Scars

He was running down a corridor searching for something, something he needed to save them, save them all, before it was too late. His mind was playing tricks, fogging up his memory, making him forget the thing he needed most. At times it seemed like it was just there but he couldn’t quite place it, it was just outside of his memory, and he knew they would all die if he didn’t find it. This thought accelerated his heart rate, pumped adrenaline to his organs, willed his legs to move faster. He heard the screams coming being him, the inhuman screams of the things chasing him. He turned a corner and there they were, his friends and family, his shipmates. They were all wounded, cut, shot, stabbed, paralyzed, bleeding and pleading with their eyes: Help me!

Simon Tam awoke with a start, breath coming in short gasps as the nightmare still remained vivid in his mind. It was not the first time he’d had it. There were slight variations each time but the overall sense of helplessness was present in all of them. He was back underground at Mr. Universe’s complex, they were fighting the Reavers, and everyone was wounded to some degree and he had forgotten the thing he should never have forgotten: his medical bag. The Reaver bullet that pierced his side was not as shocking as the discovery an instant sooner that he was without his supplies to help his friends, his crewmates, and especially Kaylee, the friend he had desperately wanted to be much more, who had been going into a paralytic shock from the poison darts that had struck her neck. It was his sister of all people who had saved them, had fought the Reavers, retrieved his bag, and won the day. Inara had skillfully followed his instructions as she gave first Kaylee an injection and then himself. And then they had waited, for what seemed forever, hearing the screams of the Reavers, his mind not hoping that River had survived. But she had. And so had they.

Simon looked at the wondrous young lady lying next to him, making sure he hadn’t disturbed her peaceful slumber with his sudden awakening. They had left the lights on low, like they always did, loving to look at each other as they lay together, making love in full view of the one they loved. She lay facing the wall of the passenger dorm room she was sharing with him, a blanket wrapped round her lithe form, her brownish golden locks pulled back to reveal her neck and bare shoulder. Simon smiled as he felt her steady breathing, the little sounds she made as she slept. She always slept well after they made love, her body and mind at peace from her desires for a while. He took in her smell, a mix of soap and engine oil, mixed with the beautiful scent of a woman that no man could properly explain. He followed the line of her neck until he saw the three faint scars, little dots now, that would never disappear entirely, a reminder of that terrible day to live with her forever. Scars heal, but the cause of them never really does.

Kaylee had, in her usual sunny way, bounced back from the events faster than the others. She had recovered quickly from the poison, the shot Inara had given her slowing down its effects until her body could eliminate it. She had only spent one day in bed in the makeshift hospital the Alliance had set up to treat them and the scores of wounded from the space battle. The Serenity crew were sectioned off from the others, with guards placed around them, not to keep them prisoner, but to protect them from the anger many on the Alliance felt for those who had caused the Reaver battle which had seen so many of their comrades die. The Operative himself was nearby, both shoulders dislocated, wounds on his hands, and bruises on many parts of his body, the result of his struggle with Mal. He lay in his bed for only a day, then arose to bark orders and keep his command of the situation.

When the Operative had given the order for his troops to stand down there had been a long moment of shocked silence. Then River had dropped her weapons and came running to Simon’s side. Mal took charge, as usually, demanding medical aid from the troops. They hesitated, asking the Operative, and he gave consent, also requesting aid for himself. Ships landed and troops dispersed, killing off the few remaining Reavers. The sky was filled with burning ships and the landscape dotted with the smoldering wrecks of those that had not burned up in the atmosphere. The battle was over, the Alliance had won, and now it was time for the healing to begin. As medics arrived Simon had given them a quick run down on all their wounds, including his own, and what treatment they had received so far.

Kaylee and Simon had to be carried out on stretchers, neither able to walk. Jayne refused to be carried on a stretcher, walked away from the corridor under his own steam, grimacing with the pain in his shoulder. Zoe refused also and insisted on retrieving Wash’s body from the cockpit of Serenity before she would even let a doctor look at her. Later, when Simon asked Inara if she knew how Wash had died, Inara told him she had gone with Zoe to recover his body. To say she was shocked at how Wash had died would be an understatement. Zoe and Mal had given them no details on his death and there had been no time to ask, all expecting to join him soon. Zoe had shed no tears as she removed the wooden stake from his body, and the two of them lay him on the stretcher and carried him down to a waiting Alliance truck. Zoe left strict instructions that they weren’t to touch Wash until she had time to give him a proper send off. Only then did she allow a doctor to look at her back wounds.

Mal was stabbed and beat up and also walked, mostly walked, his pride also too strong to let any Alliance help him. He collapsed a bit short of the treatment area that was being set up and Simon saw the hate on Mal’s face as he allowed the Alliance medical staff to carry him the remainder of the way. Mal had lost a lot of blood from his stab wound, but his wounds healed quickly. Simon was operated on almost immediately, the bullet removed and then he was sent to recover with the others. All were given massive does of anti-biotics to ward off any infections from the less than hygienic Reaver weapons.

As he, Jayne, Zoe, and Mal lay in the hospital, tended by Alliance medics, Kaylee, River and Inara had visited every day, making sure they mended fast. River had lay at his bed for two days, refusing to leave until Inara and Kaylee finally convinced her that he would live and that she needed to eat and rest. Inara had played nurse for all of them, but seemed to pay more attention to Mal, which was not that surprising. Kaylee had given Simon special attention, too. One night, after Jayne, Zoe and Mal had left and he was the only one remaining, she had slipped in quietly, lay down in his arms, and they kissed and made love for the first time.

Simon smiled at the memory of that. It had been awkward and there had been a lot of giggling and fumbling, trying to keep quiet so the guards wouldn’t hear them. Simon tried to get her to wait until he was out of there, said that they had no protection but Kaylee had looked deep into his eyes and said they had waited long enough and that this was the time and that she had visited Inara and had all the protection they needed. His side was still a bit painful and she tried to be gentle but Kaylee was dieing for his touch for so long she was almost uncontrollable. He had to kiss her to keep her from screaming as she lay on top of him, her sweet body drenched in sweat, reaching a long overdue shuddering climax. He had followed soon after, his mind reeling from the sensation, and they lay for a long time in each others arms, the moment too wonderful to let pass so quickly.

There had been many moments like that since, the crew, even Mal, accepting this relationship, as they struggled to rebuild their shattered hearts and ship. The funeral had been a step toward that healing, saying goodbye to Book, Wash, and Mr. Universe. Simon never told Kaylee what had happened to Wash. It was something he could picture and it wasn’t pleasant. He didn’t want Kaylee to have one more terrible memory of that day.

Rebuilding Serenity had been extremely difficult. The Operative had visited Mal and a brief terse exchange between them led Mal to understand that the Alliance could not help in the repair of the ship in anyway. Soon after the funeral, Mal had gathered them in the dining room, their de-facto meeting room, and lay it down for them all. Rebuild Serenity, which would take all their effort, every favor they were owed, and more money than they had, or abandon it and try to find another. Zoe spoke first and put it in words that none could dispute. “Serenity is home, sir. We rebuild her.” And all had agreed.

Mal sold his soul to get the money and parts and they would be doing a long list of free jobs once the old Firefly was in the air again, but the money came and the parts came. Kaylee’s ingenuity had saved them a bundle, as she stripped down the ship, tore out anything not essential, and used the parts to rewire and rebuild what had been damaged. River became her apprentice, learning everything about the ship until she could almost do Kaylee’s job herself. The outboard VTOL engine was the most difficult part to repair and they thought they would need a new one but with Kaylee’s skills and Jayne’s muscle pounding out dents, they managed to get it working again. The landing gear needed re-welding, and the base of the cargo hold also needed a lot of dents and rents repaired and a week in a dry dock had seen the final work done. Every night, when they were too tired to do more, the crew retired to the passenger lounge and waited their turn as Simon repaired their cuts, nicks, and weld burns from the day’s work, giving them pain killers and muscle relaxers so they could get a night’s sleep. He also inspected their battle wounds, and was glad all were recovering nicely.

Inara had tried playing the healer of their hearts, giving advice and a warm smile to those who needed it, but it would take time for those most terrible of scars to heal. The loss of Wash hung heavy over the ship, for none more so than Zoe, of course. She had tried to shake it off but Simon had seen a few cracks in her tough demeanor. He was walking up the stairs to the bridge as she was replacing the bloody fabric on the pilot’s chair and he saw a tear fall from her eye. She hadn’t noticed him and he quickly turned around. The one heart Inara couldn’t touch because he wouldn’t let her was Mal’s. Mal and Inara still danced around each other, both still not willing to take the next step as he and Kaylee had done. Mal buried himself in the work to be done, the negotiations to get the money and parts. He was also very untrusting of the Alliance and every day they were stuck here was another day Mal thought they would change their minds and kill them all and take River away. Jayne, while he’d never admit it, felt keenly the loss of Shepherd Book, and Simon understood that the Shepherd had been the closest Jayne had ever had to a real friend on the ship.

River was still having psychotic episodes but they were infrequent and mild compared to those of the past. Her memories of Miranda were free, but she was still damaged, her brain still scarred, and perhaps that would never change. She and Kaylee became closer than ever and were like two sisters as they roamed the ship, fixing this, taking out that, River listening, asking, and learning. Kaylee was happy to have someone finally taking an interest in her special lady and was a great teacher, patient and understanding. Of course, River was a quick study and never had to be told anything twice. Simon found her looking at engineering schematics of a Firefly on the Cortex one day. She showed them to Kaylee and Kaylee just shrugged and said “Don’t need ‘em. Know every wire and bolt on Serenity.”

Simon looked at the time on the clock on the wall next to their bed. It was 7am. Ship’s time, of course. They kept a 24 hour schedule, of Earth That Was hours, as their ancestors had done in decades-long journey it had taken to reach this star system. The crew had only one formal meal a day, dinner, which was 6pm. Breakfast was taken whenever one awoke and lunch grabbed if you weren’t busy. With the exception of Mal and River, they rotated as cooks. A Captain didn’t cook or wash a dish on his own ship and Mal kept the tradition. And, despite her proficiency with firearms and martial arts, River knew absolutely nothing about cooking outside of how to fry an egg. Inara and Kaylee were the acknowledged best cooks, and Kaylee loved to bake, whenever they had any flour and sugar. Everyone cringed when it was his turn to cook and Kaylee had come to his rescue more than once so that no one would get an upset stomach. Jayne, surprisingly, was good in the kitchen, and loved to cook Chinese food. Zoe knew a lot about how to cook with very simple fare and make it seem wonderful, forced to learn the hard way in the war.

Simon sat up in the bed and tip toed to a chair where his pajama pants were. He slowly put them on and exited the room, walking quietly to the passenger lounge and the bathroom just off it. It was a small room, with a toilet and sink folded into the wall and a walk in shower booth. Also built into the wall was a dry clearer machine, where everyone cleaned their clothes on alternating days. While Serenity could make its own water from the life support system by recycling the moisture from their breath and condensation in the air, water was used sparingly as the system produced little each day and was only for emergencies or long hauls. Serenity took on water in port in two large tanks just forward of the shuttles, one on each side of the ship. Compressed air was pumped into each tank as the water came out to keep it from sloshing around and throwing off Serenity’s center of gravity during atmo flight. Water was for drinking and cooking, with washing coming after. Showers were limited to every second day and the shower was set to no more than two minutes at a time and could not be turned on again until an hour had passed. Kaylee, of course, could adjust it for a longer shower, but only did when she was particularly dirty from a messy job. Mal knew she did this and allowed his mechanic this extra luxury as a reward for keeping his boat in the air.

Simon washed his face and hands quickly, dried them, and pushed the sink back into the wall. He looked in the window and could see the scar from his bullet wound just at the bottom of the mirror’s edge. It was four months since he’d been shot, since the fight. The nightmares had started after he’d gotten out of the Alliance hospital. Once he and Kaylee started sharing a room, he worried that she would find out and what she would think of a man who cry out in his sleep. It was a needless worry, because she found out the first night as he couldn’t stop himself from making a small cry for help. They had a long talk and she told him she had nightmares, too, of the Reaver fight. Poor Kaylee had never killed anything in her life and now she fretted over killing a Reaver who was trying to kill her. He knew then that he loved her, said so, and she acknowledged his love with her own. Both their nightmares became less intense, and he believed hers were gone altogether.

Simon slipped back in the room quietly, and she was awake, looking at him through sleepy eyes.

“Missed you,” she said in a sleepy voice. He walked over and lay next to her, giving her a kiss.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he said. She snuggled up to him, still half asleep.

“Nightmares again?” she queried in a soft voice.

“Yes. Not so bad this time, but still…nightmares,” he confessed.

Just then the click of the ship’s intercom came on and Mal’s voice boomed over the whole ship.

“Good morning crew of the good ship Serenity. This is your captain speaking. Rise and shine, we have a big day ahead of us. This morning we have a beautiful sunrise over the moon of Taos, Miss Kaylee Frye’s home world, where later today Miss Frye will be taking her vows with a certain doctor. That is, if he still hasn’t taken the shuttle and run away. In honor of this occasion your Captain has broken with tradition and fixed a mighty big breakfast, Shadow style, for all you ranch hands. Come get it while it’s hot.”

Simon and Kaylee laughed and then looked at each other with love.

“Still here?” Kaylee teased. “You weren’t planning on running away in a shuttle, now were you, Doctor?’

“No, Miss Frye. I would be honored to spend the day on your world and take my vows with you,” Simon said with love in his voice.

Kaylee’s eyes shone with affection. “So would I, Doctor Tam. So would I”

Simon gave her a big hug and knew that his nightmares would stop too and also knew that the scars of the battle would eventually heal with the love Kaylee and he shared.

THE END