Shades of the Past – Chapter 6 Discussions Joss is the man. Owns it all. I’m jealous. No really, I am.

Serenity woke as she normally did, with power levels coming back up, people stirring, and work being done. Breakfast was quiet, with light bantering left from the previous evening providing the entertainment. Mal listened to it with a half smile, wondering how long it would last. As the meal broke up, the crew headed to their various jobs. Kaylee went to the engine room, Simon to the infirmary, and River to the bridge. Mal and Zoe walked away discussing business, leaving Jayne and Inara to clear the mess, and wash up the dishes. Which gave Inara the chance to talk to Jayne alone, something she’d been wanting to do for days now. “Jayne, last night’s supper was just wonderful,” she observed, starting the conversation on a light note. “Thanks, ‘Nara,” Jayne smiled. “Hadn’t really done that in a long time. S’prised I could still make all that stuff and it be edible.” Which gave Inara as good an opening as she could have asked for. “Where did you learn it, Jayne?” she asked casually, washing a plate in the sink. “My mom,” Jayne replied absently, clearing the cook vessels from breakfast. “She was a great cook.” “Was?” Inara asked, a frown on her face. Jayne looked up sharply, as if realizing he had let something slip. “Well, last time I was home she was,” he replied lamely. “I’m sure she still is.” “Hmm,” Inara nodded, as if she weren’t really listening, but Jayne wasn’t fooled. “Must have been wonderful, with cooking like that,” Inara added wistfully. “Yeah,” Jayne gave the pan in his hands his undivided attention now. “Big family, you know. Had to start cooking early,” he added with a laugh. “Make sure there was enough for all of us.” “How big a family do you have, Jayne,” she asked, curious. “Three brothers and four sisters,” he said, now really intent on the scrubbing of the pan he held. This was getting onto dangerous ground. “My, that is a rather large group to have to cook for every day,” Inara said, with another smile. “Your mother must be some kind of woman.” “She was,” Jayne nodded. “Is, I mean,” he added. Inara could sense Jayne’s growing unease in talking about his family, and decided to get to the point. “Jayne, I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but you seem to have an admirer on board.” Her voice was quiet, ensuring that the conversation stayed private. “Huh?” Jayne’s head shot up at, the change in subject throwing him off balance. “River,” Inara smiled. “I think River has a crush on you Jayne.” Jayne looked at her like she had taken leave of her senses, proving to Inara that she had been right. He didn’t have a clue. Men. “Whasat?” Jayne’s eyes grew wide. “What are you talking about? River and me are friends, Inara, nothing more than that. Even if I was so inclined, which I ain’t, she’s just a kid. One that’s had a hard road to travel at that.” “She’s nineteen years old Jayne,” Inara pointed out. “Simon apparently can’t do math as well as he can medicine. Somehow he lost almost a year and a half of River’s age somewhere. She’s a grown woman.” “She ain’t,” Jayne shook his head stubbornly. “I mean she’s grown up, I’ll grant you. In some ways, she’s older than all of us, what with all she’s been through. But she ain’t had the raisin’ to know a crush from. . .” He trailed off, unable to put what he meant into words. “From love?” Inara finished for him, prodding just a bit. She knew she shouldn’t be meddling, but couldn’t help herself. “I think maybe you under-estimate her, Jayne, and that’s not a smart move. She is a genius.” “Inara, River and me, we’re friends. We work together. Sometimes, when one of us has a problem, we talk about it with the other. That’s all. Nothing there for you to fret over. I swore I’d never. . .” “Jayne,” Inara interrupted, “I’m not trying to threaten you, or warn you to behave. A year ago I would have, I admit. But not now. I just wanted you to be aware. I know what I’m talking about, Jayne. All the signs are there. Likely it is just a crush, puppy love so to speak, and she’ll grow out of it.” “But she’s a grown woman, and you are an attractive man. And available. She doesn’t get out much, the life we lead, and her options are limited. It’s only natural, and there’s nothing. . .” “So you’re saying that she’s got a crush on me cause I’m all the choices she’s got, that it?” Jayne was scowling a little, his voice carrying a hint of challenge. “Make up your mind, Inara. One minute I’m an attractive man, and she’s a grown woman and it’s all shiny and natural. Next minute, she’s desperate, and I’m all there is.” Inara didn’t quite recoil from that, but she held her tongue for a moment. Had she hurt his feelings? One could never be sure with Jayne. Six months ago she wouldn’t have given him credit for having any feelings. She decided to try again. “That’s not what I’m saying at all, Jayne,” she assured him. “I just thought you were uncomfortable with it, and was trying to explain how it could come to be. I’m sure she finds you attractive. Most women do, you know,” she added, smiling. “Gorramit, Inara, she can’t. . .I mean she shouldn’t. . .” Jayne sat down heavily in a nearby chair, placing his head into his hands. He rubbed vigorously, like someone trying to wake up. “Jayne I only said something to you so you would be fore warned,” Inara said gently, placing a hand on his shoulder. “At her age, River is very impressionable. She’s also very forward. She may well approach you about this, and I wanted you to be prepared.” Jayne regarded her for a moment, then nodded. “Thanks, Inara,” he smiled weakly. “I appreciate it. I’m like to say or do something to hurt her, and I wouldn’t want that.” He grinned then. “Course, it might be worth it to see Simon turn all red, and. . .” “Jayne!” Inara scolded playfully. “That’s awful!” “Aw, I wouldn’t do it anyway, Inara, you know that.” He looked up suddenly. “You do know that. Right?” “Yes, Jayne, I do,” she assured him with a little chuckle. “I’ve never seen anyone work so hard to effect a change in their life as you have. I know it hasn’t been easy for you.” “Ain’t so much,” Jayne shrugged, then looked up at her again. “But that ‘minds me. I been wanting to get a word with you ‘bout something.” Inara nodded, and sat down at the table to join him. “I ain’t got much education, you know,” he started, looking at the floor. “I had to leave home a little earlier than most, and schoolin’s hard to come by in the black, kinda life I lead.” He leaned forward, placing his hands across his knees. “But it ain’t just that,” he continued. “I don’t know how to act, to behave, in proper company. Ain’t got a ruttin’ clue what to do, or say, how to act. Never had much chance to learn. I was wondering, you being, having been, a Companion and all, you think you could teach me stuff? Like how not to make an ass o’ myself in public, fer instance? I know I piss Mal off something awful, sometimes. And I don’t always mean to, neither.” Inara regarded Jayne carefully for a moment, marveling at his asking her for help. The old Jayne, he would never have admitted to any inadequacies, let alone asked her, of all people, for help in correcting them. “I think I can do that,” she answered after a moment. “Some of it, anyway. What did you have in mind?” “Well, I been practicing my writin’ and what not,” he admitted sheepishly. “Could stand someone to look once in a while, and make sure I’m doing better, and not just foolin’ myself. And I want to learn how to be out somewhere, and not tell off on myself as an ignorant hundan ever time I open my mouth. Things like that, and maybe some advice on how. . .I mean on what kind of clothes I oughta be wearing, what fork to use, and all that kinda stuff.” Inara couldn’t help but smile at that. Jayne Cobb, wanting to have manners? Would the ‘verse ever cease to amaze her?

“Sir, what do you know about the people we’re delivering to?” Mal and Zoe were in the cargo bay doing ‘captainy things’, which in this case meant throwing horse shoes while everyone else went about their duties. “Not much,” Mal admitted with a shrug. “But it’s a legal bit o’ business, and it’s good pay, so I’m not inclined to worry. Should be smooth sailin’.” Zoe resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Mal saying things should go ‘smooth’ was an open invitation for disaster. “I’m sure you’re right, sir,” Zoe said. She fell silent as her turn to toss came. When she finished, she looked at him. “But I’d feel a bit better if we knew what was what, and who was who. We don’t know much about this corner of the ‘verse. Don’t know the game, or the players. Sir.” Mal sighed, sitting down on a nearby crate. “‘Spect it can’t hurt to see what we can find out. How ‘bout we wave Monty, maybe a few others, see if’n they ever worked out that way? Or know anyone who has? I gotta tell ya, Zo’, I’m tired of being on guard all the time. I took this job for more than just a good payday. I’m hoping, well, considering anyway, that we might stay there a while if things look profitable.” Zoe nodded her understanding. She was tired too. Tired of waiting for the Alliance to strike back, tired of waiting for the Blue Hands to make another grab for River, tired of sleeping alone. . . She shook her head at that. This was about business. “I’ll see what I can find out, sir. We’re two weeks or so out, anyway. Time enough to see what we can see.” They both nodded at each other. Mal got up and went to retrieve the shoes. Back to ‘captainy things’.

“Whatcha’ doin’, bunkie,” Kaylee chirped as she stepped onto the bridge where River sat at the controls. “Watching the stars go by,” River smiled at her friend and roommate. “This far out, the auto-pilot does most of the work. I just monitor the systems. How’s is going?” “Shiny,” Kaylee smiled, reclining in the other seat. “Got my girl all tuned up, and she’s running fine. Thought we could gossip a while,” she added with a grin. River giggled slightly, despite the lingering thoughts from the night before. “Well, I think we’re all caught up on current events,” she offered. “Well, we can speculate on the future then,” Kaylee grinned. “Speaking o’ which, I can’t help but notice you seem to have an eye on Jayne a lot more than some folks would think needful,” she winked, and was rewarded with a bright red flush on the younger woman’s face. “I do not!” River retorted automatically. “You do to!” Kaylee laughed happily. “Ain’t nothing wrong with it, River. Jayne’s a right swai man, not doubt about that.” River felt her blush deepen, if that were possible. He was a good looking man. “Regardless of his aesthetically pleasing appearance, I do not have my eye on Jayne. I would not do so, knowing how you feel about him.” River bit her lip to stop the cackle of laughter that boiled up from within at the look on Kaylee’s face. It was now the mechanic’s turn to blush. “Aw, River, I ain’t making eyes at Jayne,” she objected. “Be like. . .like making eyes at my brother. Sides, he don’t think o’ me that way,” she added, her gaze drifting to the view of stars visible outside the window. “So sure of that, are you?” River asked, eyebrow raised. Kaylee looked back to River. “Has he said anything to you? About me, I mean? I know you two are awful close and all. . .” River shook her head. “Jayne and I do not discuss such matters,” River assured her, spirits falling a bit. She had raised the subject in hopes to draw Kaylee’s feelings out. If Kaylee had no interest, then. . .well, she had no interest, River thought firmly, stomping any other feelings on the matter flat. “Well, see then,” Kaylee leaned back again, smiling. “He ain’t got eyes for me. ‘Sides, you’re the one most like him, anyway. Able to tear people limb from limb and whatnot. No matter what you think, I know Jayne has a thing for strong women who can fight. And you definitely qualify.” River tried not to think about the nights she had spent crying in Jayne’s arms. How strong could he think she was, after that? That thought brought all manner of feelings to life, mostly butterflies in the stomach, and a slight. . .tremble, of sorts. He would think she was weak. The thought scared her. What if he did see her as weak? Or worse, as a child? She didn’t know which would hurt the most. Even more infuriating, she didn’t understand why either should hurt at all. She should not be bothered in the least by whatever Jayne felt about her. She knew he had never told anyone about that night months ago, the first of many when she could not sleep for the weight of the world pressing down on her. He never would. She knew likewise that he considered her his equal in every way, save practical experience, which he was sharing with her. More, he treated her as an equal. Always there to offer a needed hand, he made her ask, first. He didn’t try and stop her from doing things on her own. He would set her on her own feet, and watch her for signs of trouble, but he would not do things for her, would not tell her she couldn’t, or shouldn’t, be doing those things. Jayne was doing a very good job of teaching her how to take care of herself, and how to make it on her own. It was refreshing for her. River had always been independent. Determined to make her own way. Simon often either could not or would not see that. But Jayne did. She wondered again how Jayne looked at her. What he saw, when he looked her way. “You’re awful deep in thought for somebody ain’t thinking on things like, oh, Jayne,” Kaylee prodded playfully, delighted at the renewed blush on River’s face. “Still want to try and tell me it ain’t nothing?” River was silent for a moment, then looked over at Kaylee. “I do not know,” she admitted quietly. “Feelings are troublesome for me, at best. New feelings are worse. And this. . .” she waved her arms wide about her, “is new. I was wondering,” she decided to take a chance, “how he thinks of me. What he sees when he looks at me.” Kaylee absorbed this for a moment. “Oh, River,” Kaylee said softly, her voice apologetic. “Honey, I’m sorry for teasin’ ya. I didn’t realize it was that bad.” “I don’t know if it is that bad,” River growled in frustration. “I can’t explain it to myself, let alone to another. And I find myself wondering which is worse; not knowing what he sees, how he feels, or finding out and being. . .let down, somehow.” “Well,” Kaylee said, coming to her feet, cheerfulness on full power, “you jsut leave that to me.” She started off the bridge. “Kaylee!” River squealed. “What are you doing?” “Nothin’,” Kaylee replied innocently. “Just gettin’ back to work. Gotta find Jayne, got some heavy stuff needs movin’.” With that the mechanic was gone, leaving her roommate staring after her.

------------

------------

Shades of the Past – Chapter Seven – Discussions II

Joss, either find a way to give us back Firefly or make another movie. Meantime, he still owns it all, and I don’t. Dang it.

*****

Kaylee found Jayne sitting at the kitchen table. Which was odd, she thought in passing. Jayne usually had something going on somewhere, rarely sitting still for long. Like all spacers, he knew that activity helped pass the time. “What’s up, Jayne?” she asked, bounding into the galley. Jayne, still reeling from his discussion with Inara, looked up absently. “Heya, lil Kaylee,” he smiled. “Just sittin’. What’cha doin’?” “Gotta little work I need help with down in the engine room, if you don’t mind,” she asked with a smile. “Too heavy for me.” “Okay,” Jayne said, standing. “Strong back, weak mind, that’s me,” he smiled. “Jayne, don’t be like that,” Kaylee frowned. “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with your mind,” she huffed. “Jokin’ gal,” he grinned at her. “Just jokin’. What’cha got?” “Just some stuff I need to try and get squared away, s’all,” Kaylee answered. “I tried already, but it’s a bit much for lil ole me,” she added, batting her eyes at him. Jayne shook his head, another grin coming to his features. “Ain’t gotta trot them wiles out for me, Kaylee,” he laughed lightly. “You know I’d do ‘bout anything for you.” Kaylee’s heart fluttered a little at that, but she tromped on the feeling before it could get started. Jayne really was a good looking man. “Well, I don’t like to take advantage,” she said to cover herself. She led the way down to the engine room. About halfway there, she realized she was making more of an effort than usual to swish her hips, and stopped. Dammit! she thought to herself, she was supposed to be helping River! Inside the engine room, she pointed to a large crate full of small and medium sized parts, along with a few odds and ends. “I shoulda put all that in there after I moved the crate,” she admitted sheepishly. “But I was sortin’ though stuff and this was easier. Only now, I can’t get the crate back where it goes.” Jayne knelt and lifted the box with no more effort than if he were standing up from the table. “Where’s it go, Kaylee?” he asked, then followed her hand to the shelf near her parts locker. He laid the heavy crate on the shelf, and then turned to face her. “Anything else?” he asked. “No that’s it,” she smiled. “But you ain’t gotta run off. Seems like ages since you been down here vis’tin’.” Jayne looked at the floor, studying his boots carefully. “I. . .I felt bad about what happened with you and Simon, Kaylee. Sorta felt like it was my fault, on account he said all that to get me riled.” “Aw, Jayne,” Kaylee said sadly. She sat down, and motioned for him to do likewise. “It wasn’t that what did it. I admit it didn’t help matters, but it was only the last straw is all.” She sighed, and studied her own shoes for a moment. “Truth is, me and Simon, we just don’t. . .fit. Ya know? We’s just too different, s’all. He ain’t gonna change, and I can’t be more’n I am, no matter how much I like him. Thing is, Jayne, and don’t take this wrong, when you did something like that, it wasn’t as bad. I ‘spect stuff like that, ya know, from you. It’s how you are, part of who you are. But with Simon?” She shook her head in resignation. “With him, it came out of left field. Was he just striking back at you, that I could understand. But the things he said, were more than just about you. It was a general sneer at all of us from out here in the black. Anyone rim-born. And that ‘cludes me, Jayne.” “I know, but he don’t think like that, Kaylee,” Jayne replied. “He don’t see things in general terms. He thinks on individual people. Part o’ being a doctor, I reckon. He’s used to dealing with folks one at a time. He don’t reckon that anyone else will see an insult to someone akin to’em apply to them as well.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I know he cares a lotta ‘bout you, Kaylee,” he went on. “I don’t know if that’s enough, ain’t got no experience at that kinda thing. Wouldn’t know love was it to smack me in the head,” he laughed. Kaylee’s head shot up, and he caught a twinkle in her eyes. “All I’m saying,” Jayne continued, “is that maybe you owe it to yourself to think on that. Not him. Ain’t saying you owe Simon a thing. But you was happy when the two o’ you was. . .when. . .anyways. All I’m saying is, don’t give up something important to you over nothin’ said ‘bout me. And that’s all he was talkin’ bout, Kaylee, was me. And I had it coming, too. Understand what I’m saying here?” “Yes,” she nodded somberly. In truth she had been thinking about that. “It was just. . .it seemed like he was talking about me, too.” “Ya know I love ya fer takin’ up for me, Kaylee,” Jayne chuckled. “You’re like a sister too me. Make me think o’ home, with all that cheeriness and such. All I’m saying is, don’t let loyalty to me, ruin a good thing for you, dong ma? You know he weren’t talking ‘bout you. Wouldn’t never say such things to you, or ‘bout you, I’m thinking. And if’n he ever does, you tell me, and I’ll fix him for ya,” he winked. “That’s sweet of ya, Jayne,” Kaylee smiled. “You know, I was thinking about how much you’ve changed lately just this morning. And about how much you’ve helped River too. She’s really come a long way, ain’t she?” “She has that,” Jayne nodded, his mind thrown back into the conversation he and Inara had had earlier. “She’s doin’ good, far as I can tell.” “She is,” Kaylee nodded in affirmation. “She ain’t having nightmares no more, and she don’t babble about stuff like she used too. Now days she’s like any other woman. Well, ‘cept when she’s being a bonafide reader or fightin’ like somebody off a cortex movie, anyway,” she giggled, and Jayne laughed. “She’s got strength, that one,” Jayne nodded. “Smart’s too. Tell her something once, she can recall it anytime she needs it. I been trying to teach her stuff. Practical stuff I mean,” he hastened to add at Kaylee’s grin. “Can’t teach her nothin’ ‘bout book stuff, her bein’ a genius and all. But she’s short on practical stuff, and I been trying to help her some. She’ll like as not always have someone looking to take her back to the Academy, even if there ain’t no warrants no more. And one day, she may find herself alone, with us gone. Or she may decided she wants to move on. Want her to be able to make it, if’n any o’ that happens.” Kaylee listened to Jayne with a little song fluttering in her heart. Jayne liked River! She didn’t think he realized it yet, but was almost sure he did. Boy, oh boy! If they ever got together, Simon and the Captain would have puppies. No, more like full grown dogs! Kaylee fought the urge to giggle. “Sounds like you kinda like River, Jayne,” Kaylee said slyly, a small, knowing smile on her lips. “Huh?” Jayne’s head jerked up again. “What’s that mean? ‘Course I like her. We’re friends, me and her. Work together. Train together some. I wouldn’t do that with someone I don’t like.” What was with the women on this ship! “I wasn’t talking about being friends, Jayne,” Kaylee taunted, just a little, enjoying needling the big mercenary. “I meant I think you like River. Like a man likes a woman.” “What kinda feng le go se is that?” Jayne yelped, standing. “That’s just. . .no. Alright? Just. . .no, gorramit!” Kaylee almost recoiled at that. Jayne rarely used bad language these days. She must have hit a nerve. “Jayne, I didn’t mean nothin’ by that, now,” Kaylee said hastily. “I was just talkin’ s’all. Listenin’ to ya, it just sounded to me like more than friendship. And if it was, that’d be just shiny, I think! I can’t imagine two people fittin’ together better’n you!” Jayne looked at Kaylee, wondering if she and Inara had planned this whole thing. “Kaylee, she’s a kid! One that’s had a hard life already! I’m damn near old ‘nough to be her pa!” he told her, forgetting for the moment that he wasn’t. Not really. “Aw, that don’t mean nothing,” Kaylee grinned, hitting him lightly on the arm. “Not out here. And she ain’t no kid, either! She’s a grown woman, and knows her own mind!” “I never said nothin’ ‘bout she don’t know her own mind!” Jayne shot back, but with no heat in the words. “All I’m saying is that I ain’t thinking on her! Not like that! Sides, if Simon didn’t kill me, Mal would, was I to be doin’ like that. Which I ain’t.” He stressed. “Okay, Jayne,” Kaylee decided to let it go. She had got what she was after, anyway. “I ain’t accusing you o’ nothin’ anyway. Just makin’ a observation is all. But Jayne?” He looked at her. “Don’t go dismissin’ her as no child, okay? She’s ain’t.” Jayne nodded, and left the engine room, head spinning. Two more gorram weeks til they hit dirt on Argo. He’d be nuttier than River ever had been, this kept up that long.

******

Inara was busy cleaning her shuttle when there came a hesitant knock at her door. She opened it, half expecting to see Jayne standing there. She was therefore a little surprised to see River instead. “Hello, mei-mei, how are you? Please come in,” Inara stood back to allow the younger woman into the shuttle. “Would you like some tea? I was about to rest and have some myself.” “Tea would be welcome,” River nodded, deep in thought. Inara quickly prepared the two cups, wondering what had River so distracted, almost sure she knew. She handed one cup to River, and then sat down across from her. “What’s on your mind, River?” Inara asked after a taste of her own tea. “You seem to be deep in thought.” “I need advise,” River admitted with a nod. “I seek knowledge from one more experienced. I have. . .feelings. Not emotions, so much as physical reactions. I am unable to quantify them, at least partially due to my in-experience. I seek guidance.” She looked up at Inara with wide-eyed hope. Inara tried not to smile. Ah ha! “Well, tell me about these. . .reactions, mei-mei, and I’ll try and help you sort through them.” “First, I must ask you that our talk remain secret,” River almost whispered. “Were Captain Daddy, or Simon, to find out the substance of our discussion, there would be over-reactions, and likely no small amount of violence. She. . .I wish to avoid that.” Inara frowned at the near slip of River’s speech back into third person. It was a clear indicator of how nervous she was. “River, I promise, whatever you say to me, stays with me,” she assured the pilot. “Now, tell me, sweetie, what has you so. . .distracted.” “Jayne,” she said quietly, and Inara smiled. “What about Jayne, sweetie?” Inara asked, trying not to smirk at her own intuitiveness. “I don’t know,” River didn’t quite wail. “That is the crux of my problem. I do not understand what it is! He has some. . .effect, on me, causes some sort of reaction. I cannot explain it better, because I cannot understand it!” “Well, let’s start off by you telling me what these. . .reactions, are then.” Inara sat back a bit. Poor girl, she thought to herself. All so new to her. “I sometimes find it difficult to maintain a steady respiratory rhythm when he is near,” River said, speaking with a clinical detachment. “Also, I notice that cardio rhythms are similarly affected.” “So your breathing is shorter, more rapid, and your heart beats faster?” Inara asked, wanting to be sure she understood. River nodded. “Anything else?” “Yes, but it is even harder to describe,” River replied. “Last night, at supper, when Jayne told Kaylee he had more strawberries for her alone? And she kissed him? I felt. . .pain, almost. A twinge in my chest. There is no acceptable reason for that. Kaylee is my friend, I should not find her actions. . .disturbing.” Inara smiled, and leaned forward to take River’s hand. “Is there more?” Inara asked gently. River sat quietly for a long moment, then nodded. “When he is not near, I feel . . . strange. It is almost as if . . . the nearest I can come too accurately describing it is that I feel like I am missing something. Like I have misplaced something valuable, or. . .” “Like part of you is missing?” Inara offered. River looked up at her, eyes again wide. “Yes,” she didn’t quite whisper. Inara leaned forward and took the younger woman’s hand in her own. “River, do you know what you have just described to me?” she asked gently. In Inara’s experience, it was better for River to come to her own conclusions, than have one given to her. “I know . . . what it sounds like,” she nodded. “But it can’t be! Jayne and I are friends! Good friends, yes, but. . .he doesn’t see me in that way, Inara. How can I feel this way, knowing he does not?” “River, there’s an old saying,” Inara said. “‘The heart wants what the heart wants’. That means that it doesn’t have to make sense. It doesn’t need to be logical, and can’t necessarily be explained away with reason. That’s what love is, River. That’s what it does. It defies logic, it defies reason, it defies anything and everything that would argue against it.” “But there has to be a way that I can fix this!” River exclaimed. “I cannot feel this way! Jayne and I . . . we aren’t . . . we cannot . . . ” River finally trailed off, unable to articulate her frustration properly. “River, are you more worried that what you feel is wrong, or that you think Jayne doesn’t feel the same way?” Inara watched the emotions playing across her face, and sighed within. Poor girl’s got it bad, she thought. Her next thought was more amusing. Poor Jayne, she had to fight to hide a wicked smile. He’s in for a rough time, if I know River at all. “I do not think what I feel is, of itself, wrong,” River admitted. “Thus it must be fear. Fear that the feelings are not reciprocated. That my. . .feelings,” she avoided the word love at all costs, “will not be. . .that they will not bear fruit, so to speak.” Inara watched her struggle with her explanation, and determined that she would help the girl, woman, get what she wanted. If she decided what she wanted. “River, what do you want to do?” Inara asked. “I don’t know,” River whimpered. “Well, you have a choice before you, mei-mei. You can either do nothing, and see if the. . . feeling, goes away. Or you can try to get Jayne to notice you as more than a friend and crime partner. He’s a man. There are way’s to get men’s attention.” River looked up at Inara, suddenly smiling. “Will you show me?”

***********

***********

Shades of the Past – Chapter Eight – Changes and Second Chances Remember, Joss, et.al. owns all this neat stuff, and not me. I’m just moving the toys around in someone else’s sandbox for my own amusement!

---------- Simon looked up in surprise as Jayne walked into the infirmary. His surprise turned to concern when the mercenary closed the door behind him, then turned to eye the doctor in a not quite menacing way. “You and me, we need ta talk,” he said without preamble. “Is something wrong, Jayne?” Simon asked, trying to appear calm. That’s all it was at this point. An appearance. The one thing Simon was not was calm. “Yeah, I reckon there is,” the big man rumbled. “With you and Kaylee.” Simon stood abruptly, his face reddening. “What happened between Kaylee and I is none of your business!” “It is, and you know it,” Jayne replied evenly. “See, you hurt that girl, with all your diggin’ at me, ‘count o’ she’s like me. Rim born. That makes it my business, cause I absolutely don’t like to see Kaylee hurt. In fact, when Kaylee hurts, it makes me want to make others hurt. Get my meaning?” Jayne didn’t actually have to try and be menacing, but when he did, it was an impressive sight. So long, Simon decided, as you were not the recipient of said menacing. Under those circumstances, it was downright unsettling. “So here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna get your go se together, all in one tight little pile. You’re gonna make sure that foot o’ your’s can’t get nowhere near that mouth o’ your’s, and you’re gonna go ‘pologize. You ask, plead, you beg, if you have to, but you make this right. I’m pretty sure that girl loves you, Simon. I know she was happy when the two o’ ya was together. And if she ain’t happy again, and soon, then there’s gonna be misery for other folks. Dong Ma?” Simon didn’t answer at once. Finally, with a resigned sigh, he sat back down. “I’ve tried to talk to her, Jayne,” he said miserably. “And thought I did a fair job of keeping my foot from my mouth while doing it. But. . .I fear I hurt her too deeply. I don’t believe she wants to talk to me. About anything.” “She does,” Jayne nodded firmly. “I’m sure o’ that. But you’re gonna have to eat some crow. A lot of crow. Start out by telling her you’re an idiot. Always seems to help me. And don’t lecture. Don’t make excuses. Makes you look weak. Tell her, straight out, that you’re sorry. Blame it on me if you have to. I don’t care. But you set this to rights, Simon.” Jayne leaned in toward the doctor suddenly, invading his personal space. “And if you hurt her, Simon, ever again, intentional or not, you ain’t gotta worry about Mal. Or Zoe. ‘Cause they won’t never be able to find you.” He straightened, satisfied that he’d gotten his point across. “I know you love that girl, Simon. I’m telling you not to go forgettin’ it, again, and do something stupid. Which, if you’re wondering, means anything that causes her pain or makes her cry.” With that, Jayne opened the door and walked out, leaving a stunned Simon looking after him. Had Jayne Cobb just offered to take the blame for something Simon had done? And told him that he, Simon, had made Kaylee happy? Suddenly Simon realized that Jayne had said something else. Kaylee wanted to talk to him. Or at least was willing to talk to him! Simon was out of his seat and on his way to the engine room before the thought was finished.

----------

Kaylee was stooped over a hydraulic sleeve when Simon found her. There was a slow leak, somewhere, and her girl was losing fluid. The engineer was determined to find it. She straightened when Simon cleared his throat. “Hi, Simon,” Kaylee said, her voice cautious. “Kaylee,” Simon nodded. “Do you have a minute, or is this a bad time?” “I can spare a minute, I reckon,” she smiled at him. “Been leaking this long, it’ll keep a few more minutes. Something wrong?” “Yes,” he said simply. “I was. I was wrong about so many things. I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. I know that the things I sometimes said to Jayne hurt you too. And why. Please believe me that I never meant any of that to cause you any pain.” “I never considered that something I said to Jayne. . .that you might think I felt that way about you. Jayne is. . .very aggravating. I meant my insults for him alone. Not for anyone else. I know people sometimes tend to generalize their comments, but I don’t. I tend to see only individuals. Which I always thought of as a good thing.” “That’s what Jayne said,” Kaylee said quietly.

“Jayne said that?” Simon was shocked. Kaylee nodded, and Simon forced the surprise down and barreled ahead. “But I also tend to forget that not everyone does that. That’s my fault, not theirs. Kaylee, please believe me that I would never say anything like that to you. You know I love you. You’re so beautiful,” she blushed at this, “so wonderfully sweet and cheerful. When you walk into the room, it grows brighter just because you’re there. I. . .I love you Kaylee, more than anything in the ‘verse. And I’m so sorry. I hope you can forgive me, one day, for being so thoughtless.” He stopped, hesitating to continue, to ask for that second chance he so desperately wanted and knew he didn’t deserve. “I’m not worthy of you, you know,” he said after a moment. “I don’t think anyone is. You always choose the light over the dark, seeing what’s good in anyone, no matter how hard it is to find. You’re a blessing, Kaylee. One that I. . .” “Simon,” Kaylee interrupted. “Yes?” “Shut up, and kiss me.”

----------

Mal glanced briefly around the galley, heading through to the bridge. He was almost out of the room when what he’d seen registered, forcing him to do a double take. Simon and Kaylee were cooking dinner. Simon and Kaylee, cooking dinner. Together. As he watched, the engineer tilted her head up and kissed the doctor lightly on the lips. The doctor smiled, and embraced her. Huh. He’d not seen that coming. Kaylee had been adamant that she and Simon were done. Yet, here they were, carrying on as if nothing had happened. He jumped when a gravelly voice almost whispered behind him. “How ‘bout that?” Jayne chuckled, though Mal didn’t know if it was at the couple in the kitchen, or at him. Mal chose to think it was the former. “You know about this?” Mal asked. “No,” Jayne admitted with a grin. “But I did suggest to the Doc earlier today that he needed to make things right.” “Suggested? Jayne?” Mal asked, trying and failing to stop a grin from covering his face. “Well, that’s what I call it,” Jayne shrugged. “Others might not be so generous, but I’m used to that.” “She looks awfully happy, don’t she,” Mal said, looking back to the two cooks. “That she does,” Jayne nodded with a satisfied sigh. “Looks like Kaylee again, don’t she?” He and Mal exchanged smiles. “Jayne, you keep on surprising me,” Mal said, heading for the bridge. “Just trying to keep life in the black interesting.”

----------

It was nearly dinner time. Inara and River had been sequestered in the former Companion’s shuttle for nearly an hour, and their work was finally finished. Inara stood back slightly, and viewed her handiwork with satisfaction. “Mei-mei, you look breathtaking,” she mused. River’s face burned at the compliment. She gazed at herself in the mirror. She and Inara had decided to be subtle, at least at first. Her clothes were the same, but her hair was brushed and pulled into a long braid. Light hints of make-up were visible, but only hints. Inara had used only a few basic touches to highlight the younger woman’s natural beauty. It had never occurred to Inara that no one had ever taught River how to do hair, make-up, and all the things that made girls feel like, well, girls. She had rectified that oversight. “Well, you wanted him to notice that you were a woman,” Inara continued. “I guarantee you that Jayne will notice. I’m not responsible for anything after that, however. I will try to talk sense to Mal for you, but you’re on your own with Simon.” “I can handle Simon,” River assured her. “And the Captain as well, if the need arises. That is not my concern.” She frowned. “What is your concern, sweetie?” “That this won’t work,” River admitted sadly. “Or that it will, and I won’t. . .” “Won’t like it?” Inara finished for her. River nodded. Inara gently turned the girl to face her. “River, this is only our first move. Up to a point, you can quit and never tell anyone what was on your mind. But make sure you’re sure before taking things too far, okay? It’s not fair to entice Jayne, then drop him because you changed your mind, Dong Ma?” River nodded again, biting her lower lip. “This is what I want,” she said finally, her voice quiet but firm. “I’m ninety-eight point seven percent sure. Those odds suggest that this is the appropriate action, not just now, but in future endeavors. Variables are present, of course, and may effect the outcome, but I believe that a satisfactory effort will result in success.” Inara smiled down at the little genius, awed that a woman who could kill thirty reavers in hand-to-hand combat would find something like this in any way intimidating. “New things promote feelings of uncertainty. Possibility of failure or rejection also heighten flight or fight impulses. Reactions are natural, and within acceptable parameters, thus performance should not be affected.” River had gleaned Inara’s thought and responded without thinking, yet another clear sign of the girl’s anxiety. Lately she had been steadfast in her refusal to read the others, often going so far as to leave a room rather than ‘hear’ someone’s loud thoughts or emotions. “Well, then, Inara rose and extended her hand. “Let’s go to dinner.”

----------

Jayne was already seated when Inara came into the dining area, followed by River. Jayne glanced at them, then did his own double take. River looked. . .different. “Inara had been teaching me to employ womanly beauty secrets,” River said in response to his unspoken thought. Yeah, that would explain it. Jayne was speechless. There was no way, no way, this was the same girl he’d befriended a few short months ago. “Doesn’t she look lovely, Jayne?” Inara asked wickedly, and Kaylee snickered. “Uh, yeah,” Jayne managed to tear his gaze away. Once the spell was broken he saw the look on Inara’s face, and frowned. Set up. He glared at Kaylee, who was smiling like the cat that ate the canary. “Ain’t you gonna tell her she looks pretty, Jayne,” Kaylee whispered. He scowled at her, but looked back to River. He didn’t want the girl hurt on account of his problems. “You look beautiful, River,” he managed. The smile on her face would have powered the ship for years if it could have been harnessed. “Thank you, Jayne,” she said quietly, her face slightly red as she took her place next to him. She finally looked at Simon, expecting some kind of outburst. But her brother was looking at Kaylee, had eyes only for her tonight, and River realized with a shock that Simon and Kaylee seemed to have made up. She looked at Kaylee, who nodded, and winked. “Oh, that’s wonderful,” River squealed, and Kaylee and Simon both flushed. Inara noticed and hid a smile. Zoe walked in just then, and noted the couple with a raised eyebrow. Then she looked at River. “Mei-mei, don’t you look nice this evening,” the warrior woman said, and River flushed in pleasure. With Kaylee and Simon back together, there was no longer any reason she could not ‘pursue’ Jayne. She looked at him from under her eyelids. “You like it?” she asked where only he could hear. Jayne jerked suddenly at her question. “Yeah,” he stammered. “Sure I do. Always told you you was a pretty thing, River. And you are. You don’t need all that stuff to be pretty, though. You know that.” River beamed at that. He had noticed her before the make-up lesson. Maybe not in the way she desired, but for now, for tonight, it was enough. Jayne sat at the table with a concerned look on his face. Kaylee and Inara were encouraging her! Why in the world couldn’t women leave well enough alone! He shook his head in resignation. Long, long way to Argo. He wondered idly if would survive.

**********

**********

Shades of the Past – Chapter Nine – Resolutions and Revolutions

Oh, that I owned the Firefly universe! But I don’t, so I just play around with the characters for my own entertainment.

Jayne was in hell. That’s all that he could figure. It had to be hell, there was simply no other explanation. For the past ten days, he had been subjected to a near endless stream of flirting, touching, eye-batting, and chasing. He was being treed by a nineteen year old genius that he couldn’t out think, out run, or hide from. She was everywhere. Encouraged all the while by her ‘advisors’, Inara and Kaylee. Inara he wasn’t surprised by. She couldn’t seem to help meddling, especially when she saw it as helping someone else. But Kaylee. Kaylee he had expected more from. The engineer knew how Jayne felt about all this, and did it anyway. No matter what Jayne did, where he went, River showed up soon after. She was a reader, so there was no way to hide from her. And Serenity wasn’t all that big to begin with. So far the only place she hadn’t pursued him was into his bunk. As a result that was where he spent the majority of his free time. After ten days, he was going stir crazy. Cabin fever was a common problem in space, especially on long-haul, deep black missions. Add in the confinement of his bunk for hours on end, and it was worse. Much worse. It would be so much easier to give in, he thought to himself, lying in his bunk, staring a hole in the bulkhead. But he couldn’t do that. He was a hunted man. Book had been in a position to know, and Jayne had always suspected as much anyway. It would be the ultimate un-fairness to saddle the girl, (woman, he heard Kaylee’s voice in his ear), with the added burden of his own past. She had enough troubles. To make it worse, he was a perfectly healthy man with a perfectly healthy sex drive, and he had not been with a woman in over six months. That had been his own choice, and he didn’t want to regret it. But, and there was no denying it, River was attractive. Hell, she was more than attractive. She’d been a growing beauty before Inara had started teaching her how to be ‘girly’. Now, after long sessions with the former Companion, she was stunning. Jayne was more attracted to her every day. He snorted in amusement at his ‘dilemma’. For once in my life, since I left from home, here I am trying to do what’s right. And now, at the height of my efforts, I’m being stalked by a lioness, with her two trainers. There has got to be a rule against that, somewhere. With that unhappy thought, he got up, and headed for the ladder. Maybe he could lift weights until he was ready to collapse, and then sleep a full night. ---------- “So, River, how’s the campaign going?” Kaylee asked. She, River and Inara where shut away in Inara’s shuttle, doing ‘girl’ things. Which meant hair, makeup, pedicures and manicures. All the things, Inara told them, that made women feel like pampered creatures. “Wearing him down, the River raging against the Rock,” the little pilot grinned. She knew she was having an effect on Jayne, and could sense his crumbling resolve. She knew she should be ashamed, practically stalking the man like he was prey. But she couldn’t bring herself to feel that way. “Yeah, he don’t know what to do with his self,” Kaylee snickered. She had not forgotten, exactly, what Jayne had said. She had simply decided that he hadn’t meant it. Which meant, so far as she was concerned, that it wasn’t important. “Now, girls,” Inara scolded playfully. “Let’s not be nasty about this.” Emboldened by River’s adamant pursuit of Jayne, Inara had launched a similar campaign against Mal a few days later. Like Jayne, the Captain was often in hiding. Unlike River, however, Inara wasn’t afraid to follow him into his bunk, crowding him in his personal space. Though she suspected that River would soon cross that line as well. “River, have you talked to Simon about this?” she asked, busily running a brush through her hair, while Kaylee was working on the pilot’s toenails. “Things might go easier with Mal, once this is out, if Simon was on your side.” “Won’t happen,” River said, her voice unconcerned. “Simon will never tell me to go after any man I want, let alone Jayne. I will deal with him when the time comes.” She looked up at Inara with a wicked grin. “I expect you to distract Captain Daddy for me.” “Well, I’ll do my best, but remember what I said before. I can’t make any promises.” “And I don’t know ‘bout Simon,” Kaylee looked up from her own seat. “Seems Jayne had a little talk with him about him and me. Right after that Simon came to the engine room all mushy and apologetic. Simon has good reason to be grateful to Jayne,” Kaylee added, then blushed as she realized what she’d revealed. River and Inara both giggled. “Please! As if we didn’t already know,” River almost cackled with glee. “It’s not like you two are subtle.” “I agree, mei-mei,” Inara laughed cheerfully. “We’re all aware how grateful Simon should be to Jayne.” Kaylee’s blush deepened, and she giggled. “It’s all so different,” she admitted after a bit. “Simon is like I always saw him. Like he knew what I wanted to see, and made himself into that man.” “He loves you, dear,” Inara said, smiling. “A man will do a lot for a woman he loves.” “Like hiding in his bunk?” River whined, and Inara laughed again. “I told you, patience is a virtue, River. You can’t make him want you. Not the way you want him to. He has to decide for himself. But the fact that he’s fighting it means there is something there to fight. I think it’s obvious that Jayne has seen you are a grown woman, now. And remember, Jayne isn’t like he used to be. He’s trying very hard to do the right thing. In his eyes, you are too young for him, and, I suspect, too good. He has to come to terms with that before he can move forward.” “Needs to come to terms sooner,” River said flatly. “Tired of waiting.” “Hey, I can sing all twelve verses o’ that song, honey,” Kaylee giggled. “Trust me, if it’s right, it’s worth waiting for.”

Mal frowned as he passed by the door to Inara’s shuttle, the sounds of very feminine giggling coming from within. He shook his head. He didn’t know what had come over Inara in the last few days, but she’d been a lot. . .friendlier, yeah that’s all, friendlier. . .over that time. He was having trouble resisting her ‘wiles’. He wondered why he was resisting. Had to be something wrong with him, that’s all. He couldn’t believe that he was running away from the beautiful ex-companion. Shaking his head at another round of laughter, he couldn’t resist the temptation to peek. He eased up to the door, and chanced a look into the shuttle. “He is worth the wait,” River said firmly. He? Mal wondered. He who? “I think you’re right, mei-mei,” he heard Inara agree. “I wouldn’t have said that a year ago. Might not even six months ago. But now? Yes, he’s worth it.” “I’d a told ya that a year ago, to be honest,” Kaylee’s voice entered the fray. “He may not appear all that civil, but I’m telling ya, ‘neath that rough exterior is a gentle heart.” “Not all that rough, either,” River giggled, joined by the other two women. Rough exterior? Changed since a year ago? Even Six months ago? There was only one person on this ship who fit that description. And from the sounds of his lil albatross’ voice, he and that person needed to have a talk. Right near the air-lock. Gripped in fury at his having been hood-winked by Jayne, Mal set out to find his mercenary.

Jayne was on his bench, struggling to get the bar up for one last rep when he heard Mal stomping down the steps. He managed to get the bar into it’s rest, and had just sat up when Mal’s fist slammed into the side of his head. The blow was heavy, but other than snap Jayne’s head around, it didn’t move the big man much. “What the hell?” Jayne yelled, holding his jaw. He looked up at Mal. “What was that all about?” “You Gao yang jong duh goo yang!” Mal shouted. “I trusted you! Listened to you talk all that go se ‘bout how you was a changed man! How you was tired o’ being ‘that man’! And now this! I oughta kill you right now, Jayne Cobb!” Mal’s fingers hovered over the but of his pistol. “What the hell are you talking ‘bout, Mal?’ Jayne bellowed back. “I ain’t done a thing, ‘cept whatever job you give me!” The big man stood, angry now himself. “And I don’t take to gettin’ hit for no reason at all, neither! Not even if it is you what’s doin’ the hittin’!” “You know exactly what I’m talking about you yin hui hun dan! You been making advances on my pilot behind my back, and covering it with all that go se about being a changed man!” “What?” Jayne asked, stunned. “I ain’t makin’ nothing with noone on this ship, Captain! You gone loco or somethin’?” “You are off my ship, Jayne, next port we hit. Dong Ma? Off! And you had better pray to your dear and fluffy I don’t get the urge to put ya off afore then!” Mal turned and stomped away, leaving a bewildered Jayne in his wake. --------- In the shuttle, River suddenly sat up straight. Inara stopped her brushing, and Kaylee looked up from her own perch. “What’s wrong, River?” Inara asked. “Game is up,” River sighed sadly. “Captain Daddy approaches. Fury.” She closed her eyes, trying to blot out the anger rolling off of the Captain. Suddenly the door burst open, and Mal walked in. “Do you ever knock? Maybe ask permission before entering a woman’s quarters?” Inara asked scathingly. “My ship. Don’t have to knock,” Mal replied shortly. He looked down at River. “Got something you want to tell me, Albatross?” “Other than you are a boob?” River snarled, not rising from her seat. “I already put one man off this ship tonight. You ain’t so valuable that you can’t go too. I’m the Captain, and I expect to know what’s going on around here all the time. Jayne was warned, in no uncertain terms, that he was not to have relations of any kind with any of the women on this ship.” “Put him off?” Inara was alarmed. “What do you mean, put him off? Mal, you didn’t. . .” “No airlock,” River said, her head lowered. “Chose a coward’s way, hit when his target was not looking, knew no wrong had occurred.” She looked up. “Real hero, Captain. Alliance would be proud to have you.” With that the girl ran from the room. Inara called after her but to no avail. She turned to Mal. “Mal, what have you done?” “Less than I should have!” Mal almost screamed, the girl’s words stinging him. “Jayne’s lucky I didn’t blow him out the airlock!” “For what!” Kaylee screeched. “This don’t concern you, little Kaylee,” Mal shot her a glance. “Best you be off.” “I ain’t leaving til I find out what you did, and why!” Kaylee shot back, furious. “That wasn’t a suggestion, Kaylee,” Mal growled, trying to force her to go with his look. Kaylee wasn’t budging however. “I ain’t scared o’ you Captain,” Kaylee said hotly. “You can fire me too, you think you can keep this ship flying!” “Mal, what are you talking about? What is it you think Jayne has done?” “Don’t even try that!” Mal yelled, making both women jump. “I heard! I was right there,” he pointed outside the shuttle door. “I heard the whole thing! Jayne made inappropriate advances toward River, and you two, you knew! Knew, and said nothing about it. I expect it from you, Inara, but I have to say, it hurt me to see you in this Kaylee” he turned to the mechanic. “You were eavesdropping?” Inara demanded, red faced. “You have no right to listen in on private conversations!” “My ship,” Mal shot back bluntly. “Only one got rights is me.” “Well, you got the right to be a fool then, Cap’n,” Kaylee said hotly, eyes brimming with tears. “Jayne ain’t made no advances o’ any kind on River! Fact is she’s been trying to attract him, and he’s running from her!” She stalked to the door, huffing all the way. She turned back at the door. “You got the right to find a new mechanic, too! Cause once we hit dirt, I quit!” With that she stormed off. Mal gaped after her, eyes wide and mouth hanging. “Well, Mal,” Inara sighed, her anger suddenly gone. “Congratulations. For the first time in recent memory this ship was humming along nicely, everyone happy and getting along. I’d say that’s over, as of now. And this time,” she pointed out crossly, “you have no one to blame but yourself.”

**********

**********

Shades of the Past – Chapter Ten Josh and Co. Own all rights to Firefly and the good ship Serenity. I’m just marking them up a little for my own enjoyment, and not for pay! ----------------------

Jayne was in his bunk, fuming. His jaw ached where Mal had hit him, but he’d had worse. His funk was due to the unfairness of it all. Damn you Book, why’d you have to leave that letter? he thought. Whyn’t you just kill me when you had the chance? Damn meal couldn’t of been that good. He sighed, frustration pushing up tears at the thought of the shepard. The older man had been his friend, he was right about that. Had been a friend when Jayne hadn’t known he even needed one. When he’d read that letter, he’d decided that his new purpose was to stay here, and keep watch over the crew. He should have left instead, making a clean break and starting fresh. Well, I can do that now, can’t I. And not be needled by my conscience over not doing as Book asked. I ain’t done nothing wrong, and I told the Captain so. It ain’t my fault. Not this time. He’d been doing well, too. Inara had started helping him with his manners and bearing, and even loaned him books to read, including a dictionary to help him discover the meaning of words he didn’t know. Thinking of that reminded him that he still had the books. He levered himself off the bunk with a sigh. He’d better get them back to her while it was on his mind. He retrieved the books and climbed out into the passageway above. It was quiet, no one about. He started to Inara’s shuttle. As he rounded the corner, he smashed into Mal, making his hasty way in the opposite direction. Jayne realized that he should have worn a gun. “Sorry, Captain,” he mumbled, trying to get by the man. Mal glared at him and continued on his way. Jayne shook his head, and resumed his own journey. He knocked on Inara’s door, and waited. When she opened the door, he could tell she’d been crying. “Inara, you all right?” he asked. “I’m sorry, Jayne,” she stammered. “This is all my fault.” “Good news travels fast, huh?” he grinned, then held out the books. “I wanted to get these back to you, ‘for I forgot. Thanks for lettin’ me use’em, too. Learned a little bit, and now I know how to go about it, I can learn more on my own. I appreciate it.” Jayne’s sincerity was palpable, and made Inara feel even worse. “Jayne, I am so sorry,” she said again, ignoring the books. “Don’t worry over it, Inara,” he said softly. “‘Least this way, I can go with my mind easy. I tried to do the right thing, and I know that.” He set the books down by the door. “I gotta take care of a few things. See you later.” With that he left the door. Inara gathered her books up and closed the door softly. ----------- When Jayne returned to his bunk, he shouldn’t have been surprised to find a huddled mass of hair, genius and tears hiding in his rack. But he was. “Are you. . .” he cut off the remark. “Crazy?” River replied without looking up. “That is the consensus, yes.” She looked up at him with tear stained eyes. “I’m very sorry, Jayne.” “Yeah,” he sighed, “me too. But it is what it is,” he shrugged helplessly. “Why aren’t you mad at me?” she asked in a tiny voice. “This is my fault, all my fault, and you are the one paying. You should be angry, furious even.” “Why should I be mad at you?” Jayne asked, head cocked to one side. “What is it that you’ve done?” “I. . .I have caused you to lose your job by trying to make you notice me as a woman. By talking about it with Kaylee and Inara while the Captain was listening from out of sight.” “Eavesdropping huh?” Jayne nodded, oddly satisfied. “Figures. I thought he was better’n that. But then, I been wrong before,” he grinned. “And I ain’t mad cause this ain’t your fault. You saw something you wanted, and went after it. And there ain’t nothing wrong with that. I’m flattered, to be honest.” She looked up at him, sniffling. “You are a strange man, Jayne Cobb,” she told him. “It’s been said so,” Jayne nodded. “Look, River, it ain’t that I don’t like you, but you shouldn’t be here, okay? If Mal comes by and sees you, then I’ma have ta kill him, cause he ain’t hitting me no more tonight. And, whatever he thinks, he ain’t man enough to put me out of his airlock.” He opened the door again, and turned soft eyes on the girl. “You should go, ‘fore you get into trouble yourself.” “Once you wouldn’t have cared if I were in trouble,” she said, not offering to move. He nodded. “Reckon that’s so,” he admitted. “And I’m sorry for that. Shouldn’t been that way. Wouldn’t be again. And look,” he added, kneeling beside her. “We’ll still be friends, no matter I’m here or not, Dong Ma? You need me, you call me, and I’ll be there, whatever it takes. You hear me?” River launched herself into his arms, crying as she had not since the first night, months ago. She sobbed against his shoulder, and he held her while she cried. “Don’t cry, now,” he soothed. “Ain’t nothing to cry over. You ain’t done nothing wrong, not one thing. And I sure ain’t worth crying your pretty eyes out over.” As before, he didn’t know how long he held her. She cried for so long that he began to worry, but he never let go, never stopped comforting her. Finally, she was asleep, worn out by stress and tears. Jayne sighed, wondering what he needed to do with her. No way to get her out without waking her, something he was loathe to do. Finally he lay her back on his own bunk, covering her with a blanket, then another for good measure. He stood slowly, looking down at the sleeping form. She was almost angelic in appearance, her hair splayed out around her head. He smiled, hoping she slept well, and headed out, looking for a place to sleep. ----- Outside, Mal leaned against the bulkhead, listening to Jayne try and comfort a crying River. His face burned with shame from his earlier actions as he heard Jayne tell the girl not to cry, that she wasn’t to blame. He knew he had wronged the mercenary. Had allowed his temper to rule him. Then made it worse by storming into Inara’s shuttle and making an ass of himself to Kaylee. Kaylee of all people! What the hell was wrong with him? He pushed his way off the wall as he heard Jayne at the ladder. Jayne was leaving his own bunk, with River in it, so that she could sleep. That wasn’t the action of a man who had made unwanted advances. He turned and hurried away from the door. He didn’t want a confrontation with Jayne. Not tonight. He needed time. Time to figure out how to fix the mess he’d made. Inara had been right about that. He’d made a fine mess of a smooth running ship, full of happy crew. No one to blame but him. He didn’t know how he’d fix it, but he had all night to come up with something. ---------- Jayne made his way down to the doctor’s bunk, and knocked softly on the door. As he waited, he heard crying inside, and cursed his own inattentiveness. Who else would Kaylee come to for comfort? Suddenly the door was open, and Simon was standing there, anger on his face. The anger faded as he saw Jayne. “Jayne,” Simon said quietly. “I thought it was the Captain. What can I do for you?” “Wanted to tell you that River is in my bunk,” the big man said softly. “She came there saying everything was her fault and crying her eyes out. She finally fell asleep, and she needs it. I couldn’t figure a way to get her out without waking her, so I left her there. I wanted you to know, case you got ta looking for her. I’m gonna sleep on the sofa in the galley.” Simon’s eyes had gotten wide, and his face a bit red when Jayne told him his mei-mei was in the mercenary’s bunk. But the look had softened considerably as Jayne explained, and he nodded. “Thank you, Jayne,” Simon said simply. He looked over his shoulder a second, then back to Jayne. “For everything. I don’t. . .” “Don’t sweat it, Simon,” Jayne said with a nod. “Things, they happen for a reason, Book used to tell me. Reckon they do. And don’t worry ‘bout River. I tucked her in good, and she should sleep through the night. At least she usually does, after. . .” Jayne caught himself, realizing how that sounded, but again, Simon nodded. “She told me,” he said softly. “And I can never thank you for that. Not properly.” “Don’t think on it,” Jayne rumbled softly. “You got other things to worry over, so I’ll leave ya to ‘em. Night, Doc.” “Goodnight, Jayne.” --------------- Zoe was up first, as usual. She made her way to the galley, and was surprised to find Jayne asleep on the sofa. Her eyes narrowed, her first instinct telling her that the merc had gotten drunk. But after a close inspection, she found no sign, or smell of alcohol. She considered what to do for a moment, then decided to let him sleep. Waking Jayne from a deep sleep wasn’t a safe proposition, anyway. With a shrug, she went on with her earlier mission, which consisted of fixing some coffee. The smell of coffee served to wake the big man, who rose quietly. Zoe’s eyebrow’s arched at the sight of the gun in Jayne’s hand, along with the bruise on his jaw, but she said nothing. Jayne worked his muscles to get the stiffness out, then sat down to pull his socks and shoes back on. When he rose again, he noticed Zoe for the first time, and hesitated. Had Mal told her what had happened? His hand brushed his gun lightly, a move that Zoe didn’t miss. Her eyes narrowed again. “Morning, Zoe,” Jayne nodded, moving to get a drink of water. “Jayne,” Zoe nodded back. “Any reason why you’re sleeping on the couch?” she asked. “Long story,” he risked a grin, and thought he saw a twinkle in Zoe’s eyes. He sighed, and sat down at the table. “River is in my bunk, dead to the world. Couldn’t get her out without wakin’ her, so I left her there, and slept up here.” He watched the warrior woman carefully, ready to defend himself if needed. He wasn’t going to take any more abuse over this, or anything else, he’d decided. “Interesting that you would leave her, alone, in your bunk, and sleep up here,” Zoe observed. “Plain as day to anyone with a brain that she’s chasin’ after you.” “‘Cept the Captain,” he said without thinking. Zoe groaned. “What did he do,” she asked tiredly. “Fired me,” Jayne admitted. “Heard River, Inara and Kaylee talking ‘bout me, and decided I had done somethin’ inappropriate. Came stormin’ down to the bay and hit me,” he indicated his bruised jaw. “Then told me I was gone, first dirt we hit. If he didn’t change his mind and throw me out the airlock.” “Guess that explains the gun, then,” Zoe nodded. Jayne looked at Zoe and nodded. “Ain’t done nothing wrong, and I ain’t gonna be hit on or tossed into the black, Zoe. Best you know that up-front, I guess. I know you’ll side with the Captain, no matter what. I ain’t makin’ no threats, just want to make sure we understand each other.” Zoe regarded Jayne for a moment, then nodded. “Fair enough,” was all she said, not denying that she would back whatever decision Mal made. She silently hoped he’d make the right one. Jayne wouldn’t go easy. ---------- As the crew gathered for breakfast, Jayne grabbed a protein bar, and excused himself politely before Mal showed up. Heading down into the cargo bay, he chose a spot where he couldn’t be hit unawares, and sat down to eat. In the galley, Kaylee prepared their breakfast, while Simon went to get River. The two siblings returned just as Mal was making his way down to the galley, looking as if he hadn’t slept all night. Zoe looked up at him. “Had an interesting conversation this morning, Captain,” she said, and noted the grimace on Mal’s face with satisfaction. “With Jayne,” she added. “He warned me, friendly like, that he don’t intend to be hit on anymore, nor be spaced. Wasn’t threatening, he just wanted me to know up front what to expect.” Mal bit back a curse. Zoe had been in her rack when last night’s events had unfolded. He’d wanted to tell her about it himself. “Mornin’ River,” Kaylee chirped as she and Simon entered. “How you feelin’ this morning. Made your favorite,” Kaylee pointed to the pancakes on the table. “She is not very hungry,” River said quietly, “but thanks you for your consideration.” The girl sat heavily into her chair, and didn’t notice the rest of the crew wince at the fact that she had slipped into third person speech again. Kaylee glared at the Captain, letting him know who she held responsible for the girl’s problem. Mal said nothing. He hadn’t been able to figure out how to make things right during the night, and had intended to discuss it with Zoe this morning, before breakfast. Sleep had finally overcame him, though, and he’d missed the opportunity. As everyone settled in, Mal looked around. Jayne and Inara were both missing. “Zoe, would you see if you can round up the rest of the crew?” he asked quietly. The first mate nodded, and went off to collect the missing people. No one said anything as they sat at the table, waiting. Inara met Zoe on her way out of the shuttle. It was apparent that she hadn’t had much sleep either. “Was just coming to get you,” Zoe said. “Breakfast is ready.” “Thank you, Zoe,” Inara smiled. She followed the taller woman back to the galley. Zoe continued on through the room, knowing roughly, she thought, where Jayne would be. Inara took the seat farthest from Mal. She looked to River. “How are you this morning, mei-mei?” she asked in concern. “She is functional, thank you,” River responded. Inara paled at the flatness of her tiny voice, and the third person speak, but merely nodded in reply. She sat back, waiting with the others in silence. ---------- Zoe found Jayne sitting near the cargo door, back to the wall, staring off into the ceiling. She wondered, briefly, what was going through the man’s mind. When he saw her, he straightened, and his hand came to rest near his gun. “I come in peace,” Zoe said, hands raised slightly. “Captain wants everyone in the galley for breakfast.” “Already ate,” Jayne said quietly, eyes never straying from Zoe’s. “Crew eats together, Jayne,” she said softly. “You know that.” “Ain’t crew no more, Zoe,” Jayne chuckled without humor. “Ain’t gotta eat when Mal tells me to now.” “Jayne,” Zoe started again, but Jayne shook his head. “No, Zoe. Not today. Me and the Captain, we don’t need to be in the same room right now, Dong Ma? I meant what I said, earlier. I’m not taking any more abuse of any kind from that man. I may not have earned, or deserved his respect, but I didn’t deserve last night, either. I won’t sit there and take it again.” “He’ll just come down here and order you up to breakfast himself,” Zoe pointed out. Jayne’s eyes grew cold suddenly, and Zoe almost took a step back. She steeled herself and remained where she was. “That’d be just fine, Zoe,” he whispered, the shadow of a grin crossing his face. “Yep, that’d be mighty fine indeed.” Zoe left without another word. ---------- “Where’s Jayne?” Mal demanded when Zoe returned without the merc. “In the bay, sir,” Zoe replied, taking her seat. “He’s not coming. Said he already ate.” Mal scooted his chair back and started to rise. “He knows the rules,” he bit out. “Everyone comes to meal times.” He stopped as Zoe laid a restraining hand on his arm. Her eyes showed concern. “Better let this one go, Captain,” she said softly. “He means not to come up. And he’s. . .ready for you.” Mal regarded her for a moment, stubborn nature warring with common sense. Finally he nodded, returning to his seat. “Let’s eat, then,” he managed to choke out.

********** This is a reposting of course, since the hacker wiped out all my postings since I've been a member. I know it's long, but this story alone it thirty chapters, and I don't want to flood things, not to mention there are others in the same boat I'm in. I'm only sorry that all your great feedback was lost as well. Happy Reading!