The Dr. Tam Journals – Part 9 – Ariel

Kaylee and Simon lay gasping in each others arms, bodies as one, the thrill of love making lingering as they slowly recovered from their exertions. Neither said a word as they looked into each others eyes, Kaylee’s hand slowly tracing the contours of his body, marveling at how he could bring her to the heights of ecstasy. She had demonstrated to him how she could pleasure herself and as he had sat and watched her he lost control and had to join her.

As Kaylee had removed her clothing she told Simon to do the same and he hadn’t protested. He sat naked in the chair pulled up by the bed and she made him promise not to touch himself, no matter how much he wanted to as Kaylee demonstrated how she pleasured herself. She lay on the bed and closed her eyes, letting her mind drift to her fantasies, her secret desires, and memories of wonderful love making with her husband, as she slowly moved her hands over her body, touching her sweet secret places and bringing pleasure to herself. Her groans of ecstasy couldn’t hide the sound of Simon’s breathing as it got sharper and faster and she sensed his growing excitement. She opened an eye and saw he was fully aroused and then suddenly he couldn’t stand it anymore and was between her legs, his mouth and tongue everywhere, probing her inner sanctum, bringing her to a shuddering climax not once but twice before he raised his body and entered her, slowly moving in her, holding off his own climax, making her groan with desire, finally both reaching that sweet moment together.

After a long time she finally found the energy to speak. “That was…”

“Fantastic,” he finished the thought for her.

“Yeah,” she replied and that was all the energy she had.

More time passed and they even slept for a while. Then Kaylee felt the urge to go to the bathroom and slowly untangled herself from Simon and put on her slippers and Simon’s robe. She went to the desk and found her birth control drugs and popped a little green pill from the package. Inara had recommended them as the best way to enjoy sex and avoid pregnancy. You just take one after love making and no worries. It was something that was developed on Earth That Was over 500 years ago and there hadn’t been a need to modify it much since. They had condoms also, but neither Simon nor Kaylee liked them very much and the pills were more effective in preventing pregnancy.

Not that Kaylee didn’t want to have babies, 'cause she certainly did and so did Simon. But not now, not while they we’re so uncertain of the future and certainly not aboard a spaceship, even one she loved as much as Serenity. Babies needed a home and a stable environment and schools and other children to play with. None of that was to be found on Serenity, except maybe the home part.

She exited the room and took a quick peek to make sure no one was around. The passenger lounge was empty so Kaylee quickly crossed and entered the bathroom and popped the pill in her mouth and washed it down with some water from the tap. She looked in the mirror at her disheveled reflection and smiled at how naughty she had been, showing Simon how she pleasured herself. She had never done that for a man before but she had wanted to. His reaction was perfect. Kaylee had many fantasies and that was one she could now cross off her list. Now if she could just get him alone in the engine room, when no one was about.

After using the bathroom, Kaylee came out and was about to cross back to the room when Inara said hello.

Kaylee gave a start and turned to her. “Oh, Inara, you surprised me, no one here few minutes ago.”

Inara looked radiate as always, even when she had no clients to meet. She was standing by the book shelf and had one in her hand.

“I just came to find something to read. Not much of a selection.”

“Yeah, guess we should get some new ones on Persephone.”

Inara looked at her closely and then smiled. “Having fun with the doctor?”

Kaylee couldn’t help but blush. “Ah, yeah. Lots of fun.”

“Is that his robe?”

“Uh-huh, I love wearing it. So big and comfortable. He’s sleeping now.”

Inara smiled. “So you’re free? Let’s have a chat, shall we?”

Kaylee looked around. “Here? Now? I ain’t exactly dressed proper…”

“No, my shuttle, say ten minutes?

Kaylee smiled. “Okay. That’d be nice. See you there.”

Inara left with the book in her hand and Kaylee returned to the room. Simon was awake and as she changed clothes into a t-shirt and slacks she told him where she was going and gave him a long lingering kiss and hug. He reminded her it was her turn to make supper and it was a good thing ‘cause Kaylee had totally forgotten. It was now almost five so she’d have to have a short talk with Inara.

The shuttle was clean and cozy as always and Inara had made some green tea for them. Kaylee sat and sipped as Inara began to talk.

“Mal told you I’m leaving again, didn’t he?”

“Ah, yeah. Gonna miss you.”

“I don’t want to leave Kaylee,” she confessed.

Kaylee beamed. “Then stay!”

“Oh, he’s so stubborn and bullheaded! Why doesn’t he ask me to stay?”

“Cause he won’t. Inara, why did you say you’d leave if you don’t want to?”

“I can’t be around him and not be with him anymore. I….” And she couldn’t say the words.

“You love him, don’t you?’

She almost started crying. “It’s crazy but I do!”

“I knew it! He feels the same.”

“What?”

“Told me so himself just yesterday.”

“Then why doesn’t he say anything to me!”

Kaylee could feel her anguish having gone through so much of the same with Simon. “He’s a man. He’s torn between his feelings for you and all the ifs and buts of the situation.”

“Simon was the same, wasn’t he?”

“Ha, more than you can imagine. He was so full of doubt.”

“What do I do?”

“I guess being a Companion doesn’t prepare you for falling in love.”

“No. Not really,” she said in a sad voice.

“It’ll work out. Trust me. You ain’t leaving Serenity.”

Inara smiled at her friend. “You’re always so optimistic. Thanks.”

“I’m just downstairs you ever need to be cheered up.”

“I know. Just, you and Simon need your privacy, too.”

“Ain’t much of that here.” Kaylee felt she had to tell Inara. “Truth is, he wants to leave.”

Inara wasn’t totally surprised. “I’ve been waiting for that.”

“You have?”

“Yes. Simon’s desire to find a home for you and River is not surprising. In fact I expected it right after your wedding.”

“Yeah, we’ve been talking on it and avoiding it at the same time. Big decision.”

“Well, wherever you go, always stay in touch.”

“You know I will.”

They chatted for another ten minutes or so about their future plans and Kaylee’s desire to have children and soon they were cheerfully deciding on boys and girls names and the bad feelings of a short time ago seemed to grow less. Then a knock came to the door and it was Simon reminding Kaylee it was time to prepare supper. Kaylee and Inara made their goodbyes and Kaylee went off with Simon. She didn’t have time to ask for the Capt’n’s permission to raid the cargo food supplies so she just whipped up what was at hand. Simon helped cut vegetables for a beef broth soup for a starter and she boiled some pasta for an entrée. They had no fresh tomatoes so they used canned tomato paste to make the sauce. A few spices made it seem much better and within thirty minutes the crew had gathered for the meal. As they sat and began to eat the soup, Kaylee busied herself preparing an instant chocolate pudding for dessert. Simon finally dragged her from the kitchen and made her sit and eat.

All praised Kaylee on her culinary skills and the mood was somewhat cheery as even Mal and Inara seemed to be more relaxed and in a good mood. It was Jayne’s turn to wash up but he complained about his shoulder hurting and brought up Simon’s orders to do no work. Kaylee tried to volunteer but Mal said she had done enough for one day and stood and started collecting the dishes himself to the shock of everyone. In Kaylee’s memory the Capt’n had never washed a dish on Serenity and rarely cooked. It was a kind of tradition about space ships, even the smallest, that the captain didn’t do any domestic chores. Kaylee even had to show him where the dish detergent was and then stood back and let him get to work. Inara made tea and coffee for everyone and then Jayne wanted to start a card game and everyone joined in, no one wanting to leave while Mal was doing the dishes, all waiting for him to give up in exasperation or break a plate. But he just stood and did the job and hummed a little tune and never complained.

“How you doing, sir?” Zoe asked in her half-mocking tone.

“Now, Zoe,” he called out. “I get the feeling you all don’t trust me to know how to clean a plate or two. Seems you forget I did a lot of this during the war and in that prison camp.”

“That you did, sir, that you did,” she replied.

Kaylee was curious abut their time in prison and saw an opening to ask as Jayne won another hand and the deal passed to Simon. “What was it like? In the prison camp.”

The cheerful mood grew a little dim and Zoe’s eyes got sharp and Mal stopped his washing and turned to listen. “Kaylee…I don’t think…” Simon started but Zoe interrupted him.

“No, it’s OK, Simon. Guess you’re all curious about that.”

Silent looks all around. “Weren’t no picnic,” said Mal and then he continued to wash.

Zoe got quiet for a moment and then spoke. “Half our men were wounded when we entered that camp on Hera and many died in the first few days. Serenity Valley was only a few miles away and the stench was overpowering. We spent the first month trudging out there every day, collecting ID discs from the dead, ours and theirs, digging big holes, having mass burials. Then they had us collecting the burned out rollers and smashed high flyers, collecting weapons for repair or destruction or scrap. They were always keeping a close eye on us; we were always short on rations, all of us losing weight, still wearing the rags we surrendered in.”

“Anyone try to escape?” Jayne asked, the card game forgotten for the moment.

“Not from our camp. Captain ordered us to stay put,” Zoe said. They all looked to Mal.

“No where to go,” Mal said as he finished the last dish and walked over to the table. “Whole planet was Alliance. We were ground pounders, not a pilot among us, no one to fly us out if we managed to steal a ship. We knew the war would be over soon. Just hoping to survive to the end. Too many…just too many…” And he grew silent.

“Captain kept us together, kept our spirits up, kept the rest of us alive till it was over,” Zoe said and they all looked at him as he stared off silently, his face full of pain and memories..

.Kaylee felt so terrible having brought the subject up.. “Sorry Zoe, Capt’n, didn’t mean to…”

Zoe interrupted her. “It’s OK Kaylee. Too much hiding from the truth round here.” She looked at Mal, her face deadly serious. “Time we talked on things, sir. A lot of things.”

He just looked at her, his face full of emotion, said “Not now,” and then turned away and walked toward the fore hall, and then down to his room. Zoe looked at Inara, and Inara nodded and got up to follow Mal. The last they saw of her was her dropping down into Mal’s room.

Simon put an arm round Kaylee’s shoulder and gave her a hug. She knew he knew she felt bad and she did.

River broke the silence. “She knows. Inara knows”

“I told her,” was all Kaylee could say.

Jayne and Simon both had confused looks. “What the hell is going on?’ Jayne said.

“Beats me,” said Simon and all three women looked at the two men like they were the stupidest things in the verse.

“Shall I explain?” Kaylee asked.

“Be my guest,” said Zoe and River remained silent, looking at her cards from the now forgotten game.

“They love each other but are terrified to tell each other,” Kaylee explained.

“Oh,” said Jayne. “I knew that.”

“No, you didn’t,” said River matter-of-factly and they all laughed and Jayne was about to protest and then realized she had probably read his mind.

“Don’t get too comfortable inside my head, little River. Lots of scary stuff there,” the big mercenary warned.

“Not as scary as what’s in my head,” she replied and said nothing more.

Kaylee sensed Simon didn’t want to talk on River’s problems in front of everyone and he quickly brought up a point they had all thought on. “But…Inara…she’s a Companion. Don’t the rules forbid personal relationships?”

“They do,” replied Zoe. “But to the hell with the rules when it comes to love, I say. Captain hated me and Wash being together, just hated it.” And she gave a little chuckle. “Remember Kaylee? We were always hiding, sneaking around. God, it was fun.”

No one said a word and then Zoe realized why. “Look. You all stop acting like I’m dead, too. Wash is dead, I ain’t.”

“Oh, Zoe, we all miss him so much. Just can’t help but feel bad for you,” Kaylee said and she started to get a little weepy.

“Don’t you start crying Kaylee or I will too and I done enough of that,” said Zoe, her voice breaking and Kaylee tried to control herself and couldn’t and then Zoe shed a few tears, fighting to control her emotions, and Simon hugged Kaylee and a few tears came to his eyes, also. Jayne stood and went to the kitchen cupboards, opened a cabinet and grabbed a bottle of powerful stuff and went back to the table. River had gone to Zoe’s side and was hugging her and saying how sorry she was and Zoe said it wasn’t her fault and Kaylee was a mess of tears and broke free of Simon and hugged Zoe, too. Jayne grabbed their empty coffee and tea cups and poured out drinks. He and Simon silently waited for the women to calm down.

“Have a drink, ladies,” Jayne said. Kaylee and River remained next to Zoe and they all picked up the cups.

Zoe looked at them. “I love you all. Wash did too and so did Book. To Wash and Book. Let’s remember the good times.” And they all had a drink, Jayne finishing his in one shot, the others gasping.

“What the hell is this?” Zoe managed to get out.

“151 overproof Chinese bamboo wine. Put hair on your chest.” Jayne said as he poured another drink.

“I don’t want any hair on my chest,’ said River and she pushed the cup away.

“I think there’s something a little more ‘drinkable’,” Kaylee said and went to the cabinets and returned with a bottle of sake and three fresh cups which she put in front of herself, Zoe, and River

Simon looked at her. “Ah, I think I need…”

Kaylee just shook her head. “Uh-uh, you and Jayne can finish that . Besides, you need some hair on your chest!” and everyone had a good laugh at Simon’s expense again.

“Hey, I thought you liked my chest!” Simon said in mock anger.

“I do and every other part,” Kaylee said in a mischievous manner.

Jayne grunted. “Now, you two gonna get mushy we’ll have to end this party.”

“Don’t like mushy,” said River as she drank the sake, put on a face and drank some more.

“Slow down, River,” Simon said.

“I want to get drunk. Never been. Never been a lot of things,” she replied.

“I want to get drunk, too,” said Kaylee and Simon sighed in exasperation.

“I guess I better stay sober,” he replied and he pushed his cup away as Jayne laughed.

They stayed at the table for hours, drinking and talking about their adventures, everyone taking turns telling stories, even River, about her beginning days at the Academy, the few things she could remember. She drank more and more and Simon got worried but she held it well and didn’t seem too badly effected, like she had been drinking all her life. Kaylee was different, glowing with the alcohol, growing more giddy and flirtatious, coming back to Simon’s side, rubbing her hand on his thighs under the table, making him crazy, leaning on him, rubbing his back. And all this time there was no sign of Mal or Inara.

Kaylee didn’t remember when the party ended. She woke up and was in bed with Simon. The wall clock said 6:09 am, ship’s time, and Kaylee had an awful headache and a dry mouth. She lay for awhile, listening to the sound of the ship, hoping all was OK. Then it came back to her. Simon had been the only sober one, the alcohol eventually getting to River too, so she and River had to explain to Simon how to check the course and set the power settings. It took a few times ‘cause they were laughing so much, but finally he got it right. Then River passed out, lying down in Kaylee’s engine room hammock and falling asleep. Kaylee had dragged Simon into the corner of the room on the opposite side and had literally attacked him, pulling off his shirt, hoping for another fantasy to come true today and the desire was there on his part but he couldn’t, not with his sister sleeping so close. It was just as well, ‘cause just as they finished fixing their clothes Jayne came in.

Jayne had to carry River to her room cause Simon had his hands full with Kaylee, whose legs seem to lose their ability to put one foot in front of the other, and Zoe had long since gone to bed. Simon kept a close eye on Jayne and made sure he was gone from River’s room before he tucked her in and turned off her light. Jayne handled his booze well, but he was glassy eyed and had a few lurches to his step as he finally went to bed, also. The Capt’n would have taken a strip off all their hides if he knew all of what had happened but there was still no sign of Inara and Mal when they all went to bed and Kaylee knew something wonderful must have happened between them.

Kaylee needed a drink of water badly and slipped out of bed, clad in her night dress. She didn’t remember how she got changed but Simon must have done it. Did they have sex? No, she would have remembered that. Not in the engine room or in bed. They had kissed and hugged for a long time but Kaylee just passed out. She looked at the desk and there was a big glass of water and some headache pills next to it and a note. She grabbed the note.

“I think you will need this in the morning. Love, Simon.”

Oh, he was so thoughtful. Also, it sounded a little admonishing. Kaylee rarely got drunk but all the talk last night had got her feeling sad and she just wanted to have a good time. She took the pills and drank the water in one big gulp. She went to the bathroom and then returned, but didn’t feel like sleeping again. The headache pills worked a miracle and she was soon feeling much better. Drugs were a wonder of their age. Drugs. Simon was a drug lord, a master mind criminal, a thief just like them. St. Lucie’s Hospital on Ariel. God, that was when she had almost lost him. If it hadn’t been for Jayne, Simon and River would have been taken by the Alliance. Kaylee wanted to know more and grabbed the journal and began flipping pages.

“We landed on Greenleaf and took on a load of cargo for the outer moons of Greenleaf. Captain Reynolds has at least one friend here and therefore we got this job. I was also able to re-supply the infirmary without leaving the ship. I gave Wash and Kaylee a long list of things we needed and Reynolds did not even argue about the money spent. Kaylee also managed to get some engine parts and other odds and ends. We spend two days on Greenleaf and Kaylee took the time to do a thorough check of all systems. After our last brush with death no one wanted a repeat.”

Again Kaylee felt that slight twinge of guilt about her failure to notice something had been wrong in time. Perhaps she would never get over it. The systems check had been exhausting but she and Wash had combed every inch of the ship and fixed a few minor things, but nothing major came up. The trip off ship to get Simon’s supplies and the engine parts was a welcome break.

“We left Greenleaf this morning and dropped off supplies on the first moon. Mal asked for…”

What was this? “Mal” not “Reynolds”? Hmmm, perhaps Simon was softening a bit at this time in his opinions about the Capt’n. Then she recalled the first time she had read the journal, just a few days ago, and when she had read about their wedding he had called him Mal, also.

“Mal asked if there was any work for us but nothing came up.”

Nor on the next two moons. An empty ship was a ship not making money and the Capt’n had been in a foul mood. His slow recovery from the bullet wound didn’t help matters. He even thought on trying to pick up an Alliance postal route. But then Inara said she needed to go to a Core hospital to have her yearly medical check and she would pay for the trip. The Capt’n had protested but Inara was very insistent and in the end he agreed but he only took enough to fuel Serenity. Kaylee knew it had wounded his pride to take money from Inara for this. She knew he had feelings for Inara at that time, even though he would have denied it. God, she hoped those two got their act together last night.

“Inara needs her yearly Companion medical check so we are now heading to Ariel and St. Lucie’s Hospital in Ariel City. I could do it for her and I have done some Companion med checks on Osiris….”

What? He…oh that man, doing physical exams for Companions! Must be a doctor’s dream! All Companions we so beautiful and glamorous, she wondered how he could control himself in their presence. Then again, as Simon once said to her, the attraction of human flesh wanes a bit the more you see how it can become diseased and damaged. She had quickly ended that discussion, not wanting to know any more of his hospital stories.

“…but my medical license has most likely been revoked so Inara needs to go to Ariel. This may be a perfect opportunity to implement my plan.”

His plan? What plan?

“River seems fine now but I need to know more about what is going on in her brain. And for that I need a three-dimensional neural imager. I once did a two-week tour of duty at St. Lucie’s so….”

He’d never told them that!

“…I know they have what we need. Now I just need to figure out a way to get River and I inside without attracting attention. We can get enough drugs to pay off the crew and make some money and for what I need to control River’s psychosis.”

Kaylee and the others had thought Simon had come up with his hospital robbery plan on the spur of the moment but he had been planning it for a while. Drugs were his goal, not just the three-d scanner, imager whatever he called it. Drugs to pay them for helping him and to help River.

The next few days as they traveled to Ariel he wrote of his plans to rob the hospital. He downloaded floor plans from the Cortex, found out where they dumped their garbage, and made a detailed list of things they’d need. He even assigned roles for all the crew. He was nothing if not thorough. And he also had time to mention Kaylee, and her heart warmed as he made some comments about how pretty she looked one day, and how they had sat and played mahjong another time. He wasn’t as good at it as he was at chess but he still managed to win a few games.

There was more on the Capt’n’s recovery and how Simon had wanted him to rest more but the Capt’n insisted on getting out of the infirmary. Kaylee could see the pain on his face as he moved about the ship and remember how long it had taken her to feel right after she’d been shot. Capt’n should have listened to Simon and was just too stubborn sometimes. Next, they had stopped at the Bathgate Abbey on Phoenix Moon just outside the Core to allow Shepherd Book some time to pay his respects to an old friend who had died and to do some meditation. Then there was a gap again and the next section was all about Ariel.

“Yesterday started badly and only got worse. As we prepared to land on Ariel, River attacked Jayne with a knife. He was acting crudely, as usual, and before I knew it River had a knife and slashed him across the chest. Jayne reacted with equal violence, backhanding River, sending her flying and cutting her lip. We were all shocked and I thought that our stay aboard Serenity was now in jeopardy.”

Shocked was a mild way to describe what they had all felt. They had never known, at that time, River to hurt anyone or anything. The question was whether she had attacked Jayne to kill him and botched it or did it just to warn him, scare him, whatever. Kaylee thought the latter. If River wanted to kill, she knew exactly how to do it. They had all seen that. And her comment “He looks better in red,” had unsettled all their calm.

“I stitched Jayne’s wound and it wasn’t very deep, just a superficial cut. But he was quite angry, which was reasonable for the situation. Jayne was insisting that River and I get off Serenity but Mal put him in his place, once again. And once again, Jayne backed down. My feelings for Jayne are quite conflicted now, because later in the day he saved me and River from the Alliance. He doesn’t like us, more so after River cut him, and had no reason to help us. In fact, he could earn a nice reward for turning us in. I just don’t know what to think about him now. The captain wasn’t angry at me or River. In fact, he was quite sympathetic and worried about River’s condition. We both realized she wasn’t getting any better and in fact could be getting worse. I decided that my plan needed to be implemented now or next time River could very well hurt someone badly or even kill them.”

“We landed on Ariel and Mal refused to let anyone leave the ship except Inara. This news was received with disappointment by all except Zoe, who still has her intense dislike of the Alliance and suspicions of the Core. I think Kaylee was especially unhappy because she had never been to a Core planet before.”

Disappointed and unhappy were not strong enough to describe Kaylee had felt. She had lived on the rim all her life and Serenity wasn’t a ship that dealt with the Alliance or the Core. She had been excited when she heard they were going to Ariel and dreamed of walking through its glittering streets, seeing all the latest vehicles and high flyers, checking out the newest spaceships, walking through a real shopping mall instead of a dusty village shop, and maybe even Simon asking her to go somewhere nice with her. But that dream was shattered by the Capt’n’s orders and for once Kaylee felt no love for her Capt’n. But just for a little while.

“My plan for a hospital robbery was greeted with suspicion and skepticism by the crew but I could see the hint of greed and desire in their eyes as I explained how much the drugs would be worth. I’m sure it appealed to Mal’s noble heart as we would be stealing from the rich and selling to the, well, not poor, but the not so rich. After seeing the poor state of medical facilities on the rim colonies, I think perhaps I also felt like I was doing this for a noble reason. But in the end I did for River.”

Kaylee remembered how cool Simon had been when he described his plan. He wasn’t nervous or worried they’d laugh at him. And then when he described his plan, he had an answer to every problem the Capt’n or the others threw at him. She felt a little proud of him. He was in charge for once and everyone was listening to him. And as he talked, Kaylee could sense the crew was gaining a new level of respect for Simon. When he asked for volunteers to leave the ship, her hand was up in an instant and a big grin spread from ear to ear.

“Kaylee and Wash did a marvelous job in acquiring a hospital air ambulance and repairing it. Jayne acquired some uniforms, ID’s and med supplies from where I don’t know and he didn’t say. It was the one part of the plan I worried about, acquiring these items but the crew has come through in great fashion. All of this took all of the money everyone had tucked away for a rainy day. Mal was surprised everyone had hidden so much and we committed our future to my plan. If we had failed we would have been very poor indeed.”

All their money hadn’t been very much. Kaylee was happy to leave the ship but disappointed she couldn’t do the things she had wanted to do. But the junkyard was a junk lovers dream and she and Wash found what they needed. They had to pay a junk hauler the last credit they had to move the ambulance to Serenity and they weren’t even sure they could get it running. All day they had worked on it, pulling our wires, replacing computer chips, welding this, removing that, cleaning it, and finally painting it. Simon had been very impressed and his compliments had made her and Wash proud.

“While Kaylee and Wash prepared our ambulance I tried to instruct Mal, Zoe, and Jayne in how to pass as paramedics. For our plan to work, Rive and I were placed in a state resembling death. Our crewmates pretended to be paramedics who couldn’t save us and needed to take us to the morgue. It took many hours to teach them but finally they got it right…mostly. Later Zoe told me it hadn’t been necessary as no one even questioned them.”

Kaylee had been worried when they told her the finally details of the plan. To pretend to be dead was something she couldn’t imagine. Her skin crawled as she remembered how they had loaded River and Simon into those body capsules. She had even worried they were really dead for a moment. And then they were gone, all of them and suddenly Kaylee was alone on the ship for the first time she could ever remember. She had felt a cold chill run through her body as she stood in the cargo bay and closed the doors. If anything happened…would she see her friends again…and Simon…what if…she had chased away those thoughts and made her way to the bridge.

Her role had been to be the eyes and ears for the crew. She had sat in Wash’s chair and turned on all the scanners and listened in on the police and military wave bands. They were supposed to be secure but Wash knew how to get around that and had set the system long ago to listen. Knowing what the enemy was doing was always a good idea, the Capt’n had said. Kaylee liked sitting in Wash’s chair. It was big and comfortable. She knew the basics of flight and even taken control a few times under Wash’s eye, but that had been in the black, and she couldn’t fly Serenity, not planet side, not take off and land, especially not in a city. Suddenly, she had realized just how vulnerable this whole plan was.

But that was a while ago and everything worked out. Well, almost….

“We awoke in the morgue and Jayne had found some hospital gowns for us, with River as a patient and myself as a doctor. The captain and Zoe had left to find the drug storage room and we made our way to the neural examining room. On the way I saved a patient dieing from cardiac arrest after an intern accidentally gave him a deadly combination of drugs.”

He saved someone? He had stopped and took the time to save a man’s life when he was in the middle of an Alliance hospital, trying to help his sister, and was at the top of the Alliance fugitive list? That man was so…wonderful!

“Jayne was a bit put out by this but I didn’t care. I’m a doctor and that man needed my help. We made our way to the examining room and I finally saw what they did to River. I downloaded all the information to a memory stick and need time to examine it now. Basically, they have cut into her brain over and over again and stripped away all her abilities to control her feelings and especially the strongest emotions of fear, panic, and pain. It’s no wonder she is the way she is. If I could spend ten minutes with the people who have done this, I’m sure I would forget all my oaths to save and protect.”

Poor River! Her brain, cut into, not once but many times. Why? What purpose had it served? They knew she was combat trained, deadly with any weapon, could read minds, and could fly spaceships with no known training. The Alliance had turned her into a weapon, an assassin. But why had they done that to her? Simon still didn’t know, not even after all these months of examining the data.

“Then Jayne insisted we leave early since the captain had changed the plan.”

No, he hadn’t. Had he? Kaylee re-read the last sentence to make sure the sake from last night wasn’t still affecting her. No, she had read it right. Jayne told Simon the Capt’n had changed the plan. What was going on?

“And then we got arrested. River had sensed this was going to happen but I ignored her fears because I thought everything was going to work out. I was a fool and should have listened to River’s instincts because she is rarely wrong. Jayne tried to fight the Alliance feds but he was knocked out briefly with one of their sonic blasters.”

“We were processed by an Agent McInnes who was not a very charming man. As we made our way to another room to wait for the federal agents to retrieve us, Jayne saw an opportunity to escape and we took it. It’s hard to describe but Jayne and I fought two guards. I managed to render my adversaries unconscious by placing extreme pressure to his upper chest, cutting off his air flow but not killing him. I believe Jayne snapped the neck of his opponent.”

My, God! She hadn’t heard that detail before. She knew they had fought but didn’t know someone had died. He…snapped his neck? Kaylee knew Jayne was strong, stronger than any man she knew, but she never knew he could do that. It was so…horrific.

“Then something strange and frightening happened. Jayne insisted on fighting our way out the front door while I argued that we should find another way. River suddenly got very frightened and then we heard the most terrifying high-pitched human screaming coming from where we had just been held by the feds. I cannot describe how it sent chills through me. After that, there were no more arguments from Jayne and we ran the opposite way, with River seeming to know where to go exactly, while crying about the hands of blue again.”

Kaylee sat back and put the book down. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself, remembering those hands of blue. They had tried to kill her in the cargo bay of Serenity. They later had surmised they were federal agents, assassins, bounty hunters, something. They had tracked Serenity to the derelict Battlefield of Sturges and attached their ship to the lower bomb bay doors. And then they had tried to enter the ship through the bomb bay. One of them had struck Kaylee and if Simon hadn’t been there and hit him over the head with Jayne’s barbell, she would have been killed for sure. Those hands of blue were dead now, but in Kaylee’s and River’s minds they would always be there. She picked up the journal again and continued.

“We came to a dead end and I thought we were finished when suddenly Mal and Zoe shot their way through a locked door and we were saved. We raced to the ambulance and arrived on Serenity shortly. Fortunately, Inara had returned from a successful examination and we were able to leave immediately and headed straight for Phoenix Moon to pick up Shepherd Book.”

“I took a moment to thank Jayne for saving us. He had been truly heroic. I still don’t like the man, but I can say he has earned my respect and undying gratitude. Now I need to examine what drugs we have, hopefully what I asked them to take. Then they need to be sorted into shipments for whatever customers we find. Of course, I’ll take what we needed for Serenity and for River. I am now hopeful that she will get better. Tomorrow I will begin to try different medications to see what will be most effective.”

“Curiosity killed the cat, you know” Simon said, startling Kaylee. She turned and he was propped up on one elbow looking at her with a grin. “Though I guess you’re safe just reading a book.”

“Don’t know. This part was quite frightening,” she managed to say, her mind still thinking on those men with hands of blue. And on Jayne.

He sensed something wasn’t quite right. “What part?”

“Ariel,” she said quietly.

He sat up. “Why frightening?’

“Hands of blue,” Kaylee said and then she crawled into bed with him, hugging him, wanting to feel him close.

“Are you still thinking about that?” he asked her.

“Forgotten it till I read that. They wanted to take River back to the Academy?”

“Yes, they worked for the Alliance. But they are dead now. I think we are certain of that.”

“Dobson wasn’t.” And the pain of her being shot was a vivid streak through her mind as she said the lawman’s name.

“He is now. Mal’s sure of it.”

“I know, just…bad memories.”

He hugged her tight. “Kaylee, my sweet love, what can I do to help you forget?”

She smiled. “Just hold me. Be there when I need you.”

“Always” And Kaylee knew she had picked a very special man to be her husband.

They lay for a while, just snuggling, when Kaylee remembered something else.

“Simon, when did the Capt’n change the plan on Ariel?”

He said nothing for a few moments. “I’d forgotten I’d written that.”

“Jayne said the Capt’n changed the plan. That never happened far as I know.”

He was silent.

“Simon, what’s going on?’

“Kaylee, I don’t want you to be mad, because I took care if this a long time ago. You would have found out eventually in my journal but…Jayne…he was the one who called the Alliance on Ariel.”

Kaylee was thunderstruck, her mind not believing him, not wanting to, like the time Wash had suggested the same thing.

“That…that…monster!” She got out of bed and started to change her clothes, ripping off her night dress and grabbing a t-shirt, pulling it over her head. “He’s gonna get a piece of mind right now!” Simon jumped up and stopped her.

“No, Kaylee, stop! Please!”

She just looked at him. “How can you be so calm about this! He betrayed you! All these months and you never said anything to anyone!”

“River knows. In fact, River knows because she…”

“Read his mind,” she finished and became quieter.

“And he did save us, when he realized they were arresting him, too.”

“Off course he did, the coward. Bastard. Son-of-a-bitch!” She added a few choice Chinese phrases about how Jayne fornicated with dogs and was not fit to be dung.

She looked at Simon and saw how shocked he was at her behavior and language. He rarely saw Kaylee mad and if seemed to frighten him. Kaylee realized she was behaving badly and sat on the bed.

“Oh, Simon, its just so wrong! He’s just…oh!” She took a breath. “Does he know you know?”

“Yes. We had a talk on it. He denied it but River and I both feel it’s true. The sudden change of plan, walking right into the place where the soldiers would be, them knowing our names right away, and the hands of blue men arriving so fast. River’s certain they were there. At the time things happened so fast I didn’t think on it much. Only later, when River said Jayne was worried we’d find out, then it all made sense. He was off the ship to get the uniforms. I figure that’s when he made contact with the feds.”

Kaylee was silent for a long time. “I ain’t gonna forget this. And I want this out. I want everyone to know.”

“Kaylee, he wouldn’t do it again. I don’t want to start any trouble. We had such a good time last night and the captain and Inara seem to be getting along…besides, we…well, we’ll be leaving soon.”

”We will?”

“If you want.”

She stood and walked to the center of the room, looking around, her heart torn between the love for her ship and friends and the logic of what Simon wanted.

“Where will we go?’ she asked quietly.

“Been thinking. Boros is not far from Persephone. It’s not the Core but it’s not the outer rim either. There’s no strife or war, good climate, they have four seasons in the northern hemisphere, mostly farmers and tradesmen, honest hard-working people who need a doctor. And a first class mechanic.”

“Boros. Where you were heading the first time we met.”

“Yes. Seems like destiny is taking me there after all. If you want.”

She approached him and took his hand and he stood up. Kaylee wrapped her arms around him and then looked him in eyes. “Boros sounds wonderful.”