The Doctor Tam Journals – Part 13 – Heart of Gold

After exploring the various ways one could enjoy themselves in a Firefly engine room, Kaylee took mercy on her exhausted husband and the two prepared to return to their room. Kaylee went looking for her clothes as Simon lay back on the hammock in a coma like state. She found her bra hanging from a lever in one corner, her shirt on a pipe, and her pants on the floor next to her shoes. Simon’s pajama pants were also there. After dressing they made there way down to their room and Kaylee had a quick wash and changed to her night dress. When she returned to the room Simon was fast asleep.

Kaylee was wired from all the emotions and pleasures of the day and she sat in the desk chair, her heart racing, still shuddering inside, remembering the touch of her man, the feel of the metal, the smell of the grease and oil. Her first time had been in her father’s factory, in a machine repair shop, with a boy who worked there. He had been 17, she 15 and she had wanted to do it so badly. Almost all her friends had done it and she wanted to know what she was missing. He took no persuading and their passionate kisses soon led to a pile of clothes on the floor and Kaylee leaning against a work bench. It had been fast and slightly painful but also pleasurable and he had no trouble doing it one more time before his lunch hour was over. The second time was much better and Kaylee experienced her sexual awakening at the hands of a man. Since that day the touch of metal, the feel of oil and the smell of grease were associated with pleasure. Being a mechanic was the perfect job in the verse.

The whole day had been wonderful and she was sure she would have killed Simon if she had tried to make him do it one more time. Sometimes Kaylee wanted to do nothing but lie in a bed all day and have sex but on Serenity those days were so rare. She envied Inara at times, the glamour, the clothes, the training she had to teach her all the ways to love and be loved. And she got paid! Not for the first time Kaylee thought about being a Companion. Then the more she thought about it the more she realized she wouldn’t have sex with just any man. Inara got to pick and choose her clients but she was lucky. She had a high reputation as a Companion and could be choosy. Not so those unlucky to be labeled “whores”.

A flood of memories came back then, of a solar sheeted house on a small moon, of Simon trying to deliver a baby, of gunshots in the cargo bay, and a funeral of Inara’s friend, one of many Kaylee had been to in the last half year. Kaylee picked up the journal and flipped through the pages to the spot she had left off.

“Several days have passed since the funeral on St. Albans. Kaylee and I seemed to have been avoiding each other the last few days, unsure where to go from here. Finally, she approached me in the infirmary this afternoon and we talked on Tracey and apologized to each other for what had happened. It was entirely my fault for what I had said to her. She fills my dreams, day and night and I can’t help but know I am in love with her. If only I knew how she felt. I know she likes me and is attracted to me, but I fear the consequences if I push her before she is ready to have a relationship. My body aches for her but I need it to be more than that. If I take this step with her she must understand the dangers and the trials ahead.”

Despite all they had been through together all his worries and fears were still preventing him from taking that next step. Those worries and fears had not disappeared and maybe never would. She looked at her husband, sleeping peacefully, and wondered what the days and weeks and months ahead would bring. She knew of the dangers, said her marriage vows knowing full well she could be signing up for a life on the run, with danger at every turn, but she gladly did so, not caring as long as she could be with him.

“We’ve done a few small jobs in the St. Albans area, not very profitable, as the captain often grumbles about, but it is work still the same. Wash’s bullet wound has healed and his vision has not been affected by it. River is more and more like the sister I remember every day. Her psychotic episodes have almost completely disappeared but she still talks in cryptic terms sometimes and it drives the rest of the crew mad. Jayne has not had a mean word for us nor said a word about us getting off Serenity since his accident on Bellerophon. I guess he has come to terms with the fact that we know he sold us out on Ariel and would perhaps use that against him if he causes us any more trouble. I dislike him intensely but would not do anything to cause rancor among the crew unless Jayne forced me to so.”

Kaylee had no such qualms about telling Jayne’s secret. She still felt Simon should have told them, all of them, a long time ago. It was out now but the sting was still there. More days were filled with notes, about the little things, more about River and the crew and her of course. She read it all, and smiled a few times as she recalled something funny or something nice had happened, like the time when she and Simon sat on the bridge and saw the mesmerizing display of a nebula in the far distance.

“My mind is exhausted as I write these words and may have to continue tomorrow. We have been involved in a brutal gunfight and I have just spent almost 24 hours without sleep, first delivering a baby and then fighting to save the lives of several wounded people. Time for bed.”

There it was, the fight for the whore house. Maybe that wasn’t quite right. It was a fight for a woman’s right to choose to have and keep her baby. Kaylee looked at the packet of green birth prevention pills with the unused one from that morning still lying on top. Of course she had talked with Simon about that but ultimately taking or not taking them was her choice. A woman had the right to choose and no one could say otherwise. But that man, Burgess, he had wanted to have the baby all for himself. Because she was a whore, Petaline had no rights in his eyes. And that didn’t sit well with the Capt’n.

Simon had stayed up an awful long time and when the fight was finally over they moved Serenity closer to the house and Simon worked throughout the day in the infirmary, treating the wounded from the fight, with one or two of the crew at his side, helping as much as they could. But he did it all and he save all who weren’t dead already. But nothing could save Nandi.

“This morning we had a funeral for those who died in the fight yesterday. I guess I better start at the beginning. Once again Captain Reynolds’ sense of duty and honor has come forth as we defended a group of people with hardly any connection to us. A few days ago Inara received a wave from a former Companion, a friend of hers, Nandi, who now operates a house of independent ladies who ply the sex trade. The captain called them whores and Inara did not disagree but that term is a tad too vulgar to describe these ladies I have recently met and cared for. The twists and turns in life that brought them to this place and station in life are unknown but we should not judge them based on their profession.”

Simon had a way with words, that was for sure, and his sense of honor did not allow him to call them whores, even though that’s what they were. Come to think of it he hardly looked at any of those ladies, except Petaline as she was giving birth. Jayne even joked that maybe Simon was sly but Kaylee definitely knew that wasn’t true. He was just wound too tight. If he had the time he could have had one of the girls. Then again maybe he didn’t cause she was there and he didn’t want to do so in front of her. Maybe he just thought it was beneath his Osirian social standing to truck with whores.

“We found the Heart of Gold bordello in a barren patch near a small town on a small moon. It was covered in metal sheeting which Kaylee said was for solar power. This far out they had no access to any public utilities if there were such a thing. We meet Nandi the house mistress and then I was introduced to Petaline, a young lady was about to have a baby. It seems the whole reason they needed our help was because a local man of importance, Lance Burgess, claimed that the baby Petaline carried was his and he was going to take the child away from its mother”

“Just before I was introduced to the expectant mother, Kaylee made a comment specifically for my ears, I’m sure. There were several young men employed in the bordello, most likely for homosexual male customers, and she wondered whether they serviced women. Wash asked if she would pay to have sex and she replied that no one else was lining up to ‘examine her’, which was for my benefit. I was quite embarrassed by the whole thing and pretended like I didn’t know what she was talking about while at the same time felt jealous again, worried that she might just decide to sleep with one of those men.”

Oh, he was so….honorable! Of course, those words had been for him and of course she was trying to make him jealous! Not that she wanted to pay for sex and lie with a strange man who had been with lots of other strange…men, most likely. Not exactly what Kaylee had in mind when it came to sex. But she had been so lonely and had gone so long without the touch of a man that it was awful tempting. Wash had made her feel better by telling her she was pretty and he’d take her in an instant if he weren’t married. She knew he wasn’t serious but it was till nice to hear. And Kaylee felt that tug of sadness again when reading or thinking about Wash or Book. Sometimes when she read Simon’s journal it felt like they were still here.

“Jayne was instantly in line to take payment for the job we hadn’t done yet and the last I saw of him he was heading to the upper level to where I’m sure the bedrooms were. The rest of the day I spent examining Petaline and making sure her baby was fine. Mal and Inara went to the town to meet this man Burgess, to size him up as the captain said. When they returned he called a meeting and said we should all leave, including Nandi and her people. She refused and her reasons were sound, seeing as she had worked hard to build her business. Unfortunately this decision cost her her life.”

“At this point Petaline went into labor and I missed much of the rest of the action. As the rest of the crew and Nandi’s people prepared our defense for the coming fight, Inara and I looked to Petaline and her baby. I asked River to stay close by me and she was more than willing, being intensely interested in the whole concept of pregnancy and childbirth. River was always very curious about many things so I was not surprised.”

Kaylee now wished she had been there, too. She had never seen a child being born and now that she was seriously getting ready for motherhood she want to know as much as she could. Guess it was time to log on to the Cortex and learn it all.

“Night came and still the baby had not come. Inara and I stayed by Petaline’s side through the night. River managed to get some sleep on a nearby chair but she wasn’t very comfortable. I had had limited experience in delivering children, as I confessed to Inara, but I knew all the basics and had assisted in several births. The labor was longer than normal but with each birth one never knows what will happen. The crew all went off to stand watch or get some sleep. I saw them briefly at breakfast the next morning but I did not see them again until the fight was over.’

That night Kaylee stood watch for a few hours, struggling to stay awake, until Shepherd Book came and relieved her. She had found an empty bed and crawled in and passed out right away. Zoe woke her just before dawn and the two went to the kitchen to help prepare breakfast. They had fried eggs and potatoes, toast and jam, lots of coffee and tea. The Capt’n had entered and seemed a little disturbed by something. Simon had also come in for coffee. He was frazzled, red eyed, and clearly exhausted. Kaylee had been preparing a cup of coffee for the Capt’n but when she saw Simon she instantly handed it to him. Simon had asked how everyone had slept and Kaylee had told him she had slept fine and it been just her, all alone. Everyone stopped talking when she said this and looked at the two of them. Kaylee knew they knew she said this for Simon and all he did was say that he was glad she slept well. Then Inara had come in and said the baby was about to come so they rushed off.

“The fight happened just after dawn. We were placed at the rear of the house in an area as far from danger as possible. The baby was born in the midst of gunfire, screams and curses and I hope this was not an omen for his life to come. He was a healthy boy and after we cleaned him up I prepared to hand him to his mother when Burgess burst into the room. He held a laser to my head and I had no choice but to hand him the baby.”

Held a laser to his head. Kaylee had never heard that part before. And River and Inara and Petaline were in the room. Simon had no choice that was for sure. Burgess would have killed them all and taken the baby just the same.

“As he turned to leave, in an instance Inara was on him with a knife to his throat. One of the ladies took the baby away from him, but then he knocked down Inara and then killed Nandi at the same time with a laser blast. I came out of the bedroom just as I saw Mal chase off after Burgess. A quick examination of Nandi revealed that the laser had cut clean….”

Oh, no! More ways to die! Guns, beatings, knife wounds, and now lasers. Kaylee couldn’t stand to read it and skipped ahead.

“The gunfire died down and I came out to see what assistance I could render. Jayne and Zoe were worried on why Serenity had not taken off to help us and then I feared the worst for Kaylee. They raced off to the ship and after some time returned with three prisoners. Kaylee and Wash were fine and it was with a sense of relief that I saw her.”

They had had an adventure of their own on Serenity, of the kind Kaylee’d not soon repeat. Guns and terror went hand in hand for her and again she had someone shooting at her and she couldn’t fight back. After they entered the ship Kaylee sensed something was wrong. She was not sure why but it was just a gut feeling like something was out of place. Then she looked up and saw three men pointing weapons at them from the catwalk. She had dragged Wash down just in time. They managed to get out of the cargo bay and climbed the rear stairway to the engine room.

Wash had a plan, which didn’t go quite as well as he’d hoped. While Kaylee hid in the dining room lounge behind a sofa Wash closed the door to the aft stairway. The three men came into the dining room and Kaylee had an extreme moment of heart pounding terror as she feared they would see her. She cursed Wash and his stupid plan under breath. But then he drew their attention away and they chased after him toward the engine room. Kaylee had leapt up and shut the aft corridor door as Wash closed the engine room door. Now the flaw in their plan became obvious: how could Wash fly the ship if he was in the engine room?

The men had shot at them but the steel doors protected them. They had also tried to open the door leading down to the aft stairway but Wash had jammed it closed somehow. After about twenty minutes Jayne and Zoe had come in and Zoe convinced the three men that they had lost the fight and they laid down arms. They returned to the house, Kaylee worried about her friends and was glad to see all were well. Then came a shocking moment as Petaline executed Burgess.

“I don’t think any of us was prepared to see Petaline execute the father of her child. No one tried to stop her and no one really blamed her but it was shocking still the same. After, I asked Wash to land the ship close to the house so we wouldn’t have to move the wounded. I set to work and found the Heart of Gold had lost three dead, including Nandi and had five wounded. Burgess was dead as were six of his men. Seven were wounded and I managed to save them all, even one with a chest wound. Their families came to collect the dead and wounded and even took the badly wounded man despite my protests. A doctor with them claimed they had adequate facilities to care for the wounded. The Heart of Gold wounded refused to go to the town hospital, claiming it was a cesspool where they would surely die, if not from their wounds then from the hands of the townsfolk.”

All had praise Simon and the work he did and when it was finished the Capt’n ordered him to get to bed. Kaylee had looked in on him and he hadn’t even bothered to take off his clothes or shoes. She gently removed his shoes and covered him with a blanket. As she stood looking down on him she couldn’t help herself and gave him a kiss on the forehead, from her and all those he had helped. He had stirred a bit but did not wake up.

“The funeral had been a sad affair as they all are and this more so as Nandi had been a close friend of Inara’s. I hope going to funerals does not become a habit on Serenity. Two in as many weeks is enough for me.”

Funerals. Her mother’s, Tracey’s, Nandi’s, Wash, Book, Mr. Universe, the last ones all in the last six months. She didn’t want to think on who would be next.

Kaylee looked at the clock and saw it was almost 12 am. She put down the journal and stretched and a yawn escaped her mouth. It had been a long day and the sad thoughts she had reading the journal did not last long as she recalled all she had done this day. Kaylee had had more sex this day than in any she could recall in a long time. Her body felt alive and wanted and as she crawled into bed she snuggled close to her man and let waves of sleep wash over her mind.

**************************************************************

“Kaylee, Kaylee”. She heard the voice come from far away and thought she was still dreaming for a moment. Then she opened her eyes a crack and saw River staying over her and instantly Kaylee was awake. Simon hugged her tighter, murmured something in her ear and kissed her.

“Ah, honey, we’re not alone.”

“Tell them to go away,” he mumbled and then he slowly opened his eyes and realized where they were also and that his sister was standing next to their bed.

“River, what are you doing here?” he said in mild surprise, his voice still heavy with sleep.

“My job. You’d better get up. Were landing soon and captain is already awake,” River said and then she walked out.

“Oh, is it time already?” said Simon as he looked up at the clock on the wall.. It said 5:30 am, ship’s time. “5:30? Bit early for landing, isn’t it?”

“New coordinates,” Kaylee replied as she climbed out of bed. “Remember?”

“Now I do.” Before they had left River last night she told them the new landing time was around 6am. After she used the washroom, Kaylee made her way up to the bridge as Simon took time to wash, shave and get dressed.

River and Mal were on the bridge in the two pilot’s seats, with the huge bulk of Persephone filling the window, the planet mostly dark as they approached its night side, a few lights twinkling below the only signs of life. She hesitated as she came up the stairs, looking at her Capt’n, his profile outlined in the glow of the cockpit lights, listening to his quiet words of command to River, getting a lump in her throat as she wondered if she’d ever see this scene again. He turned and smiled at her and she couldn’t help but smile back as she came onto the flight deck.

“Morning Capt’n. How long till landfall?” Kaylee said, her voice constricted, just a little too tight from the emotions flooding her heart.

“Morning, little Kaylee,” Mal answered, not noticing anything wrong with her. “About 20 minutes. Prepare for landing.”

“Yes, Capt’n,” she replied and turned immediately for the exit to head to the engine room. Landings were routine for Serenity and her crew, seeing as that was the business they were in, jumping from planet to planet, moon to moon, but ever since the landing at Mr. Universe’s complex, nothing would ever seem routine again. As Kaylee made her way aft, the Capt’n’s voice came over the loud speaker.

“This is the captain. All crew prepare for landing. Repeat, all crew prepare for landing,”

“Didn’t know it was so soon,” Simon said as he met Kaylee in the dinning room. The two made their way aft to the engine room, it being their landing station, Kaylee to set the power and look after things, Simon to stand by to fight fire if need be. They saw Jayne groggily make his way out of his bunk and head down to the cargo hold. His job was to secure all cargo there. Kaylee was sure he had done so last night but he was double checking to make sure. Zoe’s job was to be on the bridge to carry out any orders the Capt’n had and they saw her head from her bunk, dressed and awake, and go up to the bridge. Inara was to stay in her shuttle and be ready for an emergency evacuation if it came to that. As a last resort, if things fell to pieces, they would all rush to her shuttle and separate from the ship if possible. It was not a perfect plan and any one of a thousand things could go wrong but the Capt’n preferred having this plan than none at all.

“Gravity off,” came the Capt’n’s order over the intercom.

Kaylee switched off the artificial gravity ring and she could feel the ship responding to Persephone’s gravity. That part always made first timers a little queasy, switching from ship’s gravity to planet side, but the crew were old hats at this, even Simon and River now. This landing was as bumpy as usual and the ship bucked and bounced as they hit atmo. Things got a little steamy inside as the temperatures rose but then they were through the hard part and the ride became smoother.

The whirl and wine of the landing gear came to Kaylee’s ears next and she knew they would land soon. Simon always said he could never hear them come down but she knew, knew every sound on the ship, and was missing the old gal already. The ship paused in midair as River coasted them in and then they stopped completely as the ship gently touched ground. As they settled down, Kaylee pulled the engine power levers back to idle, turning their radiation core main engine down a few notches. River controlled the VTOL engines from the bridge and soon Kaylee heard them whine down to a stop. The main engine was needed to maintain electrical and other support functions on the ground but Kaylee always kept it set for immediate take off. The Alliance was out there, looking for them, and they never knew what surprise lay in store on every landing.

Kaylee stayed in the engine room and River on the bridge as the others armed themselves and scouted the ground. After a long wait Simon returned and said all was secure.

They met River and the three went downstairs and outside with the others. It was near dawn and the first fingers of a new day were poking over the horizon. It was hard to see but Kaylee noticed lots of trees and stretched and breathe the fresh air of Persephone. Ships air was recycled and scrubbed clean of carbon dioxide, with its moisture removed for the little water recycling they could do, so it had a stale, dry quality to it. Fresh air was always a boon for the crew and they all stood and enjoyed it, breathing deeply. The Capt’n, Jayne, and Zoe were still armed but Kaylee felt no danger was near in this serene setting. As it became lighter Kaylee could see they were in a clearing in a forest with a dirt road leading to it

“The last landing,” Kaylee said quietly and then she almost began to cry. Simon put his arm around her and they watched a beautiful sunrise, no one saying a word, feeling the warmth of the star’s golden rays on their faces. Mal held Inara’s hand and she leaned on him letting her head rest on his shoulder. Jayne sauntered over to a grassy patch and pick up a blade and put in his teeth as Zoe walked toward the road, eyes wary, looking at every tree, then up the road. River just stood and stretched her arms, enjoying the air and sunshine.

“Got time for a quick breakfast before Harrow gets here,” Mal said and then he looked to Kaylee. “Love to have one of your omelets.”

“Sure thing, Capt’n.”

“Jayne, get some onions and tomatoes for the omelets and slabs of ham and bacon from the cargo. Harrow won’t miss it and if he does he can take it out of my cut.”

“Shiny,” Jayne replied as he went up the cargo bay ramp and made his way to the piles of crates and boxes, grinning as he pulled out his big knife.

The breakfast was magnificent; Kaylee’s omelets and the ham and bacon a big hit, and soon all were sated and felt good about the prospects of a nice pay day. Jayne babbled on about how he was going to have the biggest steak and biggest woman he could find in Persephone. Zoe wanted to go find Badger and give him something to remember for their Sturges troubles but Mal put an end to that talk.

Sir Warrick Harrow of the red sash and several men with two trucks showed up just as they made their way back to the cargo hold. Mal and Inara went out to meet them and pleasantries were exchanged. Soon after and the crew and Harrow’s men began to unload the cargo as Harrow and Mal went over the manifest together. Kaylee and Simon pitched it with the unloading and it took about an hour to complete it. Harrow had set up an electronic scale and weighed and counted all the cargo, making many notes on the manifest.

After all the cargo was loaded, Harrow told his men to wait, and then he took one of the finest bottles of brandy from a box and asked the crew to join him in a drink. They all made their way to the dinning room on Serenity, sat at the table as Kaylee and Inara brought out glasses. Harrow poured drinks for all and then raised his glass a little and they all drank. The brandy was warm and fiery as it went down Kaylee’s throat and she felt its immediate effects.

Harrow looked around the dinning room. “Few items were short weight or missing Captain Reynolds. I take it some of my cargo managed to find its way into your kitchen during the voyage.”

“Awful temptation,” replied Mal. “Kept them away from the liquor if that’s any compensation.”

“Well, it doesn’t seem like too much is missing. I guess we can call it a full load delivered.”

“Much obliged”

Harrow pulled out a thick envelope and handed it to Mal and all the crew put on big smiles as they eyed the big pay day they were expecting. “You know Captain Reynolds, you have quite a reputation on Persephone now. Atherton Wing has sworn revenge, claiming you beat him unfairly.”

“I never won a fair fight in my life. Guess I shoulda killed him.”

Inara grew a little worried. “Does he know we’ve returned?”

“No, he is unaware of your whereabouts. Another old acquaintance of yours, Mr. Badger is also on the look out for you, claims you left him in an embarrassing position last time you were here.”

“Any trouble he had with us he brought on himself,” Mal replied.

“The quarrels amongst thieves are not my concern. You once again have kept your word and delivered my goods. I have another job for you in a few days time.”

“Not cows again I hope?’

“No. Something more profitable. Now about this inspection you are wanting. The inspector will be here first thing tomorrow morning. But there’s one conundrum. Seems he said the only way to get a proper inspection sticker is to change the name of the ship.”

The news stunned them all a little, Mal especially, and all went silent as they watched the captain, waiting for his answer.

“Tell him to come anyway, look over my boat. Just to make sure we’re safe. Can’t say right now if I agree to what he says. Got a lot invested in that there name.”

Harrow put his glass down. “I understand. It makes no difference to me if you are legitimate or not, nor to a lot of others. An alliance patrol stops you, however,…”

“Us being illegal be least of our problems.”

“Yes. I heard about the Tam siblings.”

Everyone looked at Harrow in surprised and couldn’t help but look toward Simon and River. Kaylee felt her blood draining away from her face, and her voice trembled as she couldn’t stay quiet anymore. “Sorry, sir, but what did you hear?”

“Badger claims this young man here and this young lady,” he began pointing to Simon and River. “Are wanted fugitives. He had their pictures on wanted notices. Said if I was to do business with you he’d give me half the reward if I told him where we were meeting.”

Kaylee turned pale. “You didn’t tell him…?”

“Not to worry, the Tam reward is but a trifling compared to my regular business. Besides, wouldn’t want you as an enemy Captain Reynolds.”

“No, that wouldn’t be too wise,” said Mal as he eyed Harrow.

Jayne snorted. “Tell Badger I got a bullet with his name on it.”

“Not if I get to him first,” said Zoe.

Simon finished his drink and looked to Harrow. “Sir Warrick, how long ago did Badger mention us?”

“Last week. Despite my distaste for the man, he does have contacts I need on occasion.”

“Last week,” said Kaylee in a quiet voice and she held Simon’s hand tight.

“Was their any mention of Serenity on the wanted notices?” Mal asked.

“No, no mention of Serenity. Just the Tam’s pictures, names, and particulars.”

Harrow finished his drink and Mal and Inara showed him off the ship. After they returned Mal counted the money and began to divide it for the ship’s needs and the crew’s pay. Jayne was first in line as Mal handed him a thick stack of bills. He went off to his bunk whistling a tune, the happiest merc in the verse. Zoe received her share and went off to prepare shuttle two for a cargo run to the Eavesdown Docks. Then he paid Simon, Kaylee and River but they didn’t even count it, all three very worried.

“Should be enough to see you where you're going and start a new life,” was all he said.

Inara was worried also. “You should stay with us.”

“Us?” Kaylee perked up. “You’re staying?”

“Yes. I decided yesterday. I’m no longer going to be a Companion.”

“That’s nice,” was all she could think to say and then felt it was all wrong, everything. “Oh, I didn’t mean it that way. You know I’m, we’re happy for the two of you. Just hearing the Alliance…”

“We thought they might have forgotten about us,” Simon concluded her thought.

Mal looked at Simon. “Doc, I ain’t one to stop a man from doing what needs doing, less he’s in my way. I respect what you want to do for your wife and sister. No need to tell you we ain’t in the safest business in the verse. You know you are all welcome to stay and I sure as hell could use you. Now with this news the Alliance is still looking for you, be best thing to do. I give you to sundown to change your mind and then I gotta put the word out for new crew.”

Simon slowly looked to Kaylee and then River to judge their reactions. River was calm as she often was these days and Kaylee was a nervous wreck, all her worries coming to life. But she nodded to Simon and she could sense him get courage from this.

“Captain, ah, Mal, I will give you my answer now. My decision is final as far as I am concerned. I am grateful for all you and the crew of Serenity have done for us. We’ve been more than enough trouble...and I don’t wish to bring any more to you. The Alliance is looking for us, not you. But as long as we are on Serenity we will always represent a danger to you and the ship. It’s time for us to leave.”

All were quiet waiting for Mal to reply. “Don’t know they leave us alone or not even if you are gone. Wanted posters or not, they know this ship. They find you somewhere on some rock you’ll have no protection, no guns to look out for you. You think on that?”

“I have. But it’s a chance we are willing to take, if it means we can have a home, a family, some peace.”

“I’ve killed” said River, her voice surprising them because she had been so quiet. Kaylee and the others looked to River. “Three of Niska’s men, maybe someone in that bar, uncounted Reavers. Others I don’t know and can’t remember.”

“River, why are you telling us this?” asked Simon very gently.

“Because I will be there. With you. I will protect you and Kaylee and any children. And no one needs to worry.”

Mal couldn’t help but smile, “No, guess don’t have to worry too much on you all with River there.”

Kaylee felt like it was going to be all right now and she looked to her Capt’n and found her voice and quietly said what she had to say.

“We’ll leave tomorrow, after the inspection is done. Shuttle take us to the docks. We’ll get passage to where were going.” She gulped as she said this last, hardly looking him in the eye.

Mal was quiet and stared at the table. Inara reached out and squeezed his hand. “Gonna miss you something fierce, little Kaylee,” he finally said in a choked voice and rose and left toward the bridge before he lost control of his emotions. Kaylee felt a flood of tears come over her and then Inara was at her side and they hugged and cried as Simon and River silently sat by.