practice of working together both in fights and in the process of breaking up other brawls allowed the two to quickly separate the combatants. Mal found his hands full of a furious Wash, a rare animal indeed, while Zoe forcefully dealt with Jayne.

"Quiet, both of you," Mal finally roared. This childishness had tried his patience a bit too far. "Zoe, do you have the slightest gorram clue as to what in the diyu is going on?"

"Seems that Jayne misplaced something that he thinks my husband took," she answered.

"I don't think, I rutting know!" Jayne protested.

Wash struggled in Mal's grasp. "That's right, you didn't rutting think I'd know you took them. If you broke them," he warned.

"Bi zui!" Mal ordered. "If the both of you don't start trying to act your shoe size, I'm going to shoot someone and let the doc deal with it!" Mal waited till both men finally started calm down. "Now then, Wash, what's missing?"

"My dinos thanks to that,"

"Fine, dinos gone," Mal interrupted. "Jayne, what did you lose?"

"I didn't lose nothin',"

"Jayne!" Mal warned as Zoe slapped the merc on the shoulder.

Jayne thought for a second before answering, "A family 'loom."

"A family heirloom?" Mal confirmed with a touch of disbelief in his voice. Jayne nodded. "Oookay, did you take Wash's dinos?"

Jayne shook his head. Mal held up his hand to stop him from saying anything else. "Wash, did you take anything of Jayne's?" Wash shook his head. "Zoe, any clues to this mystery?"

Before Zoe could answer, Kaylee interrupted in a small voice from behind him. "I think I might know."

Mal turned and looked at her. "And what would that be, Lil' Kaylee?"

Kaylee bit her lip. "I think I'd better show ya."

Mal sighed. A whole day was going by with not a single one of his crew getting any work done. "Fine."

All four followed where Kaylee led. Finally they got to the entry of the engine room to what had to have been one of the cutest sights Malcolm Reynolds had ever seen. River sat on the floor and was surrounded by a platoon of small figures. Zoe managed to keep both men behind him quiet as Mal entered the room to get a look at what River was doing. Once he saw the Star Wars figures arrayed against an army of oncoming dinosaurs, he couldn't hold it back any longer. Heartfelt belly laughs echoed across the room and soon his tears were joined by those of Zoe and Kaylee. River just looked confused at her audience.


"Oh what I wouldn't give to have the whole day on vid," Zoe said with a sigh as she wiped yet another tear away from her eye.

"Do you think Inara will ever believe us when we tell her?" Mal asked.

"Oh, I know she will," Zoe said with an evil smile. As an answer, she held up a tiny Stormtrooper.



Sunday, August 1, 2004 8:36 PM


Very cute! I would have called it "Toy Wars". Very amusing, I had a feeling the culprit would be River. Shiny, Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me

Sunday, August 1, 2004 11:40 PM


Both parts absolutely delightful! I've thought, too, that some of these folks must be Star Wars fans. Fits Jayne perfectly.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005 10:35 AM


ah, the joy of creative writing, since the show went off air, i've been wantin some new stoires of the crew, even if they're corny. i just got on the sight about a week ago so, forgive my...lack of perceivence. dongma.

Saturday, September 3, 2005 6:54 AM



Tuesday, April 25, 2006 7:33 PM


Absolutely fantastic! That was good.

Sunday, May 28, 2006 8:52 PM


"Mal found his hands full of a furious Wash, a rare animal indeed"

gotta love it.


You must log in to post comments.