When Mal stepped into the galley, he found most of the crew already in various stages of preparing for the evening meal. Zoe was cooking, by the smell of it, and he found her standing at the stove with River. Judging by the tight smile on his first-mates face, the younger girl wasn’t much help.

Kaylee sat in the small lounge, carefully stringing together pits of colored paper for what he assumed would be decoration for the small pine tree he’d allowed her to bring aboard at their last stop on Beaumond. Christmas was just days away, a fact she’d been reminding him of on a daily basis for the last month. Right from the get go, he’d told her no, yet somehow she ended up getting her way.

As always, his eyes were drawn to Inara, who even at her most relaxed radiated elegance. Her wild array of hair was pulled back from her face as she set the dishes out on the table. Straightening, she retuned to the cupboard to gather cups, easily breezing past Jayne who stood in the middle of the room.

Directly beneath a sprig of mistletoe.

And he suddenly understood why none of the girls were making eye contact with the mercenary.

Pulling out the chair at the head of the table, Mal sank into it with an amused grin directed at Jayne. “Thought you didn’t kiss women on the mouth?”

He looked startled at being found out, “Hell, they ain’t women.”

Abruptly, all four women stopped what they were doing to turn and stare at him.

“Not like, uh, normal woman folk,” he rushed to add.

Kaylee’s jaw fell open and Jayne skirted his gaze away from her.

“Awww, hell you know what I mean,” he grumbled, giving up on the mistletoe and plopping down into a chair. “They ain’t dangerous.”

Mal grinned wider, taking in the furious sparks dancing in Kaylee’s eyes, and figured Jayne might be wrong about that last part.

“You want to see danger, Jayne,” Zoe didn’t even look up from supper, “Just try it and that mistletoe will be the last thing you see.”

“And I,” Inara set the glasses down on the table, giving Jayne her sweetest smile, “Charge more than you’ve earned your entire lifetime.”

Kaylee rose from a seat with a huff, and crossed the room to add her decoration to the tree, “Apparently I aint a woman, so you couldn’t be wantin’ a kiss from the likes of me.”

Jayne frowned, his blue eyes resting on each of them before turning to Mal, “Ever think ‘bout hirin’ a few more crew? Female crew? Could use a good cook ‘round here, and maintainin‘ the--”

He was cut off by River.

Kissing him.

All six feet four inches, two hundred and fifty-five pounds of able-bodied mercenary went tipping backwards in his chair and landed on the floor with a loud crash.

Puzzled, River leaned down to look at him, her brow furrowed, “Did I do it wrong?”