Too Much Pretty
Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Mal lands on Ezra to unload the drugs from the Ariel hospital heist. When Inara entertains a beautiful government official in her shuttle, Jayne’s libido goes into overdrive and the big merc takes it to his bunk. One version of the scene they couldn’t show. Hard R for slashgirlsex and masturbation. Consider yourself warned.


Title: Too Much Pretty Author: hisgoodgirl Rating: NC-17 Characters: Jayne, Inara, The Councilor and assorted crewmmbers Pairing: Inara and the Councilor (slash), Jayne and his right hand, I/C/J Warning: Profanity, Masturbation, Girlsex Spoilers/Timeline: Set during “War Stories” Disclaimer: Not mine, although I sure wish they were. No money changed hands. Word Count: 3,524

Author's Note: Written by special request as my half of a trade with Ladytalon1 and originally posted in my LiveJournal. Thanks to bigbadman for his services as a “technical consultant.”


Too Much Pretty

“Guess I better wash some clothes soon, ‘less’n I can talk li’l Kaylee into doin’ em for me. I’m ‘bout outta shirts ain't been worn three or four times.”

Jayne bent and gathered up the armful of laundry scattered across the deck of his compartment and tossed it onto the bed. They’d be landing on Ezra soon to follow up on a deal Mal had made with a fellow named Bolles for the sale of the drugs they’d snagged on Ariel. It had been awhile and Cobb was hoping to get some trim after he’d been paid his share.

The big mercenary had just stepped off his bunk ladder and pulled his hatch shut when he felt Mal’s hand close over his shoulder and the captain pulled him aside in the foredeck corridor.

“Jayne! Need to have a word with you. Inara’s got herself some special fancy client gonna be visitin’ her on-board later today. Asked that we all give her a little extra privacy.”

Jayne looked at Mal quizzically. “She wants privacy, how come she’s seein’ ‘em on board? Don’t she usually go to them?”

Mal nodded. He looked a bit puzzled, too. “Never had a client here before."

The sounds of running and River and Kaylee’s giddy girlish laughter echoed from the common room.

“So how come now?” Jayne scratched his jaw and a lewd grin slid across his face. “Maybe this fella’s got some kink for doin’ it on space ships.” He looked at Mal and continued, just to goad him, “You know, she’s bound do some pretty kinky stuff with summa them pang bo liou mahng…

Bi zuie!” Mal wasn’t at all interested in contemplating what Inara did with any of her clients. Even the dancin’ and kissin’ parts got under his skin, much less the prospect of anything else. “How’s about for once gettin’ your mind outta the gutter and just make yourself scarce when her client arrives, dong ma? Zoë an’ I are takin’ the shuttle down to deliver the drugs to Bolles and I want them crates down in the bay stacked against the rear wall when we get back.” He gave the merc his ‘no-nonsense' look. “I ain't payin’ you to sit around twiddlin’ your… thumbs and lookin’ at porno vids.”

“Sure…” Jayne replied sarcastically and followed the captain into the commons.

Wash and Zoë sat at the dining table, enjoying apples from the batch Jayne had purchased as a 'peace offering’ to the crew. River and Kaylee had just finished their own battle over the precious fruit and were sprawled and gasping on the couches across from the dining area.

Jayne popped out his switchblade and leaning over the bowl of glossy apples, speared one and began to munch the juicy fruit. They were crisp and sweet and worth every credit he’d paid, kinda like he imagined Inara would taste. Mal began to discuss the particulars of the upcoming deal with his first mate and pilot, so Jayne turned and left.

As he wandered back through the ship, he found himself speculating on the activities the pretty Companion might be participating in shortly. Doin’ ‘em right there on the ship, just a few hundred feet from him. Doin’ ’em all naked. Her elegant clothing left little to the imagination and his mind got busy filling in the blanks. The thought was enough to make his cock begin to harden and he took a moment to rearrange himself in the snug tan jeans he was wearing. Didn’t take much to get him cranked, no ma’am.

He’d rarely worked on crews that included women and while this one had more’n it’s share of lively scenery, the captain had made it amply clear his balls were forfeit if he so much as groped a one of ‘em.

For the time being, the threat of serious bodily harm had kept the big man from getting more intimately acquainted with any of his female crewmates, but it certainly hadn’t kept his imagination from using them in all sort of unseemly ways as fuel for his own pleasure. After all, a man had needs and being way the hell out in space didn’t change that. Didn’t help that he could often hear Wash and Zoë ruttin‘ in their bunk right next to his and even occasionally caught li’l Kaylee buzzin’ herself off across the hall when they were quiet enough.

He knew maintainin’ his guns was important if he wanted ‘em to work right when he called on ‘em, so he cleaned and oiled ‘em regular-like. He couldn’t very well expect his muscles to stay strong or impressive without regular workouts and figured the same went for his ji ba. Jayne figured jackin’ off was like eatin’, just one a them things a man needed to do to say healthful.

And then there was Inara. Registered Companions were a rare sight out on the Rim. Jayne occasionally glimpsed one of the high-class courtesans while working on some of the Core worlds like Ariel or Persephone, but was well aware that his criminal standing and limited resources made an evening’s pleasure with one of the rarified whores an impossibility. Thus, he was understandably surprised upon learning that the ship he’d signed on with included a Companion among its occupants.

Inara Sera was dark, exotic, refined and exquisitely beautiful. While the flesh-and-blood woman was clearly and utterly unattainable for the mercenary, Inara’s presence on board was the stuff wet dreams are made of.

Jayne thought about what Mal had said. Maybe if he was discreet enough, he might manage to get a glimpse of ‘Nara greeting her customer, and truth be told, he was curious about who might have the means to pay the Companion’s very substantial fees. Other than the Captain and Kaylee, none of them had ever seen any of Inara’s customers. Knowing that she would only take a client that she herself wanted made the whole scenario even more intriguing to the lusty merc.

Why, just the thought of Inara’s lush, supple body bowed under some…

Damn! He decided he’d best rein in his imagination for now, since the prominent bulge now straining the front of his pants was a dead give-away that his brain was once again fixated on sexin’.

* * *

Shortly after Serenity landed on Ezra, Jayne managed to make his way to the stair landing above the passenger dorm which offered a clear view of the ship’s cargo bay. He was a little surprised and annoyed to find Shepherd Book settled on the lounge couch, reading. He’d been looking forward to having the viewing space all to himself. After all, Mal had made it perfectly clear that Inara wanted no on-lookers when her guest arrived.

He’d snagged another apple on his way through the galley and was slowly eating it ‘drumstick style’ while waiting for Inara’s client to arrive. Kaylee soon appeared, too, her small form clinging to the doorway as she gazed with curiosity toward Mal and Inara where they stood before the open bay doors.

Both ignored Book when he gently scolded them, reminding them of the Companion’s request for privacy. The opportunity for even a brief glimpse of Inara’s glamorous world was just too titillating.

“There he is!” Kaylee chirped softly, as a tall, well-dressed man appeared in silhouette against the sunlit doorway. Mal moved to greet him, only to be ignored while the man made a quick security check of the space, activated his earbug and pronounced all clear.

Jayne glanced briefly at Kaylee and she gave him a conspiratorial grin, her face flushed and eyes wide. Even the Preacher rose from his seat and craned forward in curiosity. Jayne’s left hand with the knife-speared-apple was on its way toward his open mouth when a tall, elegant woman entered the bay.

Inara stepped forward to greet her guest. The Councilor was a graceful, stately blond in her mid-thirties, and Jayne’s jaw hung agape as his anatomy responded immediately to the provocative sight.

“Oh my!” exclaimed Book.

Kaylee blushed and nibbled her thumb. “…I knew… she took female clients… but gee…”

Jayne could barely hear her over the pounding of his blood.

That much ‘Pretty’ together, doin’ whatever they’re gonna be doin’... well...

He realized he needed to take himself and his very tight pair of pants somewhere more private and quickly. “I’ll be in my bunk,” he announced and headed there directly.

* * *

“Jesu, them two women’s a sweeter sight than Christmas mornin’!” Jayne muttered to himself as he climbed down the ladder into his compartment. Given present circumstances, the climbing part wasn’t especially comfortable, but he was gonna do something about that, ma shong. Yes, sir. He hammered the button to auto-close the hatch and thumbed the lock. No way did he want to be interrupted, not with the head of steam he had buildin’.

He licked lips that were dry as ashes and enjoying the twinge of sensation that bloomed from the hard nub of his nipple as he passed his palm down over his chest. He’d left the pile of dirty clothes on his bunk earlier that morning and they scattered to the deck as he flung back his tattered blanket.

The ache in his groin grew stronger and his body begged for attention. He yanked the pumpkin-colored t-shirt he was wearing off over his head and tossed it across the arm of the old club chair wedged into the corner of his cabin.

Parking one Size 14 boot on the edge of the chair seat, he quickly unbuckled his gaiter, then used the rapid-unlace feature to get the boot and sock off. Reverse feet and repeat, the shed footwear dumped in a heap. The merc momentarily closed his steel-blue eyes and stretched like a big cat, his heavily muscled body arching as joints in his neck, back and shoulders popped.

Jayne sighed heavily at the image burning in his mind: two beautiful women, one fair, one dark, climbing the stairs arm in arm on their way to make love. He reached down to stroke his hand over his rigid cock before unzipping and dropping his pants. As was frequently the case, he wore no underwear and his erection sprang up against his taut belly when freed from the confining trousers. The air in his bunk felt deliciously cool in contrast with the heat burning in his groin.

The gunhand punched his pillow into a pile against the head rail of his bunk and stretched his length across the bed. With his left hand, he dimmed the lamp over his bunk and dragged the jar of slick he kept behind the hanging screening his armory a little closer. “This is gonna be so ruttin' good…” he growled, smiling in anticipation as he snaked a hand down to caress himself. He slowed his breathing and allowed his eyes to fall closed, their lids a screen for the lewd images his overheated imagination projected...

...“Please allow me to help you with that,” Inara offered, pressing a kiss to the nape of the Councilor’s neck as she carefully unlaced the back of the taller woman’s gown and gently slipped the elegant garment from her shoulders. Tiny sheer panties clasped the Councilor’s hips above long, graceful legs. She turned to smile at Inara. It was a very inviting smile.

The Companion placed a series of soft, wet kisses down the slender neck and across her client’s shoulder, the woman shivering under her lips. Inara gestured to the bed, suggesting, “Why don’t you make yourself comfortable?” as she began to unfasten her own clothing...

...Jayne softly trailed his callused fingertips up the vein-ribbed shaft of his cock, shuddering slightly at the sensation. With the tips of his fingers, he traced gentle circles over the sensitive flesh, working his way up to the taut frenum that stretched up the underside from the shaft to the sensitive glans. His forefinger teased up and down, lightly stroking the narrow bridge of tissue. Each time he reached the distal end where the sensation was strongest, the muscles deep in his groin responded and his swollen cock twitched.

Ah, this was good. Whatever ‘Nara and that woman were actually doin’ for one another, just the thought of them together made him ache.

He sighed again and opened his thighs more, enjoying the heat and weight of his balls heavily nestled between them. Dark lashes shadowed his cheeks as his eyes shifted beneath the lids, following the images fueling his lust...

...Numerous candles illuminated the gold and ruby luxury of Inara’s shuttle, casting golden, flickering light across the woman on Inara’s bed. The Councilor reclined against the mass of richly brocaded pillows, one knee slightly flexed, the dark cleft of her ni yin shadowed beneath the gossamer wisp of silk she wore. Her slender arms were draped across the pillows and her deep, well-formed breasts bore prominent rosy nipples.

“Let me see you,” she breathed. Her blue eyes were heavy with lust under smoky violet lids, her soft mouth pink and pouting.

“As you wish,” Inara replied, and dropped her gown to stand as naked as her mother bore her. Thick, dark curls spiraled over her tawny shoulders and down her back above the flawless curve of her buttocks. She moved to the bedside and sat down, gracefully aligning herself beside the other woman who, in turn, embraced her, tangling her hand in Inara’s hair and drawing the younger woman into a passionate kiss...

...Jayne reached back and tucked his left hand behind his head. His other found its way through thick, wiry hair to the root of his cock and squeezed firmly, milking the length of his shaft. He groaned and clamped his lips together in concentration, waves of pleasure radiating from his groin, then stroked again.

A glistening droplet of lubrication gathered at the tip of his phallus, growing larger as his grip expressed more. He’d deliberately kept his hand from the head of his cock, determined to prolong his pleasure, but when the precum rolled down his glans and onto his fist, he groaned again softly and his back arched involuntarily. He brought his hand to his mouth and licked the salty/sweet secretion from it, then spit into his palm and swirled the saliva over the crown of his da diao.

“Ah shit... feels so ruttin’ good…” he gasped out, his voice thick with need. His fist wrapped around the thick girth of his shaft and he stroked his rough thumb back and forth over the flared edge of his cockhead...

...Their kisses deepening, the two women moved and shifted against one another and Inara bowed her dark head to gently envelop the Councilor’s turgid nipple with her scarlet lips and tongue. At the same time, she slid her hand across her client’s soft, pale belly, dipping beneath the sheer silk of her moist thong to knead her carefully trimmed mound. The Councilor groaned and arched against the Companion’s knowing hand. “Oh yes, sweet Inara, yes, please. Chuo shang wu ru tou!”

For a few moments Inara’s mouth and hand worked their magic in tandem, then she shifted onto her knees and began to tongue the prominent nub of the Councilor’s clit through the wet silk...

...Inspired by the scene he envisioned, Jayne stretched his other hand down to ring the narrow neck of his scrotum. He tugged and kneaded his heavy balls, savoring the sensation deep in his gut and using the tension to manage the urge to come that was building inside him. He wasn’t ready to blow his wad yet; this was too gorramned good.

The big man reached across his chest to tease and pinch a hard, dark nipple, enjoying how his cock throbbed in response, then rolled himself onto his left elbow long enough to dip his fingers into the slippery contents of the jar behind the hanging. He worked his fingers against his palm, spreading the lubricant across it before stroking the glaze up his swollen shaft. The flow of precum streaming from the small opening at the tip of the blood-gorged organ combined with the lube to leave his diao slick and glistening and achingly sensitive.

Wuh de tyen, ah, he loved to do this, loved it damn near as much as ruttin’. It was getting harder and harder to hold himself back, his body crying out for release. He thumbed the sensitive crown and began to alternate slow strokes with fast, carrying himself repeatedly right to the edge of orgasm before easing off, his heart pounding like a jackhammer in his heaving chest...

...Like Yin and Yang, Inara and the Councilor enfolded one another, ripe red mouths suckling pungent womanflesh. Supple thighs cradled a dark head and a fair one, their whimpers and cries of delight rising and falling. Inara’s breasts were smaller, her darker nipples shockingly hard as they brushed against her lover’s belly. As her scarlet nails threaded through moist golden curls to gently separate the Councilor’s tender folds, the Companion’s tongue flickered over the swollen crest of her clit and a spiraling series of cries punctuated the intimate space.

”Shi wo gao chao, bao bei! Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes -- just like that!” Arching and shuddering, the older woman gave herself up to the waves of ecstasy rolling through her...

...Sweat trickled into Jayne’s eyes, down his cheeks and into his open mouth. He licked at the tang of the salt and hissed. The beat of his blood throbbed in every vein, pounding in his temples, pulsed in the turgid flesh grasped by his hand. In the dim light, the sheen of sweat limned his tensing muscles and glittered in the dark hair that shadowed his chest and groin. His breaths grew more ragged as he stroked his fist up and down the length of his da diao, soft guttural grunts of pleasure punctuating his heavy breathing.

“Fuck, yeah,” he groaned, roughly pinching and twisting his nipples to heighten his arousal. The burn arced from chest to cock to brain and he stroked faster, more forcefully…

...The fecund, heavy scent of sex hung in the chamber like incense. He stood silently with feet well apart, his hand firmly stroking his blood-darkened length.

“How long have you been standing there, watching us?” Inara asked. Her luminous, dark eyes bored into him over the soft curve of the Councilor’s back. The blond lifted her mouth from Inara’s yin hu and glanced over her shoulder at him, smiling in invitation.

"I seen the whole thing," he growled, "all of it, and I’m tired a just watchin’." He fisted his rampant cock, grinning smugly at the women’s hungry expressions.

“Then stop watching.”

Inara gestured for him to join them on the tumbled bed and the other woman rose onto hands and knees, presenting herself for his entry. Jayne knelt behind her and spat with practiced accuracy onto her swollen opening, clamped his hands hard around her hips and pushed his cock into her tight, wet core.

“Aiya, he’s big”, she moaned to Inara as he began to slam his swollen shaft into her.

The Companion cupped her perfectly manicured hand around the Councilor’s neck and drew the woman’s mouth back down to her ji bai.

“Yes, I know…” she whispered.

With every thrust, the big mercenary pushed the Councilor’s mouth hard against Inara. He heard the soft, wet slapping as she tongue-fucked the younger woman. Inara panted, her dark eyes wide, staring back into his, her moist lips open, her head thrown back in ecstasy.

The Councilor ground against him, her center clasping and squeezing with each thrust. ”Jin xing he wo you li!” she panted and so he did, ramming his cock into her as hard as he could. Jayne felt the building pressure deep behind his balls, heat rising like magma from his core and he...

...threw his head back and arched like a bow, bellowing his release. Like the white-hot blast of a flash bomb, the orgasm rolled through him, his seed surging in thick spurts that fell over his heaving belly and chest and onto the surrounding bedding. He fell back heavily onto his bunk, massive arms flung wide, gasping for breath. The neuron storm exploding in his brain slowly began to ease, shock waves still shuddering through him.

“Oh, fuck, that was sweet,” he groaned, gasping with pleasure. His breathing slowed and his cock slowly softened, still leaking onto his rising and falling belly. He swiped his hand through the pearly fluid pooled on his skin and brought it to his mouth, sucking the essence from his fingers and palm. He savored the tang of his sweat mixed with the rich, slightly bitter taste of his semen and wondered whether Inara had made her client come half as hard as he had. Funny thing, he thought, how the other woman was probably paying ‘Nara a small fortune for sexin’, and here he’d had the benefit of both of ‘em for free.

After relaxing in his blissful state for a few minutes, the big man got up and went over to the wall lav to wash up. Jayne decided he’d just toss his bedding in the wash when he did his clothes, so he quickly dressed and headed back down to the cargo bay. There were those crates to move for Mal and he and Shepherd had planned to work out together later on.

When he ran into Kaylee on the aft stairs, she blushed scarlet and gave him a smug, knowing grin. Weren’t no secret to her what he’d been doing or why. Hell, Jayne thought, maybe she’d been doing the very same.

Too much ‘Pretty’ mightta just had it’s impact on li’l Kaylee, too.


The End


Tuesday, June 5, 2007 7:49 AM


Oh, HOT!

Somehow, I'm not surprised Fox didn't even consider this scene in War Stories ...

Even though I am a faithful Mal-shipper, I have to say ... I'll be in Jayne's bunk!

Tuesday, June 5, 2007 10:22 AM


*falls off chair in shock*

Tian Yesu....this was unbelievable, hisgoodgirl! Much as picturing Jayne indulging in some self-induced pleasure usually would cause me to cringe...this was all kins of friggin' HOT! Any chance of of the Kaylee flipside of this? Just to give the male Browncoat community something to ponder as you have given the female community something to ponder on with this? Please?



Tuesday, June 5, 2007 12:07 PM


Jane0904, thanks for your great feedback. It tickles me that I could sway a confirmed Mal-shipper to at least consider the benefits of a tussle with the big merc.

And BEB, I', delighted I managed to induce you to enjoy something you normally wouldn't go for. (Bet that's mostly because of Jayne's graphic imagination, huh?)

Kaylee's side of the story, huh? I'll see what my sulky muse can be bribed with...

Tuesday, June 5, 2007 12:41 PM


WHOA...That was....great!

Shut up BEBLOL- 'bout time we ladies get somthing to "ponder"

Ahem...I'll be in my bunk

Tuesday, June 5, 2007 1:25 PM


I'd give a longer response, but I need to be "alone" right now!!!

Tuesday, June 5, 2007 1:44 PM


well...oh, my...
yep, that was an awful lotta hot to be writing! really good's a dog, pure and simple. Great work hisgoodgirl!

Tuesday, June 5, 2007 5:02 PM


Um...oh my. That was, well, good fodder for the imagination. You're writing is just so...discriptive.

I've been away a while, and well, this was just what I needed to get back into things.

Is it hot in here?

Tuesday, June 5, 2007 5:43 PM


Tinadoll --> What'd I say? Don't recall saying you ladies aren't needing the odd tale to "ponder" over. Just noted that this type of tale would not be my cup o' tea except for the fact HGG wrote it;D


Tuesday, June 5, 2007 5:44 PM


I'm beyond words

Tuesday, June 5, 2007 10:50 PM


Holy cow <BEG>. Jayne on Jayne. I'm grinning like the Cheshire cat that got the cream <G>. Phew. Press. Rewind. Replay. This one will be going with me to *my bunk <BEG>.


Wednesday, June 6, 2007 2:00 AM


Hey gang, glad to know my little offering proved so "inspirational". I can just imagine big ol' Jayne gloating to himself at the idea that his escapades, even the private ones, got so many folks turned on!

Thanks for commenting!


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