The Very Secret Diary of Hoban Washburne

Day -1830 Juggled some geese.

Day -1650 Signed on to pilot a new ship. Captain all right. First mate doesn't like my dinosaurs. Rex will eat her in her sleep.

Day -1000 I am a candle in the wind. No, that sounds wrong.

Day -890 Captain has put cute new mechanic in hold. Should I be worried that Zoe keeps checking on her? Won't say anything.

Day -852 Married Zoe. Vows seem to have changed since cousin Jenner got married. Oh well. Some people juggle geese.

Day -150 Leaf on a tree? No, that makes no sense.

Day -43 Captain gave me a back rub. Called it "special bonus pay." Am confused, as we haven't made any money in months.

Day -20 I am a goose on the wind. No, back to leaves.

Day 1 Rex betrayed Steggy. That'll teach me to trust carnivores.

Day 3 Performed Crazy Ivan. Have finally convinced Zoe Crazy Ivan isn't sex position. Ivan doesn't seem so crazy now.

Day 10 Shepherd strangely knowledgeable about criminal underworld. Taught me some gang signs. Gang signs seem strangely involved and require removal of unusual amounts of clothing. Zoe will kill him if he tries anything.

Also, doctor drugged Jayne. Seems to know a lot about drugs. Wonder if he has any rohypnol. Would not like to see Jayne on rohypnol.

Day 27 Leaf in the water? Will ask Zoe what she thinks.

Day 39 Always left on ship during missions. Doctor, Shepherd, and fong luh sister good company. Doctor a bit overfond of spin-the-bottle. Also overfond of Shepherd. And fong luh sister always breaks bottle.

Day 50 Captain's wife tried to seduce me, then beat me up. How'd she know that's what turns me on? Unfortunately, she hit me too hard. Wonder if Zoe will kill her.

Day 52 Captain keeps telling me to "Take us out of the world." Do you suppose he's hinting something? Nah. Zoe would kill him if he tried anything.

Day 60 Visited Higgins' Moon. Want to visit crappy town where I'm a hero. Probably have been there already--Recall that I was very good at goose-juggling. Don't think they do statues there, though.

Day 67 Shepherd apparently spreading his blessings. Teaching us monastic humor. Don't think Zoe will find it funny.

Day 73 Captured by Niska's men. Bravely resisted torture along with Captain. Captain looks great without his shirt. Note: Endless worrying better abs exercise than crunches.

Day 80 Leaf in space? Hasn't got the right ring to it.

Day 163 Shepherd is dead. No more underworld knowledge or monastic humor. He didn't try anything, and Zoe didn't kill him.

Day 166 Feel strangely macho, flying ship covered in corpses.

Day 172 Leaf on the wind, that's it.

Day 173 Note to self: Leaves on wind can still be crumpled.

Also, being killed by reavers hurts. At least I was inside the ship at the time.