Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Firefly characters or am in any way connected to the show.

Chapter Two: The Heartache

Everything at dinner was going fine. Right up until Mal asked why Kaylee wasn’t sitting next to Simon.

“Did you two love birds get into a spat?” Mal chuckled as he poured himself some more wine. Inara quickly elbowed him in the side, but it was too late. Kaylee and Simon had already turned red.

“Who ya talking about cap’n?” As if I already didn’t know. Please just say something…anything but bring attention to me and Simon.

“Well he sure as hell ain’t talking about me and you sunshine!” Jayne blared out.

“Jayne…” Inara began, but she was soon cut off by River.

“The sun can’t shine when there is darkness inside.” River looked over to her brother.

“What’s wrong meimei?” Mal asked. Kaylee started to tear up and Mal began feeling guilty for bringing up the obvious in the first place.

“Tired. Just Tired.” Kaylee got up and started to head out of the kitchen. “I think I’ll go take a nap.” Kaylee left the kitchen and headed to her room. Maybe when I wake up things will be okay....

“Has anyone else noticed how “tired” Kaylee has been lately?” Wash asked very concerned after Kaylee had left the room.

“She hasn’t been acting herself at all today, has she?” Book looked to everyone sitting at the table.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with you, now would it doc?” Mal glared over at Simon. He could see the fear and nervousness in his eyes.

Simon wanted to get up and run out of the room. Nobody likes having Mal look at them like that. A chill ran down his back. “I don’t see how I could of…I bet it’s the pain killer I gave her earlier.” Simon looked down at his plate. He needed to look at something other than Mal. “It has probably worn off by now and her headache is probably just a bit overwhelming.”

“Yeah…and how exactly was it she got that nasty bump on her head again, doc?” Mal, acting like a protective big brother, pointed his finger at Simon. He knew Simon had to be the reason for Kaylee’s behavior.

Simon couldn’t remember ever feeling more intimated. “Ah…the engine. She hit her head on it.” He started to sweat. Why is he making me feel so guilty? I didn’t do anything wrong…did I?

“Wonder what happened that made a damn good mechanic start banging her head on her work.”

Simon couldn’t take the questioning anymore. “Maybe I should go check on her…” Simon left the table and headed down the bridge in search of Kaylee.

“This is why I don’t like shipboard romances.”

“Come on Mal, Zoe and me have been together for years now, didn’t that turn out well?”

Mal looked over to Zoe and then back at Wash. “Yeah and I don’t recall ever saying I was happy about you two.”

Kaylee was lying on her bed crying her eyes out when she heard Simon’s voice. “Kaylee, Kaylee, can I come in?”

No go away. I don’t want ya to see me cryin’. You’re just gonna make me cry even more. Just go away! “Sure.” She said as she wiped away the tears. She stood up in front of her bed dreading the upcoming conversation.

Simon climbed down the latter into Kaylee’s room. She wasn’t crying, but he could tell that she had been. Her eyes were blood shot and puffy. Her pillow was soaked with tears. Simon felt so bad. He wanted to go to her and hold her, comfort her, tell her that everything was going to be okay. “So…”

“So…”

“Did I do something… say something stupid again?” Kaylee could tell Simon had a true look of concern in his eyes, but she had enough. This couldn’t continue to go on. It was time she got passed her stupid crush and moved on.

“Nah, Simon. You haven’t done a thing.” She started playing with a loose strand of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail. She turned her eyes away from Simon. “I am just tired.”

Simon could tell she was lying. He had noticed that whenever she was scared, lying, or nervous she always kept her fingers busy. She wasn’t very good at covering up anything. “Well, you don’t look alright. I think maybe you’re not tired…maybe…”

Maybe it’s you? Maybe I can’t take anymore mixed signals. Maybe I wish you never came on this ship in the first place. “Simon…” Who am I kidding? I am glad you came on this ship. Just not so glad about how you and me turned out. “…it has been a long day. My head…” She reached up to her forehead and ran her fingers over the bandage. “…and the stitches…it was a lot… and it hurts…a lot.”

Thinking maybe it was just her head Simon walked towards her and inspected her forehead. “It did swell up quite a bit. If the pain is that bad you should have come to the infirmary. I would have given you something for it.” He brushed his hand across her cheek. Her skin is so soft…and her eyes…usually they are like two beautiful stars in the sky…twinkling so bright, but now…now they look so full of pain. Simon had the urge to kiss her just then. He wanted to kiss away the pain she was feeling. He couldn’t take the sight of her sad eyes. But like always, he didn’t let anything come of it. He pulled his hand away from her check and took a few steps back to a safe distance.

Kaylee’s heart felt like it shattered into a hundred pieces when he took his hand away. “Simon, I don’t wanna come running to you every time I get a little scratch. I mean… I did work on this ship before we ever had a medic and I survived just fine. I have learned to tolerate pain quite well these days.”

The way Kaylee said the word “pain” made Simon think she wasn’t talking about her headache. He remembered what River had said about fixing the inner parts and the darkness inside. “Well… Ah… I don’t want you to have to feel pain. There is a medic here now and I want you to take advantage of me whenever you want to.”

Well, the way I wanna take advantage of you has nothing to do with you being a doctor. “Simon, thanks, but I’ll be fine. I just need…”

“Sleep? You’re tired?”

Kaylee could hear the frustration and anger in his voice. She couldn’t keep the tears from coming down. “Simon Tam, you don’t have to be so mean. I would appreciate it if you would leave me be!” She threw herself back onto her bed. No more. No more feelings for Simon. I HAVE to make them go away. I just can’t do this anymore…God, what did I do to deserve the feeling of loving someone who doesn’t love me back?

“Kaylee…baobei…” Simon went over to her bed to comfort her, but Kaylee threw her arm up and stopped him.

“Just go away Simon. You have done more than enough!”

He felt hurt. He felt like someone just sucker punched him in the gut…over and over again. Why is she hurting so much? Why won’t she let me help her? Saddened and confused, Simon respected her wishes and left her room.

To be continued…

Translations: meimei = little sister baobei = precious item