Shades of the Past – Chapter Sixteen Just a reminder, Joss Whedon et al own all the rights to FF/BDM. Just hanging out an having fun with them. -------------------- “When Shade was fourteen,” Ami told the crew, “he went on what the Yaquay call the ‘raising’ ceremony. Young boys who had completed a series of tests and challenges were deemed ready to be raised to the status of warrior, or manhood. It was a very important time in a boy’s life. The chance to prove he was worthy of respect.” “The ceremony included the boy venturing into the wilds, alone, with only his knife. And not just any knife, but one the boy had made for himself from either stone, or the bone of an animal he had killed himself.” “The boy must survive for ten days in the wild, with no help of any kind, and return to the village center with no one seeing him get there. Most fail on their first or even second attempt.” “But when Shade returned, his village was gone. A smoking ruin, his people dead. His family slaughtered, mother and sisters raped, then left over a fire. His father and brothers shot to rags.” Exclamations spread around the table. Kaylee started to cry, and Inara wiped at her eyes carefully. Zoe was stone faced. “The Alliance had a special operations unit called the Scorpions. They did things like this on the rim moons to ‘bleed’ their troops. They called it training. Shade found a patch from one of their uniforms.” She faltered for a moment, recalling the night he had admitted all this to her, months after their meeting. “Shade buried his people, alone,” she continued. “Took him days to do it. Men from other clans in the area offered to help, but he turned them away. It was his responsibility, he said. His burden. His gift. . .gift to his people,” she choked out around a sob. “When he finished, he made his way to the spaceport, and stowed away on an outbound freighter, which took him to Wilhaven. There he managed to get onto one of our transports, and rode to Aurora. Right in the middle of the battle.” “Once he was there, he melted away, and started killing Alliance soldiers.” “Catching them in the open, or in town, I expect,” Mal said into the silence. Ami smiled sadly. “No. None of that for Shade,” she told them. “No, Shade went into Alliance camps, and killed soldiers where they felt safest. At first he killed the sentries, and then faded away into the night. But that wasn’t enough of a challenge.” She smiled again at the memories of the half-wild boy. “So he began to sneak further into the camps. He started killing them in their tents, cutting the throat of one, and leaving the other. Seeking out their officers, and killing them.” She looked up sharply. “He was very, very, good at it. A fourteen year old boy became a killing machine. Ruthless, uncaring, and more deadly than you can possibly imagine.” “He moved like silk in a breeze. Fluid, graceful, never a wasted motion. I would be willing to say that most of the people he killed, never knew he was there. He moved through their camps as easily as they did.” “When he was fifteen, he wound up on Rubella,” she went on. “That’s where I met him. We were dug in along a river valley, trying to hold out against six-to-one odds. I and some of my teammates had been sent there to help even the odds.” Mal and Zoe hissed at that. They had never known she was anything but a nurse. She smiled ruefully. “Yes, I was a Banshee as well. A team leader. My men and I were assassins for the most part, slipping in and out of enemy lines, killing officers and essential personnel, getting whatever information we could for our side. We were good at it, too.” “One night I look up, and there’s this. . .kid, standing near my fire. Just watching me. I never saw him walk up, never knew how long he’d been standing there.” “Jayne?” Inara asked quietly, and Ami nodded. “He was moving through our camp, he said, because we were between him and his ‘prey’. Odd word for a kid, I thought at the time.” She laughed without humor. “I took him into my team,” Ami smiled. “Figured he was sure to get himself killed, unless someone looked after him. Turns out, Shade didn’t need any looking after. We did.” Her face clouded, remembering a long night many years in her past. “It was maybe two years after Rubella, when my team was sent to Newhall, to support General Gaius. He was trying to hold onto to the munitions complex, and keep the army supplied. He wasn’t badly outnumbered, but defending the complex kept too many of his troops tied down for him to be able to engage the Alliance in the open. We were supposed to chisel at their numbers, and try and kill their moral.” “My team and I split up one night, penetrating the lines in two places. Shade had disappeared as soon as we hit the dark. No one could ever find him if he didn’t want them too,” she grinned. “Anyway, things went very bad for us. A team only has ten members, and we were two short to start with, including the kid.” “My section was ambushed as soon as we got there,” she continued. “My mates were cut down, and I took a round in the leg. They were on us so fast, they had to know we were coming.” She looked to Mal and Zoe. “You know what the Alliance did to Banshees who were captured?” she asked. Mal and Zoe looked at the table. It was Zoe who managed an answer. “Just rumors,” she mumbled. Ami laughed harshly. “Whatever you heard, it isn’t bad enough, I promise,” the nurse assured them. “They would usually try and get information at first. But Banshees were usually crucified when captured.” Simon gave a startled gasp. “That’s. . .” “Cruel? Yes,” Ami nodded, tears in her eyes. “When they got me to their camp, the other team was already on crosses. They’d been cut on for hours, turns out. Just enough to draw blood, and cause pain. Never enough to let you bleed out.” “I don’t know how long I hung there,” she was crying freely now. “Then, all of sudden, I was being lowered to the ground, and Shade had me. He took us all down, and then carried me and the only other survivor back to our lines. I don’t know to this day how he managed it. He was just a boy, fifteen years old. But he did it.” “We lay in the aid station for a while, then we were sent back to a field hospital. I honestly don’t know how we survived. It was terrible. Never enough meds, especially pain meds. I’ve never suffered like that in my life.” “Shade showed up three days later. He had a slash on his jaw, and was bleeding from a half dozen wounds. He walked up to my bed, and laid a necklace beside me.” She stopped, wiping her eyes. Simon, ever the gentleman, gave her his handkerchief. She smiled her thanks, and wiped her eyes. “When I woke up again, he was gone. The necklace was made of ears. Shade had gone back that night, and put four Alliance officers, the ones who tortured us, on the same crosses we had been hung on. I can’t imagine how he managed it. Over the next three days, he stayed in their camp, killing soldiers at random, spreading fear all over their camp.” “I was due to ship out, for more surgery and some rehab. I was bumped at the last minute by a REMF, and Shade never knew that. He saw the transport I was supposed to be on blown out of the sky.” Inara was weeping openly now, and Kaylee had long since been reduced to blubbering. Even Zoe was looking misty eyed. Simon’s face was ashen, and Mal’s was red. And River was trembling. Ami’s emotions were so strong the little reader couldn’t block them out. She had stopped trying to hold her tears in. “Shade was the closest thing I had to family,” Ami went on. “And I was all the family he had too. We told people we had adopted each other,” she laughed. “I hate to think what went through his mind when that ship went up,” she added sadly. “I never heard from him, of course. He believed I was dead. I heard about him, though. After. . .after the ship was shot down, he went a little. . .off. He took to working alone, and never was assigned to another unit. He would be requested when the jobs were the worst, or the most dangerous, because he never, ever, failed.” “I did that to him,” she almost wailed, looking down at the table. “I should never have taken into my unit. If I hadn’t. . .” “He’d have done it anyway,” River said softly. “You couldn’t have stopped him.” “Maybe not,” she admitted. “But I’m still the one who put him where he was.” “You gave him family,” River told her, lip trembling. “Gave him that which was lost. Can’t be sorry for that.” River patted ‘her’ arm, now having trouble disliking her. If any two people deserved happiness, it was ‘her’ and Jayne. “So what’s next for you and Jayne?” Inara asked quietly. “I mean. . .” “Well, it’s a shock to see him alive,” Ami admitted. “Like finding a long lost sibling. Which is basically what he is. I never knew if he was dead or alive. I always assumed dead. I asked him once, when he went off by himself, what he was looking for. He said he was looking for two people.” Her eyes grew misty as she remembered his answer. “The man who killed his family, and the man good enough to kill him.” ------------------ The talk around the table continued as the crew asked questions, and Ami tried to answer them. Finally, Zoe asked the one she’d been dreading. “How in the world did he come up with the name ‘Jayne Cobb’,” she asked no one in particular. “Jason, Annabelle, Yance, Nevil, Erica, Charlotte, Olivia, Brenda, Bowbender,” Ami recited slowly. The talk had died away as she recited the names. She looked up into the silence. “His family.” she explained. “Carries them with him,” River said softly. “Never alone.” Ami smiled at her. “I suppose,” she nodded. “I just found that out today, by the way,” she added to the rest of the crew. “I asked the same question, Zoe.” “Least you got an answer,” Mal mumbled, earning him glares from around the table. Ami sighed. “Mal, I warned you,” she told him, voice brittle. “And I’ll do it again, because I like you so much. Don’t. Push. Shade. He has a habit of pushing back. Hard and permanent. I know, from what he’s told me, he’s happy here. Considers it home. If you give him time, and room, he will probably tell you everything there is to know. If you crowd him?” she trailed off. “Well, your funeral, I guess,” she finished with a shrug. “I can handle Jayne,” Mal shot back. “Have before.” “You can handle Jayne,” Ami shot back with a harsh laugh. “You’ve never met Shade. Pray you don’t. Ever.” Her words brooked no arguement. River though wasn’t paying attention to all that. Several facts had fallen into place for her while she listened to Ami’s tale. One, she and Jayne, Sean, had never been romantically involved. Two, he was nowhere near as old as everyone assumed, less than ten years older than she was! And three, Ami didn’t consider Jayne, Shade, a candidate for a romantic relationship. She looked to him as a sibling, nothing more. All in all, River was glad she had sat through the pain and anguish she had endured to hear the story.

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--------------------------------------- Shades of the Past – Chapter Seventeen Just a reminder that Joss, Fox, Mutant Enemy etc etc, own the rights to all this. If I owned them, the show would still be running! Well, it might be, anyway:) -------------------- The crew finally began to break up for the evening. It had been a very long day, and everyone was tired. Zoe left first, followed closely by Simon and Kaylee saying goodnight and heading off to Simon’s bunk. Mal tentatively offered Inara his arm, and after a brief hesitation, she took it. “Ami, you can stay here if you want,” Mal offered, but Ami shook her head. “I need to get back,” she said, rising. “Several people still in the infirmary, and my assistant will be due to go home soon.” “Need someone to walk you back?” Mal asked. Ami shot him a withering look. “I can take care of myself, Mal,” she snorted. “But thanks.” Mal nodded, and he and Inara left, heading to her shuttle. Leaving Ami and River alone at the table. The older woman turned suddenly to the younger. “Something on your mind, River?” she asked, a not quite grin flitting across her beautiful face. River started, having still been deep in thought over the day’s events. “Why do you ask?” she said, more to cover herself than anything. “Well,” Ami drawled, “I noticed that you seemed a bit. . .anxious around me, at least at first. I also can’t help but notice that you’ve relaxed a bit while we were talking. And,” she added mischievously, “you were paying a lot more attention to Shade than you really had too.” River felt her face burning, and lowered her head to hide it. Ami chuckled softly, not in a malicious way. “He is a good looking boy, man, I should say. I can’t get used to him being all grown up. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re feeling.” River looked up at her. “How do you know what I’m feeling?” she asked pointedly. “It’s written all over your face, sweetie,” Ami said with a smile. “And I made you. . .uneasy, I guess is a good way to say it. Let me put your mind at ease, okay? I don’t know what Shade feels for you, but there is nothing like that between he and I, okay? There never was. He was a kid when I met him. I’m several years older than he is, and besides, I meant what I said. He and I? We’re like brother and sister, or at least we were.” “But now?” River asked. “Now what?” Ami asked her. “Now it’s different? No,” she shook her head. “I love him dearly, River, and there hasn’t been day in my life I haven’t missed him. He saved my life. We cried on each other’s shoulder. We told each other our worst fears, our darkest secrets, shared each other’s pain, joy, and misery. More than one night we shared our blankets, but to keep each other warm, nothing else.” She smiled at good memories, letting them overpower the bad ones. “Shade is very special, River,” Ami went on. “More than you probably realize. But there’s a darkness in him, too. A place in his mind where no one else is allowed. Just thinking about what can happen, what he’s capable off, makes me shiver. I’ll never be afraid of him, I know he loves me as much as I love him. But he is capable of more violence than you can possibly imagine. And I know none of you have seen it, or I wouldn’t have had to sit here and tell you about him.” River’s smirk died on her face as Ami’s words hit home. She’d felt that darkness, trying to read Jayne. The darkness that blocked her out as surely as a wall. When she touched it, she shivered. So dark. Like her. Maybe that was what attracted her to Jayne after all. Like minds, kindred spirits. The lurking darkness, coiled like a spring, always ready to roar forth. “He is a dangerous man,” River nodded. “That he is,” Ami agreed. “But a good one, too, sweetie. A very good one. I don’t know another man, anywhere, who would have come into an enemy camp and risked our fate to rescue us. I. . .I can’t imagine the courage it took. Or maybe it was something else. I don’t know of anything he ever feared. Including death.” “Reavers,” River whispered. “That might be it,” Ami nodded. “I don’t like to think of Shade being a Reaver. He’s bad enough as it is,” she laughed lightly, prodding a smile from River. “River,” Ami said, turning serious. “He’s a good man, but he’s. . .wild, at heart. If you manage to snare him, don’t try and tame him. You can’t. You’ll have to accept him as he is.” “Don’t want him tame,” River was just as serious. “Have my own darkness, as well. Jayne and I are more alike than you can possibly imagine. His darkness calls to mine. Alpha male, Alpha female. We belong together,” she finished firmly. River was more sure of that now than ever. “Maybe you do,” regarding the younger woman intently. “For his sake, and for yours, I hope you’re right. I’d like to see him happy, his past laid firmly to rest.” She paused, chewing on her lip. “Once, when we were just laying around the fire, Shade talked about what his future would have been like, if not for the Alliance. He would have been elevated to manhood, and chosen a wife. They would have had a family, and he would have worked the land his family owned.” She looked down at River. “I think that dream is gone for good, though. He’s been away from it for too long. But that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t still need a. . .” she trailed off. “Mate?” River offered, eyebrows arching in amusement. “Well, yes,” Ami stammered, caught off guard by the younger woman’s choice of words. “Shade would think of it like that. Once he said ‘I do’, he would. It would be forever. That’s the only way he knows. And I think all he’s capable off.” River nodded, having known that herself. Ami rose. “Well, I’m off to the infirmary,” she said. “Want to let me out?” River nodded and stood. “I’m glad we had the opportunity to talk,” she told the older woman. “I promise you, I’ll take good care of him,” she said seriously. Ami laughed lightly. “I said the same thing myself, River,” she told her. “Turns out, he took good care of me.” “He’s good at that.” ------------------ The next morning the crew was assembled at the table, with Mal doling out everyone’s cut from the job. When he finished, he shared Harwell’s offer. “It’ll mean fresh food, and good pay,” he concluded. “But we saw yesterday that the situation around here ain’t stable, to say the least. But, because most other ships ain’t wanting to be involved, it gives us a chance to make some serious cashy money, and eat high on the hog while we do it. We’ll need to be careful, but that ain’t nothing new for us.” He paused. “This is a chance for us to land a maybe lucrative permanent job o’ sorts, and even put down some roots. Even once the current troubles are past, Harwell assured me that we’d get first dibs on later runs, as a nod for helping him out of a jam. I gotta say, it’s invitin’. I’m tired of running, and looking over my shoulder. This could be a good place for us.” The crew looked at each other, shock in their eyes. Settle? Roots? Steady work? Real food? “I’m game,” Kaylee chirped, cheerful as usual. Simon nodded. “Whatever Kaylee says,” was his only comment. She beamed at him. “I like the idea of being somewhere the Alliance ain’t,” Zoe nodded. “At least not often. The other stuff is icing.” “I think it’s a great idea, if we can manage to keep this Zhang from damaging us,” Inara offered. “It sounds like the opportunity of a lifetime.” Mal looked to Jayne and River, the only two yet to speak. “Jayne?” he asked. Jayne looked up, and shrugged. “You’re the Captain. Do what you think is best, I’m with ya,” was all he said. Mal had to work to hide his shock at that. River nodded. “Jayne speaks for me, as well.” Jayne started at that, as did Simon. Mal just looked at her. “Well,” he said after he recovered. “It’s settled then. I’ll go and tell Harwell, and we’ll get started. Kaylee, we good?” “Yep, Cap’n,” the engineer nodded confidently. “All set.” “We’ll need fuel once we reach Astra,” River informed him. “With trouble in the offing, we may need full burn.” “Right, we’ll see to it. Alright then, let’s get her ready to fly. Zoe, you’re with me. Jayne, I want you to take station outside. Don’t want anymore surprises from this Zhang fella. Everyone else you got jobs to do, so get to’em.” “I’d like to accompany you and Zoe,” Simon said. “I can check on the people in the company infirmary while you talk to Harwell.” “Okay, get your duffel and we’ll go. I don’t want anyone, anyone, off the ship alone. And when anyone’s off ship, it’s with me, Jayne, or Zoe. Everyone got that? Kaylee? Albatross?” “Yes Cap’n,” both girls sang in unison. Mal groaned. “Knew it was a bad idea for you two to bunk together.” ------------------- Jayne had taken up a spot just a short ways from the ship, where he kept an eye out for approaching trouble. He had scouted the area the day before, after the attack, and knew there were only two directions a serious attack could come from. He was settled where he could watch, and cover, both with equal ease. He had wanted to go over to the infirmary and see Stormy, but knew that he was needed here. He was still a little shocked at finding her alive after all these years believing her dead. He had been pleasantly surprised at how easy they fell back into their old relationship, her the guiding older sibling, he the wilder younger one. He grinned at the thought, reminded of their past. ------------------ “Dammit, kid!” Stormy bellowed in anger. “You can’t keep just sneakin’ off like that! Like to give me heart failure!” “Didn’t sneak,” Shade had replied. “Just left.” “Why?” Stormy demanded. “And where did you go?” “Alliance patrol,” Shade had replied, pointing in the direction of their left flank. “Saw them entering the woods.” “We need to warn the sergeant of the guard,” Stormy said at once, anger forgotten. “Why?” Shade looked at her quizzically. “So they can be on the look out for the patrol!” Stormy growled, exasperated. “They’re not going to be coming,” Shade told her plaintively. “Won’t be going back either,” he added, tossing a small sack to her feet, and walking away. The sack contained ten sets of ears, along with all the papers, nametags and unit patches from the patrol. Stormy sorted through the stuff, looking up in wonder. “Did you. . .” but Shade wasn’t there. Big surprise. With a grin, she gathered the things, sans the ears, and headed for the command tent. Shaking her head as she. . .” ___________ “Jayne!” River’s voice jolted him from his flashback. He looked around to find the tiny assassin standing next to him, hand on his shoulder. “Huh? Something wrong, River?” he asked, startled that he had let himself drift away like that. “Was going to ask you that,” she answered, looking at him closely. “Odd to see you distracted when on the job.” “Yeah,” he shrugged. “Lot’s happening, last few days. Some of it catching up I guess. Won’t happen again.” She shrugged, as if it made no difference. “Quite a story last night,” she offered after a minute of silence. “I guess,” he refused to look at her, watching the roads instead. “Explains a great deal about Jayne,” River continued. “Why he is, what he was. Where he comes from.” “Everyone comes from somewhere, River,” he pointed out. “Yes, but until last night, no one knew where you came from. You get mail from your mother, yet she is departed.” “Long story,” he growled. “We have time,” River said, settling in beside him. I wish she wasn’t so close, he thought. “Like being close,” River said seriously. “Makes me feel warm. Safe.” He turned to look at her, and was surprised by the honesty lurking in her eyes. “I make you feel safe?” he asked, knocking back the urge to laugh. “You took out a room full of reavers, and I make you feel safe?” “Yes,” she said simply. “More to fear in life than reavers, Jayne.” “‘Spose that’s true,” he nodded. “I send the mail,” he offered suddenly. “Drop the packages off on one moon, so they’ll be on the next one in the future. Makes people think my family is still alive.” “Because people hunt you.” It was a statement, not a question, but he nodded. “Yes, because people hunt me. Hunt for me, I should say.” “Why?” Dammit, he thought again, why is she so interested? “Because you are interesting, and I am interested in you,” she answered. He shook his head in resignation. No good thought goes unpunished. “Not punishing you,” River giggled. “Learning. Learning about you.” “Why don’t you just read it, then,” he grumbled. He was growing uncomfortable. “Can’t. Darkness is too strong, blocks me out. When ever I get to that point, there is nothing but darkness. And pain,” she added softly. “Reason for that,” he told her pointedly. “Ain’t no place for you to be, anyway.” He turned toward her before she could object. “I know you think you’re as bad, but you ain’t,” he said forcefully. “What you did, can do, was forced on you by others. I chose my way, River. Deliberately set out to be what I was. Stormy. . .” he broke off a minute, as if unsure whether he should continue. “Stormy used to tell me that I was letting the past choose my future. She’s pretty smart, so I ‘spect she’s right. I did that. Told myself it didn’t matter, no way. I was alone, the last of my people. Nothing would change that.” “Don’t let it choose your future now,” River said softly. “Make your own choices. Just like me.” Suddenly she leaned into him, and kissed him. Before he could react, she was gone, flying back to the ship. “Gorramit,” he said under his breath. He resumed his watch, but now his lips tasted like jasmine. He’d always liked jasmine.

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-------------- Shades of the Past – Chapter Eighteen Always the disclaimers; own nothing, love everything, wish it was still around :) -------------- Once the deal was struck, the loading was quick. Toller was back with his crew, and they made short work of loading the refrigerated crates into Serenity’s hold. Mal and Zoe made sure the cargo was secure, while Jayne continued his watch outside, and River plotted their course to Astra. Shortly after lunchtime, they lifted off. It was a three day trip to Astra. While happy to have steady, legal work, the crew was anxious, knowing that the problem with Zhang would now include them. But the money was good, and the food better, so they buckled down to their jobs, and went about the business of making Serenity work. --------------------------- Inara answered the knock at her shuttle door, honestly expecting River. She had seen the younger woman talking with Jayne earlier, then run back to the ship. At first she had assumed that Jayne had managed to hurt the girl’s feelings, but when River had passed Inara on the way to the bridge, she was flushed, and happy looking. Inara had smiled, and promised herself to speak to her at the first private moment, if she didn’t come to tell her about it, as she usually did. Thus she was caught by surprise to find Jayne at her door. “Hello, Jayne,” she smiled. “What can I do for you?” “I was wanting to use your cortex for a minute, if I could,” Jayne told her. “Need to look at some things, and I’d. . .well, bridge gets awful crowded when you’re trying to do something.” He looked a little abashed. Hmmm, she thought. Looking for something for someone, maybe? River perhaps? “Of course, Jayne,” Inara opened the door wider. “Help yourself. I was just on my way to make us some lunch, now that we’re underway.” Jayne nodded his thanks, and moved to the cockpit of the shuttle. Inara watched him go with a smile, then headed for the kitchen. Jayne activated the cortex, and began searching through an Astra directory. He wasn’t familiar with the planet at all, so he’d have to find what he wanted the hard way. While he searched, he pondered on River. She never quit, which he had to admire. It made things difficult for him, though. She was, if he was honest with himself, everything a man like him could want in a woman. Strong, intelligent, a fighter. And that didn’t even take into account how pretty she was. How beautiful she was, he corrected himself. And he had been thinking on his future, like he had told Mal. Book’s advice on that score had been good. And Stormy had mentioned it to him as well. But he wasn’t good for River. Or for any woman for that matter. His troubles from the past could catch up to him at any time, and when they did, people would get hurt. Probably get dead. More than his desire to keep River, or anyone else, from getting hurt because of him, was the desire not to be hurt again, himself. He’d lost too much, too many times. He wasn’t sure his sanity could stand another loss. The cortex search program beeped then, telling him that his items had been found. Putting aside his thoughts, he started looking at his options.

-------------- Inara was in the kitchen when River wandered in. “Hello, River,” Inara said with a smile. “How are you?” “Hungry,” the smaller woman admitted. “I’m fixing us some lunch,” Inara told her. “This ham looked so inviting, I decided we could have sandwiches. It’s so nice to have real food for a change,” she sighed in contentment. River nodded. “Makes a nice break from protein.” “Sure does. By the way, I saw you talking to Jayne earlier, before you came running through the ship with your face on fire. Anything wrong?” “Kissed him,” River blurted, her face reddening. “Just did it. No thought in it. Instinct.” “How did he respond?” Inara asked, fighting the urge to giggle. “Don’t know,” River admitted sheepishly. “Ran away.” Now Inara did giggle. “Well, it’s a start,” she pointed out. “Resolve crumbling,” River nodded. “Matter of time. Chances of success now exceed ninety-nine percent. Variable are still present, but manageable.” Inara resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Well, I’m glad things are working out,” she said instead. River looked up mischievously. “What about you and Captain Daddy?” Inara’s hand slipped at that, and she almost cut herself. She glared at River, but there was no force behind it. “Can’t hide it,” River giggled. “We’re feeling our way,” Inara admitted, then flushed when River broke out laughing. “That’s not what I meant,” Inara scowled, then burst out laughing herself. “What’s so funny?” Mal asked, walking into a giggling fit. “Just talking about things,” Inara said. “Men,” River added, always direct. “How slow they can be. How blind they are to what’s right in front of them.” Inara concentrated on finishing her meal preparations, more to hide her increasing flush than anything else. Is that right?” Mal said with an amused look on his face. “And who is it that’s ignoring what’s right in front of them, Albatross?” “You, for one,” River answered at once, then turned and walked toward the bridge. “Let me know when lunch is ready?” she called over her shoulder to Inara. “I will,” Inara assured her, smiling to herself. “Me?” Mal said, more to himself than anyone else. “What am I missing?” “You have no idea,” Inara told him, and her husky voice and sultry look made Mal need to sit down, his knees suddenly weak. “Inara,” he said quietly. “I know I’m a fool sometime. Okay more than sometimes,” he amended at her raised eyebrow. “But I’m an honest fool.” “I don’t do things with the intent to make a mess, it just. . .happens.” “It happens, Mal, because you don’t think before you speak. Or act,” Inara pointed out. “You lash out when you’re hurt, or scared, or nervous, with no thought to the pain you cause to those around you.” Her gaze softened suddenly. “There’s no one on this boat who is here against their will,” she told him. “We all want to be here. We all know you are the Captain, and the owner. There really is no need for you to continually remind us all of that. You have a good ship, and a loyal crew. You might take that into consideration before you goad any one else into revealing a part of their past they want to keep hidden away.” “How’d you know. . .” “I know you, Mal,” Inara replied. “You never talk about the war you fought, yet all but forced Jayne to do so. Do you see the fairness in that? Jayne isn’t here because of his own bunk and bigger cut. Not anymore. Nor, I fear, is he the simple minded idiot we all took him for. I think he’s been ‘dumbing down’ all this time,” “It’s true he hasn’t much education, and we all now why, now. But he is extremely intelligent. So much so that he’s avoided the Alliance all these years without any formal training, and a rudimentary educational background. An idiot, couldn’t have done all that.” “I ain’t saying he ain’t smart,” Mal said defensively. “Fact is, I ain’t talking about him at all. I was talking about me. And you.” Inara froze for an instant, then continued her work, hoping he hadn’t noticed. “I. . .I wanted to take this job for one more reason than I let on, earlier,” Mal said. “I been thinking about a lot of things, Inara, but none so much as you. I know I ain’t perfect, far from it. But. . .but I think. . .that is I know, I know, I love you.” Inara gasped before she could stop herself. She turned to look at Mal, surprised to see the effort it had taken for him to say it. “Do you mean that, Mal?” she asked softly. “I mean really mean it?” “I’m thinking I’d not said it if I didn’t,” Mal nodded. “I ain’t saying as how things can or will work out, mind,” he warned her. “But. . .well, I’d like for us to try, Inara. I’d like that more than just about anything in the whole ‘verse. If’n you’re willin’ o’ course,” he hastened to add, seeing the look on her face. Inara looked at him for a long time. So long in fact that Mal was beginning to squirm a little, like a worm on a hook. She smiled at the image, and Mal saw it, and smiled back. “There will be rules,” Inara said suddenly, killing Mal’s smile. She snorted delicately. “I mean it, Mal. There are things you have said to me, done to me, that I won’t put up with anymore. No matter how much I love you.” Mal’s face lifted some at that little admission. “No calling me a whore, ever again,” Inara pointed at him. “Not even an ex-whore. Those things hurt me. I don’t care why you said them,” she raised her hand to forestall his defense. “It doesn’t matter. If you ever use the word to me, or about me, ever again, I’m gone. Dong Ma?” Mal nodded. “No entering my shuttle without knocking. Ever.” Mal once again started to object, but she cut him off. “I mean that Mal. If I can’t trust you to respect my privacy, I can’t trust you to respect me, either. I don’t mind you coming to me anytime you want to, but you knock, first.” Mal nodded in sullen agreement. “And you keep that jealous streak under control. If you can’t trust me, you don’t need to be around me. With me. As long as we’re together, we’re together. Just you, and me. I won’t try to change your life, and you don’t try and change me. I’ve given up enough for you Mal, that you should be happy. I gave up the very thing I worked my whole life for. No matter what you think of being a Companion, it was my life, a good life, and I left it for you. In fact just in hopes of you. And me.” Mal was really scowling now. He knew everything she said was true, but that didn’t make it any easier. Inara would always know people from that time in her life, and this was her way of telling him she wouldn’t ignore them just to protect his feelings. She had accepted the fact that he was a sometimes thief, he would have to accept that she was an ex-Companion. And that she knew people, just like he did. “Alright,” he nodded after a moment. “Ain’t saying it’ll be easy, but I never had anything worth having that was.” Just as he was about to take her in his arms, Jayne appeared from Inara’s shuttle. “I’m done, Inara,” he said, not realizing what he had walked in on. “Thanks again for letting me. . .” “What in the hell were you doing in her shuttle?” Mal roared. Inara jumped back at that, and Jayne just blinked in confusion. “I was using her cortex,” Jayne said finally. “Since when is the bridge cortex not good enough?” Mal demanded hotly. “Since I needed some privacy, Captain,” Jayne replied calmly. “Too many people looking over my shoulder. And Inara’s been teachin’ me. . .” “Teaching you what?” Mal’s voice was grating now, and he looked to Inara with fury in his eyes. “To read, Captain,” Jayne answered, voice still calm. “And to behave better in public, so I ain’t always a pain in your ass when you take me somewhere.” Mal looked like a fish out of water, gasping for air. He looked back and forth from Jayne to Inara. Jayne. Inara. “To read,” he mumbled. “Well, she loans me books, and a dictionary, and I work through them myself. But she’s been teaching me ett. . .etc. . .” Jayne trailed off in frustration, looking to Inara for help. “Etiquette, Jayne,” Inara smiled. “It’s call etiquette.” “Yeah, that,” Jayne nodded. “I told her I was tired of always being the one to make things bad by not knowing how to act, and asked her to help me. Her being a lady and all, and trained in how to be respectable and such.” He shrugged. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, Jayne,” Mal said, sitting back down. “Had no right.” “Sure you did,” Jayne said at once. “I was coming outta Inara’s shuttle. But you oughta know, she’d never do anything like what you were thinking.” With that he turned away, heading for his bunk. Mal sat still, not knowing what to do. “Can we consider this a failed test run?” he looked up at Inara hopefully. Despite her determination to be mad, Inara couldn’t help but laugh. “I think so,” she nodded, and reached out to Mal. ------------------

------------------ Shade of the Past – Chapter Nineteen Don’t own any of them. Ain’t no money involved, it’s just fun:) --------------------- The trip to Astra was uneventful, much to the relief of everyone. Mal had honestly expected an attempt to be made on the ship. The fact that it hadn’t been was a comfort, but left him restless. Nothing said an attempt wouldn’t be made here. As the cargo was being off loaded, and a shipment of several empty refer crates waiting to be loaded for the trip back, Mal was watching from the catwalk. Zoe was on the cargo bay floor, supervising. He jumped when a hand fell onto his shoulder. He turned to find Jayne behind him. “I’m gonna make you wear a bell or somethin’,” Mal muttered. “On the ship anyway.” Jayne laughed. “Sorry, Captain,” he said, his voice showing his humor. “I’ll walk louder next time.” “You do that,” Mal nodded. “I take it you want something?” “Want to borrow Inara, River, Kaylee and Simon for a while,” Jayne nodded. Mal’s eyebrow’s rose. “For what?” “Got something for’em,” Jayne said cryptically. “Surprise. Shouldn’t take long. Might even be back ‘fore the fueling’s complete.” “What kinda surprise,” Mal demanded. Jayne chuckled. “Wouldn’t be a surprise, if I told anyone.” “I’m not anyone, I’m the Captain. You want to take my crew, you tell me why.” “Ordered some armor for’em,” Jayne relented, finally. “Need to take’em to be fitted. Maybe look into getting the girl something extra, too. Might be a sure enough fight ‘fore this is over.” “Armor?” Mal was stunned. “I ain’t got the coin. . .” “I already paid for it,” Jayne assured him. “Half, anyway.” “Where’d you get that kinda coin, Jayne?” Mal’s eyes narrowed. “Saved it,” Jayne said at once. “Rich relative left it too me, what’s the difference. Now, can we go? Longer we wait, longer to get back,” he added pointedly. Mal looked at him a moment longer, weighing his options. He’d been intending on getting River some armor, anyway, just hadn’t gotten round to it. “Fine, go,” he said brusquely, waving his hand. “Just be back ‘fore dark. I want to get back, and loaded again quick as we can.” Jayne nodded and set off. Mal watched him go, shaking his head in wonder. What had happened to the days when the only surprise from Jayne was when he didn’t do something stupid? ------------------- “Jayne, where is it we’re going?” Inara asked for the third time. She was behind him, with Kaylee and Simon behind her. River, as always, was right beside Jayne. “Told ya, it’s a surprise,” Jayne said over his shoulder to avoid the scowl he knew Inara was wearing. “Here we are, now,” he added, seeing the sign he’d been searching for. “A gun store?” Inara and Simon said almost together. “You brought us to a gun store, Jayne?” Inara asked, plainly annoyed. “I did, now come on. We got a lot to do, and Cap’n wants us back ‘fore dark.” Without another word, he opened the door and went in, River in his wake. Inara sighed heavily and followed. Kaylee dragged Simon through the door, ignoring his sputtering. “May I help you?” a young woman asked, eyeing Jayne almost hungrily. River growled softly from beside him, but the sound carried. The woman looked at the clearly possessive, younger woman, arms crossed, and the withering look on her face, and wiped the look from her own. “Name’s Cobb,” Jayne said, smothering the urge to chuckle. “I believe we have an appointment?” “Oh, yes. You called a couple of days ago about the PBA. Are these the intended wearer’s? she asked. “They are,” he nodded, pushing River forward. “Her first, we got other things to do. And we’re in a bit of a rush, ship’s headed out again soon.” “Of course, Mister Cobb,” she nodded, and looked to River. “Would you come with me, miss? We’ll just get you fitted.” River followed, sulking. Jayne turned to the others. “What are PBA’s?” Inara asked. “Body armor,” Jayne said simply. “All of you are gettin’ fitted for body armor. And anytime we’re on the ground, I want you wearin’ it. This whole thing is. . .it just feels wrong. We done been hit once on the ground. Have ta expect it again.” “Mal’s getting us body armor?” Inara asked. “Isn’t that expensive?” Jayne considered telling them that Mal was, indeed the one paying, but knew Mal’d give it away anyway. “No, I am,” he answered finally. “All of you need it. No arguing,” he added, looking pointedly at Simon. “I mean it Doc. You may wind up going to and from their infirmary, and such like. You as like to get hit as the rest of us.” Simon considered that for a moment, then nodded. “Thank you, Jayne. I’ll wear it,” he said quietly. “Where’d you get the money for all this, Jayne?” Kaylee asked, wide-eyed. “Don’t worry ‘bout that,” he said, shaking his head. “I ain’t stole nothing, it’s honest money. And I mean for all of you to have armor, and wear it. Dong Ma?” They all nodded, a little shocked at Jayne’s intensity. Any other comments were cut short as River emerged, looking a bit more bulky than she had when she entered. She was still sulking, Jayne noticed with a mental chuckle. “It’s the best we can do, Mister Cobb, at her height,” the clerk apologized. “As your order indicated, however, we took her measure, and will order a custom-made set for her. It should be here in two weeks, baring complications.” “That’s fine,” Jayne nodded. “I’ll let you fit the rest while the two of us shop a bit. Thank you for your services,” he added, and Inara smiled. Jayne was coming along nicely. “C’mon, River,” Jayne said to the girl, placing his hand to her lower back. “Let’s go shopping.” They left the others to the mercy of the clerk, and started for the weapons racks. ----------------------- “What’s your problem, little bit,” Jayne asked as they neared the racks of long guns. “That woman,” River snarled. “Looking at you like that.” Jayne almost laughed, until he realized she was serious. “Why’s that bother you, River. Looking don’t hurt anything.” River looked at him with a piercing gaze. “She wants what I want, and she can’t have it,” River said plainly. “She looks at you like a piece of meat, not like someone who would love you always.” Jayne blinked hard at that. “River,” he started. “Don’t,” River raised a hand to stop him. “Don’t want to hear it. I am patient, and I am resigned to waiting. But I won’t stand by and let someone like. . .her, distract you, either.” “She ain’t distracting me, River,” Jayne said softly. “She can look all she wants, but I ain’t interested.” He shrugged. “Now that we got that worked out, you need new weapons.” “Present armament is adequate, and functional,” River pointed out. “And all second hand, except for the pistol I gave you,” Jayne shot back. “I want you to have new weapons, weapons that are yours, and no one else’s. Weapons you can depend on when your life, or mine, is on the line. You like the rifle, fine, I get that. But you need more, and better weapons. And work clothes. And you’re gettin’ ‘em.” “So quit stalling, and start looking. We ain’t leaving here till I’m satisfied that you’re properly equipped. Don’t wanna lose you cause something didn’t work.” Jayne might as well have told River he loved her. She smiled brightly, encouraged by his concern. “Yes, Jayne,” she said in a small voice, reveling in the fact that Jayne felt the need to protect her, and wanted to keep her safe. He was definitely losing his resolve. And she was patient. ----------- Mal was pacing along the ramp, looking at the fading light. He had told Jayne to be back before dark. Where were they? He paced some more. He and Inara were slowly getting better acquainted. He again wondered why he had avoided her before. Other than being stubborn, he admitted. And why was he so stubborn? He wanted her, he was honest enough to admit that. She was beautiful, yes. But more than that, she was so. . .graceful, so delicate. Yet strong, he added. And had courage to spare, as well. So what was his problem? Had to be that she had been a Companion. To her it wasn’t a big deal, yet he seemed to be unable to get around it. So, she was a Companion. Wasn’t like he’d never visited a lady of the evening. Not like Jayne had, of course, and not in a long while. Still, what’s fair for one, is fair for both. He still didn’t know if things might work out between them, of course. Anything could happen. Still, it was something he was hopeful for, and he. . . He felt the impact of the bullet before he heard he sound of the gunshot. His leg felt like it had been struck by a hover mule. He fell to the cargo bay floor, forcing himself to lie still. He didn’t know where the shot had come from, or how many were out there. “Sir?” Zoe’s voice crackled across his personal comm, and he was glad he’d kept it on, and turned low. He eased his hand to the transmit button. “Takin’ fire, Zo’,” he gasped. “Don’t know where from. I’m hit in the leg and playin’ ‘possum. Make your way down to the catwalk, but then stay there, case I need cover. And call Jayne, let him know.” “I heard ya Mal,” Jayne’s voice whispered back. “We was close enough to hear the shot. Me and River are working our way toward the ship. Others are safe. Give us a minute and we’ll sort it out.” Mal didn’t answer, but was glad to hear the big man’s voice. He lay still, waiting. ------------------------- “There,” River said quietly, pointing to an old shack on the edge of the landing area. “Sure?” Jayne asked. She gave him a withering ‘boob’ look, and he smirked. “Right, then. Stay here, make sure you can get back to the others if they need you. I’m gonna pay this guy a visit.” Before she could object he was gone. Like he had simply disappeared. She could still feel him, knew he was moving. But she couldn’t see him, or any sign that he’d been there. She settled back to wait. Her man was very good at this. ------------------- Jayne eased up to the shack, looking at it from a short distance. He could just make out a slim rifle barrel sticking out of the front window, resting on a sandbag. He knew the man was waiting for another member of the crew to try and reach Mal. Fury boiling inside him, Jayne moved silently to the door of the shack. He used caution, knowing there could be more than one person inside. Just because there was only one rifle visible didn’t mean one person. Or even one shooter. River had assured him there was only one, but it never hurt to be careful. From the door he moved rearward, to the back of the small building, and found what he wanted. A small hole allowing him to see inside. He placed his eye to the knothole, and peered though it. Inside, settled on a crate, was one man, aiming down the scope on his rifle. He seemed oblivious to his surroundings, which Jayne wouldn’t take for granted. Jayne moved back to the door, drawing his knife. He found a large rock, which he took in his off hand, and threw over the building. It bounced off the tin roof, and, Jayne hoped, drew the attention of the shooter. With a wrench at the door, he was on his feet, and inside. The man had turned at the sound of the rock, but his reflexes were fast. He whipped back around, trying to bring his rifle to bear. Jayne caught the barrel in his free hand, felt the heat as a round went through the barrel. Using the rifle to pull his target’s hands aside, Jayne plunged his knife home, just below the sternum. The man looked at him in shocked surprise as blood burbled from his lips. Jayne lowered the man to the ground, then removed the knife and slit the sniper’s throat. He removed his comm. “Sniper’s down,” he said tersely. “All clear Cap’n. River, you best head back and collect the others, let Simon see to the Cap’n. I’ll be along, soon’s I take care of this.” “Moving,” River replied. Mal sighed in relief at the sound of Jayne’s voice. So nice to have good help. At that thought, Zoe was by him. “Sir?” “Zoe, I been shot.” “I can see that, sir,” Zoe nodded. “Again,” he stressed. “You do seem to make a habit of that, sir,” his first mate replied with a straight face. “Think you can walk?” “If you help me up, I think I can manage.” Zoe placed her arms under his, and between her assistance and his good leg managed to get to his feet. Zoe stayed by his side. “Thanks, Zoe,” he gasped. “Floor was gettin’ tiresome.” “Does look uncomfortable, sir.” “What say we head to the infirmary. Doc’s on his way.” The two made their way slowly to the infirmary, which is where everyone found them. Simon quickly ran everyone off and looked to the wound. “This isn’t too bad,” he muttered, working quickly and surely. “I guess if it ain’t your leg you might could see it that way,” Mal said crossly. “I meant the damage wasn’t bad. Judging by the look of it, I’d say this was a large round, and it just grazed you. Had it impacted, the damage could have been serious.” “I’m bleedin’,” Mal whined. “Ain’t that serious enough?” “You might have been. . .” Simon broke off as he worked. “Might have been more seriously injured. As in no leg, or at least lacking the use of it.” “Oh,” Mal said, quieter. “Well, why’nt you say that to start with?” Mal leaned back and stopped complaining. Simon rolled his eyes in resignation. _________________ By the time Jayne had seen to the would-be killer and returned to the ship, Mal was up complaining. Loudly. “What part of ‘back before dark’, wasn’t I clear about?” “We would’a been back if it hadn’t been for the shooter,” Jayne pointed out. “We wouldn’a even been here for the shooter, if’n you had made it back on time.” “Fueling,” River pointed out, earning her a glare from Mal. “That ain’t the point,” Mal grumbled. “I told you. . .” “And we would have been,” Inara interjected. “Mal, Jayne did something very nice for us today, and I haven’t even heard you say thank you.” “He didn’t get me nothing,” Mal muttered. “Yes he did,” Inara smirked, holding out a small package for him. Mal eyed the box suspiciously, as if it might bite, or explode. Kaylee handed a similar package to Zoe, who took her’s without comment. Mal opened the box in his hands, revealing a small but powerful pistol. Zoe’s box contained one identical to his. Both looked stunned. “Saw you lookin’ at them in that shop back on Persephone,” Jayne shrugged when they looked up in surprise. “Thank you, Jayne,” Zoe said softly. “I really appreciate this.” Her box had included a soft leather shoulder holster. Mal’s had one designed to fit into his boot, or his belt. “I don’t know what to say, Jayne,” Mal looked at his hired gun. “Well, I actually got it for Simon,” Jayne said straight faced. “He was complaining ‘bout how you get shot all the time, and I thought a back-up might help with that, so I. . .” “And whose fault is that?” Mal screeched, only to be drowned out by laughter from the rest of the crew. Mal glared at everyone around the lounge, but there was no heart in it. He finally succumbed to the sound of laughter, and smiled himself. Life could be worse, he thought, listening to his crew bantering back and forth. It could always be worse.

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-------------- Shades of the Past – Chapter Twenty Don’t own it, just playing, don’t sue, please:) ------------------------------- Serenity lifted into the night, fully fueled and cargo on board. River guided the ship gracefully into atmo, and then into the black, on a heading back to Argo. Watchful eyes followed the ship until it was out of sight, then made a short comm call. His job done, the watcher walked slowly away. ---------------------------- “Captain, we appear to have company.” Mal limped to the bridge at River’s call. He’d been afraid of something like this, one of the reasons he’d decided to depart in the dark. He had hoped that would throw off anyone waiting for them. Apparently it hadn’t worked. “What’ve we got, Albatross?” he asked when he reached the bridge. “Looks like one ship,” she pointed to the scanner screen. “They’re trying to shadow us,” she added. “Feel’em?” he asked. “Some,” she nodded. “Waiting for something.” “Any idea what?” She shook her head. Mal considered for a moment, then paled. He grabbed the mike from overhead. “Jayne! Upper airlock, and hurry! Zoe, you too!” He turned to River. “Got any ideas?” “Has to be outside,” she whispered. “Couldn’t have made it inside, except for the cargo bay while we were off loading, or loading.” Mal grabbed the mike again. “Kaylee, Simon, Cargo bay! I’ll be there in a minute!” He replaced the mike and headed off the bridge. “Keep an eye on’em, Albatross. Call me if anything changes.” ---------------------------- Jayne was on the hull, EVA, looking for anything that didn’t belong. Mal, Zoe, Simon and Kaylee were doing likewise in the cargo bay. They all jumped when Jayne’s voice came over the comm. “Mal, I think I found it.” His voice was tense. “There’s a grey box attached to the hull, just below the fuel intake. Looks like it’s attached by magnet. One red light on the near end, and what looks like a readout panel on the far. Nothing showing on that.” “Jayne,” Kaylee was on the comm, “look real careful where the box touches the hull. See if there’s any sign of a wire, like a ground wire, or maybe looks even like a loose one. But don’t touch it!” “Yeah,” Jayne called back after two minutes. “There’s a wire almost the same color as the hull, looks like it runs right into the ship. I can see sealant, or epoxy or something on it.” Kaylee nodded, though she knew Jayne couldn’t see her. “”Right Jayne, now listen. That wire is a failsafe, most like. They may have the bomb on a timer, or maybe it’s set to be activated by transmission. I’m going with a timer, cause transmission ain’t dependable in the black from very far. There’s probably a delay built in to it, say five seconds.” “If you can rip the bomb off and toss it in a hurry, you should have several seconds ‘for it decides to detonate.” “Kaylee, did you hear how many ‘ifs, should’s and might’s’ there were in all that? I mean, I did.” Jayne’s voice was strained. “And don’t get me started on the ‘probably’s and maybe’s’” he added with a snort. “It’s all we got Jayne,” Kaylee was apologetic. “Probably set to go off ‘bout midway through the trip, far away as possible from anywhere. But it could be set to go off in the next ten minutes for all we know.” “Kaylee, if you’re trying to make me feel better, I gotta tell ya mei-mei; you suck at it.” Kaylee couldn’t help but giggle. “Sorry, Jayne,” she smiled into the comm. “Just lettin’ ya know the score, s’all.” “I ‘bout got that figured out, myself,” Jayne didn’t quite mutter. “Cap’n, might be best you get everyone into the shuttles. I trust Kaylee to know her business, but. . .” “I got you,” Mal said into the comm. He turned. “You heard the man. GO!” The others scrambled for the shuttles. Mal hit the comm. “Albatross, you head for the shuttles as well. You can’t help from up there.” “I’ll stay,” came the reply, shaky though it was. Mal bit back a curse. “River, you can’t help from there, and you ain’t needed at the helm for the next few minutes. If this goes bad, we’ll all have to take the shuttles and head back to Astra.” There was no answer. Jayne suddenly cut in. “River, baby girl, you can’t help me,” he said soothingly. “I gotta do this, try and save the ship if I can. It’s our home. But it would be a might easier on me knowin’ you was safe in the shuttle when I yank this thing off here.” He was quiet for a minute, and heard no response. “Please?” he added, his voice gentle. “Jayne, I. . .” she started. “I know, baby girl,” Jayne’s voice came back. “I know.” “If you die, I will never forgive you,” River finally answered. “Never. I’m headed to Inara’s shuttle, Captain.” Mal released a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, and could hear Jayne’s sigh over the comm as well. “Thanks, Jayne,” he said quietly. “Didn’t do it for you,” Jayne shot back, and Mal swore he could hear the smile. “I already did plenty for you today. Know how much that gun cost?” Mal couldn’t help but chuckle. He knew that Jayne was just easing tension. “I know what they wanted for it on Persephone,” he answered. “Wasn’t cheap.” “And what do I get in return?” Jayne groused in good humor. “I get blamed for you gettin’ shot. Like you need any help gettin’ shot,” he added with a snort. “I admit, I do seem to get hurt more often than most,” Mal chuckled, releasing some of his own tension. “But if you had. . .” “I got the guy that got you,” Jayne pointed out. “And I thank you for it,” Mal nodded, though Jayne couldn’t see it. “Jayne, I’m curious about something. You’ve spent a good deal of coin today, and I know it didn’t come from me. You got a second job I don’t know about?” “Now that just plumb hurts, Mal,” Jayne replied. “I don’t work for no one but you. Ain’t even thought on working no where else in a good while.” Mal smiled at that admission. “Mal, you might better head to the shuttle,” the timbre of Jayne’s voice changed. “Im’a ‘bout ready to yank this thing, and I don’t rightly know. . .” his voice trailed off. “If’n somethin’ happens, goes wrong I mean,” Jayne said after a minute. “There’s a couple letters in a box under my bunk. One of ‘em is from Book. The other is the location of a safety deposit box, with the key and instructions on how to get to it. If. . .if I don’t. . .well, give it to River, okay?” “Tell her to use it wisely, and live the life she was denied. Do that for me?” Mal’s throat was tight, and his eyes burned a little. He should be the one doing this. But his leg wasn’t up to it. “Mal?” Jayne said into the silence. “I hear ya, Jayne,” Mal answered. “I promise, I’ll see to it. Give ya’ my word.” “Well, that’s good enough for me. Had me worried there for a minute. Now you need to git. I’ll give ya thirty seconds, and then I’m pullin’ the plug ‘for my nerve runs out.” “I’m going,” Mal said, the left at as fast a pace as he could manage. ------------------------------- River sat huddled in Inara’s shuttle, the older woman’s arm wrapped around her. She was trying valiantly not to cry, and so far not doing well at it. “River, I’m sure Jayne can do this,” Inara soothed her, trying to project confidence. It wasn’t easy. “Too many variables,” River muttered. “Too many unknowns to calculate chances of successful outcome. Odds are. . .high.” “River, sweetie,” Inara tried again, “if anyone in the ‘verse is good at beating long odds, it’s Jayne Cobb. I mean, look at what he’s accomplished in life. It may not seem like much, but consider that he started at fourteen, on his own, with no one to look out for him, or help him along his way.” She lightly kissed the top of River’s head. “He’s a strong and stubborn man,” she added, smiling. “Too stubborn to die on the hull of a ship in the black, with someone like you inside who loves him.” “I think he loves me, too,” River said quietly. “Afraid to show it, afraid to feel it. But I have worn him down,” she said proudly. “Well, I knew you would, eventually, if you were patient, and kept trying. And I think he loves you too, if it helps. As to his fear,” Inara sighed, “Jayne has lost so much in his life, River, that his fear is understandable. He is afraid because he doesn’t think he can bear to lose anyone else.” She considered for a minute and added, “And, I could hear in his voice, when he was speaking to you, that he is afraid to lose you. Which means, in all likelihood, that yes, you have worn him down.” River sobbed, her small frame shaking from it. “He has the worst timing.” ------------------------- Jayne looked at the box. It was like a single red eye, staring him down. Daring him to try and live. Challenging him to be better than it was. Stronger. As he waited for Mal to have time to reach the shuttle, Jayne pondered on many things. It was odd, he thought, the things that could run through a man’s mind when he was facing almost certain death. He wasn’t stupid. Even if the bomb waited five, or even ten seconds before going off, it would likely kill him. He thought back to his family. If he hadn’t been gone on the ‘raising’, he’d have been there when the Alliance commandoes attacked. He’d have been killed alongside his family, and that would have been that. Then he thought about his meeting Stormy, and her taking him under her wing. If she hadn’t, then he would likely have died somewhere in some Alliance camp, over-reaching himself in his attempt to hurt the Alliance as they had hurt him. And Stormy would be dead, left to die on a cross, when she was captured. Things happen for a reason, son. Book’s voice sounded in his ears. He resisted the urge to look around for the older man, the man who had been a second father to him, even for so short a time. The man who had spared the mysterious Shade, number one on the Alliance hit list, even when he had him dead to rights. He’d never given a thought to the meal he’d give the old man. Didn’t remember it at all, until he read Book’s letter. It had been a passing kindness, for someone he thought had been displaced by the war. There hadn’t been any thought in it, really. It just happened. Things happen for a reason. He thought about Miranda. How Wash had died, while he lived. How they had all suffered. He had managed to drag Zoe away from the reavers, but not win the battle. That had taken River, and the assassin training forced on her by the Alliance. He’d never been ashamed of that. River was strong, and she had stepped up when she was needed. Saved them all. All in all, River Tam was a hell of a woman. Jayne didn’t figure a man could do any better. But she could do better than him. They’d never have met if he hadn’t shot Marco and took Mal’s offer. He never did give much thought to that. Didn’t even know why he did it. Things happen for a reason. “What’s the reason, Book,” he said softly, forgetting the comm. “I mean I believe ya, and all. You never once lied to me, and I don’t think you ever would. So what’s the reason? Why have I lived so long, wantin’ ta die, only to find a reason to live, and be faced with death? I don’t get it. I mean, I ain’t afraid to die. Never have been, and you know that. Better’n anyone ‘cept maybe Storm. But if I’m gonna die, well, why give me a reason to live? Don’t make no sense.” “I tried to do what you asked, Book,” he went on. “I stayed, looked after ‘em best I could. That’s what I’m doin’ now, matter o’ fact. But why do things have to get so complicated? Why can’t it just be simple? There’s a reason I try not to care ‘bout people, you know. Why couldn’t you leave well enough alone?” “I guess though, if I wasn’t here, then maybe the bomb might kill ‘em all,” he said after a moment. “Be like losing my family, all over again. So maybe that’s the reason? I made it all this way for them? I can live with that.” He laughed at his choice of words. “Okay, I can die with that,” he amended. He looked up, though that was relative in the black. “Preacher, I know you’re up there somewhere, watchin’. If’n you could put in a good word for me about now, I’d take it as a kindness of the highest order. One way or ‘nother.” With that, Jayne gripped the box with both hands, and yanked as hard as he could. The box came loose with little trouble, and Jayne saw the red eye blink at him. He threw it as hard as he could, away from the ship, and then scrambled for the airlock. He almost made it. Almost. He was aware of the bomb going off, and then felt a giant fist slam him against the hull. He tried to keep going, but nothing seemed to work, and his vision was kind of screwy. He felt himself floating free, into the black. But I ain’t losing another family, he thought, oddly satisfied. Only one regret flashed before him as the darkness closed in. “I shoulda at least told ya I loved ya. Always was a coward. . .” he muttered, then the world went black. _____________________