“A Vampire, A Slayer and A Space Hooker”

FADE IN

INT. SHIP CARGO BAY

ANGLE ON – TOP OF SHIP

A panel falls loose and hits the ground with a large BANG. A figure can be seen. Not sure Who. The sound of ropes is heard as a figure falls to the top. He starts to fall down gracefully Until he stops halfway to the ground. We see now it is SIMON.

SIMON I’m stuck!

KAYLEE (from Vent) What?

SIMON I’m not moving. I think I’m caught on something.

KAYLEE You can’t ‘be caught on something’. It’s simple. You just slide down and you don’t stop…… (realizing) …..until we pull on the……Captain!

CAMERA TURNS from KAYLEE to find MAL has pulled on the rope. He finds it hysterical.

MAL (innocently) What?

KAYLEE Gimme that!

Kaylee takes the rope and SIMON continues to slide down.

KAYLEE It’s his first time.

MAL I never should have agreed to this.

KAYLEE He’s just new, Captain. He’ll do you proud.

MAL He doesn’t have to ‘do me proud’. All he has To do is get us the Goods.

KAYLEE He will, see look. He’s on the harness……and He’s spinning round….and round….and round.

ANGLE ON

SIMON as he’s lost control of his harness and is now doing backflips above the ground.

INARA Is anyone else dizzy?

KAYLEE I think I’m gonna be sick.

Simon stops. He’s still disorientated.

MAL That’s it son. It’s right in front of you. No not there. Not there either. No Not, I give up.

KAYLEE He’s got it see. (beat, weakly) He dropped it, see.

STAY ON THIS till we:

CUT TO:

INT. SERENITY-BAY

The Gang, Mal, Inara, Simon, Book and Kaylee are huddled around the table, looking at there findings. It’s a large Gold sphere. It has drawings carved into it and is obviously very old.

SIMON What does it do?

KAYLEE I don't know? It's either gonna blow us all up......or play a song.

MAL I'm hoping for something uptempo. Raise moral, you know?

KAYLEE It sure is shiny!

SIMON Are you sure we should be fiddling with it?

MAL Probably not. Makes it more fun.

KAYLEE I think i got something.

All eyes turn to Kaylee. She's fiddling with something inside the object.

KAYLEE It's like a switch, or something. I can't reach it.

INARA I'm sure I could turn it on.

MAL (shaking head) Way too easy. Kaylee, hand over reins to Inara.

Kaylee walks away, allowing Inara to fiddle with it.

INARA I got it. Now i just have too........

Inara seems to hit the switch as we

CUT TO:

INT. ANGEL INVESTIGATION'S

The Serenity crew stand in the middle of the lobby, both in shock and aww.

INARA Not do that!

CUT TO:

INT. ANGEL INVESTIGATION’S – LOBBY – MOMENT’S LATER

The Serenity Gang stand in the empty lobby, adjusting to there new surroundings.

SIMON We’ll that was helpful.

KAYLEE Where are we? This isn’t a ship? This doesn’t look like The ship.

MAL Kaylee. Breath! We’re obviously not on the ship. And It can’t be one of the outer planets.

BOOK How can you tell?

MAL Nothing’s screwed down.

Everyone is moving in opposite directions, looking at their new surroundings.

INARA It sure is nice. High class….

MAL Oh crap!

BOOK The Use of blasphomey. It can’t be that bad.

INARA Alliance.

BOOK Crap!

MAL Everyone remain calm. Reach for your guns.

SIMON (worried) I don’t have a gun!

MAL Use Simon as a shield.

At that point, a sound is coming from the office. Someone is heading their way.

ANGLE ON – CORDELIA

As she exits She stops as she see’s the SERENITY GANG.

Awkward beat.

ANGLE ON – CORDELIA’S BLANK STARE

ANGLE ON – SERENITY GANG’S AWKWARD STARE

ANGLE ON – CORDELIA’S CONTINUED BLANK STARE

ANGEL(OS) Cordelia? Who is it?

CORDELIA It's a cowboy. Angel, it's a cowboy!

OPENING CREDITS

MAL Who you calling cowboy?

CORDELIA Hmm…..lets see. Holster, gun, hat Extremely….tight….pants. (beat) I know I was going somewhere with this.

ANGEL Cordelia?

CORDELIA (alarmed) Angel! I didn’t see nothing.

ANGEL Huh?

CORDELIA I like your thinking.

ANGEL Hi, hello, cowboy?

MAL I ain’t a cowboy! What’s a cowboy?

Cordelia begins to laugh loudly, then stops abruptly

CORDELIA Oh, you’re serious?

ANGEL Who are you?

MAL Captain Mal Reynolds, Captain aboard Serenity.

ANGEL Ah captain, you’re the captain of a ship?

CORDELIA We’ll that’s gotta suck!

Angel throws Cordy an angry look.

CORDELIA I wish I had an inner monologue!

KAYLEE Captain. Maybe we shouldn’t play With the glow-y ball

MAL I’ll make a note of it. Say, y’all wouldn’t Happen to know anything about glowy Things would you?

CORDELIA Stop looking at me!

ANGEL We’ll I’m Angel. And this is Cordy. And you all are….

SIMON Very lost. Where are we?

ANGEL Los Angeles.

SIMON What planet is that?

ANGLE ON ANGEL and CORDY – as at the same time they both take a big step back.

CORDELIA Okay. We’ll if you could just give us a minute to Confer (starting to walk away) discuss (low voice) Get a mallet!

Cordy and Angel walk into the office, closing the door.

CORDELIA They’re evil.

ANGEL I think your jumping to conclusion’s just a…….

CORDELIA Excuse me? They don’t know what planet they’re on.

ANGEL Okay, So they’re from a different dimension, sure. Doesn’t make them evil.

CORDELIA Look at the way they we’re dressed. (not unkind) Especially the captain. (beat) We just talked.

ANGEL Maybe we should investigate a little further. You know, talk to them

They start heading for the lobby.

ANGEL (cont) Get to know more about them before we…….

He stops when he notices the now empty lobby.

CORDELIA (re: the empty lobby) Huh!

BLACKOUT

ANGEL Okay, they couldn’t have gotten far. We can Catch up to them. Cordy, what do you think we should do?

CORDELIA Oh, we care about this?

ANGEL Cordy!

CORDELIA Okay, look, they’re new to this world and they Haven’t gotten far.

ANGEL How do you know?

CORDELIA They’re in the garden.

ANGLE ON – The window from which we can see the Serenity gang marveling At the plants etc. in the garden.

CORDELIA Smelling……compost.

ANGLE ON – SIMON as his face scrunches up.

CORDELIA So I guess we can rule him out as the leader!

ANGEL So we should, approach them.

CORDELIA They have guns.

ANGEL Not a big problem.

CORDELIA For you!

Angel starts to walk towards them as Cordy follows (keeping a safe distance)

EXT. ANGEL INVESTIGATION’S GARDEN

Angel continues to approach them.

ANGEL I would have guessed that you lot would have Been gone by now.

MAL We’ll we we’re going to. Then we decide to stay, assess The situation. Make sure you all aren’t a threat and…..

KAYLEE The gates locked.

MAL That too.

CORDELIA (to Angel) Oh yeah, we’re dealing with diabolical geniuses.

SIMON We’re smarter than you.

CORDELIA Say’s the man that just smelt cow crap.

SIMON (horrified) That’s what that was.

ANGEL Who are you?

SIMON I’m Simon Tam, I’m the medic aboard ship class Serenity.

Angel’s eyes shoot to Kaylee.

KAYLEE I fix thing’s that need fixing.

ANGEL Mechanic. Okay, you?

His eye’s are now on INARA.

INARA I’m a companion. (off their blank expressions) A companion.

MAL She’s a whore.

KAYLEE Companion. Com-pan-ion!

MAL Still a whore, Kaylee.

CORDELIA We’ll that’s just…….How about you?

This question is directed at Book.

BOOK I’m a Preacher.

ANGEL (deadpan) We’ll I’ve always wanted one those around Here.

CORDELIA Suddenly the whore’s looking better and better

KAYLEE(OS) Companion.

ANGEL And why are you here?

MAL And where is here?

ANGEL Los Angeles, California.

MAL Planet?

CORDELIA Earth.

Long pause. As this sinks in with everyone.

MAL (laughing uneasily) Right, earth. Of course. We’ll be going.

ANGEL Look, why don’t you hang out here, for a while.

They stop.

KAYLEE We can?

CORDELIA They can?

ANGEL It’s obvious you aren’t from around here, or This planet……or dimension….or whatever. Look I’m not evil. (lowly; they don’t hear) Most of the time. So why don’t you just stay, At least till we figure it out.

Mal walks right up to Angel, right in his face.

MAL There ain’t no we. (looooong beat) But I don’t see the harm in staying, and if You try anything, we’ll kill you.

Serenity gang walk past them into the hotel.

CORDELIA Sleepover!

Angel and Cordy stay on this for a minute when SCREAMING Is heard. They rush back to find

INT. LOBBY

Fred and RIVER bumping into each other and screaming at each other. Both seem slightly afraid. They all observe this as the girls continue to scream and scream.

CORDELIA Oh great, another one.

Beat.

ANGEL I think Fred’s winning!

CUT TO:

INT. LOBBY -- LATER

ANGEL So what do we think?

FRED I think we should just convert this place and turn It into a damn hotel and be done with it. Oh, on an unrelated note, I don’t think we can trust Them.

GUNN I’m with Fred, you say they just appeared?

CORDELIA More like teleported.

FRED (excited) Like on Star Trek. (awkward beat) I think Spaceship shows are cool.

CORDELIA Are you kidding? They’re uber-boring. Beside, judging From their outfits, those people ain’t seen a spaceship in Their lives.

ANGEL We can’t just kick them out.

Long beat.

FRED Why not?

ANGEL Huh?

FRED Just saying they don’t exactly look helpless, and it’s not Like they’re evil or being hunted down or gonna be sent to A Hell Dimension, is it?

ANGEL We help the Helpless, and they’re helpless.

CORDELIA I don’t think they want our help.

ANGEL Luckily we don’t care what they want.

Angel walks off.

CORDELIA Right Okay, gotcha.

CUT TO:

INT. SERENITY HUDDLE

The gang are in the Lobby in a Huddle (all except River looking at a Ficus plant in aww) The gang are obviously worried.

MAL Right, what is the first thing we have to do?

SIMON The first thing we have to do is assign blame, And I blame Inara.

INARA What?

SIMON You’re the one that flipped the switch on that Thing and sent us back to the past.

INARA You’re the one who stole it.

KAYLEE Yeah!

SIMON (to Kaylee) Only because you told me too.

BOOK Seventh Commandment.

MAL Don’t start Shephard.

SIMON It is your fault.

INARA How can you……

MAL Okay, stop it. Your all to blame. Now, any idea’s on how We’re getting home?

BOOK I do.

MAL We’ll sing it, Preacher.

BOOK We’ll, we are stuck here, and we don’t understand this world And have no way to get home.

SIMON I thought Preachers we’re suppost to be comforting.

BOOK I’m just saying maybe (point at Angel gang) they’re our only way home.

Long beat as the gang consider Book’s words.

MAL So looks like we’re stuck here!

BLACKOUT

Mal and Angel walk up to each other, very Western-showdownesque.

MAL Lets cut the Bullcrap.

ANGEL I think Simon there already did that.

MAL Who are you, really?

ANGEL We’re demon detectives.

MAL What’s a demon?

ANGEL Nut-uh. Your turn. Where are you from?

MAL Cargo ship called Firefly.

ANGEL Now just to be clear, this is a………

MAL Spaceship.

ANGEL Spaceship, right? Cause your from the year……..

MAL 26th Century.

ANGEL Ah, ha. (long beat) Are you sure?

MAL What?

ANGEL Nothing. I’ll be back.

CUT TO:

INT. ANGEL’S OFFICE – MINUTES LATER

The gang is all there.

LORNE Did you find out anything?

ANGEL (a little weak) A tidbit. A nibble if you will.

CORDY We’ll, straight to it, there from……

ANGEL 26th Century

CORDY (finishing her line) ….a Prison Rodeo. What?

FRED They’re from the future.

ANGEL Uh-huh.

CORDELIA Finally, an explanation for those clothes. (re: clothes) Actually come to think of it the future scares me Now.

LORNE I think I need a drink.

Lorne goes over to his mini bar and pours himself a drink. He sets it down on the Table and turns his back to get a lemon slice. Cordy grabs the drink.

CORDY Thank You.

LORNE Okay you’re on my list.

LORNE pulls out a pad and pen and starts writing.

ANGLE ON –LORNE’S ENEMY PAD. It reads.

1. Angel for destroying my bar 2. Cordy’s Hairstylist 3. Angel for his version of ‘I did it my way” That Bastard. 4. Lee DeMarco. 5. Angel for destroying my club (which included my bar)

Lorne then adds a “Number 6” ‘Cordy for stealing my drink”

CORDY (sad) uhh.

LORNE looks at her sympathetically, then adds to the note.

A smiley face

“Cordy for stealing my drink” J

Cordy perks up at seeing this.

LORNE So what do we do now?

ANGEL We do what we always do in a crisis.

CORDELIA Oh no. Where’s my earplugs.

Cordy runs off.

FRED Right behind you!

Fred runs off as we

CUT TO:

MAL And I’m suppost to just believe you?

LORNE Yes.

KAYLEE (observing Lorne re:demon) Can I just ask?

CORDELIA Radiation leak. Poor Lorne didn’t see that Big truck a-coming.

KAYLEE Are we suppost to buy that?

CORDELIA Could you just?

MAL Look, for now, I don’t care what he is, All I care is about getting home. What Do I have to do?

LORNE Just belt it out, Big guy.

Mal goes to reach for his Gun.

LORNE Hey, hey, none of that. A song. Belt A song you know? You still have songs Right?

MAL I don’t sing.

ANGEL See, afraid. I myself have been told I’m not too bad at the old Karaoke,

CORDELIA (to AI gang) What have I told you guy’s about Encouraging him?

KAYLEE Come on Cap’n. I bet you got a really Pretty voice.

CORDELIA (lowly) Would match the rest of him.

MAL I don’t sing. And nuthin’ is gonna Convince me otherwise.

CUT TO:

MAL (singing) Our love for him now ain't hard to explain THE HERO OF MUDSORE! THE MAN THEY CALL JAYNE! (stops singing) Well?

ANGEL (coughing) Off-key.

CUT TO:

INT. ANGEL INVESTIGATIONS

MAL We’ll?

ANGEL Lorne?

ANGLE ON – LORNE who is speechless, and not in a good way.

ANGEL Lorne? What is it? What did you see?

MAL Listen, I ain’t sing a ballad for nuthin’. What is he, Broken?

LORNE You!

This one word stop’s all conversation

LORNE It’s all because of you!

And with that, Lorne leaves, heading up towards his room without A word.

KAYLEE Cap’n? What did you do?

CORDELIA Nothing. We have to go.

MAL Of course you do. We’ll, so do we?

FRED What?

MAL We ain’t stickin’ around wit’ you freaks To be left in the dark and used. (a little hurt) Or have our marginally good singing Voices be insulted. Cap’n don’t answer to no one.

ANGEL You ain’t the Captain!

Everyone looks at Angel, who looks pissed.

ANGEL Not around here. Your in my ship now and If I tell you to stay, You Stay!

Long beat.

MAL And if I don’t? You don’t exactly inspire confidence.

Angel is now right in Mal’s face.

ANGEL My friend.

WE can now hear the sound’s of Lorne regurgitating in the bathroom.

ANGEL The one who is now puking in the bathroom? That was because of your down trotting, And may I say, mediocre singing.

CORDELIA Mediocre? Usually It’s the thought of Angel’s Singing that makes us throw up.

ANGEL That’s because whatever he saw when you we’re Singing is bad. And it’s coming. Now, if you scraps Can help me fight it, I’m greatful for the help. Get in my way, and it’s gonna come down to who’s Got the darker, dark side.

Angel start’s walking towards the room where Lorne is.

MAL And how do you know mine ain’t?

Angel stops.

ANGLE ON

Angel’s face as he turns around with a small smile to Mal.

ANGEL Trust me!

And with that Angel heads towards Lorne.

INT. OFFICE

Angel approaches Lorne.

LORNE Hey Angel, you weren’t particularly attached To that Fern over there, where you?

Cordy and the gang enter.

CORDELIA Okay, what’s up with the barf-a-thon.

ANGEL What did you see?

LORNE I ain’t narrating without a drink, here Kiddies.

Fred goes to head out the office.

LORNE (to Fred) Oh sweetie, you don’t have to do that?

FRED (charmed) I don’t?

LORNE No, there’s a bottle hidden under Angel’s Desk.

FRED reaches under and is surprised to find a bottle. The whole Gang look at Lorne.

LORNE What?

ANGEL Time to canary, Lorne.

LORNE It’s coming. And when it get’s here, it’ll stop.

ANGEL What will?

CLOSE UP on LORNE

LORNE Time, itself!

BLACKOUT

INT. ANGEL’S OFFICE – MOMENT’S LATER

ANGEL Time, is gonna stop? (then) That’s it?

LORNE (upset) “That’s it” What do you mean, “That’s it” You are stepping on my dramatic, Shocking revelation!

ANGEL Lorne, we’ve done this before.

FRED When?

CORDELIA Yeah, when?

ANGEL (shy-ly) You know, it was, umm, you know, when I……….

CORDELIA Oh, the time you fired us all, threw us out onto The streets, abandoned us and allowed Wesley to Get shot?

ANGEL Yes that would be the time. (beat) I love you.

Cordy smiles at this, what a dork!

LORNE No, Angel food, this is different, as in, you can’t Stop it.

ANGEL What?

LORNE When it arise’s

CUT TO

EXT. LOS ANGELE’S FREEWAY – ESTABLISHING

LORNE(VO) When it get’s here,

A rumbling is seen through the pavement.

LORNE(VO) It all stops. And then, nothing’s separate. Time seethes to exist. Past Present and Future become one. Entities that we’re dead Become Alive, and people who are alive….

INT. ANGEL’S OFFICE

ANGEL Die.

LORNE You got it bud!

ANGEL So we band together with the kiddie coral And stop it.

LORNE You can’t!

ANGEL Lorne, your not being helpful.

LORNE You want the truth. Fine. You can’t do, anything, Angel. I don’t know what this is

INT. FREEWAY

The road is just on the edge of cracking.

LORNE(VO) I don’t know what it look’s like, or what it’s Called. I don’t know If it kills you by burning Your inside’s alive or hitting you with pillow’s. All I know is one thing.

ANGEL Which is?

LORNE There’s only one person who can stop it!

CUT TO

POPULAR KID ….and I’m under a lot of pressure, you know. What with, having to stay fashionable, do You think this look just put’s itself together. This is extremely we’ll thought out planning. I pratically need a friken Blue print to get Dressed in the morning. And in order to do This, I have to neglect a few responsibilities Like school and Homework and actually being Nice to people, but it’s worth it.

PULL back to see Buffy continuously banging her Head against a table

POPULAR KID(OS) Don’t’cha think.

CUT TO

EXT. LOS ANGELES ROAD

The pavement of the road gives as a HUGE IRON FIST punches it’s Way through. All we see Is it’s arm, which is encased in an Iron Covering.

INTERCUT WITH

INT. BUFFY’S BEDROOM

Buffy’s is asleep, seeing everything, tossing and turning, and it’s becoming more And more violent.

EXT. LOS ANGELES ROAD

The arm starts to move back and forth, breaking the Tarmac and making the Hole bigger and bigger.

INT. BUFFY’S BEDROOM

The Dream Is now so bad that Buffy’s pratically being thrown across the bedroom.

VOICE Your gonna try and stop me, Aren’t you? You should. This is where your suppost to Be. But not for the reason’s you think!

Buffy wakes up screaming. We hear Footsteps as DAWN comes running into the room.

DAWN Buffy?

Buffy, is now sitting upright, alittle spooked by her dream.

DAWN Buffy?

BUFFY Dawnie?

DAWN Are you okay?

BUFFY (sincerely) Don’t know.

Buffy walks over to the Window, looking out of it.

DAWN Buffy. It was just a dream.

BUFFY A dream can be a dangerous thing.

DAWN It’s Okay, Buffy. Your awake, and it was just A dream.

Buffy doesn’t answer, just keep’s staring out the window.

BUFFY Pack a bag.

DAWN What?

BUFFY Wanna see Hollywood?

DAWN looks at her curiously as we:

CUT TO

INT. AI LOBBY

River is shaking violently, as Simon tries to calm her down. She looks terrified.

RIVER It’s coming. It’s here. Can’t be here. Here smells of death.

SIMON River. It’s Okay.

RIVER It wear’s a mask. Won’t see it coming.

ANGEL and the gang rushes out of the office.

ANGEL Is she okay?

MAL Stay back.

RIVER There’s a piece missing. The Jigsaw is missing A piece. But the piece will be found. It’s from Underneath, and it’s gonna come out to play.

GUNN Can’t you shut her up?

MAL Keep it shut, son.

GUNN Son?

SIMON River, It’s okay, We’re gonna make it okay.

RIVER Ain’t gonna be strong enough.

SIMON Yes we are (re: Angel gang) We got help, see?

RIVER No you won’t. It’s all gonna come down to her.

SIMON Her?

CUT TO

INT. SUMMER’S HOME – MORNING

BUFFY and DAWN are rushing around the house, packing quickly.

DAWN What about the gang. Maybe Willow could…..

BUFFY What? Stand there and not do magic On it.

DAWN What about Anya?

BUFFY No Dawn!

DAWN Why can’t they…….?

BUFFY (forceful) Dawn. They just can’t.

DAWN Then why can I?

BUFFY Do you wanna stay?

DAWN No.

BUFFY Dawn. I know you’ve come far in your Training. Infact, Next to me you’re the strongest person in the group. You’ve got grace, hand to hand combo, speed, intelegence.

Dawn smiles at all the compliments.

BUFFY But your never gonna trust all that until you have to. Whatever this thing is, It’s gonna end the world. This Is the first fight, where I have this feeling.

DAWN What feeling?

BUFFY That we can’t win.

DAWN I still say we should take the gang.

BUFFY Dawn. During our training, I saw something in you.

DAWN What?

BUFFY Me. I don’t know why? I just know you have to be there. And I just know the rest of them can’t.

The sound of the front door is heard opening.

WILLOW(OS) Hey.

BUFFY (to Dawn) Have you got your things.

WILLOW Hey Summer’s, Wanna go and see…..What’s going On?

BUFFY Nothing.

WILLOW Is there a big bad?

INTERCUT WITH

An Image of Willow’s dead corpse.

BACK TO

BUFFY appears to have seen the image.

BUFFY No. Let’s go Dawn.

WILLOW Where are you going?

DAWN L……..A.

Dawn looks at Buffy who is obviously pissed.

WILLOW Why? Something’s happening? I’ll call Xander.

Buffy closes her eyes again as she sees

INTERCUT

Xander screaming in pain as he gently close’s his eye’s, and dies.

BACK TO

BUFFY Willow!

Willow stops and turns to Buffy. Buffy looks at her sadly.

BUFFY (stroking her hair) You know I love you, right?

WILLOW Of course.

BUFFY Good.

Whack! Buffy send’s Willow flying backwards into the wall, she hits it Then goes unconscious. Dawn is shocked.

DAWN Buffy?

BUFFY We have to go! Now Dawn. DAWN You didn’t have to backhand Willow. It’s not That bad!

Dawn looks at the serious look on Buffy’s face. She realizes it Is that bad.

ANGLE ON

Willow on the ground unconscious as we

CUT TO

EXT. LOS ANGELES ROAD

The hole is now big enough for the monster to get through and as he Does we finally get to see how big he actually is. He towers over Everything. He stand’s so big that he would overtower anyone in height And gurth. He has metal placlets on his arms, shins and a mini helmet Thing on his head. His face looks demon-y.

MONSTER And with his rising, the bodies of man will Cower at his feet. The blood shall flows as Wine at the last meal and with the falling of an Angel, the Devil shall have a face on earth. (beat) Screw that. (excitedly) I’m in LA!

CUT TO: INT. ANGEL INVESTIGATION’S

RIVER It’s here. There are piece’s of the world, Lying on the ground, and it’s gonna take It away, come out to play, take it away, Come out to play, take it…….

ANGEL Is anyone taking notes?

CORDELIA Okay let’s see. Jigsaw puzzle. Take it away, Come out to play. Simon?

SIMON I don’t know. I guess it’s just…….nonsense.

CORDELIA And you’re a doctor of what? Exactly?

FRED Look, obviously something is coming, so shouldn’t We becoming up with like, a plan.

GUNN Yeah, and maybe getting really big Guns, (changing mind) Shotguns, (again) bazooka’s.

ANGEL Doesn’t sound too bad. Gunn, hit the streets, Get us as much ammo as you can muster. Don’t Hold back.

GUNN Gotcha.

Gunn gets up and start’s to leave.

ANGEL We’ve got to be on Guard. We don’t what this thing Is.

CUT TO

EXT. LOS ANGELES FREEWAY

GUNN driving along the Freeway.

ANGEL(VO) Or where it’s going to appear.

Gunn continues to drive. The radio on full blast. Hold on this for a Bit, then

Gunn turns his head and looks at the back of his truck where stacks Of ammo are now safely lodged at.

GUNN Whatever this thing is. We’re giving it VIP Privelage. The full package.

Gunn turns around to see the Monster standing. Gunn goes to hit the breaks When the monster actually FLIPS the TRUCK.

The truck goes flying in the air and lands on the Ground crashing. It Lies in a wreck.

The Monster begins to walk away when

The Truck GOES UP IN A BLAZE OF FIRE with a HUGE EXPLOSION.

The Monster continues to walk away as the truck continues to burn.

CUT TO:

CORDELIA Noooooooooooo!!!

Everyone is around Cordelia, who is in mid-vision. She holds her Head with tears streaming down her face.

RIVER Blood on it’s hand. The light just went out, And we don’t know how we’re gonna turn It back on.

ANGEL Cordy, What’cha see.

CORDELIA (sobbing) It can’t be. It just can’t.

ANGEL Cordelia. What is it?

CORDELIA Gunn is Dead!

BLACKOUT

INT. DEMON’S ANONYMOUS MEETING

DEMON I’m not a bad guy, you know? I mean I’m not evil…….. (starts to cry) I just want to be evil.

COUNSELLOR We all do. But sometimes we have To face up to the facts that not all Of us where put on this world to bring About it’s destruction.

Hands demon a tissue.

DEMON Thank You. (very loudly blow’s nose) You know, I’m feeling alittle better, you Know. With the venting of feelings. I Think I’m gonna be okay.

COUNSELLOR Yeah, grackner. Round of applause people.

The door suddenly caves in as THE MONSTER comes bursting.Through the door. He stands breath pure rage. Very tense, until

The COUNSELLOR begins to clap.

COUNSELLOR My, we’ll done on channeling that rage. Round of applause.

Only slight clapping is heard as the demon’s are scared shitless. The monster starts Rushing over and we see KELVIN sitting in the group.

MONSTER Where are they?

KELVIN Woahow man. This is a closed session. Very exclusive.

MONSTER You don’t talk your spine will be excluded from your body.

KELVIN Wow (to the group, crazy sign) Issues!

MONSTER I look for the one the one they call Angel.

KELVIN Look man, I don’t know what….

The monster goes to snap his neck

KELVIN Okay, okay, Hyperion hotel. That’s where you’ll find Him.

MONSTER Thanks.

Snap! The monster breaks Kelvin’s neck. He lies on the ground. He walks out leaving a Very dead Kelvin behind him.

COUNSELLOR Okay, I’m sensing a little negativity.

CUT TO:

INT. FRED’S OLD HOTEL ROOM

She lies quietly on the bed, tear stains still down her face. A sound is heard at the door. It’s CORDY.

CORDY Fred? Are you okay? (beat) We’ll not okay, cause of. Do you want me to go?

Nothing is said.

CORDY Oooookay.

FRED Why’d he hafta die?

CORDY I don’t know. Fred. And, I can’t imagine how your Feeling, but I do know what your going through.

FRED No you don’t.

CORDY It will get better Fred. Slowly every day.

FRED How dare you. What. I’m just suppost to forget Charles. Is that what your saying?

CORDY No. I’m just saying that…….

FRED You have no idea what I’m going through. You’ve never lost anyone close to you.

CORDY (weakly) That’s not true.

FRED Oh what, you’re little freaky irish friend. Bet you we’re glad he died, gave you nice Vision package, didn’t he?

CORDY (warningly) Fred.

FRED Bet you we’re glad when he died.

SMACK! Cordy smacks Fred hard across the face. Cordy has a tear Down her face as she runs out of the room.

EXT. ROOM

Cordy leans against the wall.

CORDY (tear stained) God this hurts (beat) This really hurts (beat) Oh Fu……

Cordy flies backwards into the wall as she is struck with a vision.

INTERCUT WITH

INT. LOBBY

Angel hears Cordy’s cries and starts running up the stairs.

ANGEL Cordy? Cordelia?

Cordy’s vision ends as he reaches her.

ANGEL Cordy, are you in pain?

Cordy looks sadly at Fred’s door.

CORDELIA Yeah.

ANGEL Cordy. The vision?

CORDELIA It was Horrible.

ANGEL What was it?

CUT TO:

INT. CAR

DAWN (singing N’sync) ain’t no lie Bye Bye Bye

BUFFY (agitated) If you don’t stop singing that. Your Going Bye Bye Bye.

DAWN You know, I bet there’s people in LA Who appreciate my singing.

BUFFY We’ll see if we can find some deaf mutes later Dawn, as soon as we stop the Apocolypse.

DAWN Is it really that bad?

BUFFY Oh yeah.

DAWN So, what is it? What do you know?

BUFFY Something underground, is going to come up, and somehow Brings about the end of the world.

DAWN That all?

BUFFY Pretty much.

DAWN Hmm.

Beat.

DAWN Are we there yet?

Buffy starts to slow down the car.

BUFFY Almost Dawn.

DAWN And with the slowing down of the car. That implies stoppage.

Dawn look at Buffy to see she’s studying something ahead. It’s

THE WRECKAGE OF GUNN’S TRUCK.

BUFFY Poor guy.

DAWN We’ll, maybe he got out of the car before It……….Oh!!!

Dawn is horrified as Gunn’s body is wheeled out.

BUFFY (sadly) Maybe.

CUT TO:

MAL Okay, we gotta find a way to get home.

SIMON I told you before. We probably can’t get home Without the time warp ball.

KAYLEE And that would be where?

SIMON Do I look like I know?

KAYLEE Okay Simon, I haven’t seen you in anything but A suit. Let’s not play this game

SIMON We’ll maybe one day you’ll see me without The suit. (beat) With other clothes on, obviously.

KAYLEE We’ll stick with your first line.

Simon looks at Kaylee surprised as she starts to move to the Other side.

MAL Look, it’s not like any of us have seen the ball.

RIVER It was shiny.

Beat.

MAL Yes it was. We need to find the other way Home cause we…………

RIVER And It was gold and valuable. We have to sell It for money. Or credit. ‘cause that’s what you Do, what with the stealing.

MAL Sounds good, but first maybe…….

RIVER Don’t worry. I hid it good so no-one but you could have It. Got make a sale. Keep flying.

MAL Now your getting it, we……..What?

BOOK She know’s where it is?

KAYLEE We can go home.

SIMON River. Where is the ball?

RIVER I’m not that stupid. Can’t tell you.

MAL Okay, yeah, River?

RIVER Hide it.

MAL Where?

RIVER The great beast.

MAL Which is?

RIVER points to the MONSTER who is now standing in front Of the lobby.

MONSTER Do I need a reservation?

BLACKOUT

The Monster walks in camly. Obviously confident.

MONSTER Looking for Angel

ANGEL I’m Angel.

The Monster chuckles.

MONSTER You’re the Champion.

SIMON What is that?

MONSTER It’s the things that’s going to rip Out your spine and beat you to death.

MAL (sarcastically) Great. (off everyone’s look) It’s an extra weapon.

MONSTER Hahahahahaha. Stupid Mortal. I am the Arisen one. He of the purest demon blood Who shall arise above his kingdom, and Claim the land above of his own. I am unstoppable. I am oww, OWW!

The monster is now CRYING. Holding his eyes.

ANGLE ON -- MAL

Who is standing with a soiled covered hand next to the plantpot.

ANGLE ON - INARA and KAYLEE

They start kicking the demon in his shins. He grabs his shins, then falls in pain

MONSTER Quit that?

ANGEL You’re the Great beast. The “Arisen one”?

MONSTER Don’t mock Me. Or I shall tear you down From uphigh and shower the blood of The champion

The Monster is now up on his feet, close enough to take a swing at Fred.

MONSTER Maybe I should start right now.

The Monster swings at Fred with the large blade attached to his iron casing. The large blade goes RIGHT THROUGH HER. Unfortunately for the MONSTER, I mean that literally as it goes through Her in a Hologram like effect, leaving her fine.

MONSTER (off everyone’s look) Damn!

BLACKOUT

ANGEL Ummm……….

MONSTER I know what your thinking.

CORDELIA It’s like he’s impotent.

MONSTER (deeply offended) Hey. I am anything but. I just have a little ‘quirk’.

ANGEL Quirk?

MONSTER Thousand year’s ago. Funny story this. I’m above ground, enjoying my day, You know, because of the slaughtering.

ANGEL Right.

MONSTER Anyway, I happen to see these Three women, Beauties I might add adjacent on the top of The hill. How could I resist? They where Practically begging me.

ANGEL Begging you?

MONSTER We’ll you know, to stop. So I get up to the hill And ‘swoosh’, off with their heads kinda deal.

ANGEL And you killed them all.

MONSTER You’d think, wouldn’t ya? Unfortunately one Of them ducked.

ANGEL She got away?

MONSTER I followed her back to this (pause; beat) Coven and…….

ANGEL And then you…..?

MONSTER Okay, So maybe I (air quotes) “Slaughtered” the whole of their coven. But come on, what did they expect, I’m evil, you know?

ANGEL Vaguely

MONSTER And I don’t even know what they we’re So pissed off about?

ANGEL Maybe slaughtering their coven.

MONSTER We’ll there’s that. But I didn’t get them All (i.e. curse) Obviously. Instead they curse me that I Can’t harm any living human being. And that’s like the funnest part of my Work.

CORDELIA That was a Funny little story?

MONSTER We’ll not “haha” funny.

MAL Let’s kill him.

MONSTER I know the story wasn’t exactly ‘Walden’, It was a have to be their kind of deal.

MAL Because your evil.

MONSTER Right.

Mal charges and starts hitting the monster. The Monster doesn’t do anything.

MONSTER (calmly) Come on, quit it.

INARA Mal…..?

Mal whacks the demon across the head with a broom.

MONSTER Okay, that was downright Inconsiderate.

INARA Mal, What are you doing?

MAL He can’t hurt us, remember.

BOOM. Mal is sent flying across the room in a shot of electrical energy. MAL look’s up at the monster. Shocked.

MAL (groggily) I thought he couldn’t hurt a human

INARA Mal. You Idiot. Are you okay?

MAL You lied to us?

MONSTER Oh because I have to follow the Apocolyptic Demon’s code of conduct. (points to himself) Evil!

Mal is still in a fit of “what the?”

MONSTER And for the record, I couldn’t harm them by Physically touching them. So I had to stock Up with some superpowers. After all (beat, points at door) There are some weirdo’s out there.

ANGEL And now you want to kill me?

MONSTER Oh no, no, no……..No. (beat) We’ll Yes.

ANGEL Thought so. Let’s go. Me and You. You can’t hurt them.

MONSTER That’s where your wrong. Might not be able To touch them.

He pulls out a Clear glass ball that has electrical currents.

MONSTER Doesn’t make ‘em safe.

ANGEL Everyone duck.

The ball of energy goes flying through the air and hits the back wall taking it Out completely. The Monster and Angel go at it, the Monster takes a swing With the blade. It catches Angel across the stomach.

Angel tries to punch him. The Monster catches Angel’s fist in his hand and ‘crunch’ crushes it. Blood starts to pour from it.

MONSTER Can I just say that is my favorite sound ever.

River is starting to become worse and worse

RIVER Heelllppp me!!!!!!

Simon runs right to her.

Angel is smacked to the ground. He is extremely weak.

MONSTER It’s time for your suffering to end.

RIVER It’s going to kill us.

SIMON They’re trying to help us.

RIVER Can’t. It hide’s…………underneath the face of An Angel.

DEMON Time to make with the cryptic. It’s From Underneath.

It grabs Angel by the shirt at his chest as light pours out from Angel.

DEMON And it wants to come out to play.

Angel’s eye’s are bright as an unseen presence course’s through him. He lifts his Face to reveal ANGELUS.

MONSTER (to Cordy) We’ll that was one hell of a Twist, huh?

CUT TO:

INT. BUFFY’S CAR

DAWN Do you think we’ve missed anything important?

BLACKOUT