Chapter 3

With a grunt, Jayne dropped another bag beside Inara and then leaned back, stretching his sore muscles. He’d been working non-stop to get as much out of the ship as he could and he’d had to do it all alone.

Everyone else was too injured to assist. Inara and the lil-pint were all enamored of the new baby, using him as a distraction so they wouldn’t need to think about what they’d lost. Mal and Zoe were helping as much as they could once Jayne dropped the bagfuls of items to the ground. River, who hadn’t been too badly hurt, refused to leave her brother’s side. Kaylee – Jayne shook his head, unwilling to let his thoughts go in that direction. He’d want to hit things then. Cave in and crush skulls. Make things bleed.

He glanced around the forest, lush in places, bare in others, and heaved a huge sigh. In lieu of doing damage to those responsible, he’d had to settle for manual labor. He was used to it. It was nothing new. And it kept him from dwelling on what they’d lost because of - he glanced sideways at Mal - the captain’s bad decision. The mercenary glanced up toward the ship and gnashed his teeth together, clenching his jaw until it hurt as he thought about all of the mistakes the captain had made that had cost lives.

The baby whimpered in Inara’s arms and Jayne’s head swiveled to take in the tiny face, eyes scrunched and short, stubby fingers balled into tight fists. It was difficult to hate the little boy, but the big man could still be angry at his father and the crazy little moonbrain the captain had allowed onto his boat almost two years ago now. If Mal had just turned them away or flushed them out the airlock, this would never have happened.

The snap of a twig and the rustle of approaching footsteps alerted the survivors that someone was coming. Jayne slipped his pistol from its holster faster than the eye could see and blended into the foliage, determined to kill as many Alliance scum as he could before they took him.

Mal and Zoe drew much slower, their injuries clearly preventing them from moving at their normal speed.

“We saw the crash,” a grey haired woman said as she walked around a large tree trunk, a group of curious and wide-eyed people behind her. “Can we be of any aid?” She approached where Inara, Madeline and the baby sat. The others who accompanied her looked cautiously at the wreckage littering the forest.

It was difficult to miss the grateful look that passed across Inara’s face. “It would be appreciated, thank you.”

“I’m Kara Eldar, from Flagstaff.” She arched her neck to indicate the direction from which they’d come. “Town not too far from here.”

“That your transport back there?” A man asked, pointing in the direction the shuttle had landed.

Inara nodded. “It is.”

The older woman glanced down at the fussing bundle wrapped in Inara’s skirts. “This little one is small.”

Inara bit back a sob and tightened her hold on the baby. “Born just today.”

A look of surprise passed across the older woman’s face. “You look well, but you should probably –“

“He’s not mine.”

The woman stared at Inara for a long moment then glanced at the ship, understanding dawning behind her bright blue eyes.

“His mother is trapped inside the ship – with his father,” Inara clarified.

“I see.” Kara knelt beside Inara and held out her hand. “We’d like to help you. So many folks gettin’ caught in the battles lately.“

‘’ppreciate it,” Mal answered from where he limped back toward them from the ship, holstering his weapon.

A man with a medical bag hurried forward and helped Mal to sit. “Let me look at your wounds.”

“Worse one’s our doc, inside,” Mal grit out when the man pressed on a particularly sensitive rib.

“We’ll get to him. Let me treat you first.“ The young man held out his hand, “Rand Bas. My sister and I are the town’s doctors. Don’t usually got much need to go into the city for medical care. ‘Cept, your people might be bad off enough we need to take you there.”

Mal tensed, drawing the attention of an armed man who stood behind Kara. “You Independents?”

“Got caught in the middle,” Mal offered. It was the truth, if not the whole of it. “Got shot down because of it.”

Zoe’s eyes darted back and forth between a few of the rougher looking men and the doctor who was treating Mal’s wounds with surprising efficiency. “Still got people in there if you can get ‘em out.”

The man behind Kara nodded curtly, motioned to the others, and moved toward the ship. When Mal called out a warning, they paused to wait for ‘Jayne’ to show them the safest way in.

A younger woman, Rand’s sister, carrying what looked like a medical bag, knelt beside Inara. “Could I examine him? Make sure he’s healthy?”

Inara nodded to the young woman, whose curiously kind hazel eyes reminded her of Kaylee. She nodded a response, and opened the material covering the newborn – but did not relinquish her hold.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

“Lily, we need a hand up here!” One of the men called from the ship after noticing Rand was still busy with his two patients.

The young girl smiled kindly at Inara and hurried over to where the knotted rope dangled from the top of the ship. She glanced up expectantly. The bits of waning sunlight that peeked through the trees highlighted strands of red in her otherwise honey-hued hair.

“Got some wounded up here needs your care.”

Fearless, the woman slung her bag over her head and gripped the rope. “Lift me up!”

In no time, the men had pulled the young doctor into the wreckage and were leading her back toward the bowels of the ship; a small passage had been cleared so that she could crawl through unhindered.. Wiping sweat from her eyes, Lily took in the damage with an astonished eye. “How’d anyone live through this?”

“One didn’t,” the man in front of her answered as they began to crawl through torn and bent metal.

Once reaching their destination, Lily immediately noticed the three people huddled together. Heaving a deep breath, Lily moved through the men, on her hands and knees, to triage the situation.

A dark-haired girl, eyes swollen and puffy, looked up and moved out of the way from where she lay, head pillowed on a man’s arm. Lily reached for her but the girl pushed away the attention.

“I’ll be fine. Simon needs help. He’s hurt.”

Lily nodded and crawled to Simon’s side, instantly noting the chill of his skin beneath hers. “Simon?” she asked, hoping to rouse him. His eyes were closed and as she leaned closer, she noticed his labored breathing. Reaching into her bag, she drew out some equipment, and stopped short when she heard him speak.

“Please don’t take her away.” The sadness in his voice sent chills down her spine.

Lily’s eyes flicked toward the pale woman who lay still on the other side of him. The distress and sadness in his voice caused her heart to skip and she swallowed hard against the sudden lump that formed in her throat.

“I need to treat you. Can you let me do that?” She leaned down and began to diagnose his injuries. They were extensive, but probably not fatal if treated right away. Most of the blood covering him was from the woman lying at his side, a woman who, clearly, had been someone very special to him.

“Doesn’t matter.” His voice was flat. “Nothing matters anymore.”

The dark-haired girl suddenly appeared at Lily’s side, clutching Simon’s hand. “Don’t say that. Your son needs you. I need you.”

“Kaylee needed me too.” Simon hissed in pain as Lily pulled open his already torn shirt and swabbed at a particularly large gash that ran the length of his chest.

“Not your fault.”

Lily was startled when Simon’s head lolled to one side and he looked directly at her – through her. The heartache reflected in those striking blue eyes stole her breath and she found herself having to glance away.

The young girl’s eyes narrowed and Lily felt immediately uncomfortable, as if she had intruded on something intensely personal between the two. She continued her work in silence, only asking questions when she absolutely needed to know the answers.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

By the time they’d managed to get Simon and Kaylee out of the ship, night had fallen. It was too dark to traverse the forest, especially with so many injured, so fires were built in a small clearing and everyone huddled around them for warmth. Tall trees swayed above them, providing a thick canopy of dark protection from anyone looking down from above.

The shuttle wasn’t far off, but Inara had refused to leave Mal’s side when the doctors decided it wouldn’t be wise for the injured to try and make it even that far.

Lily and Kara brewed some weak tea and they passed the few cups around to keep everyone occupied. River refused it. She just continued her vigil by her brother’s side. She watched him, and everyone, closely, her gaze mostly hidden by a veil of long dark hair that fell over her face.

Simon lolled in and out of consciousness, muttering, whispering words no one could understand. His skin was damp and clammy. The hours trapped inside the ship had taken their toll and River knew some of his wounds were now infected. She reached out and rested a hand on his shoulder, then trailed slim fingers his cheek. Some part of her always touched him, even as her eyes scanned the group huddled around the fires. She couldn’t bring herself to smile when her gaze fell on Mal. But she tried. He sat with Inara, and River could sense that the two desperately tried to take comfort from one another’s closeness. It hadn’t worked well, but the wounds were still fresh – the memories, the grief. And they were the two most stubborn people she knew. They would never just fall into one another arms like Simon and Kaylee finally had. There was too much baggage. For a moment, River hoped that these events would begin a union they both clearly wanted, but had been far too afraid to begin.

As if sensing River’s eyes on her, Inara lifted her head. River could see her arms tense, prepare to offer the sleeping baby to her, but she shook her head and smiled sadly at her unconscious brother. Inara understood and lowered her gaze again.

River’s eyes swept around the campfires, lingered briefly on the two doctors huddled together and speaking in whispers, before focusing on the darkness which surrounded them. She watched like a hawk for movement in the treeline. She knew Jayne was there keeping watch, alternating duties with the rest of the men, to make sure nothing dangerous could approach the group without warning.

Movement at her side drew back her attention and River rested a hand on Madeline’s shoulder. The girl had filled her awake time by fawning over the baby, but when her eyes began to droop, she hovered close to Simon, and had fallen asleep as close to him as anyone would allow.

Each time the baby woke, Simon would toss and turn, clearly agitated by the sound of his son’s cries. Madeline would wake too and reach out her small hand to touch whatever part of him she could reach. It seemed to calm him more than the drugs.

River closely watched each injection Lily gave to Simon. He would calm for a few moments and then fall asleep again, and she would settle against him for another few hours of uneasy rest. Because even though his body was still, his mind was not. She could feel the numb nothingness that surrounded him. It was a sharp contrast to Jayne’s anger, Mal’s fear, and Inara’s heartache. And it settled around her shoulders like the weight of a wet, chilly blanket. She closed her eyes and tried to retreat into her own mind. She needed to combat her own grief, find a way to stabilize it. She needed to ground herself. Otherwise, she would be no use to her brother, no use to anyone. And they needed her now. They needed her to be sane. ~ ~ ~ ~

Simon was cold. Numb. He could feel each injection as if it were a knife slicing open already raw and bleeding skin. But he didn’t have the energy to even open his eyes. He simply waited for the barely efficient drugs to take effect and force him back into dream-filled sleep.

He could remember each time he woke. Pain shot through his body, but the medication couldn’t numb the pain in his mind – and heart.

If the doctor had anything stronger, it wasn’t being used. He didn’t think he was hurt badly enough for the good stuff anyway, or, they just simply didn’t have it. So, instead of a blissful, painless, dreamless sleep, his body relaxed and the pain receded to a dull roar. But his mind remained active, replaying every event that had led him to this point in his life in clarifying detail.

Guilt over the deaths of so many innocents weighed heavily on him. Friends he’d seen die because of choices he’d made, loved ones who he would never again touch, hold, kiss. In his dreams, he sobbed for their loss, tears flowed freely down his cheeks as he remembered it all, as he watched it replay in his mind with no way to stop it.

He didn’t realize that River heard it all as she snuggled close to him, and in his dreams he felt her wipe away the very real tears that leaked out from beneath his tightly closed eyelids.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Simon said nothing as he was carried out of the forest on a man-made gurney. Inara asked multiple times if he wanted to hold his son, but he continued to stare up at the trees swaying in the morning breeze. He couldn’t look at the boy right now, and yet all he wanted to do was hold the little one. It was a contrast of emotion so strong, Simon didn’t know how to respond, so he remained silent.

Finally, Inara stopped asking and with another needle to the neck, Simon was once again unconscious.

Only the sound and smell of something familiar woke him again. As he peeled open his eyes and stared straight up at the sterile white washed walls, he felt like he’d come home. A nurse hovered around him and smiled kindly when she noticed his eyes flutter open. She said something that Simon couldn’t acknowledge, much less process, but that didn’t stop the smile from crossing her face.

“Good of you to join us, doctor,” another voice, this one firmer, steadier than the last, echoed from the other side of the room.

Simon’s head swiveled toward the sound and he blinked several times to get his bearings as the white-clad form focused in front of him. His mouth moved and the nurse put a straw to his lips to allow him a small sip to wet his pallet.

As the doctor explained the injuries Simon had sustained, he simply nodded, understanding. He didn’t question how the man knew he was a doctor. He had to guess that someone had told him.

When the doctor was done speaking, Simon whispered Kaylee’s name.

“We have her,” the doctor confirmed with a slow nod. “Your sister is outside waiting with your son. He checked out fine. We’ve just given him a few vitamin supplements to allow his immune system to more fully develop since he arrived early.”

“Can I see them?” Simon whispered, taking a deep, shaky breath.

The doctor nodded and motioned to the nurse still hovering in the background. “Of course. I’ll be back later.”

When Simon heard the door open, he turned his head and his eyes widened when he saw Inara walk in holding the baby.

“My –“

“Sister,” Inara nodded slowly and sat down beside him, tilting the baby up so that Simon could see his face.

“Where’s –“

Inara’s eyes bore into his, pleading with him to not ask for his real sister by name.

Somewhere in the back of his drugged mind, Simon understood. He blinked several more times in an attempt to recover more focus, but it was little use and he sank into the bed with a heavy sigh.

“Don’t rush it, Simon.” Inara moved closer and took his hand after noticing the look of frustration the passed across his face. “You’re injured and you need time to recover.”

His eyes shifted the dark-haired boy as he chewed on a tiny fist and stared right at his father.

A lump forming in his throat, Simon could only nod. He hesitated for a moment, and simply watched his son, wanting to see the life he and Kaylee had created. That life was both a reminder of what he’d lost and what he’d gained. So much more had been lost and Simon had a difficult time sorting it out in his mind. He blamed the drugs, but in truth, Simon had just had the only thing stable about his life pulled out from beneath him. Kaylee had made him feel at home on that derelict ship she’d more than once been angry at him for calling a piece of junk. He’d gotten used to the place, called it home, and now it was gone – and so was the woman who had made him feel that way.

As the emotions of the last few days barreled through his drug-induced system, he had to turn away so that Inara wouldn’t see the tears that rolled unwelcome down a bruised cheek.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

As he raised his hand to knock on the open door, Mal stopped and hesitated, his eyes falling on Inara’s face as she hummed to the baby. His heart twisted and churned in many ways, most of them unnerving instead of uncomfortable. He found himself standing there just listening to the hypnotizing sound, before finding his voice and rapping his knuckles on the open door.

There was no smile in her eyes anymore, not since Kaylee – Mal swallowed thickly. He didn’t want to think about his beloved mei mei, but everywhere he turned, there was something in his path to remind him of his oft times annoyingly bubbly mechanic. He couldn’t even take refuge in his home; it was gone too.

He had to face some very real fears now. He couldn’t run from them any longer. He’d been afraid to support the Independents for fear of what might happen to his crew. But the worst had happened anyway, despite how hard he’d tried to keep out of the fighting. He felt the very real pull to act now, do more than what little they’d already accomplished.

But as he stared at Inara, he realized that decision that had been nagging at him for the past few days, coupled with sadness and anger, needed to wait – for just a little while longer.

He needed to start with something simple: an apology. He’d put it off for far too long, using his injuries as an excuse, and Kaylee’s death as a reason for his increasing detachment. No one had pushed him to answer questions or reassure them in any way. They were all grieving. And they each had their own methods of doing so.

“Mal.” Inara’s voice was low, gentle. She turned her gaze back to the gibbering bundle in her arms and forced a small smile.

Mal entered, walking in slow, measured steps toward Inara. His advance stopped when she said, “you haven’t really seen much of him.”

Mal’s eyes flicked to the baby. “Ain’t seen much of anyone bein’ cooped up in that bed.” Mal stopped. Now was not the time for excuses, and simply said, “He’s been in good hands.”

“Would have been –“ Inara shook her head and Mal’s eyes narrowed. “Nevermind.”

Mal knew exactly what she meant. “Ain’t been easy.”

Her head snapped up and she met his narrowed gaze with one of her own. Mal recoiled at the look, unsure his fragile heart could take another emotional beating.

Inara opened her mouth but closed it again and glanced down at the baby in her arms. “He was early, but the doctors say he’s strong.”

Mal could sense her wish to talk, but he could hear the hesitance in her tone, the unwillingness to look too weak before him. He swallowed hard. “Just like his ma.”

Inara pursed her lips and for a moment Mal thought she was going to cry. But she simply nodded slowly and ran a long, slim finger over the baby’s pudgy cheek. “Yes.” After a moment, she glanced up. “Simon?”

Mal’s jaw tensed and his eyes hardened. He didn’t want to talk about Simon. Instead, he shrugged and took a few more steps into the room. He glanced down at the baby and finally answered with an unconcerned, “Ain’t seen ‘im.”

He felt his cheeks flame as Inara’s eyes searched his face. He hadn’t been entirely truthful in his answer. He’d just come from Simon’s room. But he hadn’t been able to go in. He found himself torn between wanting to wrap his hands around the boy’s neck and choke the life out of him for – so many things he’d lost count, and dearly needing to reminisce about the little mechanic they both loved so much, but he’d only stood at the door, unable to force his feet into the room.

“We’re all grieving, Mal.” Inara’s soft voice broke his reverie and his hands unconsciously balled into fists at his side.

“An’ Simon don’t want to even see his kid. The kid Kaylee died to –“ he choked, unable to continue, and turned away so Inara would not see his weakness. He moved to the small window and looked out, seeing nothing.

“We all grieve in our own way.” Her voice was soft, gentle, and Mal knew it was more to keep the baby quiet, than representative of how she really felt about the situation. She was a fiercely loyal and opinionated woman, and he wished she’d stand up and yell, scream – cry, for all they had lost.

Mal set his jaw, took a deep breath, and turned around. “They released me and Zoe. We can –“

“Can what, Mal?” Her interruption surprised him and his mouth hung open as she continued. “Can go home now?” She pressed a gentle kiss to the baby’s cheek before laying him back in the small crib that had been brought in for her to use. When she stood and stalked toward him, Mal stood his ground, though the fire in her eyes told him quite plainly that he should take several steps back.

“We have no home to go back to. We’re trapped here. Like sitting ducks waiting for the Alliance to come back and take their revenge. We have no –“

He quickly enveloped her in his arms and held her tight, needing to do something but unable to speak. She tensed in his arms, and even balled her hands into fists and struck his chest – out of anger, frustration, despair, he didn’t know which, but figured it to be a combination of all three.

After a few moments, Inara lifted her head. Her eyes were wet, but no tears had fallen. Instead, they were hard, angry, as she spoke, exasperation evident in her tone. “Kaylee’s dead, Mal. Gone. And I’ve been caring for her infant son for the last few days because his father is unable and, currently, unwilling, to do it himself. Me? Caring for a baby.”

Mal couldn’t voice how unusual, yet so natural, it looked to see her holding a little one.

But Inara continued, forcing his attention to her words. “His aunt is hiding outside of town so anyone who has seen the news feeds about the Tams doesn’t immediately suspect our injured doctor. You are hurt. Zoe is hurt. Madeline’s father is dead. And I – I don’t know who to grieve for more. There isn’t enough of me to go around.”

When she tired and weakly leaned against him, he simply held her, wishing there was something he could do or say to put their family back together again.

TBC

--------------- Reviews before the hack.

----------------- cbsteve Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 05:50

Good work. Sad Kaylee is gone in your verse, but thats the real world, isn't it? Simon will love his son, he just needs time. Mal's family is how I always saw the crew. Sometimes things get broke and can't be fixed. Least thats what Kaylee would say to him. Looking forward to more. ----------------------

LadySage Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 06:20

I found the ending of this chapter stronger than the beginning, but maybe that fits the mood. After all, they are shaken up by the crash, assessing the damage, and hesitating to accept the sudden help of the locals.

I really enjoyed River's POV and the moment at the end with Mal/Inara. They are still side-stepping around their feelings, but at least they are facing the situation and each other.

Good stuff!

:-)

--------------------

abbeygirl Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 06:24

This is truly heartbreaking, but I can't seem to stop wanting to see the next chapter. Great job. ------------

wytchcroft Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 06:51

this piece is really building well - after such a dramatic opening last time - it could easily have fizzled but NO, continuing to develop and grip me as a reader. well done! -----------------------

KiMbEr Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 07:23

Listen genius, I know you write your stories so real and beautiful...but that doesn't make excuses for you to make my cry so that my cousin watches me and make my dinner embarrassing, dong ma? Simon and Inara were the most heartbreaking; I suppose Inara will be the 'mother-figure' for the baby. No? It was real Mal-like thing the dilemma whether to kill Simon or pity him, even Jayne.

*sigh* But no matter how much my cousin embarrassed me or how heart-devastating this story is...I'll stick to it till the last full stop ;)

Keep flying!!

-----------------

TamSibling Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 08:08

Breaking hearts - you are so very good at it, Leiasky!

I think everyone's reactions here are just spot on. I have to wonder about this town and this Lily person, she seems a bit too interested in Simon (not in a "Jayne in Ariel" kind of way. More a "Tracey in the Message" kind of way.) She better stay away from the grieving widower.

But still, breaks my heart that Simon can barely look at his son. He hasn't even named him yet ... so sad! ---------------

AMDOBELL Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 08:26

Very very sad and a realistic glimpse of the aftermath with powerful emotions and that gut wrenching soul destroying sense of loss. It will take a long time for them to heal and even then there will always be a treasured space in their hearts for Kaylee. Ali D You can't take the sky from me -----------------

Chazzer Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 09:39

I think I'm still in denial.

This is too good. And so bad. If that makes sense. --------------------

Platonist Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 17:35

I now crown you the queen of angst, Leiasky.

So sad for Simon And Inara with that baby...I'm bawling again ...and her breakdown with Mal. I can so see that.

And why am I thinking Mal and Zoe are going off to war (with River, Jayne and eventually Simon?) and there could be more death.

I can't wait for more. -----------------

Desertgirl Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 18:59

I want to cry a bit. I sure hope they can find a way to stay together and out of Alliance hands. ----------------

blackbeanie Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 21:12

Of course they will, they're the good guys.

Really loving this, despite the angst. Inara and Simon are really getting to me, just wish Simon would hold his son. ----------

Leiasky Friday, August 31, 2007 - 05:31

wytchcroft, my beta is a toughie, nothing will fizzle on her watch. LOL!

blackbeanie, oh, I wouldn't be so sure of that . . . cryptic? Moi? Of course! :)

Sorry, Kimber...ok, maybe not! Glad you're so emotionally involved though. . . it'll make your reactions to what happens later so much better! LOL!

Tamsibling, you know my feelings on OC's. I HATE writing them.

Platonist - Nice guesses . . . Hopefully, the end will be a surprise.

Desertgirl - Together? Nope. Sorry.

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CCA Friday, August 31, 2007 - 17:10

I think you just nailed what losing somebody feels like. Inara is so 110% correct, everybody handles grief in their own way. We tend to jump on others about how they handle death, when we ourselves may look odd to the way we grieve.

Reading this chapter, I feel as though I lost somebody, just shows how powerful of a writer you are! Great job ;) and ah yes, I am buckled upf or the ride. Thanks for the warning! ---------------

BigBadJayne Tuesday, September 04, 2007 - 13:53

Mal's willingness to pretty much finish off Simon is very telling and convincingly done..the juxtaposition of Inara being a surrogate mother?..priceless. Simon is of course very well written by you, but would he be this distant from something he and Kaylee made?....but all of it wonderful, painful. Jayne's working through his anger was just great. Ready for the next one!