Mal was tired of this. There was too much tension, too much to get in the way. He needed to do something right now. He looked at Inara. Her eyes betrayed the same agony. She nodded. It was time. “WOULD YOU TWO STOP!!!!!” he yelled at the top of his lungs. River and the boy stopped their fight quickly, and sat down like nothing had happened. Mal sighed. “Listen, I don’t mind that you guys can now fight with no restraints and all,” he explained, “But you really hafta do it when we are one of two places. 1) Not in Serenity, and 2) when we are not close to sharp objects!” River flinched, and the boy looked down. “We knew where they were going...” the boy complained, but Mal still didn’t have that frothy beverage anymore. “I don’t care. You didn’t know were I was goin-” “I did...” she pointed out. He grew red, slightly blue, pale, and then coughed. Simon walked into the room and cocked eyebrow. “That was, one of the most amazing expressions I have ever seen,” he marveled as Mal started to look like he hadn’t had his fiber that morning. “We’ll behave,” River mumbled. She and the boy exchanged looks. Simon walked up behind the two and raised their hands, showing two pairs of crossed fingers. Mal just walked out of the kitchen. “That went well...” the boy chirped in a positive tone. River nodded, Simon dropped his head, and Inara’s eyes followed Mal out of the room.

***

The boy sighed. He liked having the crew know him. He thought it may be annoying at first, but so far the only nuisance was... “I am serious. If you EVER do anything with her...” Simon Droned on as the boy put on his most innocent face, ”I will make sure you never see daylight in a positive manner again.” Ooh, that was a new one. Must... Remember. Then Simon handed him a bottle. “Erm, Doc? What does APM stand for?” he asked. Simon looked at him. “You really are dumb aren’t you. Think what I am talking about here, and what this might be used for..." “Doc, I don’t need any steroids if that’s what you are suggesting...” Simon paled. After shaking his head rather violently, he explained. “It is just generic anti pregnancy medication. This is only to be used if you young people cannot contain yourself. And let me put it this way...” his eyes took on a dark hue, “I have already spiked your drink with a drug that will make you so enormously exhausted after sexual activity that both you and River will collapse in the very spot, still awake, but unable to move for at least half an hour. You will not be able to hide that long. I will find you, and hurt you.” Simon was now rather violently glaring at the boy, who was now very scared for once in his life. He had felt it after his personal time in his bunk, and knew the doctor’s threat was very true. Damn, he was good. A little too good. How’d he get the stuff in his drink? He had had some kind of hints on how to do this. “There was another on this boat,” the boy mumbled suddenly, pieces fitting together. “Another one... One of the errors!” His eyes were wide, and Simon hadn’t a clue what he was talking about. The boy backed away. “You guys dodged a bullet...” he marveled, and then walked to his bunk. Simon was left with a wide eyes and thinking about the first time he had been on Serenity... Still nothing. *** When the boy got to his bunk, he found River lying on his bed. She looked rather tired. In fact, she looked like she couldn’t move. “River?” the boy questioned, wondering why she was lying in his newly designated sleeping area. She mumbled, and he couldn’t understand her. He approached, but she just mumbled more. The boy reached out to help her, but when he drew the covers off, he found her underwear pulled down, and a very large wet spot on his bed. She seemed to groan, but he couldn’t tell. He quickly covered her back up as realization dawned on him. This could be lethal. Simon had no clue what he had done. If the ship was attacked and River or him had just finished... Well, there could be problems. He looked back down longingly at his now occupied pillow, where River looked back at him. God he was tired. It was only yesterday that the crew had discovered him and he was forced to tell his story over ‘cause Mal kept messing it up. Zoë was still in a state of shock, Simon was being overprotective, River was excited that she may be able to have someone to talk to, Jayne was thinking he had no chance in hell anymore, Kaylee blushed every time she saw him, Inara was flirting with him for some odd reason and Mal... Mal was a completely different story. He was accepting , and he was afraid at the same time. He saw what had happened to Kaylee beacuase of the agent and almost cried (No one knew that but Mal and the walls... or so he thought). Also, he wasn’t savvy with him and River fighting all the time. Not because he thought it caused tension on the ship. More because (or so River tells) Mal had reports of Jayne and Zoë both getting slightly turned on by the rush of activity. Mal was afraid, but understanding. Zoë still accepting the whole Wash’s relitive thing though. She didn’t know about Wash either. How... how. “Oowwuuhh!” A mumble broke his thoughts. Apparently he had been standing by River the whole time, just... zoning out. “What was that?” he said, turning his ear towards her. “Iouuhwatch,” River mumbled once again. This time the boy was really stumped. River narrowed her eyes, took a shaky breath, and tried again. “I-huvva-itch!” I have an itch, “Oo-oh!,” the boy breathed. “Where?” She looked at him, then looked down at the bed. The boy paled. That was just waaaay too weir- “UUUH!” River’s eyes were going white now, and he knew how horrible it was to have a really bad itch and be able to do nothing about it. Closing his eyes, he walked closer to River. He was going to kill Simon... *** Oh thank GOD! That had been driving River NUTS! A little awkward, but at least now she could think. Now, first order of business; why was she paralyzed? Second, why was the boy seemingly close to tears, and third... well, she hadn’t thought that far yet. “I fink I falk ow...” River mumbled, feeling coming back to her face, but her body was still exhausted. But she didn’t really want to sleep. The boy looked over. “That’s a good thing,” he said, still looking like something had crashed his day. River’s first thought went to him itching her, but that would just make him feel embarrassed, not sad. “Simon?” she questioned drowsily. She knew her brother might be overprotective now that there was a boy almost her age that had probably seen her naked. He nodded, but she sensed it was going to be more than just a “I don’t want you to...” restriction. He looked over. “We probably won’t be doing any specific kind of sexual stimulation's for the next couple months,” he sighed. It took River about a second to figure out what happened. “SIMON DID THIS!?” speech suddenly capable for her. Not that she was planning on getting laid anytime soon, but now she couldn’t even... “Brothers...” she hissed. The boy looked at her. “Sorry,” she apologized. But this totally ruined the plans. “We were supposed to a new supply of vegetables in soon too...” The boy looked at her with big eyes. River realized she said her very private thought out loud. “Didn’t... Need... to know that.” River smiled and shrugged, now very embarrassed. The boy smirked, and bent over to pick up a lone skirt lying in his room. “Why were you doing... er, in MY bed?” he asked, looking at her with a look between amusement and terror. River tried to remember. “Can’t remember...” she finally said. This was bad. Not only did they get tired, but apparently it kills the memory too. “I can’t even remember if it was a good one or not.” the boy fell off the bed. River just blushed. Really, REALLY had to stop doing that. “I am judging by the wet spot on the bed,” he explained, propping himself back up, “That it was ok.” River nodded, and then started wiggling her toes. “Feeling! I can feel them start to move, move, mov- OWOWOWOW!!!” River started flailing around in the bed, screaming crazily. The boy, for the second time in a minute, fell off the bed, but this time due to laughter. Then Mal popped his head in, making sure everything was all right. He saw the boy laughing, River flailing about on the bed, and then the sheet fell off. He left. Gorramit, new crew rule; knock before putting head in River’s room.