After too many rum balls, a lot of moving boxes into my sister's new home, and a marathon of Joss Wheadon's shaky-fated Space Western, another bastard child of Argo was born...

"Serenity Shore Leave"

To the Tune of "Banned From Argo," Leslie Fish

Credit or blame goes to Allronix

Now Argo port, it has got a rep on planets near and far.

For having nasty outlaws, and the roughest spacer bars

Yes, Argo port, it is as tough as a frontier town can be

But Argo port - it met its match - with the ship Serenity!

CHORUS:

And they're Banned From Argo, that's a fact!

Banned from Argo, and they sure aren't welcome back!

The ship docked and the folks aboard stayed for a day or two

Now Argo isn't certain what to do!

Dr. Tam was hard at work. It was an accident, you see.

He mixed Blue Sun, deck cleaner, and cure-all #3.

Well, as medicine, it was useless, so he tossed it in the back.

But when mixed in brew, it turns into an aphrodisiac!

CHORUS

Now, crossing our first officer is something you don't do.

She's knocked out seven Space Marines and a demolition crew.

Her darling husband doesn't fight, but he's duct-taped almost all.

And dropped them, branded and hogtied, on the roof of city hall.

CHORUS

River is a quiet girl, and it has long been said

She hasn't been right upstairs since the Feds messed with her head.

She stole her bro's creation - Well, who knows what that girl thinks?

All we know is that she dosed the Lone Star's stash of drinks!

CHORUS

Serenity's young engineer, just for a little joke

Charmed away security codes from an unsuspecting bloke

So now every time a button in the engine room gets pressed

All terminals on Argo swear - in Cantonese, no less!

CHORUS

Our mercenary's good with guns - all else, he's pretty dumb.

Took off his shirt in Lone Star Pub and challenged all who'd come

Buried in a stack of girls, they finally pulled him free.

He's recovering from hickeys, and five kinds of VD.

CHORUS

Our Preacher is a mystery, and he likes it just that way.

He won't give an answer to his whereabouts all day

Well, he hates those deadly sins - and chief among them sloth

Gamblers report they've been cleaned out by a fellow of the cloth

CHORUS

Inara's an "ambassador," a Companion truly fine.

And she had a sample of the Lone Star's finest wine.

When she and Mal got back aboard...Oh, well, you likely know

They got it on, and hit the comm, and gave the town a show!

CHORUS

Our Captain is a simple man. His luck is quite complex.

He and the "ambassador" were busted having sex.

His skill abed now advertised through the entire spacer's hub,

But, the last thing he remembers were the drinks at Lone Star Pub!

CHORUS

A pack of Reavers landed, and nobody really cared.

They stormed into the nearest bar to announce that they were there

Well, the crew was busy there, and invited them to play.

The Reavers took one look at them, then turned and dashed away.

CHORUS

Well, the crew is smuggling's finest, and they stand by their success.

But when they want some R&R, they leave behind a mess.

Yes, indeed, that Firefly class, it truly is a gem

And we're sure that frontier ports won't be forgetting them!

CHORUS

END