The Pacifier
Friday, August 12, 2005

Jayne has a girl in his bunk, and Wash has lost something very important...


A/N: I'm a bit paranoid about posting this. I haven't posted here before so aside from the fact that you may hate it (LOL) it may look funny since I have no idea what I am doing...

Just a little peice os fluff I wrote with my friend Rinny. And I dedicate it to her and her Jayne love. :) Also, Chinese speaking I am not.

*** "Now first thing you need to learn, is t’ always take good care 'a yer weapons. You take care a them, they'll be there for ya when ya need 'em." Jayne flipped open the pistol in his hand, and checked the chamber, then laid it on the soft cloth in his lap. "If'en ya don't, well that's a good way to lose an hand or an eye."

He was sitting on the edge of his bunk in his favorite naked girl t-shirt, with an array of weapons laid out on the narrow mattress beside him. His student sat at his feet in a pink footed sleeper, one pudgy fist shoved into her mouth, the other grasping her toes as she rocked back and forth. Her huge dark eyes were focused wholly on the man above her, a two tone orange knitted hat perched lopsidedly on her curly head. "Now pay real close attention, little girl, here's what ya do." ***

“Here we go, Sweet em’s,” Wash said as he stepped over the threshold of the bridge, carrying a small chipped plate from the galley. “Daddy’s got some nice stale and disgusting crackers for us to snack on while we’re waiting’ for Mommy to get back from her…ah… meeting.” He approached the small enclosure they’d improvised for his small daughter behind the copilot’s chair, and stopped abruptly when he found it empty. “Briana?”

He set the plate of crackers quickly on the floor and yanked up one of the blankets, thinking he that surely must be hallucinating, she had to be here. “Yi qi shen hu xi, she can’t have gone…” he ran a hand through his hair and looked around the bridge a second before practically leaping toward the stairs between the main consoles.

He looked down into the space below, climbed down and searched it, scared half to death she’d fallen. His relief when he didn’t see her tiny injured body lying there, was short lived however. He still didn’t know where she was.

He climbed back out and searched the bridge on his hands and knees. Finding nothing but one of his dinosaurs he’d misplaced some while ago. He tossed it over his shoulder, feeling more and more frantic with each passing moment. He got to his feet and backed out the door, still looking the room over.

"This makes no sense,” he said to himself. “She couldn’t’ve climbed out of the pen. Could she?” He was about to start pulling out his hair. This wasn’t possible. He scanned the hallway as he walked with hurried steps back to the galley.

Shepard Book was sitting quietly at the table, and looked up when Wash stumbled into the room. The pilot’s blue eyes looked the Shepard over with a quick roving gaze, then hurried forward without a word, yanked out one of the chairs and bent down to peer under the table.

“Can I help you find something, son?” Book asked. Closing his novel but keeping his finger in his place, he leaned forward as he spoke. His lined face held friendly concern.

“Um,” Wash looked up at the preacher, clearly panicked. He opened his mouth for a moment, his mind working quickly. What sort of hell was reserved for father’s who lost their seven month old daughters? Somehow he didn’t think he wanted to know. “No!” he finally managed, pulling away slowly. She wasn’t under the table. “No, I’m fine…” He wandered into the kitchen, eyes on the floor. “Fine, fine, everything’s fine. Nothing to worry about.” He laughed nervously and proceeded to open every cabinet, thinking to himself, I am a dead man. Where the hell can she be?


“There’s a lot of folk who’ll say differ’nt, but you listen to me when I tell ya they’re flat wrong.” Jayne was saying, “High tech crap don’t do anybody any good out here. Cain’t maintain ‘em proper. Cain’t get parts, nor ammo. Ruttin’ useless.”

Briana gazed up, fluttering long dark lashes at him, and rolled onto her stomach, crawling away.

"Hey come back here now, this ain't exactly a place you wanna get lost in. Yer uncle Jayne keeps some things in here you plain don't need to see." He reached down and scooped her up onto his lap, and the hat fell crookedly over her eyes.

“Now, this little lady right here," he continued his lesson, holding up the pistol. "May look primitive, but the beauty in that is, she's a lot easier to care for, and I got the equipment to make new rounds for her right here in my own bunk." He looked down at Briana’s tiny obscured face and adjusted the hat so she could see what he was talking about.

"You bein' a girl and all, it’s even more important fer you to learn how to defend yerself proper. ’Specially out here in the black." She reached out and wrapped both fat hands around one of his fingers, bringing it to her mouth to gum, and he hid a smile as she slimed his finger with her baby slobber. "Now you look at yer mama, she's a real good fighter, real tough. She'll teach all this too, just like I am. Only I say, ain't never hurt nuthin' to have more'n one point a view on a thing. So, I figure, best idea, would be, git ya used to the idea of guns right off. They's a part of life out here plain and simple, and if'en you respect 'em, ain't no reason to be afraid of them. Less'n some iggits a pointin' one at ya, then... well he won't exactly be livin' no more after that if you get my meanin', Princess. Even yer daddy'd blow a man's head clean off fer a thing like that, no question. And he don’t much like guns."

She let out a gurgle of pleasure, smiling around his finger.


Wash hurried down the dim hallway leading to the engine room, but stopped when he reached the stairway to the infirmary. His eyes grew wide suddenly. He moved forward quickly and looked down the stairs, then to the engine room, then back the way he came, remembering the stairs near the bridge that lead to the cargo bay. He turned 180 degrees, one hand holding his head, thinking of the steep metal stairs, the open railings, the rough grating, a hundred scenarios running rapidly through his already panic-stricken mind. He made a face, horror and frustration, as he looked from one choice to another. He kept telling himself how very impossible it would be for her to have gotten this far on her own, but none of those excuses changed the fact that he couldn’t find her.

He hurried into the rusty toned engine room, clamoring to a stop as he crossed the threshold. He fell immediately to his hands and knees, and started searching the floor, trying to put himself in her perspective and finding far too many hidey holes and possible dangers. He was leaning down into the mechanic’s crawl space, when a voice echoed over head.

“Not really lost.”

Wash jerked his head up, smacking it against the bottom of the engine mounting. Pain shot through his skull, and he bit his lip to keep from crying out. Squeezing his eyes shut, he hung his head until the pain passed. When he could open his eyes and not see double, he looked to the side and found himself facing a pair of bare feet.

He pulled himself out from under the engine, and found River standing over him. Her long dark hair fell carelessly passed her face, and her dark pink floral skirt fluttered around her ankles. He immediately scanned her arms for the presence of his daughter, but found them empty and pale swinging freely at her sides.

“River,” he said, rubbing the back of his head. He huffed out a breath when his fingers found a tender spot. “What’re you doing here?”

“Looking for you,” she said softly, giving him her girlish smile.

“Can I ask why?” he responded, but River just smiled and didn’t say anything else. “Okay then. Well, this was all very nice, but now I have to go.” He stood to his feet and moved toward the door, his head still throbbing tremendously and his worry growing.


"Now this little gal here is just the sorta thing 'Nara'd use. She can hide it inside her pretty little outfits all secret like, and have it if she needs it.” He shoved the small weapon into his waistband and pulled his shirt over it to show Briana just how easily it could be concealed. “Problem there is, ‘s not quick to get at. Inara, she learned lots of fancy stuff at that whore school of hers, but they didn't teach her 'nough about defending herself if you ask me. What she knows now, Captain taught her, me too a bit. That’s the only way to learn. From them what knows."

"Now don't get me wrong, you can learn plenty from ‘Nara. Ain't nothin' wrong with bein’ a girl. Wearin’ pretty things and such, just gotta know how take care a yerself's all I'm sayin."

"Juh," she exclaimed, looking up at him beneath the edge of the homespun hat. Her near black eyes reflected the overhead lights and his face in miniature. She offered him her finger to taste. He took her hand and shook it playfully.

"Hey, that's right, Uncle Jayne's gonna teach you how to do it all. All about survivin' in the black." Briana snuggled into his large chest, her eyes fluttering tiredly while she continued to suck on his finger.

"Ah. I can see yer gettin' tuckered. Uncle Jayne's just talkin' away." He tipped her back into the crook of his arm, and a noxious smell wafted up to his nostrils. "Whew girl! You should really tell a man when yer gonna go and do a thing like that. I didn't bring none a yer stuff down here with me. We'll have to go track sumthin' down."


Wash hurtled down the stairs into the passenger lounge, skipping steps and sliding on the hand rails. He landed with a thunk at the bottom, and looked around, quickly scanning the room. There were too many options here, the bunks, the showers, the infirmary. He fell to his knees again and started to look under the closest chair, not seeming to take any notice of Kaylee and Simon who sat on the nearby sofa chatting.

They stopped abruptly when he entered, staring at him. The twosome looked at each other a moment, then watched Wash crawling around a moment longer. “Wash?” Kaylee called, leaning forward to look at the pilot. He didn’t answer, but she thought she heard him mutter something about “insanity” and “Chemicals in Alliance processed foods” but she couldn’t be sure. She pushed her hair behind her ear, and made a confused face at Simon.

“Wash, did you lose something?” Simon asked leaning forward as well, pushing back the sleeves of his dark shirt subconsciously. “Perhaps we could help you look for it.”

“What?” Wash asked distractely, lifting his head to look at them for the first time. He looked at their feet, which he had been looking between a moment before. His eyes widened, “No,” a nervous laugh escaped his lips, “Ha, uh no that’s alright, I’m just…” His desperate and panicked tone belied his words. Kaylee looked at him with concern, automatically reaching out a hand of comfort. Wash pulled away and stood to his feet, his hands flying to his hair, pulling on the short ginger strands. He looked around the room again with a frantic air. Kaylee stood as well, moving toward him. “Lost the baby.” River sang from behind him where she was perched on the bottom of the metal stairway.

Wash spun around and frowned at her, his cover blown. “No--I … not lose as much as…”

“What?” Kaylee and Simon demanded nearly in unison. Then they proceeded to bombard him with assorted desperate questions. “Did you lose the baby?” Kaylee finished.

Wash threw his hands up in the air. “Yes! Alright, yes!” he shouted finally. “I lost my own daughter! Okay! I left her in her pen thingy to get some crackers and when I came back she was gone!”

“Not gone far,” River said soothingly, but he didn’t feel soothed. Simon looked around concerned, but Kaylee took in the look on Wash’s face, and laughed softly.

“Well, she couldn’t’a made it all the way down here Wash! She ain’t been crawlin’ more’n a week.” She realized her response had only made him feel worse, so she stepped forward and placed a hand on his arm.

“You think I don’t know that? I’ve looked everywhere, Kaylee,” he said his voice pleading now.

“Did you ask Jayne?” Kaylee asked softly, “You know that little pumkin’ has him wrapped around her finger, though he won’t never admit it.”

“ Did I ask…” Wash started, then his mouth worked silently a moment before he looked up. Suddenly the plaintive sound of a baby’s cry could be heard from above stairs.

“Ai ya!” Wash spit, and bolted for the stairs.


The baby's paraphernalia was in a bag near her exercise pen, and Jayne laid her down inside and started pawing through her bag for a replacement nappy. The moment he set her down, she immediately began to fuss.

"Hold on now, Princess,” he said nonchalantly. She only fussed louder at the sound of his voice. She let out a full blown yell a moment later. “You do gotta good set’a lungs on you, Girl.” Jayne said proudly, and smiled triumphantly as he pulled out his prize a few moments later. "Here we go," he announced just as quick, thunderous footsteps sounded outside the portal. Wash suddenly appeared there, completely out of breath. Jayne stared at him in surprise, nappy in hand, while Wash looked from the baby to Jayne and back again.

Wash felt his panic subside in heavy ebbing waves as he saw that his daughter was alive and well. Relief was replaced by anger almost immediately. Every single emotion showed on his face as he stared the larger man down. “What the, where, I…I have been looking all over the entire ship! Where the hell have you been?” He yelled, unable to restrain himself despite the fact that Jayne could easily kill him. At least he’d be dead and Zoë wouldn’t be able to kill him for losing their daughter. She could kill Jayne instead. He hurried forward and scooped Briana out of the pen and looked her over to see for himself that she was really there and alright.

Inside, Wash knew Jayne would never hurt the baby, but he had been so worried that most rational thought had completely fled his brain at the site of her. “There you are bao bei, where have you been?” he rambled, pulling her to him and smelling the sweet smell of her neck. “Da!” she said, smacking his cheek, and he couldn’t help but laugh as he held her out so he could look in her little face. Her full lips were parted in a drooly grin, and she reached for him with pudgy little hands.

“Yeah, that’s right, you scared daddy half to death. You have any idea what mommy would say if she came back and I didn’t know where you were.” Briana grabbed a hold of his nose. “Right, exactly, she’d kill daddy. She probably enjoy it too, it wouldn’t be pretty. You don’t want that do you, sweetie?” She used her grip to pull him close and lay a big open mouthed kiss on his face.

“Christ, Wash, it ain’t like I was gonna hurt ‘er or anything.”

“Wo xi wang ni man man si, dan kuai dian xia di yu! That’s not the point, Jayne!” Wash shouted. “I was starting to think she’d figured out how open the airlock.” He exaggerated. “I searched the entire boat!”

“Well, you didn’t look in my bunk!”

“How the hell is she supposed to get down into any of the crew quarters, Jayne?!”

“She can if ‘en I take her there!”

“Exactly! Maybe you should ask next time before you engage in kidnapping!”

“Hey now, that’s downright uncalled for. Why don’t you put that baby down and I’ll show her how a man deals with little runts what talk to him all disrespectful!”

“Please,” Wash responded giving Jayne a doubtful look. “You wouldn’t dare commit such violence in her presence. Zoë’d kick your ass.”

“Oh yeah?!”


By this time both man were standing toe to toe, Briana between them, and shouting at the top of their lungs. A noise suddenly disrupted their tirade, as Briana filled her diaper to even greater capacity… loudly.

“Whoa!” Wash said turning his head to the side.

“Wo de ma!” Jayne stepped back and Wash held his daughter away from him slightly, as the smell permeated the air and their eyes began to water. Briana started to cry vehemently.

Immediately both men focused on the baby, forgetting about their argument completely in her obvious distress. Wash set her down and reached for the bag, but Jayne beat him to it, handing him the diaper he was still holding in his large, callused hand. Several minutes later, Zoë and Mal stepped onto the bridge to find Wash, Jayne and Briana on the floor, laughing and waving plastic dinosaurs about.

“What’s goin’ on? Thought I heard yellin?” Mal asked looking from his mercenary to his pilot and then the little wiggler on the floor between them.

“Nothing, everything’s shiny here, Cap’n, just taking a play break.” Wash said.

“Yep,” said Jayne, “She’s almost ready to go down, just need to wear her out a bit more.”

“Well isn’t that all sweet and domesticated?” Mal said, and Zoë smirked behind him. Jayne jumped up and cleared his throat.

“So you get that cargo ya’ll went after? Guess I’d best go get it stored…” and with that he hurried out of the room. Mal followed after, laughing softly under his breath. Zoë stepped forward and settled down on the floor next to her husband, leaning against his legs and scooping up her daughter.

“So everything went okay while we were gone?” “Good. Great, no problems,” Wash said with a wave of his hand, which then came to rest gently on her back.

“So, you found the baby okay then?”

“Yeah… wha? You …” he started, then laughed nervously. “Heard about that did you?”

“Kaylee met me in the cargo bay, asked me if you’d had luck finding the baby yet.”

“Did she now? Well…” Wash thought briefly that a nice door malfunction on Kaylee’s bunk tomorrow morning would be fun, but he didn’t say anything else.

Zoë smiled and lifted her daughter with her as she stood; taking the co-pilot's chair so she could nurse her and rock her to sleep. “I think it’s time to be goin’ now, Husband.”

“Yes dear,” he said. He grinned at her, then climbed into his own chair and began initiating take off sequence.

He looked over and smiled at his family beside him. His small part of this big family they were apart of. Pretty soon, that little mite would be crawling, walking and falling all over the ship. It was a daunting thought, but it was a bridge they’d have to cover when they came to it. And as scary as life could be out here, they were surrounded by people they could trust, and Wash figured Briana couldn’t do much better then to have Jayne in her corner. As Kaylee had said, she had the big brute wrapped around her little finger.



Friday, August 12, 2005 3:25 PM


I dig this. Imagine if you will a 6'3" 230lbs dude laughing and saying to nobody in particular, "How cute is that?" and you'll have the image of what I was just doing. And now I wish I hadn't shared that... I'm really very scary. But it was just so cute... there I go again.

Good Job.

Saturday, August 13, 2005 6:42 AM


Very much chuckling over Wash *losing* the baby and then in one hell of a panic looking for her. Who would have thought Jayne would be second mama? Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me

Saturday, April 28, 2007 9:26 AM


Gotta love those BSR tag-line ads for the fics. I'm so glad I came across this one! Absolutely love seeing Jayne teaching baby Briana the way of things and Wash running around like a mad man. I seriously believe Wash is more afraid of Zoe than Jayne... I like the bit of teasing between Wash and Zoe at the end. Also, I'm very curious about Wash's muttering about "chemicals in Alliance processed foods" :)
good work!


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