“Snowballs.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“You said something.”

“Don’t think I did, Mal.”

“Jayne ...”

“What?”

“You’re supposed to say ‘pardon’.”

“Huh?”

“Not ‘what’. ‘Pardon’.”

“You had too much of the sun?”

“No, I just … you know, never mind. What did you say?”

“When?”

“Before.”

“Before what?”

“Jayne …”

“Um …”

“I think it was snowballs.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

“So?”

“So … what?”

“Any particular reason?”

“Just … it’s hotter’n hell.”

“And?”

“And I’m as parched as a whore in church.”

“Jayne.”

“What? No-one’s listening.”

“I am.”

“Didn’t think you were that delicate. Not after what I heard you saying when you kicked that barbell.”

“Which was your fault. Leaving it lying around on the floor.”

“I was planning on fixing it. ‘N’ I got the septic vat for it.”

“What goes around comes around.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what the vat’s for.”

“Did you just make a joke?”

“No, Mal.”

“Good. Anyway, about snowballs …”

“Just that it ain’t natural, having Christmas at the hottest part of the year.”

“Every planet does.”

“It does?”

“If it’s snowing one side, it’s hot the other.”

“I s’pose. Still don’t seem right. Like taking this job from Fanty and Mingo.”

“We need the work.”

“But right now?”

“After we deliver the goods we can set Serenity down somewhere cold. See some real snow.”

“Can’t be too soon. I’m sweatin’ like a pig in this get-up. Which is making me itch.”

“Are you scratching?”

“Yeah, Mal. S’why I was thinking of snowballs. ‘Cause of what we’re wearing.”

“So you were …”

“Sweatin’. And itchin’.”

“And scratching.”

“Yeah.”

“Give me strength.”

“What?”

“And you ain’t the only one perspirin’.”

“Persp … you sure you ain’t Kaylee in disguise?”

“If’n I shoot you, will that be proof enough?”

“Prob’ly. But I mean it. The cold ain’t never bothered me, but heat like this … might as well be raining I’m so gorram wet. And you know how I feel about that.”

“Well, you can blame your wife for the disguise. She came up with the idea.”

“You coulda said no.”

“I couldn’t think of anything better.”

“Better’n your usual of going in all guns blazing.”

“Jayne …”

“Anyway, I reckon it was ‘cause she said she figured they’d be laughin’ so much they wouldn’t be able to aim straight …”

“… and temperatures tonight will be high again just as we slip into Christmas Day, so sunscreen and hats are the order of tomorrow, and if Santa has any sense his reindeers will be covered up too! In other news, Xander Mustard’s Agricultural Society’s transporter was held up by two men in disguise. The thieves got away with the monthly takings on their way to the Federal deposit in Vigo. Locals say wages and the seasonal bonus had already been paid, but the haul is still rumoured to be in the region of 500,000 credits. Witnesses also say that, just prior to the theft, the two men were seen arguing, although accounts differ as to whether one drew a gun on the other or not. What is for certain is that XMAS security forces are on the lookout for two large snowmen, each carrying a heavy red sack …”

Merry Christmas!