Title: She Don’t Know Author: hisgoodgirl Disclaimer: All belongs to Joss. Characters: Jayne and Kaylee (sorta), Kaylee and Simon (sorta). Warning: PG-15; mild profanity, vague sexual reference. Setting: During the series. Word Count: 735

A/N: I recently watched Firefly on a huge projection screen for the first time during a Firefly Marathon hosted by the Charlotte Browncoats. Maybe it was the large format, but I really noticed how often Jayne is surreptitiously watching Kaylee. Previously posted in the jaylee_ship and ff_fanfic comms at LJ.

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She Don’t Know

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She don’t know how I watch her.

Can’t help doin’ it, pretty as she is. And it’s more’n just the pretty – it’s her sweetness, always laughin’ and doin’ nice stuff for everybody. I once heard Shepherd talk about how some folks just seem to have some kinda light inside. I ain't exactly sure what he meant, but if it was true of anybody, that li’l gal does.

I give her grief and act like she’s annoyin’ me, but the truth is, just bein’ ‘round her makes me feel better. Can’t let on, though. Sure as I did and they was to find out how I feel about her, I’d be the laughin’ stock of the gorramned boat. So, I act all rude’n pissy an’ they don’t get no ideas.

She keeps us flyin’ safe, too. I never knowed anyone with such a knack for mechanical workin’s. Almost like the girl’s got some kinda intruition, tells her when there’s a problem or some part’s about to fuck up. She gets me to help her sometimes with heavy work, ‘cause I’m real strong and can lift and reach stuff she can’t manage. I bitch about it, but I really don’t mind. She’s right adorable with her hair in a tangle and her face all greasy. Don’t hurt none, neither, when them overalls ride way low on her hips or she bends forward an’ I can see half way to Paradiso. Yeah, I watch her.

I’m good at bein’ sneaky and doin’ stuff without other folk noticin’. My life’s pretty much depended on that and I’ve had a lotta years to practice. There’s all sorts a ways a watchin’ a person so’s they don’t know you’re doin’ it.

Like sometimes she and ‘Nara or the crazy girl’ll be playin’ dominos or mahjong at the little table in the Commons. I’ll bring my guns up an’ clean ‘em, just glance over every so often when she’s all laughin’ an’ absorbed in the game. Or when we’re playin’ Tall Card and folks ain't lookin’, I’ll swap chores around in the stack, set it up so I gotta help her with cookin’ supper and cleanup. That way I get to stand real close and she don’t get antsy or wonder why I’m up next to her.

When we’re dirtside, I watch her real careful. She don’t always use good sense and Mal’d kill me if somethin’ was to happen to her. I complain about havin’ to carry packages for her or playin’ bodyguard when she goes drinkin’, but it’s a chance to spend time, just her and me. Now I ain't sayin I always like gettin’ dragged in them girly places she likes to visit. A fella can feel ruttin’ stupid standin’ around in a dress shop, but at least I’m doin’ it with her.

I see when she gets homesick and the hurt in her eyes when that pretty boy don’t notice her all flutterin’ ‘round him. I see how her face gets all wistful-like when she walks in on Wash and Zo kissin’. She just wants lovin’, like any other normal soul.

Once I heard her askin’ Wash if she was pretty. Guess she wonders ‘cause that yu ben duh doc ain't got the stones to make his move for her. Ruttin’ idiot. Girl’s cute as a bug. Big ol’ brown eyes an’ long lashes, them apple cheeks and hair like ripe wheat. She smells real good, too, like some kinda flowers. Hell yeah, she’s pretty.

There’s somethin’ about her that’s pure, that’s sweet and innocent. An’ somethin’ real sassy an’ sexy, too. Like how she blushes and looks up at me with them puppy eyes, and I can’t help imaginin’ what she’d be like naked and squirmin’ under me. Aiya!

She don’t know I watch her. Got no cause to notice. She ain't interested in a hún dàn like me, just hired muscle, livin’ the rough life, always drinkin’ and whorin’ and gettin’ into fights for the hell of it. I figure I ain’t her sort.

If I was an honest man, I’d admit the drinkin’ an’ whorin’s as good a way as any to make sure I don’t get to thinkin’ about her too much, ‘cause ain't nothin’ gonna ever happen, anyways. No point in dreamin’ after somethin’ I’ll never have, right?

She don’t know I watch her, but I just can’t help doin’ it.

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