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BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - HUMOR
In which we learn that even the voices in your head are people too, with the usual fears of being sucked into a void of nothingness and plotholes, and why Malcolm Reynolds should be ever fearful of shovels.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 879 RATING: 0 SERIES: FIREFLY
I say, did she just ask to become a bloody SPACE PIRATE?!?! I think that was George.
And you call me a muffin!
I must agree with Luna, this is quite unexpected, said Harry.
She must be some new level of dotty, this one, added Ron.
Wait, said Luna. Harry, Ron, Ginny, George, Luna, Fred is dead... OH GOD!!! It's Plagarism!
I tried my best to ignore them, but it was gettng hardder to do, they were so loud. "Britt, did you just say what I think and hope you just didn't say... I think?"
We're not the Harry Potter series! We're gonna get sued! Ron was panicking by now.
"Yes, Tabi, I want to become a Space Pirate! Wouldn't it be just wonderful?" Luna was right; Britt could be more of a muffin then she ever could.
Well, said Luna a mite huffily, It is rather challenging to constantly be a Blueberry Bananna-nut Muffin, I'll have you know!
Wait, Said Hermione. Isn't this supposed to be in the past?
Well, Luna was speaking in present tense, and we were just talking about us being plagerised from the Harry Potter series... Oh, God...
We just broke the Fourth Wall!
"Britt, you can't be a Space Pirate," I explained evenly to her. "It's dangerous and unhygenic!"
` WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!
You have no idea how distracting the voices could be.
I still say you should go to sleep, added Ginny.
"But, please, Tabi! Couldn't we try it? For just a little? And, besides, it could be fun!"
"No, Britt! You could get killed, or, even worse, you could get stranded on some rock out in space with someone terrible!"
"But we could find out what the 'H' in your name means!"
She has a point there, said George evenly.
Everyone, calm down! Just because we could get sucked into a void of incomprehensible dribble and plot-holes doesn't mean we should panic!
Plot-Holes? Hermione, this is a bloody Perfect time to panic!
"I don't care about that! If, say, it was to find out what my first name was, then yeah, sure, I'd go. But it's not."
A look of knowledge passed her face. "You don't what your first name is? I always thought it was Tabitha. But, now we can go out to find your real name! It'll be wonderful, whoever you are!" This could be painful.
"No, Britt. I know my real name, which is and always has and always will be Tabitha. That was just a hypothetical situation."
"Hypo-thet... Oh! Does that mean that you're cold? Just wait by the fire, and I'll get you a blanket."
I'm starting to understand why they call it strawberry-blonde. "No, that would be Hypothermia, which I don't have. Hypothetical would be, like... For example, see?"
"Ohhhh!..." She stayed silent after that for a good five minutes.
Not likeing silence, I said, "What?"
"Well? What would be that example you spoke of, Tabi?"
Not the brightest bulb in the box, is she?
"No, I... You know what, just forget about it. There is no example. But you still shouldn't become a Pirate! Pirates are bad people, they steal stuff from other people-"
"To give to the poor!"
-"And kill people who get in their way-"
"Only the bad people who threaten them first!"
I think she's talking about Robin Hood, Said Harry.
Who's that, mate?
A muggle hero from the Middle Ages. Robbed from the rich, gave to the poor, only killed when he hadn't another choice. All around decent bloke, apparently
"-And don't like to have women aboard!" So many damn interruptions!
"You know, if you don't like it, you don't have to come, Tabi. I wouldn't want you to feel pressured into this or anything..."
Ah, damnnit! That guilt card she has... I forgot she even could play it at all! She's more devious then I had thought...
But is she still a muffin?
"FINE!!! We'll go, since there's no stopping you. Just let me get something real quick..."
"Oh, thank you, Tabi!" And she hugged me quickly before skipping off to the front door.
I say, we really did pick a great head to hitch in, eh? That would be Ron
Pervert, said Hermione
Well, it's true. Right, Harry?
I'm not going to take sides in this...
I nipped into a side room and grabbed a bag from under my bed. It was filled to the brim with credits. I figured something like this would happen.
Does that make her a seer?
"Shutup." I went back to where Britt was- already at the door, ready to leave. Somehow, she had gotten out of her dress already, and was now dressed more like your common Docks goer.
Do I have to hurt you?
We're incorporal, remember? You don't have a body to hit!
Just wait, Ronald Weasley. Just wait and see. Sleep with one eye open.
We don't sleep, either.
You're not helping, Harry.
Pausing to gather Rusty, we left the house that we had lived together in for more then two decades.
It was easy getting to the Docks- Once we got a cab, I just had Britt lean forward a bit and the driver made this one free of charge. I still think he overpriced it a bit.
As far as I'm concerned, there is only surefire way to find a Pirate ship at the Persephone docks- You go to the seediest part of the Docks, find the seediest looking ship with the scruffiest looking captain, and be careful not get caught in the bushes. Once inside the ship (If he will let you in), he'll either, A, Take you on as crew or passenger, or, B, Take you to a secluded spot, shoot you in the head, steal your wallet, and dump your body in deep space. Obviously, we were hoping for the first one to happen.
If I ever find this 'Malcolm' person, I'll make sure to introduce him jaw-first to Rusty. Stupid Muffin Head.
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