A/N: This is the first of a four part fic. Any feedback will be appreciated. Hope you all enjoy it. Also, a big THANKS to my beta, Chazzer.

Disclaimer: All things belong to Joss.

Strange, Stranger and Downright Unsettling

By abbeygirl

Part One

When Mal opened his eyes, all he knew for sure was that his head was pounding and it was too bright. He groaned.

“He’s coming around,” he heard someone say. The penlight that had been shining in his eyes was turned off. He realized he was in the cargo bay and Jayne was leaning over him, but something wasn’t right. Jayne was not right. He was wearing a neatly pressed shirt and vest. He was clean-shaven and his hair was trimmed neatly. He was the one that was holding the penlight. “Pupils are equal and reactive. He definitely has a concussion though. This cut will need stitches.”

“Like you would know, Jayne,” Mal mumbled back as he touched his wounded head. He looked at his hand. It was bloody. “Where’s Simon? Let a real doc look at me.”

Someone snickered loudly in the background.

“Shut up, Simon,” Jayne admonished. He looked at Mal with concern. “Also, seems to be a bit disoriented.”

“A bit disoriented? Hell, I think he cracked his gorramed brainpan,” Simon said as he peered over Jayne’s shoulder at Mal. “Has a sense of humor though after he done fell off a catwalk on his head. Imagine him thinkin’ me a doctor. That’s Hi-larious.”

“Shut up, Simon,” Jayne said with a little more authority.

Mal’s confusion was getting worse. Was that Simon dressed up in a T-shirt and cargo pants? Mal shook his head a little, but that made his head hurt worse. He looked up at Simon again who looked like he hadn’t shaved in days. Mal tried to make sense of the happenings around him, but nothing was making sense. One thing he was certain of was that he definitely had a concussion. He had experience with that before. But why would they be playing a game at a time like this? Simon walked around to the other side of Mal.

“Help me get him up and to the infirmary,” Jayne said to Simon. They both lifted him to his feet, which made the room spin, as well as making his head feeling like it was going to explode.

“Whoa…”

He looked up and Book was just reaching them. Mal looked at him and his eyes widened. Book was wearing a brown coat with a gun holstered on his side.

“Wo de tian…” Mal murmured. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“Is he alright?” Book asked Jayne. “Because he don’t seem right.”

“He’s got a concussion. He’s disoriented and confused. That worries me,” Jayne said. “Let’s go, Simon. We need to get him to the infirmary, ma shong. I need to check him out more thoroughly.”

“He thought I was the doc,” smirked Simon as he helped Mal into the infirmary and up onto the exam table. “Could you imagine me core-bred with manners and such? I could get me some of them pretty fits and-”

“Shut up, Simon,” Book, Jayne and Mal shouted in unison. Simon grunted and disappeared from the room.

Mal groaned again as Jayne got out the penlight once more. It sent waves of searing pain through Mal’s head.

“Get that gorram thing away from me,” Mal protested as he batted the light away with his hand. Jayne and Book blanched and took a step back in surprise. “I don’t know what kind of game you’re all playing, but permaybehaps you all better stop this fèi huà and get Simon back in here. Need my top three percent to go about fixin’ me. And I certainly don’t be needin’ any prayers to be said over me.”

“What… Simon… three?” Jayne stammered. He turned to Book with a puzzled look and then looked back at Mal with heightened concern. “Who do you think I am?”

Simon had come back into the room and realized from Book and Jayne’s faces that something was terribly wrong.

“You must have dropped this during your fall,” Simon said as he placed something in Mal’s hand. Mal looked down at it. It was a Bible. “Didn’t mean nothing by what I said earlier, Shepherd.”

Mal whipped his head from Simon to Jayne to Book and back to Simon. The pain was excruciating, but he had to figure out what was going on. He knew something wasn’t right. He had to do something to get away so he could think about the things that have happened. He started to try get up from the exam table, but Simon and Book held him down. He didn’t see where Jayne had gone. Then he felt a prick on his neck and the room started to get fuzzy. He knew that Jayne had doped him.

“I’m no rutting shepherd!” Mal whispered as the room went dark.

Book looked down at the unconscious Mal.

“Huh.”

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