The Price Paid – Chapter 2— A Dish Best Served Cold

Gentle Reader, This is the story of what happened between the laying down of arms and the picking up of passengers. This is the second chapter of the story started in Lost Kin. It grew out of that story and you should read that first or this will make little sense, since it starts in the middle of a conversation begun in that chapter. I have several other chapters written and hope to be able to post installments in a regular and timely fashion.

Once again I must thank Archer for his shiny beta and his uniformly good critiques of my work. Any failings or mistakes are mine. If anyone has any comments, criticisms or suggestions I would be delighted to hear them.

Chinese Glossary appears at the end.

CHAPTER TWO—A DISH BEST SERVED COLD

PRESENT DAY

Most everybody in camp assumed they were lovers. They didn’t enlighten anybody ‘cause it saved them both from attentions neither was particularly interested in receiving. When they first arrived it was mid-winter, there were no huts, no heat and no privacy. They had shared a bedroll, his blanket underneath, hers on top, and huddled together for warmth. Nothing passionate about it, except the passionate desire not to freeze to death, and Mal was just glad Zoe didn’t snore, much. When their own chaplain tried to talk to him about the immorality of the situation he laughed mirthlessly and pointed out that any god who let thousands of innocent soldiers die hellishly after the surrender was in no position to question his morals in choosing who to bed. After that conversation the assumption was set in stone, even after the huts went up and they went back to sleeping in separate bunks if not separate rooms.

Now Mal looked at Zoe across the table. The news was bad but not unexpected and it was the chaplain’s remark about making her an honest woman (as if Zoe would have any need of that if the were grappling) which tuned his mind in the direction it was presently headed. Only he was a mite worried that Zoe wasn’t going to be happy with his plan. But it was a plan that would get them out of the camp together. He didn’t want to waste a year or two getting back together. Hell, they could do it but this way would make it unneedful.

The klaxon calling for the after-chow count woke him from his reverie. He shook himself and lounged to his feet. He looked down at her and said “I got some thinking to do on this, meanwhiles we need to see if we can get to the back of the line, ‘stead of the front. No good getting out of here in a rush if they’re sending us hell’s half acre apart. Got a notion, but I need to do some checkin’ before I’m ready to speak on it.” He reached out a hand to pull her up.

“You’re not gonna do anything without talking to me first? Are you, sir?” She always added the “sir” with just a touch of irony.

Mal smiled, not his devil-may-care-lets-raise-a-little-hell-because we’re-here smile. Just his I-hear-you-and-I-might-listen-but-maybe- not smile. He saw her realize that was the best she was gonna get right now, so she let it go; time came, she’d push, but he’d be ready for her by then. He just had to make Zoe see it his way.

They went out the assembly area in the center of the camp and lined up for the count that the Feds did 5 times a day, at reveille, taps and after each meal. The number of prisoners was way down from the camp’s peak. Mostly those left were non-coms, officers, troublemakers of one sort or another, and those whose home planets the Alliance had scourged, so they had no home to go to.

So far neither of them had been a troublemaker. Not from lack of desire to inflict pain on the Feds, but because ’til Mal had seen all his troops sent home, his duty to his men came first. Now it was just the two of them things might change in that department. Maybe not, if he could find another way out of this se-niou hell hole, together. After Count he left Zoe in their shared room and went down to Admin to do some checking. There was a Purple-belly clerk in records with a small gambling problem that he thought might be turned to their advantage. Maybe.

Before taps, at the end of the evening count was mail call. They didn’t usually get much mail. They had heard from Mama only 3 times, letters written on each of their birthdays and one at Christmas. All had clearly been written unaware that they were prisoners of war. Probably if she knew the mail would be more regular she would have written more frequently. This time the Alliance corporal called out “Malcolm Reynolds or Zoe King”. Mal stepped up to get a letter and a small package. Hard mail, not waves. Couldn’t be cluttering up the Cortex with mail for trash like Independent prisoners of war.

They walked away together and went back to their hut. Mal sat on her bunk and Zoe curled up beside him. The package had the earlier post-date and was in his mother’s hand, so he opened it first after a nod from her. On top of the packing material in the small plastic box was a letter. Mal opened it and started reading. Zoe read it over his shoulder finishing a little sooner than he did and waiting for him to turn the page.

My Dear Children, We just received word that you are among the prisoners taken at the Battle of Serenity Valley. Although we give thanks for your safety, our rejoicing is tempered with sorrow as we have been informed by the Alliance Occupation Authority that neither of you will be allowed to return to Shadow. I have thought on what is best to do. I couldn’t consult you, my children, so if I have done wrong, I ask you to forgive me. I have sold half the ranch and Zoe’s homestead and banked the money in your names at the Alliance Bank of Credit and Commerce on Persephone. Your middle names are the password. If you do get separated you can use some of the money to rejoin each other. It should leave you a small stake, not as much as I’d hoped, but I sold to good folk, who’ll love the land and be good to the people hereabouts, not Alliance speculators. I have put the rest of the ranch in trust for you and the drovers because if the Feds try to confiscate the property of known Independents they would be left with nothing after having spent their lives here. I know you will understand. Jimmy Chiang is trustee for your shares if anything happens to me. He’s been top hand here almost all your life and loves you like his own. He will give you an accounting if you ask, but you won’t need to. I have enclosed for Zoe, her papa’s watch and mama’s wedding ring. To you son, I have sent your Daddy’s ring that was his daddy’s before him. It is very old. I know you don’t have many memories of him but I loved John Reynolds something fierce, couldn’t find any man after I could love as much, except you. He would be very proud of the man you have become. It’s like to break my heart that we may never see each other again but know wherever in the ‘Verse life takes you it takes my love with you. God be with you both. All my Love Rhiade

Mal could hear the laugh in his mama’s voice as clearly as if she was in the room, when he read the part about the ‘middle names’. Neither he nor Zoe had a real one but his mama had told him from his small kid time that his middle name was just Trouble, plain and simple. When Zoe first came to live with them she’d been a quiet scrap of a thing. Later when she got more comfortable and they came to know her they found out she had a wicked sense of humor. But just at first she had glided like a wraith thru the house and Rhiade had joked that her middle name was Silence. Later, when no matter what trouble Mal got them into Zoe never blamed him or complained about it, the name still seemed to fit. Mal turned to the next letter. It was written in Mandarin. It was signed with Jimmy Chiang’s chop but the language was so formal he couldn’t hear the older man’s voice in his head like he had with Mama’s words. His Mandarin was rusty, it took him awhile to parse out the meaning.

Honorable Son of a Noble Ancestress:

It is with great sorrow that I must inform you of the death of your respected mother. She was held as hostage for the good conduct of a band of dishonorable thieves whom the Alliance Governor, lying son of a mongrel bitch, claimed were Independent rebels. The bandits being mere thieves raided the provincial capital. The Magistrate, may he die ten thousand deaths, ordered your mother’s execution. He planned to steal your patrimony by declaring her a rebel but the sagacity of your honorable parent was proven when the property he coveted was discovered be held in trust. May she live forever in the pavilions of heaven! This lowly person was permitted to speak to her on the eve of her death and her thoughts were only of you. She requested that you do nothing to avenge her that will cost you your lives and commanded me not to reveal the name of the cur who ordered this cowardly act. Despite her injunctions, I believe that filial piety requires that you know the miserable dog that you may curse his name. It is Marcus Avery. I urge you to use caution in seeking justice and remind you some dishes are best served cold. I have scattered her ashes as she wished, upon the winds above the pass to the Western Mountains. It is where we set your father’s soul free those many years ago. When you call upon me I will make a careful accounting of my stewardship. Respectfully, James Yu Sen Chaing

When the meaning of the words finally pierced him like a knife through his vitals, he exploded with the rage which had been pent up and dammed for nearly a year. He beat the walls and overturned his bunk, cursing God and man.

“Wuh de tyen Chao-shang tza-jiao duh tzang-huo. NO! NO!! Wu de ma I’ll kill the ta-ma-de hwu dan. Mu qin nî hâo mêi, you can’t be dead! Duìbùqî, mà mà, duìbùq! I’ll kill the murdering swine by inches! I swear by my life! I’ll end the son of a bitch.”

Numbly, Zoe took the letter and translated the Chinese characters for herself. From the time she slipped down the back of Mal’s horse into her arms, Rhiade had been her shelter as well as Mal’s. The only mother she could clearly remember. Now she was gone and Mal was cursing God and an Alliance that made war on women and stole a man’s planet. He rammed his hands into the wall of the hut over and over till both were bleeding and she was afraid he’d broken them. She watched the last flicker of his faith go out, finishing the job started that day in Serenity Valley. He cried and raged and swore that he’d never pray again, he’d have no truck with any God who would kill a good woman like Rhiade Reynolds.

In later years she thought that if she hadn’t been there that day crying with him and talking to him softly, as to a child, as he finally slid down the wall in exhaustion, head on his knees and sobs wracking him, he would have gone out and tried to kill as many Feds as he could. To take to hell with him, as an honor guard for Rhiade. So she was always glad, when she thought about it in after times, that she had been there.

After he had cried himself out, after the red rage, when the despair and guilt set in and it was already so dark she couldn’t see her hand in front of her face, she got him up and into her bunk. She pulled his head onto her shoulder and sang Amazing Grace, soft and low as a lullaby. She rocked him like a child, held him and prayed to herself that this time he wouldn’t break either. Because if he broke then so might she.

She awoke in the darkness to find they were both still in her bunk though somehow in the night he’d made room for her to lie beside him. She felt him pulling her in to him. She could feel his arousal as he started to move against her, he was kissing her neck softly and murmuring as he worked his way down to the cleft between her breasts and fumbling at the buttons of her trousers. She thought she heard him murmur ‘Polly’. She held herself very still for a moment and then said softly “Mal, honey, wake up bao bei. You need to wake up now.” She hated to bring him back to the misery and agonizing grief that their life had become, but if she was gonna’ make love with Malcolm Reynolds they were both, by Sweet God, gonna’ know who they were in bed with and she didn’t think he did; not right at this moment.

He came to himself slowly, struggling to surface from whatever depths grief had taken him to. When he came awake and realized where his hands and mouth were and what his body was doing, he threw off the blankets and tried to roll out of the bunk but she was on the outside. He retreated as far from her as he could, which wasn’t very far in the narrow bunk, before the wall brought him up short.

“Tianna, gu zao de. Zoe, I’m so sorry, Gorram it! I didn’t mean it, did I hurt you xin gan? I’m a lecherous hump! But I didn’t know—I was dreaming—I didn’t know it was you. Did I hurt you? Duìbùqî! Duìbùqî! Ni meí shì bà?

“Wô hên hâo, Mal. Nothing happened, yet.”

“Yet? Yet? Aint nothing gonna happen, neither. You got my word on that Zoe. This here is—well I ain’t rightly sure what this thing is, but whatever it is ain’t gonna’ happen, I can tell you that!”

She leaned in and gently took his face in both her hands. She kissed him softly on the mouth, breathing his name into the kiss. “Mal, ‘sokay. I don’t mind, I’m willin’, honey. I just wanted to make sure you knew whose bed you were in.”

His face twisted with grief and guilt. She could feel that he wanted her, wanted to purge his grief and longing in her body, wanted it more than she would have thought possible even the day before. He wanted it, but he wouldn’t take it.

“Zoe, not mindin’—that aint near enough. If I ever were to take you to bed there’d have to be a whole lot more than just not minding to it.”

She wanted so much to take some of his pain away; it wasn’t about lust or passion for either of them at that moment, it was about giving and belonging.

“I’m happy to, honey, it’s such a little thing. Won’t change the way I feel about you—about us. I know you fancy me sometimes, Mal, we slept under the same blanket often enough for me not to be mistaken”

“Nah mei guan shi. It’s different with a man, Zoe. Nî hâo mêi.--A man would have to be made of stone not to notice and where a man notices his body betrays him. We’re weak vessels. But what you’n I got, it’s more important than sex. Sometimes I don’t even know I’m me unless you tell me so. What’d Mama call it? ‘a shared soul’? I’d never risk losing the only soul I got left. Not for anything.”

Serious now, so that he’d see she meant it, because she did. Her love for him wasn’t passion but if that’s what he needed she’d gladly give it. She’d seen it often enough in battle. When death was all around, the drive to be close to anyone alive was sometimes overpowering.

“I said nothin’ would change the way I feel about us, Mal. It’s something I can give you, don’t cost me a cent. There’s so much been taken away from you. I want to give you something, for all the things you’ve given me. A home, when I had none, a mother, a place to call my own, wouldn’t have any of that but for you. It’s such a small thing to give back.”

“That’s the problem, girl. Between us it shouldn’t be a small thing. If it was gonna happen at all, it should be the most important thing in the world to both of us.” He said very gently as if only just discovering it for himself.

“Oh Mal!”

“Shh—hush now, bao bei, Let me say this. It ain’t easy. I want you Zoe, I want to accept what you’re offerin’, I do! But if I did it might cost me you in the end and I’m not willing to pay that price. Any other price, I’d pay and not count the cost. But I can’t risk losing you. I’m part of your past, Zoe, you’re part of mine. We got history. I plan to always be in your life,—but I’m not your future, not any woman’s anymore, I ‘spect.—Some day you’re gonna meet the fella that holds your future. Comes the day, it’s gonna be hard enough to share you with that man, I want try to be happy for what you’ll be gaining, not bitter at what I’d be losing.”

“Méi guänxi, dong ma.” She said the words regretfully, wishing she could do this thing for him, but understanding he wouldn’t let her.

She lay silently beside him for a space of time before he startled her, saying quietly, just as if he was asking her to pass the biscuits, “So that being said, I’m asking you to marry me.”

She goggled at him, sputtering, “Pien doh juh juh tyaren. Ee-chi shung-hoo-shi! Did I just miss something? It’s that same problem you always have with your brain bein’ missin’! You’re talking craziness now.”

Urgently, desperate to convince her “Just hear me out. I went down to Admin after chow and I got a look at the “Repatriation Regs.” There is one exception to the separation requirement for officers and non-coms in the same unit, and that’s if they’re married. Every qingwa cào de liúmán in this camp, Alliance and Independent, thinks we’re doing it like bunnies. No one it’d give it a second thought if I let the chaplain save my soul and your virtue by tying the knot. Then we apply for repatriation to Persephone or as near as we can get to it and ‘Bob’s your uncle’".

“It don’t feel right. Something about it bothers me.”

“Gawd almighty, Zoe, not five minutes past you were ready to give me a roll in the hay and call it nothing. Now I’m asking a little thing like this and ‘it don’t feel right’? It don’t change a gorram thing, bao bei. We’re family; we love each other and do for each other, same as if we were husband and wife. I’d die for you, just like I know you’d do for me. You’re the only home I got. We got us a bond. I can’t help it if the only bond these huh choo-sheng tza-jiao duh tzang-huo recognize is marriage. It don’t change a gorram thing. It’s a way off is all. You can have it annulled the day we hit dirt iff’n you want. It’s a way off together!”

In his need to convince her he took her face in both his hands and stared into her eyes. She looked back into his troubled eyes searchingly. In the darkness the deep blue of his eyes seemed black, she felt like she might drown in them. What she saw there convinced her of his desperation, everyone else was getting out alive and for him that meant with Zoe at his side.

“If—I say, if, I agreed to this who’s to say that Feds won’t say they meant marriages contracted before enlistment?”

Sensing her weakening, he said even more urgently, “I thought of that, I got a clerk lined up in the records unit’ll back date the marriage lines to the week before our enlistment.”

“He will, huh! And what will that service cost us, which, by the way, we ain’t got any of?”

“He’d take my daddy’s ring.” He said speculatively

“Oh, Mal, no!” Zoe took a ragged breath, her fingers found the velvet pouch he had given her earlier. Inside was Papa’s pocket watch. After her mama died he had soldered her ring to the end of the chain and wore it tucked thru his vest button to hold the watch in place. The first thing he did every morning and last thing at night was kiss that ring. It was tied up in her mind with ideas love and permanence and commitment even after death and now he wanted to give up his father’s only legacy. “It’s not fair.”

Mal didn’t seem to see it that way “Gorram it, Zoe, keep your eye on the prize, here. That ain’t nothin’ but a piece of metal, a way out is all. Anything I got of my daddy, I got through knowing my mama. What’s the point of having a keepsake and losing you? Anyways, he could hold it as a pledge and I could redeem it after we get to Persephone. There’s a chance he won’t gamble it away, not a large one I admit. Howsomever that might be, it’s well spent if we get out of here together. Are you discerning a pattern here to my thinkin’, woman? Together—out. Out Together. Dong ma?”

He added with that crooked smile and cocked eyebrow which got them into so much trouble since they were kids “So, wo nén qin ni tiào wu ma...?”

With a sense of surrendering to the inevitable she said, “Wuh de tyen, yes, alright, yes, gorram it!”

“Shiny, that’s settled then.”

After that they didn’t talk any more, they just held each other until exhaustion claimed them. Mal was awake already when she opened her eyes. He looked like he had been awake most of the night. He hadn’t broken, quite, but any softness left had been burned out of him. He was gentle with her, though, as he said quietly, “We are goin’ to get out of here—together, Zoe. Then we are going to hunt down that murdering son of a whore and when we’re finished with him there won’t be anything left to bury.”

“Rhiade wouldn’t want you to buy his death at the price of your life, Mal. You have to honor her wishes in this thing.”

“We’re gonna do this smart, because the best revenge for Mama is for us to go on livin’ and bein’ free. So we gotta have a plan. I swear to you Zoe, I won’t do nothin’ ‘til we got a plan that lets us do that. But once you agree we got a way to do this, gives us a chance to be free after, will you--?”

“--I loved her too, Mal. You got a way, gives us a decent chance we ain’t squandering our lives, I’m your girl.

“You always were, bao bei.”

IN THE BEFORE

He and Jimmy Chiang taught her to shoot and track that first summer. She was good with a rifle, eventually better than he was. He was always the better with a handgun. By the second summer she could rope and ride as well as any boy. Mama said they shared one soul. He was the reckless half, always coming up with a way to get them hurt, maimed, or in trouble. She was the deep thinker, the one who thought up ways to get them out again.

It wasn’t that she didn’t have a mind of her own or that she’d follow him blindly; like the time he wanted to swing across the creek on the kudzu vine. She’d taken one look and said, “Won’t take my weight, certain sure it won’t take yours.”

“Will too!”

“Tell you what, Malcolm Reynolds, you swing across and when you fall and break your arm, I’ll come down there and get you out.” And sure enough he had and she did.

That first night he brought her home, Mama put her in his upper bunk and there she stayed for the first couple of years. At night after they turned off the light he’d open his mind to her. He told her all his schemes and plans. At first she just listened, but as her grief subsided and she started to feel at home, she opened her heart in return. Later when he got interested in girls it seemed natural to tell her all about that too. He was popular with the misses, well set up and well spoken, his mama had seen to that. And living with Mama and Zoe, he was a great respecter of women. Not that he was above stealing a kiss or even more if it was offered, but no lass was ever the worse for Malcolm Reynolds’ attention. Zoe never seemed to mind who he was sparking, maybe because he’d never let it change what they had. Sometimes the girls minded about Zoe but those girls didn’t last long.

When she was rising 13 and starting to fill out Mama had moved her to her own room, but every night he still came in at bedtime, usually to find her reading some book of her father’s about faraway places. They’d chew over the day. It seemed like nothing ever happened for real until he had talked it over with her. By the time she was fifteen the boys were taking notice of her as well. He wasn’t as generous as she was. It bothered him when some hayseed ploughboy or shiftless drover looked at her or tried to pull her into the barn at some dance. It wasn’t that he had those kinds of feelings for her; he just didn’t think most of the boys trying to court her were good enough for her. She just pretended she didn’t notice and went on about her business, until eventually he’d get over it. The boys she took to were always decent types, really, he supposed.

One time at a harvest party he’d come out of the hay loft with Polly McNamara where they’d been doing more than kissin’, but not as much as he would have liked; to find a new ’steader with too much cider in him trying to take liberties that Zoe didn’t seem to want taken. By the time Polly and Zoe got him pulled off that fella’, the boy had a broken nose, concussion and was lucky he had only lost the one tooth. He thought he might be in some trouble over that, but Mama only said “Best teach Zoe how to stop that kind of attention for herself. It’ll cause less ruckus at the next party.”

So he’d asked one of the drovers to teach them both some ju jitsu. She’d actually been better at that than he was, neat and precise in her movements. He just liked the ruckus of an all out fist fight so he taught her that himself. When they came back from that lesson he had a split lip and she had a shiner. After that if any man tried anything Zoe didn’t invite, he only tried it once.

By the time he was nineteen the perennial friction with the central planets had heated up. There were tariffs on the export of beef and on the import of technology goods. The federal authorities had got heavy handed in trying to curb smuggling and blockade running and several of the boys he and Zoe had grown up with were starting to go off planet to join the Independents. He started listening to the older folks talk politics more and more. Zoe seemed to have a better grasp of the economics of the thing. To him it was more a sense that a man ought to be able to steer his own course and live free.

That year a new federal governor arrived on Shadow. He brought with him a larger than usual garrison force made up of the scrapings of the Alliance brigs. Shadow was not considered a desirable posting. They took to making patrols of the area ranches to enforce the federal ban on exporting livestock without a license. One such had arrived at Polly McNamara’s house when the menfolk were driving the herd to the winter pasture. The troops were ill-trained and resentful of the duty; the lieutenant in charge was green. Some of the troopers tried to steal a kiss and when Polly resisted it got out of hand. They raped her, then realizing what it meant, they strangled her and fired the house.

Her men came home to find her little brother just alive enough to tell them what happened. They sent word to the neighboring spreads of the need for justice. He and Zoe had ridden out, tight lipped, to join them only find the work done and the men hanged. The governor set fire to the tinder when he declared martial law and ordered all the McNamara men over the age of 16 summarily executed for treason. The whole planet revolted. He and Zoe rode with the militia until the planet was securely Independent. After that there was some thinking to be done.

It was spring and there was a promise of new life everywhere he looked, the morning he came down to tell Mama and Zoe that he was going off-world to enlist in the Regulars. Mama was at the stove and he walked up and put his arms around her waist, leaning down to rest his chin on her shoulder and put a hand in each of her apron pockets

“Whatcha’ cooking, mêilì that smells like heaven on earth?”

“Jiao-zi. A man goes to off to war ought to leave with the taste of a meal in his mouth that will bring him back after the fightin’s over. Don’t you think?” she said over her shoulder as she popped a dumpling in his mouth.

“How’d you know, mu qin?” he mumbled around the scalding mouthful.

“Yen duh sh tyen tsai, I’ve been your mother 20 years, Mal.” She laughed at the thought of him trying to keep anything a secret from her.

“Gu nian zhong de gu nia. Duìbùqî ! I should have known you’d be on to my sly ways. Ni meí shì bà? " He wanted her blessing.

“Méi guänxi. No mother wants to send her son to war, bao bei. Xiâoxin, that’s all I ask. Don’t take foolish chances. Can you do that for me?” Her deep blue eyes were troubled as she gave him the permission he craved.

“Hao ba,mà mà.”

“I mean it, Mal, bèn dàn!” , she said, raising the wooden spoon as if to hit him with it. “Dong ma!”

“Have you told Zoe yet, son?” she asked meaningfully.

He looked guiltily at her. “Not to say told her, hinted around some. Hell, mà mà, Zoe knows when I’m gonna’ sneeze before I have a cold. Won’t come as a secret to her, I’m thinking.”

Zoe came down the stairs as if conjured by her name. She was dressed for the trail. She had her pack slung over one shoulder and her rifle resting in the bend of her elbow. “Nothing you do is a surprise to me, Malcolm Reynolds. Although the reverse is frequently true”

He looked at her and started to grin. He could feel the laughter welling up inside as he said “Woman, I am the first to admit you can be a mystery! Where you think you’re off to?”

“Do you really need to ask? By the bye, Rhiade, you owe me 5 yuan. I told you he’d tell you before he did me.”

“Have the two women closest to my heart been discussing me in my absence?” He asked with mock indignation.

Zoe smothered a laugh as his mama replied “Honey, it’s the only way we discuss you!” Zoe added her two cents, “Lìngrén jingyì! Did you really think you could go off planet, to war no less and leave me behind? Chunrén ! Who’d keep you out of trouble?” “Aw—Zo, I couldn’t ask you to--“

“Shiny, so you didn’t—I’m still coming, so you can leave it at that.”

And he had.

To be continued

Chinese Glossary

se-niou [crap-piss] Wuh de tyen Chao-shang tza-jiao duh tzang-huo [Dear God in Heaven, chùsheng xai-jiao de xiang huo [the animal-fucking bastard] Wu de ma [Mother of God] ta-ma-de hwu dan [mother-humping son of a bitch] Mu qin nî hâo mêi, [Mother you're so beautiful] Duìbùqî mà mà duìbùqî [I'm sorry, Mama, I’m sorry] Tianna, gu zao de [Oh God This can't get any worse.] xin gan [sweetheart] Duìbùqî! Duìbùqî! Ni meí shì bà? [I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Are you okay?] Nah mei guan shi [That has nothing to do with it] Wô hên hâo [I'm fine] nî hâo mêi [you're so beautiful] Méi guänxi, dong ma [its okay, I understand.] Pien doh juh juh tyaren: [You are not very rational] Ee-chi shung-hoo-shi [Let's take a deep breath] qingwa cào de liúmáng [frog-humping sumbitch] huh choo-sheng tza-jiao duh tzang-huo [mongrel scum] wo nén qin ni tiào wu ma...? [may I have the pleasure...?] Wuh de tyen [Dear God in Heaven] mêilì [beautiful] Jiao-zi [pan-fried dumplings a New Year specialty] mu qin [mother] Yen duh sh tyen tsai [you really are a genius] Gu nian zhong de gu nia [You are a woman among women]. Ni meí shì bà? [Are you okay?] “Méi guänxi [It's okay] Xiâoxin [be careful] Hao ba mà mà [Okay/sure, mommy] bèn dàn! [you idiot!] Lìngrén jingyì [amazing] Chunrén ! [Jerk!]