The Very Secret Diary of Kaywinnit Lee Frye

Day -912 Slept with pothead mechanic. Prefer Serenity. Hired by Captain.

Day -910 Captain duct-taped my mouth and put me in the hold. Rewired all the bulkheads.

Day -890 Zoe checked on me. Just when I'd discovered the real use for compression coils. Taught Zoe the real use anyway.

Day -880 Captain took me out of the hold. Still bouncy and cheerful. Won't sleep with him. Ever.

Day -500 Zoe and Wash fought. Can't find compression coil.

Day -350 New crewmember hired for “public relations.” Captain's not fooling anyone.

Day -232 Registered Companion rented the spare shuttle. Ooh, free hairdressing! Can finally have girl talk with someone who doesn't sleep in combat armor.

Day -200 Inara gave me battery-powered vibrator. Now I don't need the plug-in one. Will use it to fix engine. Still can't find compression coil.

Day -44 Captain gave Wash a backrub. Zoe will kill him if he tries anything.

Day 1 V.shiny. Doctor came on board. Jayne made dirty remark. Must be jealous. Of which one of us?

Day 2 Doctor transporting naked woman. Apparently his sister. Naked woman is pretty. Prefer doctor.

Shot by gun-crazed fed. Not what I meant by wanting something hard in me.

Day 10 Terrifying space monkeys loose in engine room. Stole compression coil. Guay, right when I needed it.

Day 17 Captain prefers doctor too.

Found compression coil in River's room. Will not ask how she knew.

Day 34 Was Captain's date for ball. Got shiny dress. Didn't get complimented. Wasn't going to sleep with him anyway. Explained about compression coils to lots of men. Will not think about that anymore.

Day 50 Captain put on a dress. Said was for a “mission” with Jayne. Wanted Zoe in the back. Will not ask.

Compression coil missing again. Will try cold showers instead.

Day 57 Got Simon drunk. Didn't sleep with him—put him in dress from ball instead.

Day 70 River likes me. Could be nice break from Inara.

Day 98 There were boy whores. Captain slept with a woman and she died. Am glad I never slept with him.

Day 120 Close on a year since I had anything between my nethers didn't run on batteries. Still prefer it to the plug-in one. Still can't find compression coil.

River in love with someone named Miranda. V. jealous too—beat up whole bar for her.

Day 164 Miranda whole planet. Estimation of River changing rapidly.

Day 165 Jayne spent all day on the com. Why is he looking at me funny?

Day 170 Reavers v. bad lovers. Simon not lover at all.

Miranda whole planet full of dead people. Definitely prefer Simon.

Day 173 Wash punctured by large lance. Under other circumstances, might be fun. Now, just squicky.

Day 174 Simon loves me. Will live after all. Gave Zoe compression coil since Wash dead.