Feline Thoughts
Monday, May 10, 2010

A first person look at she lays awake next to Mal (a challenge put forth by Jane0904. Hope you enjoy, girlfriend!)


Based on the world of Firefly by J. Whedon -----------------------------

I smell him...I smell everything. It's my curse and it's my burden, but on most days, it is also my salvation.

Mal, my Alpha stirs next to me, the scent of war and the crew covering him as well as mine, my mark to fend off others like me, though I know they are all gone. My Creators aren't foolish enough to lose control on another such as I, the consquences of their actions with Miranda has made them untrustworthy to the general public. It was time to mend fences, a feat no one on Serenity thought thay could pull off. Me...humans have one major flaw, they trust what can easily kill them and they put that trust in ones that care little for them and more for the almighty dollar...or worse, ultimate control.

A sound and my darker one is up, her senses in high alert as I can feel her using me to analyze the threat. It's the big merc, Jayne. He moves toward the dining hall, probably hungry after dreaming of mating. As long as I stayed out of them, I could care. I had learned from being on this ship for a year now, the one things that concerned Jayne were money, women, and anything that went boom. Though strangely, he had started to care a little more about the people that inhabited the ship, or at least the ones that had been with him for awhile. I could still feel his untrust of me, but then that was something that seemed a common illness within the walls of this ship. They were smart to not trust me, if only Mal would realize that.

He stirs next to me again, nuzzling into my neck as I growl gently. Anyone who knew me was aware that my neck was sensitive. Anywhere there was a major vein or artery was sensual, something that came with my puzzle piece DNA. I relaxed into his touch, knowing he ws asleep and dreaming of family life. It hurt me that I couldn't have children for him, not because I wanted them, but because he would have made a good father. To me, cursing offspring with what I am is to offer them a death warrent before they are born, and I have enough to protect now with my Alpha and his clan.

I hear Kitty down the way, moaning a bit as Zoe comforts her. It makes me feel good that someone is there for her when dreams come. No one was there when I went through it and I learned to lean on the other half of me for support. Maybe that's why she is like she is, a monster from a nightmare meant to keep them at bay so I could find sleep. Thankfully, I don't dream anymore, and when I sleep, it's because I need it. Dreams are only needed when you don't have all you want from your world.

Batha stirs at the bottom of the bed, more than once I had fallen on her. Mal's bed was small, but we had learned to deal with it. I liked being that close to him and he wanted to know when I left. Sadly, though I would never tell him, I could easily slip from his arms and into the night. It was what I did to keep the pack safe. No different from the war...

A cry and I am completely awake...Kaylee's little one in need of his midnight feeding. He was healthy and ready to take on the world as soon as he entered it. For me, that was a good sign, though he had fighting parents, survivors that would make it no matter what happened and their family would make damn sure nothing happened to that boy....especially his Uncle Mal. Three nights after Tracey's birth and I had found my Alpha asleep with him in Serenity's pilot chair. It was a sight that even made my darker half melt slightly, something I'd rather not get back to her.

"You're not asleep." I hear his voice in my ear, it's whispered gentle and almost silent in its delievery, my Alpha knowing that I can hear better than anyone else on his boat save for the black shadow on the floor.

"Of course not. You know I don't need it." I mutter back to him, throat slightly dry, but still it obeys me. His hand reaches to touch my stomach as I allow my eyes to close just enough to bask in the pleasure for a single moment. These were fleeting on Serenity before all hell broke loose again and my advanced body was forced to do what it did best. Protect and heal...or die knowing I did what my programming dictated.

"You can get up and walk the deck if you want." He knows it's hard for me to lay here, a place where I can't protect if something should attack. Even though we are in the air, Reavers are still a threat and a scout ship needs very little time to overtake one such as we are.

"I am where I need to be now." It's more for his benefit than mine. I can feel his looks sometimes, the knowledge that once I ran with another man, one more like me than I care to admit. My Alpha knows he's never far from my thoughts, but the mention of his name hasn't crossed my lips in months. It doesn't belong on this ship, nor in my life at least for now.

"It's odd feelin' peaceful like." He slides his hand around me pulling me against him as I allow my throat to hum a raspy sound between a purr and something else. It comes with my splicing, feline and human...a transgeneic mutant flawed by a conscience or a pair of gorgeous blue eyes that taught her she was more than just a weapon.

"We've done too much that's not." I can hear my words and something in me can't believe I said them. In truth, we had done more than our share of killing, but we had also saved some as well. It had cost us blood as well as money, but if one thing was taught to me by the man wrapped around my body, sometimes the good outweighs the bad and even when it doesn't, you did the good anyway. Made you a better person for it in the long run, even when everyone else thought you an ass.

"Still hear the motars hitting when it's quiet. Men screaming for their loved ones in a hail of gun and laser fire." I am use to this talk, one he has with me and Zoe. No one else can understand what it's like to lose men like he did. What I think made it worse was how they died and for what cause. Maybe that's why I admired Mal the most, because he lives with what he has done and doesn't sweep it under the rug like it never happened.

"It will always be like, Mal. Until the day you die." I can't sugar coat the truth. It's not in my programming. To tell him one day it will just disappear is like saying that one day he'll wake up and be young again. It's not likely to happen. Neither is me turning into the perfect woman. I will always be a monster.

"Ya, I know." He replies to me, tiredness hidden in his voice. I don't know whether it's need of sleep or just a life led full of war, sorrow, and running. I know most of what he had done in his life. The war...Serenity...River and Simon...the Reavers...then there was me. I knew I didn't make his life easier. In fact, there were moments I thought walking away again would do him more good than bad, but then I think back to the time before.

"Sleep." I whisper as he nods, taking a deep breath and letting it move the hair around my neck.His lips just brush the side of my cheek before he begins to hum a wordless tune, a haunting melody that makes me think back to the moments of fire and metal flying through the air around us. Back then, I would have done anything for him and, though, it hadn't changed much, now, I did it for another reason, besides the fact he was my Alpha. Now, I did it simply because I loved him.

"Good night, Boa Bei." He whispers, the night taking him back to dreams of ranches and horses on a planet named after darkness and I lay awake, listening to the black and ready at a moment's notice to protect my pack.

"Good night, my Alpha." I answer and hear the dull thump of a tail on metal, a raspy purr coming from the floor and a gentle laugh echoing in my head. -----------------------------------------

AN-For those who don't know who Cat is, try reading some of my earlier work.

To Jane 0904, thanks again for the challenge!


Monday, May 10, 2010 4:09 PM


I like the way you've woven a theme through this, darkness and the dark and darker halves and it being night. And Mal's planet, named after darkness.

Not quite human, but a person enough.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010 2:26 AM


In a way, because Cat isn't entirely human, she loves more deeply. It's unconditional, even if she knows in the end it will hurt her, or she will hurt or cause hurt to happen to the one she loves. Mal, in this case. And 'Ski to a different degree.

I have to echo Byte - some of the phrasing is wonderful, and I was going to quote the Shadow reference!

I don't go the route of Mal having nightmares every night (although my Mal does suffer sometimes) but I love how you have Cat telling him the truth. He wouldn't expect anything less of her.

Thank you.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010 2:26 AM


BTW, if I come up with another bunny, does that mean you'll write it? Oh, and vice versa, too!

Monday, August 30, 2010 7:04 AM


This was perfect. I love the glimpse into Cat's thoughts and how she has adjusted her life to fit with Mal, the way the two of them are in sych even though they are are different in so many ways they aren't in those that matter most. Wonderful! Ali D :~)
"You can't take the sky from me!"


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