**please excuse any typos--typed fast. Jayne's comments are PG-13.**

SIMON AND STRAWBERRIES

"No, no, don't go," Simon says, half asleep, pulling me tight gainst him. "There...Night."

I smile, tickled by his breath. "Simon, hon, I really gotta--"

"Stay."

"But River..."

"Won't care. She's asleep."

"But right in the next room."

"Stay," he says.

"Ok. G'night."

"Don't let the space bugs bite."

I laugh. "You ain't ever gonna let me live that down. I sounded like a retard."

"No worse than my 'You're pretty pretty' on Canton."

"I thought that was kinda sweet."

"At least one person did."

I snuggle down, liking the feel of his arms round me. He really does got great arms--muscles you'd never guess were so -there- cause he's bout my size and more apt to get puched in the face than fight back. I like the "sissy boy" appeal. It's nice after living with grunts like Mal and Jayne for so long. Wash ain't in no sissy or grunt category--he's just'n himself...Strange and "full of piss n vinegar."

I wait till Simon's asleep fore I wriggle out on his arms and scootch onto the floor. He really is so kawai when he sleeps....I kiss where his hair falls forward fore I wrap the top-sheet into one of them toga-dress thingies Simon showed me in the history program. -Much- easier than actual clothes puttin on and he won't guess I've been gone.

In the mess hall, I got a special box marked "kaylee's". It's under lock n key. I keep my fresh strawberries there and never share. I love strawberries like I love Simon but kinda different. He's sweet on the inside just like them with sometimes a little tartness. He's never smarted off at me--just Jayne mostly and once or twice Mal. He can't help it. He's super smart and has more book learning than all of us put together.

I take down my key from its secret spot and open the box, savoring the sweetness of the first strawberry and licking the juice off my fingers.

"Well, look who we have up at all hours," Mal jokes, coming in an sittin down.

I smile from next to my strawberry box. "Hey, Cap'n! Couldn't sleep so I thought I'd test some of them strawberries Inara brought back for me from her last trip. They're tasty."

Mal swings his feet up onto the chair across from him. He's got his pants on with no shirt--straps hangin down. Wash said once that he thought the Cap'n was the type a person who sleeps with nutin on. Jayne dared me to go look, but I didn't cause -I- think the Cap'n is the type a person who sleeps with a loaded revolver by his bed and didn't wanta get shot. I done that once an don't wanna go for seconds (gun shots, that is--not peeking on the Cap'n).

"What -are- you wearing, Miss Kayleewit?"

I grin. "A toga. Simon showed me in his history program. It's real comfy."

"It's a sheet."

"Yeah. I got a hankering for strawberries so just threw on the first thing I grabbed."

"Why did you be needin to get dressed at 4 in the morning anyway?"

"Don't know," I say, hoping a big grin would make him stop askin leadin questions.

"Probably left them on the doctor's floor," Jayne says, comin in too and sittin sideways from Mal. (Oh no...) "I don't care if you're in Capital City or the black, the rules are still the same--Ain't no reason for anyone to be runnin round in a bed sheet unless they can't find their clothes somewhere."

"I can to find my clothes! It's just it was dark an--"

"That's what lights are for, Kaylee," Mal says, enjoying this as much as Jayne.

"I -couldn't- turn on the light!" I say. "Else I'd wake up--"

"Wake up who, Kaylee?" Mal asks, smiling sweet as pie.

"Do I smell scandal?" (Oh no, Wash!!!)

"I smell sex," Jayne says.

Wash drags Zoe in after him like a prize. She looks sleepy an rumbled an smiles at me. "A sex scandal?" Wash grins. "Wait till the next passing ship hears about this!"

"Now, dear," Zoe tries to steer him away from that plan.

"Kaylee, are you in here?" Simon calls, voice gettin louder as he gets close to the mess door. "Kaylee, come back to--" He stops , starin at everybody before ending with "bed."

Jayne cackles like a loony bird, slappin the table. "Pink sheets!"

"Now, now, Jayne, I'd call it more of a pal peach," Wash says, grinning at Simon. "I'd still have expected the good doctor to stick with standard white."

"Maybe some of those nice hospital sheet jobs," Mal adds in. "So tight you can bounce coins off em."

Simon straightens his own sheet-toga contrapition and doesn't dignify em with an answer.

"I thought doc was so up tight you could bounce coins off him," Jayne says, looking at Simon. "Or, -maybe-, it's Kaylee...Let's ask doc. So, doc, is our little Leelee so tight you can--"

"That's going too far, Jayne," Simon says, cool as ice.

"No, I don't think Jayne's the one who's been 'going too far'," Wash picks up the teasin. "So what do you think, Cap'n? The brig or a shotgun wedding?"

"We don't got a brig, so only option is a shotgun wedding...Good thing we got a preacher aboard ship."

"Inara can sew the wedding dress."

"And I'll hold the shotgun," Jayne volunteers.

"-I- want to hold the shotgun!" Wash says.

"Tough. I called it."

"Now, now," Zoe says. "If anyone has the most right to holding the shotgun, it's the Cap'n."

"Thank you, Leutenant," Mal says.

"Not a problem, sir."

"You are all so childish," Simon says regally, pushin his toga back into place on his shoulder. "Once again, you've shown playground tactics. I'm glad you get so much amusement out of every little thing I do."

"In the black you gotta find your own amusement," Mal says, smiling at Simon. "It ain't every day we -all- find a game we agree on."

"Every day is 'Mock Simon Day'?" he asks.

"Yup," Jayne says.

"We're thinking of making it a National Ship's Holiday," Wash says, grinning. (That man smiles far too much...)

Simon sighs, frustrated, and holds outa hand toward me. "Kaylee, will you please come with me?"

"The guys are just teasin ya, Simon," I say, steppin over and takin his hand. "It means they like ya. You -are- an easy mark."

"Glad you keep reminding me of that," he says, pullin me out and down the hall.

"Hey, who wants to run past his bunk banging on pots and pans?" Wash suggests right as we're gettin out of earshot.

"I vote for makin balloon animals out of ca-choes" Jayne says.

"As Captain, I have the final say," Mal says. "And I say both ideas go."

"Lord help us both," Simon sighs, shaking his head.

"They'll stop soon enough," I assure him.

"The only person who didn't get in on the action was --- River?" he ends after openin the door an seein River sittin on his sheetless bed.

She grins. "Name the girl after me."

"Go back to your room!" Simon says, swattin her with a pillow.

River laughs, dancin away. "River Serra Kayleewit Tam!"

"Go to bed!" Simon yells.

"And name the boy Mal!" she says. "Malcolm Reynolds Tam. It's the least you can do since he's given us both a home."

"Bed!" he says, all stern like, pointin the pillow her direction.

River blows me a kiss. "G'night, Sister Kaylee!"

I laugh. "Night, River."