Author: Tinadoll (aka Tina- That’s me!) Setting: After BDM Rating: PG-13 to NC-17. This chapter is PG-13,adult content. Spoilers: Yes. Author’s note: I am having some trouble getting in contact with my Beta,Jetflair. With all the help she has given me I have edited this chapter on my own. I hope its coherant because the next chapter is complicated,so hopefully she can help me with that one. But we like complicated right? I used Wikipedia for the Psychology and Time references.

Disclaimer: Firefly is the brainchild of Joss Whedon-I'm just playing around with it.

Chapter 8: The Cross of Changes

The black came quickly. And it’s wasn’t a moment too soon. And then there was light. The light was warm as it engulfed her being. It was so bright she could not see for a second or two.

When she emerged she was wearing a white dress. She also noticed that both her eyes were her own. At this point she had no fear, worries or self-doubt. She walked forward and she entered the yet familiar celestial dining room. The table was set with a banquet.

There was one visitor and her “parents” were missing.

She sat down at the table of that her “parents” had finally set and looked across at Jubal Early. Why was he there? Why was he smiling? She had a hunch that she was not in heaven. He would not be there.

Something had gone awfully wrong.

“I told you, that you would go out in style” he said, reassuringly.

“I’m not dead, or else you wouldn’t be there,” she said, skeptically.

“But I was always there,” he reassured her.

“Who are you really? And what are you doing here?” she asks, growing more anxious.

“I am the id.” He said simply, smiling.

She knew what that meant only because she had read the books in the great library. She had read various subjects-all which had bored her. She had no use for an education. But this psychology stuff was interesting to say the least.

According to the books -there were supposed to be divisions in the unconscious mind, otherwise known as the “psyche”. It also explained that this theory was constructed by psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud‘s centuries ago. She read another book where the author criticized Freud, but according to her recent experiences -she had taken Freud’s side. In the book Freud explained his "structural theory” -The id was the primal, or beastlike, part of the brain, determined to pursue actions that were most pleasurable, such as eating or having sex.(and she knew this was most true.) The prime motive of the id was self-survival, pursuing whatever necessary to accomplish that goal. Jubal was the manifestation of the primal and evil part of her unconscious mind. And she didn’t like the fact that the Blue Sun had purposely poked in her brain and changed things. But she noticed that there was one thing missing: Who was the manifestation of the Superego? The super-ego tended to stand in opposition to the desires of the id because of their conflicting objectives, and was aggressive towards the ego. The super-ego acted as the conscience, maintaining the sense of morality and the prohibition of taboos.

She heard a dish drop. Maria turned and looked at her “mother” who had reappeared.

Maria thought that this implanted memory of a “mother” would naturally be a substitute for a “super-ego”.

“And you have been appearing all this time as a manifestation of a part of my psyche?” she asked inquisitively.

“Well-you needed reminders from time to time of what you are,” he said, simply and smiling an evil smile.

He was right! She had seen him before because she was on a destructive path. She had always taken the high road on jobs and never killed innocents. But why was he there? Was this a Blue Sun trick?

“..And that’s why perhaps why she doesn’t need you anymore. Perhaps you are trying to hard to keep her,” River Tam said as she stepped forward.

“And who are you supposed to represent?” Maria asked confused on why she was even there.

“No one. I just invaded your head again. Besides you needed my help,” she said smiling.

*** River opened her eyes and looked over at the Captain.

Malcolm Reynolds had been staring at Maria’s sleeping form from outside the Infirmary door.The crew were loitering outside the door around him. The door was closed but not locked because she was unconscious, however Zoë and Jayne had their weapons in sight just in case anything should happen.He put his arm up agianst the glass and rested his head against it. He was thinking about the consequences of his actions.

“Thoughts?” he asked uncharacteristically. He was not one to ask for the opinions of his crew. He would always give the orders and expected them to obey him. They had seen his determination after they had discovered the destruction on Haven. But he knew that he had already put his crew in jeopardy but his mind was not made up, thus he wanted opinions.

“I think it’s still a bad idea, sir” Zoë said, stoically and repeating what she had said earlier. “She will bring a heap of trouble on us. We ought to have left her out there,” she added.

Zoë was a woman with uncompromising integrity and to her that would not be plain old murder. Leaving her out there would to die would have been the best thing for her family.

“Perhaps she needed our help” Kaylee said, ever the optimist. “Perhaps she needed some guidance. Right Simon?”

Simon nodded in agreement, but hesitantly. He secretly agreed with Zoë but he didn’t want to upset Kaylee.

Inara who had just joined the conversation, said nothing but looked pensive. She was also on the fence but want to butt in on official business.

“I know what she needed…” Jayne said. But after a rude gesture and a glare from Zoë he continued. “Or perhaps what she needed was to be thrown out on her pigu (ass). There ain’t no time that can heal her what she had to do back when she worked for them. Once a killer-always a killer.” He says agreeing with Zoë. Perhaps he was also taking about himself. “Besides if I was her I would kill you all in your sleep with no time to spare.” He said voice trailing off. Mal looked at him tightlipped and saw Jayne’s wheels turning. Mal knew Jayne didn’t have the guts.

“Time was linear and part of the fundamental structure of the universe, a dimension in which events occur in sequence, and time itself is something that can be measured.” River rattled off, interrupting Jayne’s train of thought.

Everyone gave her a look.

“What?” she said and gave a “Ya really” look “It’s Sir Isaac Newton.” There she went, flexing her intellect again.

The Captain brushed her off. He was use to statements like that from her.

“I trust all of you,” Malcolm said turning around “Except Jayne.”

Everyone nodded in agreement. Jayne was not a man to be trusted. He often made decisions with his…

“Hey!” Jayne exclaimed, “I said I was sorry for that.” He was of course referring to the Ariel incident. Only reason why he was so sorry was because Mal caught him in his folly and almost threw his well-muscled pigu (ass) out an airlock.

“You know what I just thought,” Mal said calmly. “We already know that she knows what’s coming. But we are in too deep because she is still alive. They possibly know that we have her or have at least helped her. Perhaps…” his voice trailed off.

“Kindred spirits.” River said and laughed nervously.

Mal nodded in agreement “She is. And she knows what’s coming…” Knowing what to expect was Mal’s main concern. If he knew what he was up against, he could build a strategy to save his family.

“I do know what’s coming,” Maria said. She looked like crap. She had gotten up from the bed with much effort and with even greater effort opened the door.

Zoë drew her weapon. Jayne cocked his.

Mal waved them off, she was unarmed and not going to harm anyone. She had already lost it all and they were her only hope. They dutifully and cautiously put their guns away.

Simon tended to her wounds. “You need rest. You have been through a lot.” He was uncaring and he sounded like a robot

“Yea almost dying does that to a girl,” she said sarcastically and pushed him away. He was only helping her because the Capt had forced him too. Damned if she was going to let her help him. She then turned her attention to River. “Stay outta my head-there is things in there that you need not see.”

“Pain? Suffering? Death?” River said “Please- I’m not a child”

Maria closed her eyes and showed her Serenity Valley. River’s eyes widened and she inwardly screamed. She fell to the floor.

“Please” Maria whispered.

“Ok. I promise.” She said knowingly as she stood up again. They touched hands. The Pain Level went down to Zero.

She turned her attention to Mal. “Captain, we need to talk…” but before she could get another word she slumped to the floor. Talking had zapped all her energy. Jayne was quick to his feet and helped her into the Infirmary again. She started to wheeze and Simon injected her with something.

“Her lung collapsed again.” He said. She had been shot there earlier by Capt. Reynolds. He gave a look.

Kaylee looked worried and Inara gasped.

“Fix it, Doc. We need her alive,” He said, hastily. He didn’t know why he needed her alive, he just knew he did.

“They tried to fight for liberty Without a chance in hell, they gave up. White men won in the name of god With the cross as alibi…” she said, possibly referring to the war and she passed out.

“She fought in the war Zoë, she is one of us.” Capt Mal said sadly. He had never let a Browncoat behind before- there was always a feeling of “brotherhood” amongst them.

“She isn’t one of us, Sir.” Zoë said disagreeing “She is one of them.” She referred to of course the training and Maria’s “chosen” profession.

“Yea and they threw her out a gorram Airlock.” Jayne mused.” And now they will be mighty pissed and come looking for her. And perhaps take it out on us.”

Everyone grew quiet as he gently placed her on the bed. River had narrowed her eyes at him so he took great care. He was ruttin afraid of her.

“Do we even know her name?” Inara finally asked. Mal looked at her with sorrow in his eyes. They exchanged silent glares.

“Maria” River said silently “Maria Therese”

“Maria Thre…Maria The…” Jayne tried to pronounce her name but failed. And he turned every shade of purple as he tried to. “Can we just call her Mary Sue?” he added, plainly.

Everyone groaned.