One look outside convinces Mal! “Ai ya wo men wan le! (We’re in big trouble!) That thing may be old, but it looks like all sorts o’ mean!” He slaps the intercom button; “River, get us out of here!” There’s no answer, but the thrusters fire immediately, and they lift just in time to avoid a cannon shell sailing by just below them.

Landing near a second village has about the same results, but this time River picks up a bit of their speech and underlying thoughts; “Mal, I don’t think they’re mad at us. The rage is directed at Serenity, and machines in general.”

At Diana’s suggestion, they pick a smaller, more isolated place that won’t have heard of them, and a different tactic. They’ll land at a discreet distance, out of sight but close enough that Mal, Zoë and Jayne can walk in to meet the villagers.

This does seem to work better. The natives greet them with some suspicion, but no outright violence, and as they approach what seems to be a council table, the fellow who seems to be in charge motions for them to sit down.

The villagers are curious about their unusual (to them) style clothing. They touch Jayne’s T-shirt; “What animal this? How it kill you?”

Jayne shrugs them off, a little more violently than necessary; “Ain’t nobody gonna be killin’ me.”

It takes a few moments before Zoë understands; “Jayne, they’re not saying you got killed. They’ve never seen anyone dressed in anything but animal skins, and they’re just wonderin’ what kinda animal makes cotton.”

As the exchange goes on, it becomes very obvious that the villagers speak very little English, and the conversation, with a few pieces in Chinese and most of it in Russian, is slow and laborious.

Mal tries to find out about the people in the cities, but the answer keeps coming back (interspersed with many foul words) that there ARE no people there, only machines (growls and much spitting).

They seem to be making progress, gradually learning that there is only a rough association of tribes, who call themselves Indies. The Indies invite them to eat, a rather rough combination of overcooked meat, partially fermented fruit juice, and raw vegetables.

Then Diana shows up. She has been monitoring the conversation, and now, as a Book, she wants to personally experience the Indies’ customs.

As she steps into view, all Hell breaks loose! The Indies rise in fury, “Jee swahn jee! (Counting machine!)” and several draw bows and arrows. One moves menacingly toward Diana and Jayne with a huge knife, gesturing and screaming in Chinese that he’s going to rip her apart. Jayne instinctively reaches for his gun and shoots the man. This sends the Indies right over the edge, firing their bows wildly and screaming “Chui se!” (“Go die!”)

Mal yells; “We seem to have overstayed our welcome! I sense some peril!” and the group beats a hasty retreat. But as they round a corner on the trail back, an even larger and more menacing group of Indies blocks their return to Serenity while a third group surrounds the ship, screaming and throwing stones at it.

Zoë finds some cover in a small cave, and they all dive in. Mal says they need to find a way back, but every time they raise a head to look around, an arrow whizzes by. Shortly a group of Indies arrive on horseback, and it begins to look like a scene from an old western, with Indies racing around the huddled group, screaming and firing arrows into their midst as Jayne and Zoë fire at the riders.

Simon, who has been watching from the ship, tries to use Serenity’s loudspeakers to sound menacing; “Leave the area or we will be forced to burn you out!” Unfortunately, it seems to have exactly the wrong effect. The noise of rocks on metal plating becomes deafening!

Kaylee asks River; “Could you drive them off with the armed shuttle? Fire over their heads or sumpin’?”

But River shakes her head, “Haven’t practiced firing those guns. I might hit the villagers instead, or worse, Mal and the others. Besides, from what I sense, every machine they see will drive them even further over the edge, and they would attack the others with even more desperation.”

And now comes the bad news. Inara, watching through the ship’s telescope, looks over at River and Kaylee and cries; “Wo de tian a! (Oh my God!) there’s another one of those cannons coming!”

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But as in any good western, just as things look hopeless, in rides the cavalry. In this case it’s a dozen robots, driving four wheeled mules and covered in stainless steel armor like knights of old, firing off stun bolts at the screaming Indies. Soon all is quiet, and the robots invite Mal’s party out into the open.

As they emerge, Mal turns to the robot that seems to be in charge and says, “Thank you very much. It was getting just a mite touchy back there, and we sure weren’t expecting a bunch of robots to come ridin’ over the hill. But how did you know to come get us?”

The robot answers; “You are welcome. We were asked to look into your situation by the Import Coordinator, who has been monitoring your approach for the last week. When you didn’t land at the usual Blue Sun terminal, he got worried that there was something wrong with your ship, and when you landed in Indie territory, he knew it and sent a ‘Bot Scatter Team.”

The robots drive beside them as the crew walks across the field to their ship, and Diana says, “You are amazing machines! I have never seen such complex robots.” The robot beside her says; “Yes, we’ve seen the basic units Blue Sun uses, and we are much more advanced. But on Oasis, we are quite ordinary. So ordinary that we are not usually called robots, just ‘’Bots’”.

As they arrive at the ship, one of the 'Bots asks to speak to the Blue Sun representative. Zoë answers, “There’s no such person here. We have nothing to do with Blue Sun.”

“Not from Blue Sun? Nobody else EVER comes to Oasis! Why are you here?”

Diana speaks up; “One of our crew was invited, and we wanted to meet the man who invited her, and learn more about your planet.”

“Someone INVITED you? I’ve never heard of such a thing! Take us to your ship’s Captain. We need to get a real human’s viewpoint on all this.”

All four of the team are stunned, but not nearly as much as the ‘Bots are at Jayne’s answer: “We’re ALL human. Well, except a maybe a little bit of Diana.”

The ‘Bots simultaneously cry, “Friends!”. The crew agrees that yes, they’re all friends.

The talk goes downhill from there, as both sides have good reason to believe that the other is insane. Every question produces nonsensical answers. In spite of this disconnect, Mal invites the ‘Bots to fly back to the city in Serenity, and they accept. They give Mal directions, and as he heads to the bridge, a very curious Simon and an almost equally curious Inara come down to the cargo bay to meet these strange guests. Mal asks Inara to play hostess as all except Jayne head off to clean up.

The trip doesn’t go well. The ‘Bots once again question what their role is with Blue Sun, and when Simon insists they have nothing to do with the company, the obviously suspicious ‘Bots give different directions as to where Serenity should land, and then sit down, seemingly turning themselves off. The Serenity crew picks what seems to be the location most ‘Bots mentioned, and looks for any clues as to anything that looks like a landing spot, but nothing stands out. The area is visually little different from anywhere else, except possibly a little more “industrial”, although even that’s in doubt, as it’s sparkling clean, just like the rest of the city.

There doesn’t seem to be anyone around, and Mal’s efforts to get a response on any channel are a total failure, so River simply picks an open spot. As soon as they land, the ‘Bots rise. One says, “Stay here. Someone will arrive shortly.” then they leave.

Hours pass before someone arrives. As the crew gathers, he says; “Hello, my name is Hans. I’m happy to meet you all, but my prime responsibility is to the “Books”. I need to talk to Diana.”

Diana steps forward, and Hans is a model of graciousness; “Very nice to meet you My Lady. I have read much about you and your adventures, but it’s very rare indeed to meet a Book in person.”

Diana tries to match his courteous manner; “Well, unfortunately I haven’t learned a great deal about your world yet, but I’m looking forward to doing so. It’s very nice to finally meet a real human being.”

A look of total incredulity comes over Hans’s face – “You want to meet another HUMAN? I don’t – I mean, it’s never done!”

Now it’s Diana’s turn; “What do you mean, it’s never done? Are you not human?”

“No, I didn’t even realize I looked that much like one. But even so, did you not recognize that green colour in my eyes? It indicates I’m an Android.”

Now Diana is truly intrigued; “No, I’ve never heard of such a thing! Are there many like you on this planet? We have a few basic robots in our ‘Verse, but there are none that look near as humanoid as you.”

And the confusion is now back to Hans; “You mean – you mean these -” he gestures to the entire crew now gathered around, staring in fascination “- are ALL humans? And all those stories you and the other Books have sent have been about genuine interactions between human beings? I always thought – No wonder the ‘Bots thought you were Friends!”

“But we ARE friends!”

“It’s not the same – ‘Friend’ is the name used by the people who live together on our moon, Sentinel.”

Now Inara is intrigued; “What are the people here in the city called? We heard the natives call themselves Indies…”

Hans is amazed; “They’re not natives! Don’t you know about - I guess not. In the distant past, Oasis was part of the Earth Empire. The people you met are degenerated descendants of some of Earth’s soldiers who stayed behind.”

“And this is not a ‘city’, it’s an Estate, owned by one person, James. Like all the others, he has a genuine aversion to physical contact, talking to the others only via Wave. In fact, all the owners take great pride in their isolated existences, so much so they call themselves ‘Eremites’ like the Hebrew hermits, although I’ve never known one to wander in the desert. There are no ‘cities’, just Estates.”

Simon has to ask; “So the two groups never interact?”

Hans snorts: “Hardly. The closest they come is when the Indies raid Eremite farms. When the raids become too bothersome, Eremites send ‘Bot Scatter Teams to ‘teach them a lesson’. The ‘Bots would never hurt a human, so they use stun weapons. If the Eremites really wanted to get rid of the Indies, they’d have to do it themselves, which would involve contact & conflict, so there is a stalemate.

“Why did the Indies attack us?”

“It was your ship, and Diana’s implant. Understandably, they have developed a dislike of machinery, and a “sixth sense” which alerts them to it.”

After taking all that in, Diana questions who invited Inara before they left the ‘Verse, and Hans has no idea. He Waves to other ‘Bots, and no one knows either.

Diana decides to find out for herself – she fires up the original Comm channel – and gets an Eremite named Allen! Now it’s the Android’s turn to be confused!

Allen calls him direct, and soon Inara has coordinates to Allen’s Estate…

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While Inara’s away, the rest wander the estate, and the ‘Bots are only too happy to show them everything, get them anything they want, all at no cost –

Diana finds a food warehouse, and asks the ‘Bot working there, “Would it be possible to obtain some of this produce for our kitchen? We have trouble getting fresh foods.”

The ‘Bot says, “Certainly! No problem! We produce far more than we can use, or even trade. How many tonnes do you need?”

A flustered Diana stumbles; “T-Tonnes? I was thinking of a box or two…”

Kaylee and River find a treasure trove of new parts for Kaylee’s beloved engines. Kaylee says; “Look at all these shiny new parts! I sure could use them to replace some of the worn parts in my poor babies!”

This causes a degree of consternation: “You have babies that use machine parts?”

Kaylee’s explanation; “No, I’m talkin’ about my ship’s engines, with the time and love I spend on them, they feel like my babies!”

Now sure that these humans are likeable but more than mildly insane, the ‘Bots offer to give her everything she needs, and in fact even mention that it might be better all ‘round if they were to take the parts back to the ship and install them for her !

Everyone is happy; Mal and Zoë find maps of the entire Galaxy, and Jayne finds a hoard of new weapons! Even Simon is smiling, returning with a ‘Bot carrying two copies if the UniWiki (Two PRINT Copies! Several hundred Kilos!) plus both full electronic copies and medical extracts, all sitting on top of a host of new medicines!

And Hans finally gets his talk with a genuine “Book”, although he does more talking than Diana does.

Hans explains that the information he collects from the “Books” is supplied in turn to a massive computer exchange on Earth, which then supplies Oasis (and nearly everywhere else human colonies exist except the ‘Verse) with updated science and history via “UniWiki”, an electronic encyclopedia.

Diana is caught by one thought; “You mean there are still humans on Earth?”

“I don’t know. I never heard of any. I only deal with the computer, and like all computers, it’s self-maintaining. But then, I didn’t realize that there were so many real humans in the ‘Verse until you arrived.”

And no, Hans doesn’t know why the ‘Verse has no access to UniWiki.

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Inara’s visit is even more interesting…