Title: Stocking Up Author: hisgoodgirl

Disclaimer: All belongs to Joss. I got nada but imagination. Rating: NC-17; Het with a hint of slash. Setting: Post BDM Pairings: Jayne/Kaylee, Mal/Simon Words: 1850

A/N: A little one-shot serving of wassail fluff written for the Christmas / New Year’s prompt at the LiveJournal FireflyHolidays Comm. Hover for translations. Whatever holiday you celebrate, may it be joyful!

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Stocking Up

Vestigial or not, the Terran solar year and the calendar it had spawned was one of the remnants of the culture of Earth That Was that traveled with settlers out into the Black. The various settled worlds reflected the huge diversity of religions, beliefs and holidays that the ancestors of those first settlers had followed, making for no small amount of confusion but a wealth of opportunities for celebration and gift giving.

Since members of Serenity’s crew celebrated several different holidays toward the end of December, the result tended to be a raggle-taggle two-week period of gift giving and fancy cooking, as could be accomplished with whatever resources were available. Mal had originally opposed such foolery by his crew, only to find himself ignored and over-ridden. “Pick your battles,” his Ma’d always told him, so he’d relented over this one.

Cashy money being tight, most gifts tended to be of the homemade variety, and December found the crew member’s frequently sequestered in their quarters or other private places on the ship, working on secret “projects”.

Much of the decorating seemed to be driven by River and Kaylee, since Inara had returned to her teaching position at the Training House and Zoë hadn’t felt much inclined since Wash’s death the year before. While Mal wasn’t keen on seeing his ship all floozied-up with tinsel and such, he had to admit it was amazing what the girls managed to accomplish with a year’s worth of saved-up colored paper, tinfoil, can lids and such. They’d even talked Jayne into bringing back a mule-load of evergreen branches during their last stop on St. Alban’s, and during her free time, Kaylee had wound them into garlands and strung the fragrant greenery into places all over the ship.

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“Kay---lee!”

Mal rubbed his head and glanced sidelong at Zoë as Jayne’s two-note bellow echoed through the ship. “That girl must have a good reason for hidin’ out, and I’d be much obliged to that overgrown yuan ren if he was to stop torturin’ me by hollerin’ for her at the top of his lungs.”

Zoë and Mal sat side by side at Serenity’s dining table, studying the topo map of their upcoming drop site on Helena that was spread out before them. The faintest hint of amusement danced on the first mate’s face. She knew Mal and Simon had been up late the night before, putting away most of a bottle of fine old brandy that the doctor had presented to the captain before the drunken couple retired to their bunk for additional celebration of a more personal sort.

A very frustrated looking Jayne stomped down the steps from the fore corridor and over to the table. “Either a you seen Kaylee?” he asked, dangling a single sock from his hand.

Mal winced and Zoë shook her head. “Nope, not since breakfast.”

“You thought of lookin’ in the engine room where she’s most like to be, ‘stead of hollerin’ ‘til our ears bleed?” Mal asked him. “An’ Jayne, I would take it as a personal kindness if you’d attempt to communicate in a more subdued tone of voice.”

“Well, I figured if she answered me, then I wouldn’t have to walk all the way back there. ‘Side’s, if you an’ th’ doc hadn’t gotten yourselves drunk as lords last night, my hollerin’ wouldn’t be an issue.” The big merc shook the sock in his hand. “Either a you had one a my socks turn up in your wash of late? It’s done gone missin’ and this was my favorite pair.”

“Trust me, Jayne.” Mal said, kneading his aching brow, “Big as your feet are, there’s nobody else on this boat could wear ‘em.”

Jayne sighed. “I suppose you’re right. Still, it turns up in your wash, I want it back, here?”

He turned and headed for the engine room in search of the girl mechanic.

Zoë chuckled softly once Jayne was out of earshot. “That man loses more clothing than anyone I ever knew. Doesn’t he realize Kaylee’s always taking his T-shirts and such for mechanic rags?”

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After glancing into the engine room and finding no Kaylee, the merc continued on his search, heading down the aft stairs to see if she was chatting with Simon.

Simon rubbed his forehead. “No, Jayne, I haven’t seen her or your sock.” The doc looked paler than usual, his eyes somewhat bloodshot.

The merc snickered. “Sounded like a right rare party you an’ th’ Cap’n was having last night,” Jayne enjoyed the scarlet flush that reddened Simon’s cheeks. “From what all we could hear, he musta rung your bell right good.”

“You weren’t supposed to… I didn’t know we…” Simon sputtered to a halt and covered his face with his hand, realizing he had no graceful way out.

“Just leave, Jayne.”

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“Hey, Kay, you around?” Jayne called out as he wandered through the cargo bay, still on his search.

“Not here.” The small voice came from overhead.

Jayne glanced up to find River balanced on the catwalk railing like a circus performer on a tightrope. “Jesus, girl! You tryin’ to give me a heart attack?” He shook his head. “You better not let the Captain nor that brother of your’n see you playin’ up there.”

“Not worried. I know when they’re coming.” The lithe girl pivoted gracefully and made her way to one end of the railing and jumped lightly onto the catwalk. “Kaylee’s busy and lost laundry can yield unexpected booty. Be patient.”

“Huh?” Jayne’s mouth gaped, his features reflecting his confusion.

“Your sock will turn up, Jayne. Don’t worry.”

“Oh.” He’d never get used to her strange way of talking or knowing things she shouldn’t. “Well, you see her, tell ‘er I’m lookin’ for her.”

“And your other sock,” River added.

“Yeah. That, too.”

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Hours later, Serenity was outward bound from Three Hills and her crew settling in for the evening. Jayne had finished tying down the goods they’d taken on and was ready to turn in. It had been a long damn day. He stretched and yawned loudly, then headed up the stairs to the quarters he now shared with Kaylee. He’d never found the girl that morning and then Mal had waylaid him for some last-minute loading muscle. No matter, he’d shortly have a chance to ask her about his lost sock and maybe even get a little lovin’, too.

As he turned the corner from the fore stair landing and headed down the corridor toward his bunk, he noticed something bulky dangling from the crossbar that served as both handle and ladder step. In the dim blue night cycle lighting, it looked rather like someone had stuffed a mixed order of groceries into a tote bag. “What the hell?” he muttered to himself and he could have sworn he heard a faint giggle. He glanced up and down the passageway, but saw no one.

As he crouched to get a better look at the lumpy bundle, he finally recognized it as his missing sock, distended by whatever had been stuffed into it. Beyond that, it was clear that Kaylee had kidnapped it, embroidering the band around the top with red and green yarn in a crude festive design.

As he began to untie the stocking, the hatch swung inward, and he could see Kaylee below, her hand clamped over her mouth and her shoulders shaking with stifled laughter. “Whatever you do, don’t drop it!” she giggled. “In fact, bring it down here to empty it. Be safer that way.”

The merc rolled his eyes – what was that woman of his up to now, ‘sides sock stealin’? With the bundle firmly clasped in one hand he started down the ladder, then passed the swag off to Kaylee. As soon as his boots hit the deck, he turned on his girl.

“Merry Christmas, xin gan,” she announced, holding out the lumpy stocking. “I hope you like your presents.”

Aw, ruttin’ hell, Jayne thought. I done screwed up big time. I forgot tomorrow’s Christmas an’ I ain't got nothin’ for her.

He laughed loudly, hoping to cover his confusion. “Well, now, let’s see what we’ve got here…” He wormed his hand into the top of the sock and clasped the neck of a bottle, then drew it forth. It was a whisky bottle but the liquid within was the wrong color.

Noting his puzzled expression, Kaylee explained, “It’s a fifth of my best brew. Been agin’ it for near a year. It’s real smooth…” She sidled closer to him and batted her eyelashes. “Kinda like you…”

“Smooth, huh?” He pulled the cork and took a long swallow. Kaylee was right. The brew was nicely mellowed. He smiled as he recorked it.

“Yeah. Smooth…” She drew the word out suggestively and grinned saucily up at him. “Look again,” she prompted. “There’s more.”

“Well, babygirl, I can feel that.” He hefted the still-weighty sock. “Let’s see what else you been up to.” Again, his hand plunged into the ‘stocking’ and he pulled out what was clearly an optical device.

In his hand was a Schlager 1500 AV laser sight, one of the best targeting devices on the market. “Damn, Kay? How in the hell did you scrape up the credits to buy this? These things cost a ruttin’ fortune!”

She could tell from the excitement in his voice the scope was a hit. “Ain't so pricey if ya pick up bits and pieces over time and re-build it from junkers,” she announced smugly.

Jayne shook his head in wonder. “You built this outta scrap? Girl, you never cease to amaze me!” He picked her up in his arms and spun her around. “I know just which rifle it’s goin’ on, too. Damn this is sweet!”

“Put me down, ya great moose.” The mechanic giggled and pushed herself free. “I got one more special thing for ya, but you best close that bunk hatch, first.”

Jayne chuckled. He had a good idea where this was headed and hammered the auto-close button with the heel of his hand. He dimmed the lighting and placing the bottle of home brew and the laser site safely on the seat of the old club chair that was wedged into one corner of the cabin, then tossed the stretched-out sock on top. I won’t be wearin’ them again, he thought, and truth be told, I don’t much care.

When he turned back to Kaylee, he found that she’d stripped off the top she’d been wearing and was quickly shimmying out of her coveralls. He stood for a moment, enjoying the show, then whistled as he finally got a good view of the girl, now clad only in the tiniest pair of red satin panties he’d ever seen. When she dropped to her knees in front of him and began to unfasten his pants, Jayne grinned from ear to ear. Thinking fast, he wound his fingers into her thick chestnut hair and drew her closer.

“I guess it’s only fair you get to open your present now, darlin’, since I done just opened mine.”

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End