TITLE: "EPIPHANY" AUTHOR: Alison M. DOBELL FANDOM: "FIREFLY" PAIRING: Wash/Zoe RATING: G STATUS: Standalone. References to "War Stories". ARCHIVE: Yes. Just let me know where. FEEDBACK: Welcomed. EMAIL: AlisonMDobell@aol.com WEBSITE: None. All "Firefly" stories archived at Fireflyfans.net

SUMMARY: "Wash ruminates on the bond between Zoe and the Captain. At last reaching an understanding dearly bought." The usual disclaimers apply. The characters and 'Firefly' are the property and gift of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. No infringement of copyright is intended.

"EPIPHANY"

"Firefly" story

Written by Alison M. DOBELL

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He thought he understood. She knew he didn't. Had been so rutting jealous at first. Her loyalty to the Captain straining the bonds of their marriage even as he struggled to grasp the depths of a relationship that stood outside the normal parameters of intimacy. They weren't lovers but they were friends. Would die for each other without even having to give it a single thought. Understood each other in ways that were creepifying to a man on the outside looking in. Zoe knew the thoughts carooming inside Wash's head. The little green monster that resided inside that part of him that could still be rocked by insecurities. There was no such weakness in his wife. And if the Captain had somesuch he hid it better than any of them.

Wash had ranted and raved at the Captain. Accused him of all manner of unseemly things. His ire reaching across the stunned space that separated the two of them as the jealous husband reached for anything to back up his anger and wrong foot the man who held all their lives in his psychotic hands. Seeing the bafflement on the Captain's face had not been any reassurance to him because it did not give Wash any answers. He wanted to know, to understand. To touch the things that made them so close, the past that was as remote to him as another world lost in time. All that they shared that excluded him. He hated it. Feared it more. Loved her so much that he could not bear the thought of Mal knowing things about Zoe that he would never know. Sharing moments and thoughts beyond his experience. It burned him up inside and drove him insane.

Then came Niska. A man even more deranged and unstable than their noble Captain. Wash leant more about himself than Mal in that abomination's hands. Little glimpses of insight scorched through his tortured body like a branding iron. Throat raw with crying out and screaming. Anchored by the Captain's indomitable will and insane version of humour. Odd how the man held him to his sanity. Provided a rock that would keep him stable through the most bizarre and excruciating of circumstances. Clues to this complex man filtered through the pilot's tormented psyche until he fancied he saw what she saw. Began to understand her unwavering faith in him. A man whose honour and loyalty would never be for sale, never be compromised to the altar of inferior gods. It was like a seam of steel running right along the man's spine and defining him in ways Wash had not thought of before. He began to see Zoe in a different light. Seen through the eyes of th man who had walked through hell with her. It shamed him that he had been so weak. So terrified. So needy. Found himself reaching out emotionally for the man strapped into the frame beside him. The man who now kept him dancing on the edge of oblivion, rallying him time and time again. Giving him the strength to somehow endure when he had none left of his own.

When Zoe came for them and chose him equal parts of Wash rejoiced and cried in denial and shame. That was when he understood the full of it. Zoe loved him but Mal was her friend. It was something forged almost at the level of their DNA. Not even siblings like Simon and River came closer. Their souls welded together as if they shared a single heartbeat. No wonder Mal had fought against her marrying him. No wonder Zoe would follow the Captain blindly into certain death.

Wash was stronger now. Grimmer in his resolve. The lighthearted man was still there buried beneath the armour of a new faith. The laughter still bubbled beneath the surface but it had a sober edge to it now. Knowing the price at which it had been bought. Yet he knew another thing too. One that stirred a strange new emotion in him. A desire to be part of that select bond. To earn his place among them. Wash wanted to be part of that friendship. Embrace it and make it his own. He was not jealous of the Captain any more. Was not afraid Mal would take Zoe from him or come between them. He just wanted the man back. Safe. Their little number complete again. Almost without thinking Wash found himself adopting Mal's creed as his own. Ratchetting the sliding section of the gun to load a fresh round in the chamber, a firm line to his lips, eyes hard and resolute with an iron will not seen before. He got no small satisfaction from spelling it out to a disbelieving Jayne. Transformed into a man bracing himself for a battle. One he intended to win. The knowledge that he could accept nothing less was an epiphany.

"There's a code among people like us." He told the mercenary, feeling a mite like a man throwing down a gauntlet and enjoying the way the anticipation sharpened his senses. "Leave no man behind."

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