LOST CONVERSATIONS XIV 1. WHERE WE FIND OUT WHAT KAYLEE, SIMON, AND RIVER WERE DOING DURING THE PARTY IN “Our Mrs. Reynolds” INT. SERENITY, DINING ROOM - NIGHT Simon and River sit at the table playing a futuristic version of “Go Fish”, with the cards having symbols like stars, moons, spaceships, etc. SIMON Do you have any stars? RIVER No stars. Simon picks a card from the deck on the table, looks at it, no match, so adds it to his hand. RIVER (CONT’D) Do you have any moons? SIMON Yes, two moons. He hands them over to her and she places them plus one from her hand down on the table. SIMON (CONT’D) Do you have any spaceships? RIVER No, sorry. He grins at her and then picks from the deck, smiles and then triumphantly lays down two stars on the table. SIMON Ah, two stars. RIVER Good. Do you have any planets? Simon looks at her for a long beat. SIMON Are you reading my mind? RIVER (grinning) I’m just lucky. So, any planets? He hands over a planet and she puts down three. All her cards are gone. SIMON You win.(beat) Again. Kaylee enters from the Fore Hall. KAYLEE Hey, can I join the game? SIMON Sure. I was just losing. Again. He picks up the cards and starts to shuffle as Kaylee sits opposite him, with River at the end between them. Kaylee looks at River. KAYLEE (gentle) How you doing, River? RIVER I can hear the music. They’re dancing. KAYLEE (glum) Yeah, guess the others are having all the fun. SIMON (flat) Yes, all our fun takes place on Serenity. KAYLEE Sorry guys. Capt’n afraid someone know who you are. And after what happened on Jiangyin... SIMON No, he’s right. We need to be more careful around strangers. (beat) How come you don’t go to the party Kaylee? We’ll be OK. RIVER Someone’s got to look after the boat. Kaylee turns to her in amazement. KAYLEE That’s just what I was gonna say! Simon gives River an odd look. RIVER What? That’s what she’s doing, right? KAYLEE Right. SIMON Right. (beat) Ah, so, Kaylee, now that we’ve got you alone, maybe you can answer some questions been on my, our, minds. KAYLEE Sure. Shoot. SIMON Well, exactly how did you and the others join Serenity? Kaylee blushes, sits back. KAYLEE Oh, not much to tell. They set down on my home world, moon called Taos, asked for some help and I fixed the engine. Capt’n offered me a job. Been here since. SIMON Didn’t they already have a mechanic? KAYLEE Yeah...Capt’n fired him when he hired me. SIMON Oh. (beat) Why? RIVER Because she’s better than him. KAYLEE Ah, yeah, that’s mostly why. I guess. SIMON OK. So, how long have you been here. On board. Serenity. KAYLEE Be almost three years soon. SIMON How about the others? KAYLEE Let’s see. Capt’n bought Serenity soon after the war and Zoe joined him almost immediately but don’t know exactly when. Then they got Bester - that was the first mechanic - and then they hired Wash. Or maybe Wash was hired first. Don’t really know. Yeah, there was just the four of them when I joined. Well, then Bester got fired. I think there were a few others along the way but I never met them and they don’t talk much about them. Didn’t stay long. SIMON (slight sarcasm) Yes, surprising no one would want to stay under the employ of Malcolm Reynolds for very long. KAYLEE He ain’t that bad. RIVER Saved our lives. SIMON Yes, I know, and I’m grateful, but...he’s a difficult man. KAYLEE Has his moments, that’s for sure. SIMON How about Jayne and Inara? KAYLEE Oh, Jayne came on about 18 months ago and Inara, let’s see, just eight or nine months ago, yeah. She’s the newest, ‘sides you and Book. SIMON How did Jayne join the ship? KAYLEE Oh, he tried to kill the Capt’n and Zoe. SIMON (shocked) What? KAYLEE Yeah, Capt’n talked him into joining our crew. RIVER Offered him more money. KAYLEE (looking at her in wonder) Yeah. And a room of his own. River, how... SIMON (interrupting) Of course Jayne would switch sides for money. KAYLEE Yeah, guess that’s mostly what he’s interested in. SIMON Ah, who's older, Jayne or the captain? KAYLEE Don’t know exactly, but guess Jayne is. RIVER (certain) He is. SIMON I’d guess so, too. (beat) Zoe seems very...reserved. KAYLEE Oh, she’s a good person, just not very open. Don’t know much about her except she was in the war with the Capt’n. RIVER Serenity Valley. SIMON They surrendered there, didn’t they? KAYLEE Yeah, spent time in a prison camp. SIMON Were Wash and Zoe married when you came on board? KAYLEE No, they were dating...secretly. SIMON Secretly? RIVER Doesn’t like shipboard romances. KAYLEE (to River, amazed) Yeah, you’re right. Capt’n says shipboard romances complicate things. She looks to Simon but then blushes and looks away when he stares at her and smiles. Simon blushes, too. SIMON Ah, yes, complications...living so close..to each other. He keeps looking at Kaylee again but she looks down at the cards in front of her, picks them up. Then she looks at Simon suddenly, her eyes boring into him. KAYLEE But Zoe set him straight. Told him her love life was none of his business. SIMON Yes. A person’s love life certainly isn’t the captain’s business. Simon and Kaylee hold the look on each other. River looks between the two, smiles. Finally Kaylee can’t stand his gaze any longer, turns very red and looks at her cards. KAYLEE (tremble in voice) Thought...thought...we were playing cards. SIMON (gulping) Oh, yes, yes, cards. Ah, River, got any stars? 2. WHERE THE CREW HAS BREAKFAST BEFORE THE BIG FIGHT IN “Heart of Gold” INT. KITCHEN - DAY Kaylee, Book, Wash, and Zoe eat breakfast at a big table covered in food, bread, jam, cheese, fried eggs, coffee, tea, etc. BOOK Nice of them to give us such a splendid breakfast. KAYLEE Nice having real eggs. WASH The powdery kind get kind of boring after a while. ZOE More like disgusting. BOOK Eat hearty. Big day ahead of us. WASH The last...breakfast? KAYLEE Don’t even say that! ZOE Let’s just make sure it ain’t. WASH Where’s Jayne? He’d love all this food. BOOK Still spending our pay, I’d venture. They look to him shocked. BOOK (CONT’D) What? I’m a Shepherd, but I’m also human. I understand his...needs. Just then Mal enters, his face a mass of confusion after his encounter with Inara outside Nandi’s bedroom. KAYLEE Morning Capt’n! He sits. MAL (flat) Morning. ZOE Sir? Everything, OK? MAL Ah, yeah. Coffee on? KAYLEE I’ll get it. She gets up and starts to make a cup for Mal. MAL Thanks, little Kaylee. (beat) Everything ready? BOOK As can be. MAL The baby? WASH Not yet. Just then Simon enters, dishevelled and tired looking, and almost collides with Kaylee as she turns with Mal’s coffee. SIMON Oh, sorry, Kaylee! KAYLEE It’s OK, nothing spilled. SIMON There’s coffee? WASH Yes, and it’s real. Kaylee hands Simon the cup. KAYLEE Here you go. SIMON Thanks. And he sips and smiles at her as Mal gives her a look of “what about me” KAYLEE Coming right up. She smiles and turns to get Mal some coffee. ZOE How’s the baby? SIMON Good. Coming soon. WASH You’ve been up all night? SIMON Yes. River and Inara, too. Did you get some sleep? ZOE (looking at Wash, smiling) Some. WASH A little. You know, day before a big battle and all. BOOK Slept like a log. Capt’n? MAL (a little too loud) Yeah, me too. Got lots of shut eye. They all look at him SIMON Ah, that’s good. Kaylee hands Mal his coffee and he drinks. KAYLEE Me, too. Slept fine. (beat) Just me...alone. Looks at Simon as she says this last as everyone else looks at the two, knowing why Kaylee said this. SIMON (bit flustered) Good. That’s good. (beat) I mean, that you, ah, everyone, slept...some. Inara enters. INARA Simon, I think its time, the head is crowning. Simon puts down his cup. Inara looks at Mal and he looks away. SIMON Oh, good, ah, let’s go, I still need your help. KAYLEE Good luck. He turns and looks at her and then the others. SIMON Yes, you, too. (to Kaylee) Be careful. MAL Don’t worry, Doc. She’ll be in the engine room on Serenity, far from the flying bullets. SIMON Good. (beat) Have to go...baby’s coming. KAYLEE (small voice) Bye. He exits, Kaylee looking at him forlornly. Inara lingers looks at Mal. INARA Be careful. MAL Always am. INARA Don’t do....nevermind. And she turns quickly and is gone. Silence except for Mal sipping is coffee. He turns and sees everyone looking at him. MAL What? (beat) Ok. Let’s go over this plan one more time. And somebody wake Jayne the hell up. 3. WHERE MAL TELLS JAYNE THE RULES OF THE SHIP WHEN HE FIRST JOINS SERENITY IN “Out of Gas” EXT. DESERT, OUTSIDE SERENITY CARGO BAY - DAY Jayne and Mal walk on the ship, as Zoe stands at the top of the ramp, weapon drawn. Jayne has a heavy duffel bag over his shoulder. Behind on the ground lays Jayne’s former boss, MARCO, with the other man mending his leg. MARCO Jayne Cobb! You ain’t seen the last of me! Jayne takes out his pistol and turns back, points it at Marco. JAYNE How’s about I ends you right now, little man? Huh? Marco and the other man cower in fear. MARCO OK, OK Jayne, no need to get mean. You go your way, we’ll go ours. Jayne spits. JAYNE Damn straight. I ever see two a you again, be the last thing you ever see. Mal stands by and looks at Zoe who has a “why did you hire this nut’ look to which Mal shrugs. INT. CARGO BAY - DAY They walk into the ship as Zoe closes the doors, hits the intercom. Nearby are several crates of cargo. ZOE Wash! Get us out of here. Jayne put down his duffel bag which gives off a metallic CLANK. Mal and Zoe both look at it. JAYNE Wash? Who’s Wash? MAL Pilot. ZOE And my husband. Jayne grins. JAYNE Oh, yeah? MAL This is Zoe, first mate on Serenity. Jayne offers his hand which Zoe slowly shakes. JAYNE Nice to meet ya. ZOE Ah, yeah...likewise. JAYNE Any other fine ladies on this ship? Just then Kaylee comes down the stairs and stops short when she sees Jayne. He gives a big grin. JAYNE (CONT’D) Now that’s what I’m talking about. Howdy! Kaylee looks truly surprised at this. KAYLEE Howdy...? Mal looks at Jayne, getting madder by the second. MAL Think you and me need to have a discussion on the rules of this here ship. JAYNE (surprised) What... rules? You didn’t say nothing about no rules? Mal looks at Zoe and then at Kaylee. ZOE Come on Kaylee, you can meet the big lug later. JAYNE Kaylee? That sure is a pretty name! KAYLEE (confused) Ah...thanks. Zoe reaches her and starts to take her upstairs. JAYNE She’s mighty fine. MAL Yeah, she is... And then Zoe and Kaylee are gone and Mal grabs Jayne, spins him, and SLUGS him and down he goes, stunned. Mal grabs him by the shirt front, rips out Jayne’s pistol and tosses it aside. MAL (CONT’D) Rule number 1! No fratinizing with the crew! JAYNE (confused, stunned) Frant.... MAL “Screwing” to you dummy! JAYNE Now you done it, ain’t no one calls me dummy and lives. Jayne tries to get up but Mal pulls his own pistol and puts it in his face. MAL Rule number 2! I’m captain of this ship and take orders from no one, ? JAYNE (scared) Yeah, yeah, you’re the boss...captain! MAL Rule number 3! You do your share of the work, chores, even washing the dishes and flushing the septic system! JAYNE Ah, no way... Gun is in his face. JAYNE (CONT’D) OK, OK...jeeze... MAL Rule number 4! JAYNE Jeeze, how many is there? MAL Last one. Rule number 4! You go on every job, you do as I say. That means no unnecessary killing. We’re thieves, not murderers. JAYNE But some folks deserve to die! MAL Jayne, I ain’t got a very forgiving soul. Seen too much blood spilled to play games with you. You ever screw up or betray me or any of my crew like you just did to Marco, you best make sure you kill me first. Don’t leave me to limp around with a hole in my leg. Cause I will find you. Jayne is shocked into silence. Slowly Mal lets him get up. Jayne rubs his jaw. JAYNE Ain’t no one talked to me that way since my father. MAL You’re welcome on my ship. Just follow the rules. JAYNE Rules, I hate ‘em. MAL Not asking you to like ‘em, just follow ‘em. Jayne thinks long, reaches his pistol, picks it up, holsters it, Mal wary of him. JAYNE Alright. We do jobs and I gets paid, I’m always happy. I’ll steer clear of the women long as we stop somewhere once in a while I can get some trim. And I’ll do my share of the chores. MAL Seems we got us an understanding. Let me show you your bunk. Mal holsters his pistol. Jayne lifts his heavy bag and again it clinks. MAL (CONT’D) What the hell you got in there? JAYNE Just my guns. Oh, and a few knives. Mal just looks at him like he’s crazy. MAL A bag full of guns..and knives? Jayne shrugs. JAYNE I got lots of enemies. MAL Really?