Warnings: Altered timeline from 'Ariel', angst, hurt/comfort Time period: Around ‘War Stories’

Thanks to lvs2read for the great beta and thunder_nari for the great beta and spurring me on.

~

They left her alone, they haven’t done that in a while, not since Simon was taken away. River used to like being alone, used to be able to breathe easy and enjoy the quiet that came when they weren’t all chattering at her. Minds working a mile a minute, making her see things that weren’t there, hear things she didn’t want to.

Sometimes she wonders if she imagines it, is dreaming all of it. Some days it’s so difficult to tell where she is, she has to wonder if she’s still back at the academy, still undergoing some treatment or trial. Trying to make her better, but scared of what they’ve made.

“Lonely.” She murmurs the words, fingers playing on Serenity’s surface, tracing over the ship's flesh lightly. She can hear popping noises in the distance, lets her feet wander that way, dancing lightly over the metal. She wishes Simon was with her, he could dance too. Her feet slow. She can’t think without him, sometimes his screams are so loud she has to use her own to drown them out. An everlasting scream that keeps coming, keeps sounding in her mind. Fear and panic and stealthy resolution to protect her from the cold oily mass that wanted to take her.

“Wanted me.”

She knows they did, felt their determination and delight to capture her, only Simon’s passion pushing it away, stopping them from binding her. She sometimes remembers that passion. Comes out from the safety she’s created in her mind to remember it, to remember where she is. Her mind’s damaged. River knows this, but the warm feeling of Simon helps her to nestle into a part of it. She can’t hear them there, can’t feel them or know their terrors when she’s there. There’s just Simon and her, and they’re safe.

She frowns, hearing the popping noise grow louder, hearing a strangled sob as she looks down on the woman crouching in front of her. Kaylee hasn’t seen her yet, but River knows the moment that she has. Feels Kaylee's panicterrorloathing grip at her chest, brings her close to screaming, and River moves forward to stop the scream coming, touches Kaylee lightly a second before the woman sees her.

Kaylee starts, hands instinctively coming up, fear rooting her to the ground and making her hate herself all the more--Cap’ns counting on you, Kaylee, move your legs--But she can’t move, can’t pick up the gun she’s dropped. She’s shaking and unable to stop. The metal mocks her, so practical and relieving when she sees Mal or Zoe holding it, but useless in her own hands. She’s terrified of even glancing out, of taking stock of where the men are. Gotta be coming closer.

Then River’s there, making her jump and Kaylee wants to cry out, to tell her to stop as the girl does as Kaylee fears and peers out from the cargo doorway.

River’s eyes skirt over the three men, seeing their stances; defensive positions, not changing trajectory, same angle moving forward, with thoughts perverse and wrong. They want to kill Kaylee, want to kill her, want to do unspeakable things to Serenity.

The echoing gunfire her brief peek out heralds makes Kaylee start, her hands reaching for River as she scoots back, but River’s still working things through in her mind, so simple and easy. Math, trajectory--they’ll hurt Kaylee--and her fingers close over the gun knowing what she has to do, what Kaylee wishes she could do.

She closes her eyes. “Can’t look, can’t look.” Can’t look evil in the face, can’t hear thoughts wanting to give pain, rip them apart, take them away like Simon was taken. Suddenly River’s standing and she moves quickly, though it passes in a slow blur for her. A blur of knowing, of feeling and needing. She squeezes the trigger in quick succession. Once, twice, three times.

Kaylee’s fingers are empty, no longer close to touching River she can only watch, disbelieving her own eyes as the girl moves with a graceful motion, the gun looking so wrong yet carried so easily.

River opens her eyes. The gun is a comfortable weight that shouldn’t feel so right in her hand, she knows that, but it does and Kaylee's staring at her horror. Fear briefly crossing Kaylee's face to give way to it and River can’t tear her eyes away, not knowing why Kaylee’s suddenly looking at her, feeling for her like that. She doesn’t like it, wants it to stop and says words that earlier had them both giggling, was fun. Brought a smile and a happiness to Kaylee and herself that eased the ache of losing Simon in both of them for a moment.

“No power in the 'verse can stop me.”

Her words have the opposite effect, but River can’t seem to lose the smile, fixed on her face, gun still clasped in her hand. She feels Kaylee’s shock mount; feels it turn into distress as the woman edges back a little and River lets herself retreat, hears Simon calling her and dances back there rather than face Kaylee’s alarm and revulsion.

Kaylee’s trembling, watching River’s smile fade and her face become set and distant once more. It’s as though she thought it was a game, like they’d played all morning, repeating Kaylee’s words back to her but, instead of being funny, they’d taken on a whole new meaning. Become twisted and wrong and River didn’t even seem to notice the dead men outside.

“River?” Her voice is tremulous and she glances towards the popping she can still hear, avoids looking at the bodies. How’d she do that? How could anyone do that? It makes her shudder to think like that, like River’s not a person just something, too clever and cunning and callous for her own good, because Kaylee knows that’s not River. That’s something else, something wrong. She just hopes when they get Simon back he’ll be able to fix her. Wouldn’t have been so bad if it’d just been her shooting them, eyes open an’ all but she had them closed. Not even Jayne could shoot like that an’ he’s been shootin’ years, playin’ at it to. But River did it all at once and went to laugh about it. Ain't right.

“River, sweetie?” It’s not right what River did, can do, but Kaylee's taking her hand anyway, can’t leave her friend. She bends to the ground, discarding the gun she’s taken from River’s lax hand, and places an arm around her, trying to resist the tremor and gladness she feels at knowing River’s not really there right now, feels guilt and a stab of loathing for being relieved. That River’s not questioning or asking or smiling.