Notes: For many, multiple reasons, I just needed to post this and be done with it. It’s much longer than the other Parts. I'm not happy with it, but I'm unwilling to look at it further. Enjoy – or not. It’s probably the last thing that’ll come out of me for a while.

Thanks to those who read and commented!

Thanks to Mal4Prez for the beta.

Part I can be found:Here

Part II: Here.

Part III: Here

Part IV

Part V

Part VI

“I really think you need to see Simon.” Zoe held Kaylee’s hair as she bent over the small sink and emptied the contents of her stomach into it. “I can’t, Zoe. Not yet. It ain’t the right time.” She stood up and wiped her mouth on a nearby towel and scowled into it when she noticed Zoe’s raised eyebrow in the mirror.

“Don’t think there’s gonna be one now.”

“It just – “ Kaylee turned away, cursing her inability to talk to Simon. He’d had a lot of painful days right after getting back; having to maneuver his injured body around the ship and up the stairs. It hadn’t been the right time – then. She’d waited patiently for him to regain his memory like the doctors in the hospital said he would. But it had never happened.

And as the weeks passed, it seemed to get even more difficult to work up the courage to say something. Even when she’d tried to drop hints about they days he’d lost, she couldn’t go any further than those hints. She should have just come out and told him; dealt with the consequences then instead of making herself sick over it now. “You need to tell him.”

“Not yet. I just –“

“He’s noticed your mood change. Everyone has – well, except maybe for Jayne. Mal’s gonna be asking about it soon if you’re not careful. And everyone knows most things that upset you have something to do with Simon.”

Kaylee lifted a horrified gaze to Zoe’s face. “No, ain’t his business. He don’t go askin’ about Jayne an’ his whorin’.”

“Jayne don’t bring his girls back to the ship,” Zoe said pointedly and Kaylee looked away.

Her heart pounded loudly in her ears and she felt a wave of dizziness begin to spread outward from her stomach. She controlled her breathing enough to quell the sensation, but not before tears began to leak out of her already puffy eyes. She closed them and took a deep, calming breath, opening them only when she felt Zoe push something into her hand. When she glanced down and then over at the woman standing behind her, she felt her heart begin to pound again.

“I keep a stash around to check every so often just – in case,” Zoe answered her unspoken question. “Take it.”

“Zoe –“ She didn’t need a test to tell her something she already knew.

“He needs to know. And so do you.”

Kaylee turned away, looked at her pale reflection in the mirror. She could see Zoe looking at her, concern etched into her dark features. “He lied to me.” The words were soft, whispered, but she could see that Zoe had heard.

“What?”

Kaylee closed her eyes and bent over the basin again to hide her face. She’d been sexin’ boys for a good long time, and never had she left contraception up to them. She’d always taken care of it – except this time.

When she raised her head again, she met Zoe’s eyes in the mirror instead of turning around. “Simon said we were safe.”

“Safe.” Kaylee could see Zoe chew on the word for a few moments. But then the jaw set and she squinted. “He lied to get you into bed?”

Kaylee hunched her shoulders and lowered her head. She didn’t want to believe he’d have done such a thing. He’d sounded so sure back in that room when she’d asked him.

She dragged her mouth away to get a breath but it didn’t stop him from dropping his head to her neck to taste the soft skin where it joined her shoulder. It felt so good, her legs buckled and it took every ounce of strength she had to keep her wits about her. As much as she wanted this, she needed to be careful. They needed to be careful. With great effort, she slipped her hands into his hair and tugged his head up so that she could meet his eyes.

“Are we safe?” She had to ask. Had to be sure. She’d always been so careful. And as much as she wanted him right now, they couldn’t if it wasn’t safe.

His blank look would have made her giggle at any other moment. She knew he was exhausted but she had to make him understand before they went further. Even with as far as they’d gotten, it would be really difficult to stop now. “Safe, Simon. We can’t do it if –“

“Oh!” he shook his head, the light bulb finally shining bright enough through his exhausted and sex-hazed mind. “Yes. I’ve had a shot, we’re fine.”

Kaylee smiled wide with relief and tugged his head closer to kiss him again. She trusted him implicitly. He’d never lied to her. And she wanted this as badly as he did. Probably more.

“I don’t think so.” Kaylee shook her head. She still had a hard time believing it. There had to be another explanation. “He wouldn’t have done that. He’s –“

“He’s a doctor, Kaylee.” The disbelief was evident in her voice. “He’d know if he’s had contraceptive shots.”

She lowered her head, not wanting to admit that Zoe could be right. Her anger at the situation was clouded by her feelings for Simon, that much was clear.

“I’m of a mind to talk to him myself.”

Kaylee whirled around, reaching out to steady herself on the basin’s edge as the dizziness returned. “No! Let me. Please. Like you said, I gotta tell him.”

She watched Zoe’s eyes travel down her body. “Sooner rather than later be best.”

She knew Zoe was right. It was long past time. It was Simon’s fault, but she wouldn’t accuse him. She would just tell him and let him react. She could go it alone if she had to. “I’ll do it as soon as I –“ She glanced down at the test she clutched in her hand.

Zoe said nothing, simply nodded. “I’ll send him down in a bit, then.”

“Zoe?” She called as the woman began to ascend the stairs.

“Yes, Kaylee?”

“You’ll make a good mom one day.”

Zoe smiled sadly but said nothing.

~*~

She didn’t answer when she heard his voice call down from the opening. She simply sat on the bed, holding the small device that Zoe had given her. She’d spent so much time thinking of ways to tell him, thinking of excuses for him, that she was surprised when she heard his voice. Her heart began to pound frantically but her hands remained steady; clutching the completed test.

Before she could answer him, she could see his shoes precede the rest of him down the ladder into her bunk. It was slow going, as his injuries weren’t completely healed, so she simply stared as she watched him descend.

At another time, she’d have been glad to see the concerned look in his eyes, the determination with which he approached her, the med kit he carried in his hands.

“Kaylee?”

“Yeah?” she said lamely, meeting his eyes and then looking away. He felt her forehead and her neck while she wrapped her fingers more firmly around the test. He’d see it if he looked down. He was a doctor. He’d know what it was.

“Zoe said you’ve been ill. I’m sorry I didn’t notice. I guess I’ve been preoccupied.”

When Kaylee didn’t answer, he continued. “I wanted to –“

When his voice trailed off, she knew he’d seen it; knew with even more certainty when she felt his fingers touch hers. Her hand wasn’t big enough to hide it completely. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him.

“Kaylee?”

She heard the question in his voice but she still couldn’t look at him.

“How long?”

She felt her fingers being pried away from the object in her hand and she let him take it.

“Kaylee –“

When she finally lifted her eyes to his, her breath caught in her throat when she noticed the – hurt reflected there. She didn’t understand why until he repeated his question.

“How long has it been? Do you know when?”

His tone changed, she noticed, became cool and professional, but the hurt in his eyes never vanished. Somewhere in the back of her mind she wanted him to suffer for doing this to her, for lying to her, even if she didn’t yet have his explanation.

“Do you know who? And does he know? You should tell –“

“Bit over a month.” Kaylee heard herself say.

She knew Simon’s overly brilliant brain would be able to work out the timeline. And he did. Quickly.

“That would –“

She met his eyes again. She hoped that he would remember, that she wouldn’t have to tell him. How many hints could she drop before he figured it out?

“A soldier? If he’s still alive you should –“

“You don’t remember a coupla them days planetside, Simon.”

The doctor wisely closed his mouth and waited, searched her face and her eyes. Kaylee wanted to punish him for not remembering that night. She wanted him to hurt like she hurt every time she looked at him and knew he didn’t remember. But as she watched his confused expression only burrow deeper into his handsome face, she couldn’t punish him for this. It wasn’t his fault – well, the forgetting part wasn’t, anyway.

Kaylee met his eyes and curled shaking fingers around his hand; around the hand holding the test. “You an’ me. We –“ Kaylee swallowed hard and steeled herself for his response. “We had a night. You don’t remember it but –“

“We?”

Kaylee would have laughed at the look on his face if she wasn’t so worried about his reaction. She took a deep breath and shrugged. “Yup. You an’ me.” She glanced down at their hands with a sad sigh. “I wish you remembered.”

“Kaylee… wait. What are you saying? That we – that I –“

She lifted her eyes to his face, and found him looking down at their joined hands. “Yup.”

He squeezed their hands around the test. “Then this is –“

Kaylee took a deep, calming breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” If she had to do it alone, she would. It would hurt more than she could ever say, but this was her home. If he didn’t want any part of their lives, then she would find a way to go on. But not before she confronted him about how he’d allowed this to happen in the first place. She’d always been so careful. One had to be living out on the Rim.

Simon released her hands and sank against the back of her bunk, his mouth hanging open, his eyes wide. This hadn’t been the reaction she’d expected. The shock was plain on his face and Kaylee couldn’t help but hold her breath and wait for him to say something. When he didn’t, she couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“You was hurt for a long time, and every day I hoped you’d remember. And then the weeks passed and I knew you wasn’t going to remember. I just – I was – I didn’t know how to do it then.” The explanation sounded lame to her ears, but it was the truth. She hoped he could see that.

“Why can’t I remember?” he asked into the air before settling his eyes on her face. “I would remember that. I would –“

“Ain’t you said before that the brain is real hard to understand?”

“Yes, but – I was talking about River and her –“ Simon took a deep breath. “Yes.”

He hadn’t yelled, hadn’t uttered one angry word, and it bolstered her courage enough to move forward. She crawled closer and when she reached for his hand, she felt an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. They’d been in this position before, well, one similar to it anyway, that morning before he’d been injured. He’d let her lead the way, control every aspect of their lovemaking, and she remembered fondly sitting in his lap, his arms wrapped around her waist.

She stopped her forward motion when she saw his mouth fall open. He stared for a long moment, unblinking and inhaled so sharply, it felt like it echoed off the walls of her bunk. For some inexplicable reason, she hoped that something she had unwittingly done had caused his memory to return.

All of a sudden, she could see in his eyes that he remembered it too; that position, and possibly every other action that preceded and followed it.

“Simon?” she asked, concerned, and reached out to touch his hand.

“Ta ma de,” Simon whispered and when his eyes met hers again, a hesitant smile spread across her face.

“Ya remember?” It was hard to keep the hope from her eyes while she searched his face.

Simon didn’t look at her, instead stared intently into the air over her shoulder. After a few moments of silence, his breathless yes caused Kaylee’s smile to widen, but then it faltered when he turned a horrified look on her.

“I’m sorry! Gods, Kaylee.” He got to his knees and took her hands. “I didn’t – I –“ He shook his head but Kaylee pulled her hands swiftly out of his and leaned away, despair threatening to overwhelm the progress she’d thought they’d made.

“We done this already, Simon. I don’t wanna repeat it.”

He swallowed thickly and she could see him shut his mouth, clearly recalling the argument they’d had just before he’d been injured. She imagined it was difficult trying to sort out the newly remembered images in his mind.

“I know,” he whispered and lowered his gaze. “I’m – sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking – No, clearly I wasn’t. It was wrong of me to put you in that position. I never would have –”

Kaylee felt her bottom lip begin to tremble, but before she could yell at him again, she felt bile rise in the back of her throat.

In the back of her mind, she heard him finish his thought about having had contraceptive shots but it all melded together as she hurried to the wash basin in the corner of the room and bent over it, heaving. She turned on the water and groaned as her stomach rejected what was left inside of it. Tears leaked out of her eyes and just as she reached up to pull the hair out of her face, she felt Simon’s hands do it for her.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as she heaved over the basin. “I don’t know how this happened –“

Even feeling as badly as she did, she arched her neck and shot him a very passable imitation of River’s ‘you’re a boob’ look. He recognized it, if the shy smile she got in return was any indication. His ears even turned pink.

But then her stomach heaved again and she returned her gaze to the bottom of the basin she’d become intimately familiar with today. She didn’t want to think about how this looked to him. Or about how he might feel obligated to be with her, take care of her now, because that was just the kind of person he was. He was noble and proper to a fault. A behavior she had always hoped he would exhibit less of. But now – her eyes fluttered closed when one hand began to rub gentle circles across her back, instantly calming the rumbling in her stomach – and her nerves.

The touch was calming and reassuring and she wanted to lean over the basin forever if it would mean he would never move his hand. But she knew it would have to end sometime, and she needed it to be sooner rather than later. She could easily get used to this feeling. When she pushed herself to a standing position and stretched out her back, his arm was instantly there, steadying her. She wanted to ask him about the shots, but before she could think of how to frame the question in a way that wouldn’t appear too accusing, he spoke instead.

“I think you should lie down. Let me do a proper examination.”

Kaylee nodded slowly and allowed him to guide her back to the bed. When she glanced up at him, he had a damp cloth in his hand. He gently pressed it to her cheeks, neck and forehead all the while keeping her hair pushed back so that it wouldn’t fall into her face. As much as she wanted to control the tears, she found herself unable to do it. When the first one leaked out of her eyes, Simon wiped it away; as he did with every single one that followed.

“I can do this without you, Simon. It’s ok. You don’t have to –“

“What?” Simon asked firmly, cutting off anything further she was about to say. They stared at one another for a long moment before Simon spoke again. “You don’t want – help?”

Kaylee took a deep, calming breath, and leaned out of his arms. “’course I want help, Simon. But ain’t right forcing you to –“

“No.” With that one word, firmly spoken so that there was no doubt in Kaylee’s mind that he would be there for her, and their baby, he pulled her into his arms and held her tightly against his chest. “The shot – I should have – the boosters, they don’t last as long out here. They’re not as strong, as –“ He sighed deeply. “I should have known.”

She melted into his embrace and closed her eyes when she felt his mouth brush her temple. “I’m sorry.”

Relief flooded her body at this admission. One she hadn’t had to coax out of him. He’d had to learn a lot of hard lessons living out on the Rim, and now she was learning them too. But even as her continued tears soaked the front of his shirt, she allowed herself to hope, and truly believe, that things would work out.

“We’ll get through this, Kaylee,” she heard him whisper and she felt herself smile when he added,. “Together.”

Maybe everything would be all right after all.

END

– And maybe not. But that’s another story for another day.

------------

Liked it? Hated it? Leave a review and let me know.