The Dr. Tam Journals – Part 10 – War Stories

Kaylee had calmed down enough to feel hungry and she and Simon decided to have breakfast. Kaylee promised once again not to say anything about Jayne, but inside she was still simmering with anger. That Jayne could betray Simon and River to the Alliance did not surprise her but that he had actually done it made her boil with rage. Kaylee and anger were not a good combination because she was rarely mad at anyone and had trouble hiding her feelings. The time she found out about that joke the Capt’n had played on Simon, saying she was dead, that time she had been mad as hell too, but not for long. But this, she knew she would never forgive Jayne for this. Simon hadn’t been her husband then, but she did love him and River was so helpless and needed all their help. Jayne would get a piece of her mind, maybe not today, but sometime soon, and she didn’t care who knew about what he had done.

She was amazed at how Simon was so cool about the whole thing. He said he had talked to Jayne about it, and before they left their room he related what had happened in the infirmary when Jayne had hurt his back that time when Saffron had come back. Jayne denied he had ratted them out, but Simon and River didn’t believe him and neither did Kaylee. She remembered the time before the train job when he had talked about doing the very same thing and the time when the Alliance boarded the ship after they found the derelict spacecraft. He had seemed eager to trade the Tams for their freedom then. Despite his few good qualities, his strength and skills at arms that saved them at times, Jayne was not to be trusted and that more than overshadowed what usefulness he was to Serenity and her crew.

Simon checked on River before they went upstairs and she was sleeping peacefully so he decided to leave her alone for a while. Kaylee noticed he had placed some water and headache pills next to River’s bed also and a little note, too. He was so thoughtful. They made their way upstairs and Kaylee suddenly remembered the Capt’n and Inara. She was dieing to find out what had happened!

First, Kaylee checked the engine to make sure all was OK and then they turned to the dining room. As they approached they heard voices. It was Mal and Inara.

“Gorramn crew,” Mal said and Kaylee and Simon stopped and looked at each other in surprise. “Look at this mess!” And they could see him cleaning up the cups and some plates from the table. They had gotten hungry as they drank and had eaten the rest of supper and some snacks. Apparently they had been too drunk to clean up and now Kaylee felt a little bad. She started to move forward but Simon stopped her and motioned her to wait, just a minute.

“Now, Mal, they just had a little party,” came Inara’s calming tone.

“I shoulda stopped it last night. Drunk crew is a dangerous thing on a ship.”

“Well, you were a bit too busy,” Inara teased and Kaylee broke into a big grin and they saw her approach Mal and wrap her arms around him. They kissed and Mal looked into her eyes.

“Jus’ making up for lost time,” he said and Kaylee couldn’t stand it anymore and hurried down the hall and burst into the dinning area.

“Morning!” she said her cheeriest tone.

Mal was startled and almost leaped out of Inara’s arms but she held onto him, looked at Kaylee and smiled. “Morning, Kaylee.”

“Morning,” Mal said and he was acting kind of sheepish and embarrassed.

Simon came in and noticed that breakfast was already being made.

“Morning, smells good,” he said and saw they were making scrambled eggs and pancakes.

Inara returned to the kitchen and back to cooking. ‘Be ready in a minute.”

Kaylee sat at the table and just beamed at the two. “So, what’s up?”

Mal just looked at her. “I should be asking you that, little Kaylee. Seems I had a drunken crew on my hands last night.”

Simon sat next to Kaylee. “I wasn’t drunk.”

“Well, glad someone has some sense on this boat,” Mal said and Kaylee felt a little like a school girl sent to the head masters office.

“Capt’n, we just got talking about Wash, and it kinda got weepy, so we had a drink.”

“Which led to many more,“ Simon said and Kaylee kicked him under the table. “Well, it did!”

Kaylee gave her husband a look that said “hey, you’re supposed to be on my side”. “We set the course and power settings no problem. No worries, Capt’n everything’s shiny”

“No problems,” chimed in Simon and looked at Kaylee for approval, but she was still a bit put out by his previous comment.

“I’ll get some tea,” he said and went to the kitchen. Inara gave him a grin and he grinned back.

Mal wasn’t done yet. “Kaylee, this here’s a spaceship. All kinds of bad things can happen, as you and the rest well know. A drunk crew is a dangerous crew.”

“I take full responsibility, sir,” came Zoe’s voice from the fore hall. She was dressed for the day and looked fine, no signs of a hangover, despite the large quantity of sake and other things she had drank last night.

Mal just grunted. “Zoe…you know it ain’t safe.”

“Sir, all is well. We’re still here, and our course is true. And I’m hungry.” With that she sat down and gave Kaylee a little grin and Kaylee felt better.

Simon came over with a cup of tea for Kaylee and coffee for Zoe.

“Coffee, Mal?’ he asked.

“Yeah, “ he said and Mal just looked at Zoe and Kaylee as they stared at him, smiled at him and then almost at the same time they looked toward Inara and back to Mal and his face was a slight shade of red and.

“Be on the bridge,” was all he said just as Simon appeared with his coffee. He grabbed it and turned to the fore hall. Kaylee and Zoe almost broke into a fit of giggles.

“Now, ladies,” Inara said as she brought a big dish of scrambled eggs to the table. “Don’t tease him too much. He’s still the captain.”

“So? What happened” Kaylee blurted out, unable to contain herself any longer.

Inara smiled. “Exactly what I wanted to happen. The details you’ll have to imagine.”

Simon came over with the pancakes. “No, I don’t think we need any details.”

Everyone had a chuckle and Kaylee felt like all was well in the ‘verse. Then Jayne entered and a dark cloud passed over Kaylee’s good mood.

“God, anyone get the name of that fella that hit me last night?” he groaned as he grabbed a plate from the kitchen and came to the table and sat opposite Kaylee and Simon.

“Called bamboo wine,” said Zoe. “Got a powerful kick.”

“Remind me not to party with him next time,” Jayne said and began to wolf eggs into his mouth.

Kaylee just stared at the mercenary, her face unable to hide her feelings. Simon looked at her, pleading with his eyes for her to stay calm. Inara and Zoe both noticed and the table went quiet. Jayne was oblivious to all as he continued eating.

“Kaylee…please,” Simon said but it was too late. All Kaylee’s anger came to a boil and she forgot her promise to Simon and his wish not to start trouble. Sometimes, things needed to be said and this was one of them.

“You son-of-a-bitch,” Kaylee said quietly and it was like a bomb had dropped on the table.

Jayne looked up slowly, a piece of egg stuck in his beard, and saw everyone looking at him. His eyes narrowed. “What did you call me?”

“Kaylee, stop. Please” Simon begged, putting a hand on her arm. Kaylee wasn’t gonna stop, not even for the man she loved. Jayne had done this terrible thing to him and River and he needed to know she knew.

“You heard me, Jayne Cobb. I called you a son-of-a-bitch!” she said louder. Jayne was so shocked he just stared at her, uncomprehending why Kaylee was mad at him.

“Why are you so mad, mei mei?” Inara asked, her happy mood gone as she gapped at Kaylee in surprise.

Zoe was as flabbergasted as was Inara. “What the gorramn hell is going on?” Zoe asked, her voice stern and commanding.

“Ask him,” started Kaylee, glaring at Jayne. “Ask him what really happened on Ariel.”

Jayne dropped his fork, wiped the egg from his face, and put on a big grin. “Saved your man and his sister, is what I done.”

“Not the way I heard it,” said Kaylee and Jayne looked from her to Simon and comprehension dawn.

“Doc here feeding you stories, is he now?”

Simon looked at him and calmly spoke. “They’re not stories. You can deny it all you want but I know it’s true. Facts don’t lie. And neither does my sister.”

Zoe looked at Jayne. “What’s this all about, Jayne?”

Jayne got an exasperated looked. “I ain’t did nothing. Moon brain…”

“Don’t call her that!” shouted Kaylee. “Don’t you ever call her that again!”

“Alright! Jeeze. ‘River’ said I called the feds. Read my mind. It’s all ! What she read was me wanting to call the feds. Ain’t gonna lie, I thought we shoulda turned them two in long time ago. You all know that!”

“What about now, Jayne?” said Mal as he entered from the fore hall, his face grim and his eyes boring into Jayne. “You think we should turn them in now?

Jayne got a scared looked to his face. “Now, Mal, you know I wouldn’t do that. River saved us. Doc patched me up plenty of times. They’re crew.”

“Don’t you ever forget that either,” said Mal, not taking his eyes off the big man.

Kaylee couldn’t believe what was happening and turned to Simon. “Tell them!”

Simon looked at her and Kaylee knew he would support her or she’d never forgive him. “Jayne, why did you say the captain changed the plan?”

Zoe looked from Mal to Jayne and her eyes got narrow and sharp enough to cut stone. “We didn’t change the plan,” she said her eyes now boring into Jayne, too.

“I was improvising!” he started, but he sounded guilty as hell. “We were out of time. That’s long time ago. I forget.”

“Ok, then, how did they know our names? Immediately that agent said our names, knew who we were,” asked Simon and his tone was like a policeman questioning a suspect.

“Cause they got your picture plastered on every gorramn police station in the ‘verse!” he countered. Jayne was mad now and the tension in the room was stifling. “You’re forgetting who saved your ass back there, ain’t you?!”

“Cause you got pinched, too!” Kaylee shouted back.

“Enough!” Mal yelled and all grew silent. “Don’t want no gorramn arguments on my boat!”

“Capt’n…”

“No, Kaylee, it’s enough. Past is past. Let it go.”

She was steaming, stood up, and glared at Jayne. “I know you did it. River never lies. How could you? It’s so wrong. Me and you is quits, Jayne Cobb.”

Jayne was stunned at her anger and everyone was shocked at this statement from the ever happy Kaylee. She turned to Mal.

“We’re getting off on Persephone, Capt’n. All three of us. Sorry, but, it’s time. Now more than ever. And don’t blame Simon. It’s my choice, too.”

Mal didn’t say anything, just nodded, his face betraying his sadness, and Kaylee felt his pain and turned and left before she broke down. She walked and then started running and didn’t stop until she was in their bedroom and she lay down and had a long cry. He came in a brief time later and lay next to her and never said a word, just held her.

After a while she turned to him.

“I’m sorry”

“Had to be said,” Simon began. “Would have eaten you up inside.”

“What happened after I left?”

“Mal asked where we were going. I said we haven’t decided yet but really I’d rather not say in front of Jayne.”

“Good answer. He can’t be trusted. Especially now.”

“Kaylee, are you sure you want to leave?”

“Yes. And no. I love this ship. But you’re right. It’s time we made a home.”

“You’re not leaving because of Jayne, are you?”

“No. He’s just one of many reasons. Besides, Capt’n would fire him if I asked him to.”

“Suppose so. Mal’s not happy.”

“He knew we were planning this.”

“Now I have to convince River.”

She sat up, looked at him. “What?”

He sat up to. “Ah, River said she wants to stay. Be pilot of Serenity.”

Nothing could have surprised Kaylee more. “When did she say that?”

“Few days ago. I said we should leave and she said she didn’t want to. Said this was the first place that felt like a home and that she had a purpose here.”

“Oh, Simon, it’s…I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

“She’s not a child anymore. River is stronger than us in so many ways, and not in so many others. She still needs her medication. And this ship, much as I’ve grown fond of Serenity, does have its dangers.”

“We have to convince her to come with us.”

Simon was silent for a moment. “I know. She has to come. The Alliance may still be after us. We’re still blind as to their purpose. How many Operatives are out there right now searching for us?”

Kaylee got a chill thinking about that. “More reason for us to stay together.”

He nodded. “We will convince her to come to Boros with us. Some day, some day, I hope we can return to Osiris. When all this is past.” His face was full of sadness.

“Some day,” she said as she hugged him.

The rest of the day was very tense for the whole crew. The news that Simon, Kaylee and River would leave on Persephone cast a cloud over them all. Kaylee’s revelation of Jayne’s betrayal had damaged the good will that had been present such a short time ago. Whether the crew believed it was true or not, it was out there and it was in all their minds. They were less than two days from Persephone and they would be together for that time.

An hour later, Mal came to get Kaylee and asked for her help to check the inventory. Of course she agreed and went to help him. Kaylee sensed he’d asked her cause he wanted to talk more on what happened but he acted like nothing was the matter as they examined their precious cargo of high class foodstuffs. There were crates of canned caviar, boxes of smoked salmon, slabs of dried beef and pork, boxes of canned chicken meat and canned ham, crates of fresh fruit, in special crates so it would be preserved during the trip, several boxes of the best alcohol and wines, spices of every kind, large bags of flour, sugar, coffee, and tea, and a huge consignment of sweets, cookies, jellies and jams, crackers, chocolates, and other delicacies.

Kaylee’s mouth watered as they examined it all. It was a bounty of food she and the crew had never seen in their lives. Well, maybe Simon and River had, and maybe even Inara, but the rest certainly hadn’t. She wondered who it was for but the Capt’n had been mum on this subject. .As they examined the crates for damage and made sure all was well Jayne walked by. Kaylee ignored him and he seemed to want to say something to her but Mal glared at him and he walked away.

“Don’t want you to go,” he finally said after they finished the check. He wasn’t even looking at her as he put the manifest back in a thick envelope. “I’ll throw him off if you want.”

“No, no need. It’s not only about Jayne, Capt’n. Like I said to you before, it’s about finding a place to grow, start a family, to be safe. Serenity ain’t no place to raise a child.”

“Suppose not,” he said. He was quiet and he turned to her finally. “Guess I need to find a new mechanic, pilot, and medic. I know I’ll never find as a good a mechanic.”

“I’m sorry we’re letting you down. But we want to leave and now’s a good a time as any.”

“Suppose so,” he said and he walked away and up the stairs to the upper level and Kaylee knew his feelings were hurt by her leaving. She felt bad and wondered just how painful all this was going to be. She wanted to follow him, talk about it, but then River came in from the passenger lounge. Kaylee brightened as she saw River. She was dressed in overalls, ready to finish the systems check they started yesterday. All they had left was the fuel system and internal structure to examine. The external structure, VTOL engines, and airlocks would have to wait till they were on Persephone. Kaylee knew she wouldn’t leave the ship until she finished her work. She owed the Capt’n that much.

“How’s your head?” Kaylee asked.

River groaned. “Better than when I woke up.”

“You lost your virginity. Ah, I mean, for booze. Your first hangover. Congratulations.” Kaylee laughed at her little faux pas.

But River didn’t smile or laugh. She was staring at Kaylee.

“You know about Ariel. Read Simon’s Journal. Told them about Jayne,” she said to Kaylee.

Kaylee nodded. “Had to. Couldn’t keep it inside.”

“He’s not a bad man. Just greedy.”

“Can’t be trusted anymore.”

“Never could,’ River said. Kaylee wondered just how much River knew about all of their lives, past and present. Simon had no idea what went on inside his sister’s head, despite his months of studying and examining her.

Kaylee and River finished the checks by lunchtime. Simon joined them in the dining area and the three had a quick meal of Chinese noodles and re-hydrated fruit salad, which was more like fruit mush. No one else came by and Kaylee was glad ‘cause she didn’t want anymore confrontations today. Later Simon said he had to check Jayne’s shoulder and Kaylee just nodded and he left. Today was Kaylee’s day to do laundry and she wanted to get it done before someone else noticed the dry cleaner wasn’t being used and took advantage of this. She and River cleaned up and then walked by the infirmary and saw Simon changing the dressing on Jayne’s shoulder. They seemed to be chatting. Jayne noticed her and looked her way but she just walked on by, ignoring him again.

River went to her room and changed while Kaylee gathered her and Simon’s dirty laundry, enough for two loads. When she came out of their room River was in the passenger lounge sketching something. Kaylee entered the bathroom and opened the dry cleaner door. It wasn’t very big and was noisy but it was all they had to clean clothes with when off world. She put the first load in and then added the chemical cleaners to the slot at the top. She set the timer and then pressed start and waited for it to come to life. It broke down on occasion and Kaylee had asked the Capt’n to replace it but it was on a low priority. After a second of worry it hummed to life and began its clanking noise that Kaylee could never stop or figure out what the cause was. She’d probably have to rip the whole thing off the wall and take it apart piece by piece to find the problem and she had no replacement parts anyway so saw it as a futile effort which was better avoided.

Suddenly Kaylee felt a surge of sadness as she realized that soon that wouldn’t be her problem anymore. She touched the old machine and looked around at the bathroom. Just as quickly she felt how ugly the bathroom was. It was cold and the paint was scratched and peeled in places and it was far from cheery. Kaylee wanted a real bathroom, with wallpaper, porcelain fixtures, a shower she could stand under forever, and a real bathtub, so big it was roomy enough for two.

She crossed back to their room and saw Simon was sitting with River. He was very still and she was facing him, drawing a picture of him in charcoal on her sketch pad.

“Busy?” she asked, curious abut what he and Jayne had talked on.

“For a while,” said Simon and started to turn toward her but River stopped him.

“Don’t move!” And he stopped as she continued to sketch. He gave a sheepish grin to Kaylee.

“I saw that,” said River. “More serious. You’re a doctor.”

And Simon put on a serous doctor face and River seemed happier. Kaylee went to their room, looked for more clothes and found one of Simon’s socks she had missed. It could wait for the second load. Suddenly she had nothing to do for an hour. She sat in the chair and thought about writing her father a letter, explaining all that was going on. She could post it at Persephone. Then she worried that the Alliance might have picked up on the fact that Simon Tam had gotten married on Taos and knew Jonathan Frye was his father-in-law. They might be intercepting his mail. Waves, too. She decided to wait until they reached Persephone and then she would wave one of her friends who could pass on the news to her father.

With nothing to do Kaylee decided to read more of Simon’s journal. She reluctantly picked it up, not so eager to know many more secrets. The one she learned this morning had caused so much trouble. Jayne sold them out, she was positive, and she knew Zoe believed her. She hoped she did anyway. The Capt’n she wasn’t so sure about. She had trouble reading him and didn’t know if he believed her or not. She hoped he did, too. He was always their anchor, their leader, and at times hero. Then she remembered how they almost lost him again, this time permanently, and they had to be the heroes when they rescued him off Niska’s Skyplex.

Kaylee hadn’t been heroic at that time and her memories of her first real battle were blurry and fragmented. Simon had been heroic, defending her, and firing like mad at those men. Afterwards Book had said Simon hadn’t hit anyone but Kaylee wasn’t so sure of that. She wanted to see what he said about that. But first there were long sections on his attempts to find the right mixture of drugs for River. It was trial and error and after a week he found one combination that allowed River to sleep through the night. But there was an unsettling side effect of nausea.

She tried to recall those days and then remembered a few things. They had landed on Phoenix Moon to pick up Shepherd Book at Bathgate Abbey. Kaylee worried that the Shepherd would want to stay at the abbey, but he was ready to go when they landed. His presence on the ship was a comfort to Kaylee and to the others. Book was wise in ways that made them all wonder about his background but it was a wisdom that they needed at times so no one pressed him on his history.

The Capt’n had called a contact of his who knew someone who knew someone who lived on Phoenix Moon who might be interested in buying some medicine. Within an hour they had made their first drug sale. It was very lucrative and everyone was all smiles as the Captain handed out some overdue pay and told them to have fun in town for an hour.

“We landed on Phoenix Moon a few days ago and made our first drug sale. I had told the captain what to ask for and he was skeptical at first but the buyer didn’t hesitant and the deal was quickly done. It was much more than Mal expected and he didn’t say anything but gave me a big grin. Everyone got paid and they all went shopping. We loaded the ship with supplies, especially lots of good food from the town near the Bathgate Abbey.”

Kaylee had asked Simon if he want to come with her to town but he was too busy with the drugs and analyzing River’s data. She felt like they were drifting apart in those days, with no more advances on the romantic front, his time consumed by his need to help River. Her feelings of loneliness grew more profound as she was physically close to him and yet he was so far away.

Inara and Kaylee had gone shopping together and found a nice little clothing shop. It wasn’t quite nice enough for Inara and she just browsed but Kaylee bought some new t-shirts and a sweater and some underwear. They also stopped at a bookstore and picked up a few items. Kaylee found an old copy of “A History of the Earth That Was Travelers”, the story of the original settlers who had come to this star system hundreds of years ago. She thought it would make a nice gift for Simon. She had also bought some drawing paper and colored pencils and charcoal for River.

“Kaylee has bought some gifts for me and River. It was quite generous of her and I felt a little guilty suddenly because I have spent so little time with her of late. My feelings for her haven’t diminished but my old doubts are rising again. Almost being captured by the Alliance has caused me to rethink any attempts to start a relationship with Kaylee. In truth I can’t allow her to become connected with us in anyway anymore than she already is. The Alliance is ruthless and would stop at nothing to capture us, even using someone we loved to get to us.”

It was so heartbreaking, reading it now, all his fears and doubts of those days. His love for her was still strong at that time, so strong he was willing to give up any future with her just to protect her from the Alliance. But those fears ended after the Reaver fight. Both had decided that fears of the future shouldn’t stop them from being together in the present.

“For the last week we have been hopping from moon to moon, planet to planet as word spread in the quadrant that we had high quality goods for sale. Mal worried about guarding our cargo and I worried over whether this news would get back to the Alliance. Mal and Jayne both laughed at my fears, saying I was already a wanted man living on a ship full of thieves so what else did I have to worry about. I guess they are right. I searched the Cortex for news of the break in at St. Lucie’s but there is nothing.”

The Capt’n always said the Alliance never broadcasts their failures. Until the events that led him to discover what was really happening to River, Simon had believed everything he had read and heard. It still took him time to get over the fact that his own government was capable of such things. He was a full blown skeptic like the rest of them now, especially since the Alliance’s attempts to refute the vid broadcast they made about Miranda, claiming it was a fake propaganda tool used by those wanting to start a new war of independence.

“Life has been good on Serenity the last little while. River is feeling much better. There are more smiles and less complaining and the crew is well paid and well fed. At our last stop Jayne even managed to find an apple farmer outside of a town and bought a whole crate of apples. His announcement that he was sharing the apples with everyone caught the crew off guard as Jayne has a reputation for being unwilling to share anything.”

Now Kaylee knew why Jayne did that! He was feeling guilty for turning in Simon and River. The big jerk! Again there was a gap of a few days in the journals dates and Kaylee knew she had come to the Skyplex battle.

“As can be expected on Serenity, the good times didn’t last long. We’ve had a most terrible day of unexpected danger and I have been involved in a gunfight. We had almost sold all the medicine when we once more encountered Niska, the crime lord we had cheated a few months ago when I had first come aboard Serenity. The day had started normally enough. After I gave River her morning shots she and Kaylee spent some time together as I went over River’s brain scans again. Book seemed to think that perhaps the Alliance had been torturing River but the more I see, the more I believe there is a unique pattern to her brain waves. As I am not a neurological specialist I need to do more research to come up with a definitive answer. Later in the morning River got sick, a side effect of the drugs, and she lay down to have a rest and thus missed all the action that came next.”

No she hadn’t, Kaylee thought with a chill. She recalled that morning, how she and River had fun together, River being more active and happy than Kaylee could ever recall. Then Zoe told them a war story about exploding apples and living in a trench in the winter with no food. Kaylee was glad she had never been in a war. A few battles was enough for her to last a lifetime.

“Trouble began as usual when some of the crew went on a ‘job’. This time it was Wash and Mal. Why Wash went instead of Zoe as was usual I’m not sure of. We landed on Ezra, a dry, dusty planet with an asteroid belt surrounding it. Unknown to us Niska’s Skyplex was nearby directly on the other side of Ezra from where we landed. Our sensors did not pick up on the Skyplex and Wash latter surmised that the asteroid belt interfered. I think it is more probably that our good fortune of late caused us to be lax and no one was really paying attention to the sensors as we approached Ezra. Niska’s men were not so unobservant and obviously picked up on the fact that Serenity was in the neighborhood.”

“I prepared the last box of drugs we were selling and gave it to Mal to load aboard shuttle two. At this point I ran into Kaylee and she giddily told me that a client who was meeting Inara in her shuttle was a woman and an important councilor from Ezra. I was a bit surprised the client was a woman but not very much. Although the majority of Companion clientele is male I’ve heard they also take female clients.”

Kaylee had definitely been shocked and slightly curious about the whole thing. The councilor was beautiful and she and Inara looked well, so glamorous together. At the time when she saw them Kaylee wondered what they would do together. Jayne the pig had the same thoughts and had immediately gone to his bunk for what Kaylee didn’t want to know but could easily guess. Men were always fascinated by female-female love. However, most women had no desire to see two males have sex together. Wasn’t that odd?

“As Wash and Mal later related to us, they were ambushed by Niska’s men as they were making the sale. No one knows how Niska’s men knew where the drop would be or how they got into a perfect ambush position so quickly. They were transported to the Skyplex and tortured. From their injuries I can….”

Oh, not again! Kaylee didn’t want to read about torture. She saw enough of it on their bodies when they were rescued. She scanned ahead and got to the big damn rescue.

“Zoe, Jayne and Book went to the drop point and found our buyer and his associates dead and the burn mark of a short range off world shuttle, a kind used by space stations like Niska’s Skyplex. Zoe put two and two together and determined that Niska had them. She gathered all the money we had so far earned from the drug sales. It was quite a lot and we gave it up in hopes of buying back the captain and Wash. Zoe surprised me because she was able to pilot Serenity off world. I didn’t know she could do that but I guess Wash must have taught her. The shuttle’s don’t have enough power to break free of a planet’s gravity so we had to be in high atmo or space for them to be launched for space flight.”

“She took the shuttle and after some time returned with Wash only. I have a feeling that Niska wouldn’t have given up Mal no matter how much we paid for him and I think Zoe knew that, too. As she later told us, when Niska said it’s was only enough money for one man and seemed about to ask her which man she wanted, she quickly chose Wash. I also believe that Zoe believed Mal would have a better chance of surviving Niska’s torture than Wash would. Wash was a mess, with burn marks on his chest from the electrical torture…” Eww! “…and numerous scrapes and bruises. The biggest shock came when Zoe gave me half of the captain’s left ear….” Double ewwww! “….to possibly repair if we managed to save him.”

The ear had been wrapped in a handkerchief and Kaylee and Inara hadn’t been prepared to see it. She felt even queasy now thinking about it and every now and then she’d look at the Capt’n’s ear to try to see the scar where Simon had repaired it. If the light was right, she could just barely see it.

“Book and I went to the infirmary to put it on ice. I quickly checked on River and she was still sleeping. Then Kaylee came down stairs, her face all worried and told us that Zoe and Wash were going back to try to rescue Mal. Book immediately said, “not alone” and he marched into the cargo bay and headed for a gun locker under the stairs. We followed. I looked at Kaylee and felt worried for her and said she should stay behind but she was just as determined as Book.”

She didn’t like when Simon said that but she knew his heart was in the right place. No way she was staying behind and knew the Capt’n would go to hell and back to rescue her and any of the others. Well, maybe not Jayne, but anyone else for sure. Later she wished she had listened to Simon and had stayed behind.

“The plan was quickly made and explained to all. We took a long course away from Ezra and came around the other side, heading directly toward the Skyplex. After setting the course we turned off all internal and external lighting and Kaylee set the engines to almost no power. Wash then started jamming the comms net with static. Meanwhile we had set up some powerful lights the councilor, Inara’s client, had lent us and Book strapped a canister of flammable fuel to the front the Mule. Kaylee programmed our airlock to override the Skyplex airlock. It was a big risk and I could sense the tension as we approached. Jayne, Zoe, and Wash would be in the first wave and then Kaylee, Book and I would come after to guard the entrance to Serenity as they searched for the captain.”

“Wash and Kaylee came through as they always do, Wash hitting the airlock dead on and Kaylee popping it open immediately. The brilliant lights were turned on, Kaylee and I tossed smoke grenades down the ramp and then Mule was sent flying down the ramp. We couldn’t see much but suddenly there were shots and the Mule exploded and then there were screams. My heart was pounding as Jayne, Zoe and Wash raced down the ramp and more gunfire erupted and an explosion came, of a grenade I’m guessing. Suddenly it was quiet except for the hooting of an alarm someone set. Zoe called for us and we came down. It was my first battle and its was pretty grim. Several of Niska’s men lay bleeding, dead and wounded, one was on fire, the Mule was a smoking wreck and the smoke and lights and the alarm made everything seem surreal.”

He remembered so much. Kaylee’s mind was a blank on a lot of these details. After she tossed her smoke grenade she huddled behind Simon, keeping close to him as they went down the ramp. Her heart was pounding too, and she had never been so afraid her whole life, a least until the Reaver fight. The gun in her hand, pistol, whatever it was, felt heavy and she wasn’t even sure if it was ready to fire. It was, as River later demonstrated with great skill. The dead and wounded men seemed to be everywhere and then more fighting erupted.

“Book proved he is more than just a preacher and he dropped a few adversaries. Zoe Jayne and Wash headed off to find Mal and suddenly we were alone. Then more of Niska’s men arrived and I found myself firing a gun at human beings. I don’t think I hit anyone but still I was a doctor and here I was trying to kill someone. Kaylee was standing behind me and my sister was on the ship, they needed me and my crewmates needed me so I just kept firing that gun. My nerves were heightened; every sound was sharp, ever sight clear, the gun felt good in my hands. I’ve had a short time to think on these feelings and don’t really understand them but Mal said it’s sometimes called battle madness. He said most soldiers in their first battle either ‘piss themselves’, as he so colorfully described, or enter battle madness mode, where they act without thinking. These ones are the ones that usually survive. The others, the ones that are afraid, end up running away and getting shot in the back or cowering in a hole where the enemy finds and kills them.”

Kaylee knew which group she belonged to and felt some shame for not doing more to help them. Guns were not her thing and fighting even less so.

“Then Jayne was calling for me and Book to help them and we raced forward, leaving Kaylee alone to guard the ship. In hindsight we shouldn’t have done so. Luckily, no one attempted to enter the ship after we left her.”

Not quite true doctor. Three men had attempted to do so. Kaylee stood paralyzed after Simon and Book left her alone, she not quite believing they would do so. More gunfire came from down the hall and Kaylee started backing up toward Serenity. She saw the three men enter the area, look at their fallen comrades and then one of them noticed her. Bullets bounced around her and then somehow, she couldn’t remember how, she was hid behind the side of the cargo bay, knowing she was seconds away from death.

And then it happened so fast she barely remembered the deed. River appeared like an angel, took her gun, and killed the three men. Just like that. Without even looking. She grin at Kaylee, said “no power in the verse can stop me’ and then handed Kaylee the gun and just as quickly disappeared back toward the passenger dorm. Kaylee stood in shock and then went back to her hiding place, looking around the corner, praying the Capt’n was still alive, that Simon was safe, and that the others were alright.

“We arrived at what I’m guessing was Niska’s office just as Zoe, Jayne and Wash had rescued the captain. Niska was no where in sight and Jayne and Zoe wanted to search the place, kill him, and set it to blow up but when Mal found out Kaylee was guarding Serenity alone he ordered us off the Skyplex. He said were lucky so far no one was dead and it was time to leave. Jayne had a wound in his left side and Zoe had one in her upper left arm. Mal was a mess and I needed to get him to the infirmary as quickly as possible to save his ear.”

“We evacuated the way we came, grabbed the remains of the Mule and then left. There were dead men everywhere and Kaylee almost started crying when she saw Mal. I was so happy to see she was well and I never felt so alive. I just wanted to hug and kiss her.”

Oh, why hadn’t he!

“We made our escape from the now silent Skyplex and retreated back to the opposite side of Ezra and returned the lighting equipment to the councilor. I set to work patching up the crew and Mal’s ear took some doing but I think it’ll be fine. Jayne and Zoe’s wounds had passed through their flesh without….”

No, that’s enough for now. Kaylee closed the journal, stood and went to check the clothes. Simon was sitting alone reading a book in the lounge and she sat next to him.

“Hey, how’s the picture?” she asked.

“Oh. It’s good, very good. River took it to her room. Said she wanted to do you later.”

“Me. How come?”

“She wants to do one of everybody before we leave.”

“You mean…”

“Yes. She agreed to come with us.”

Kaylee broke into a big grin. “Oh, that’s wonderful news.”

He was pensive. “Simon? What’s the matter?”

“Just thinking about money. We need a lot. Passage to Boros for three. Then we need to find a place to settle and find work. Lots to do.”

“When we off load this cargo we’ll have a big pile coming to us.”

“I know but we need to make it last.”

She nodded and then quickly went and loaded the next load of clothes, returned with the first load and she and Simon started folding them. As they worked they talk on what they needed to take with them and about how much money they had saved. Then Kaylee remembered Simon had been talking to Jayne.

“He asked me why I told you that about Ariel. Told him you were my wife and we had no secrets.”

“That ape. He doesn’t deserve you helping him.”

“I’m still ship’s medic till we leave and he’s still crew.”

“I guess so. What else did he say?”

“He said he didn’t want to be fighting with you and asked me how to make things better.”

Kaylee was surprised. “He did? What did you say?”

“I told him he had to tell the truth or you would never forgive him.”

“Don’t think I will anyway. So what was his reply?”

“He said nothing. But you know what? He didn’t deny it this time.”

Dinner time came and Zoe made a wonderful stew and the Capt’n even took some of the beef from the cargo hold for it and gave Kaylee some more flour to make bread. Jayne came in last and as everyone sat down to eat he stood. Kaylee looked at him and then to all the others and they were all a bit surprised and then Kaylee realized he was going to admit to it. Everyone looked at him, waiting for it. His head was down and he had trouble looking them in the eye and they could tell he was deeply embarrassed and ashamed. Kaylee even felt a little sad for him.

“You know I ain’t much for words. But I’ll try. Guess you all think I’m the worse man in the verse. I know you do Kaylee. Thing is I been carrying this inside for all these months. I ain’t much for guilt but this thing has been bugging me. Mal already knew,…” gasps of shock as they looked at Mal, Zoe especially “…Doc and River knew too so I guess I thought that was all that mattered. But the rest of you is crew also and I guess you should all know. I ain’t proud of what I done and I ain’t got no excuse except I’m greedy. I did call the feds on Ariel. Soon as they had us that bastard decided to ad me to the arrest warrant for aiding fugitives and collect the Tam reward for himself. I ain’t asking you to forgive me, Kaylee. But don’t be leaving Serenity on account me. If anyone goes, I’ll go.”

And he sat down and it was silent for a long moment. Kaylee realized they were waiting for her to say something first.

Kaylee looked at Jayne. “Simon and River seem to have forgiven you. I guess the Capt’n did, too. I don’t know if I ever will. But you done the right thing Jayne, admitting what you done. And you did save them back on Ariel. Both those things mean a lot to me. We ain’t leaving cause of you.” She look around the table, at these people who were her family. “It’s just time for us to have a home, put down roots. Time to think on the future.”

“We’re gonna miss you,” said Zoe.

“Don’t forget us,” said Inara.

“We won’t,” said Simon as he held Kaylee’s hand.

“So Persephone,” started Mal, trying to sound upbeat but his heart really wasn’t in it. “We sell the cargo, finish the inspection check and then I’ll pay you off, all three of you. Then we need to find someone to replace you.”

“New crew,” Jayne said in disgust. “I hate new crew.” And they all laughed, even Kaylee a bit, and the mood lightened.

They ate and talked about the future, Simon and Kaylee dancing around the subject of where to live. Lots of suggestions were thrown at them and they contemplated a few of them. Simon hadn’t told River where they would live yet and she sat and rattled off statistics about each place mentioned. She amazed them all with ability to know so much about each world.

After dinner was over and they had coffee and tea Zoe finally looked at Mal and asked him the burning question. “How did you know Jayne called the feds and how long have you known?”

“Soon as we got back from the hospital,” Jayne said as he took a sip of coffee. “He slugged me and I woke up in the airlock. Then he opened the outer door.”

Everyone froze and looked in horror at Mal. “What? He deserved it.”

Kaylee, much as she still had bad feelings for Jayne, couldn’t believe it. “You were gonna space him!”

Simon had a puzzled look. “Sorry, “space him”. What does that mean?”

“It’s an old way of dealing with a troublesome crewmember,” began Zoe.

Jayne picked up the explanation. “You put him in an airlock as you take off, open the door, and when you reach upper atmo he either freezes to death or dies from no oxygen and then gets sucked out into the space.”

“That’s horrible,” Simon said and he was pale and Kaylee knew he was thinking on his fears of airlocks and space.

“Wash told me he found you in the airlock but you wouldn’t tell him why,” Zoe said looking at Jayne.

“Now you know,” the mercenary replied.

“Always wondered who let you out,” chimed in Mal, so calm about all this.

“Yeah, Capt’n, but how did you know he called the feds?”

“Cause the feds had no idea we’d be in that hospital. Doc had a good plan, a great plan, almost foolproof. Just wasn’t Jayne proof. Also, cause they were at the back door. Cause he was pissed off River had cut him. Cause he’d been talking about doing the very same thing since they got on the boat. Cause he had an opportunity.”

Mal was glaring at Jayne now and Jayne glared back.

“Am I gonna take a lashing for this for the rest a my life?”

“No, Jayne. Like I said past is past. Just making sure you know that. Simon and River leave Serenity they’re no longer crew. But I ever find out someone tells the feds where they are and they get caught, first person I’m gonna look for is you.”

“Mal, I ain’t gonna rat no one out ever again.”

“Good. That’s all that needs saying.”

Mal stood and took his cup to the kitchen and said he’d be on the bridge.

“I can’t believe he was gonna space you,” said Zoe, still in awe. She knew the Capt’n better than anyone, thought Kaylee, but if she was surprised I guess she didn’t know him that well.

“Believe it,” said Jayne. “Cause it happened.”

Dinner ended and Kaylee and River cleaned up. Simon check Jayne’s shoulder one last time and then Jayne went off early to bed, the day seemingly a bit too stressful in a way he wasn’t used to. He said goodnight to Kaylee and she said the same and she thought he smiled a little.

Later in bed, after collecting the last of the laundry and folding and putting it away, Kaylee asked Simon about the Skyplex battle.

“Did you shoot anyone?”

“No. Don’t think so. Did you?”

“God, no.” She paused for a second. “River did.”

“I guess River saved us all even then. If those men had gotten on Serenity it would have been very bad indeed.”

Kaylee felt a chill as she remembered and snuggled closer to him.

“Thought I was gonna die there. Just couldn’t fire my gun. I let everyone down”

“No, you didn’t. You were very brave.”

She felt better. “You know since we’ve been married, you always know how to say the right things. What was the matter with you before?”

He laughed. “Lack of confidence, ah, trying too hard, not knowing what I wanted, ah, trying to impress you, ah, and I’m sure there are some other reasons.”

“Well, doctor, you’re doing much better now.”

He hugged her and stroked her hair and Kaylee felt warm and happy inside. After a long time they finally fell asleep.