“Why?” Mal said, holding his hands out at his sides as he looked himself over. “What’s wrong with it?”

Inara searched for a reason frantically; she couldn’t tell him the real reason of course, she’d never hear the end of it. “It’s just so… clichéd,” she protested weakly. “I mean, really Mal, you couldn’t come up with something,” anything she wished silently, “a little more original?”

“Clichéd?” he said, outraged. “I’ll have you know there is a fine tradition of dressing like—and besides which, it is original! I even got a sash!”

“Is that my scarf?”

“No,” he said hurriedly, obviously lying.

Inara shook her head and sighed. “That hat looks ridiculous,” she tried again.

“Ridiculous,” he repeated, looking indignant. “It’s a manly hat! Cunning, you might even say!”

“Who might?”

“…People!”

“Couldn’t you go as a… a… ”

“What?” he asked, beginning to sound hurt.

“Something scary?!”

“This ain’t scary?”

Terrifying, she thought with a sigh. “Not… really?”

Mal huffed, folding his arms. “You got no imagination,” he groused.

Oh, she had plenty of imagination, she thought. She could already see the look that would be on Sheydra’s face the moment she saw him… “I just… don’t like pirates!” she said, exasperated.

Mal paused, a slow grin making its way over his features. “An’ why’s that, exactly?”

“What do you mean?” she asked, suddenly wary.

“Could it be ‘cause you find us so ruggedly handsome?” he started, leaning in close.

Inara scoffed, backing away slightly.

“’Cause I look all ‘manly and impulsive’?” he pressed, following.

“That hat must be on too tight, you’re delusional.”

He stepped even closer, invading her personal space, his voice dropping. “Or maybe,” he said, his hand brushing her hair from her shoulder as he bent close to her ear. “Maybe you’re afraid we might find ourselves somehow trapped,” he went on, biting back a grin, his breath tickling her skin as he paused for dramatic effect, ‘in a… burning temple?”

Inara blinked. What?

She stared. “What?!”

Mal stepped back, grinning widely as she gaped at him. He winked. “See you inside,” he said, chuckling as he left her standing flabbergasted on the steps.

Ohhh, Inara thought. Oh, she was going to kill Sheydra…