One FIne Night.
Sunday, December 4, 2005

River has a little chat with Jayne. At night. Oh, my...My first attempt at FF.


Jayne sat on his bunk, polishing Vera with a look of adoration rivaled only by Simon’s for Kaylee. It had been a long day of pillagin’, plunderin’, gettin’ sexed up, and gettin’ paid. Oh, and shootin’, with some killin’. But it was some bad guy terrorizin’ the town and he deserved it. Yeah, just the usual. “A girl. Cute, too, ‘cept I don’t think she’s all there, y’know?” River said from the doorway in a voice creepily identical to his. “What the—?” Jayne turned sharply, Vera pointed up towards River’s small chest. More and more lately, the crazy had been fillin’ his head with memories of her standin’ in the middle of the Reaver-corpse-filled room. “ ‘Course, not all ‘a her has ta be.” River padded silently into the room, while Jayne came as close to blushing as was possible for the merc. “Ya heard that?” As River nodded, a sly secretive smile slid onto her face and Jayne grinned leeringly. “So, y’ain’t mad an’ gonna kill me in my sleep?” “Nope.” She walked in closer, closing the door behind her, and looked into his eyes deeply. Jayne swallowed and Vera slid out of his sweaty hands. What the ruttin’ hell had gotten into him? He was the one who went afta girls and made them nervous, not ta other way around. “He wants her,” She breathed, taking a huge paw in her delicate one. “He has ever since she killed them all.” She sank onto the bed, taking her hand out of his grip and tilting her head to the side, staring at his passel of guns with great concentration. “Oh, Shepherd, rest in peace, but I’m goin’ to the Special Hell,” Jayne breathed in his gruff voice. “Nope.” River put a hand on his chest, staying his movement towards her. “T’ain’t right. Need time.” She gazed up at him and, in that moment, he saw both the crazy girl just woken up from her cryo box and the woman she’d become. The still-crazy-but-at-the-same-time-kinda-sexy Reaver slayer. “But, you jus’ said….” For that second, Jayne looked like little-boy-lost and River almost laughed out loud. Big, tall, scary mercenary that he was, Jayne Cobb was still just a little boy. But, then again, Jayne was a girl’s name, wasn’t it? “Wait. Dong ma?” He pouted and looked very disappointed, but nodded just the same. River leaned in a kissed him lightly on his pouted lips. “Bye.” And, with that, she jumped up and ran out of the room, giggling. Jayne’s eyes widened then a sly grin of his own came to.

Oh, Jayne Cobb was in for a good time, alright.


Sunday, December 4, 2005 2:24 PM


LOL, River confusing Jayne is great :P

Sunday, December 4, 2005 2:29 PM


Thanks. :-D

Sunday, December 4, 2005 4:06 PM


I'll try, but not sure where to go with this....

Thanks. :-D

Sunday, December 4, 2005 4:31 PM


Well that was refreshing!

Wow, birth of the Jayne-River relationship. Nice. I could see that so clearly.

Very script-like, not too much inner dialogue, so the movement keeps moving forward. You reveal more than you explain, which lets the reader see as much or as little as he/she wants to read into it.

You may consider this: Let Jayne ask two questions, but River answers one. Also, she says nope twice. She's very articulate, so she might say nope and then say something else to mean no.

Loved it, hope to get the next chapter before christmas.

In the mean time, I will be in my bunk.

Monday, December 5, 2005 6:55 AM


hee!!! so fun...


Saturday, December 10, 2005 8:00 AM


Hee hee! That was a fun story! Loved the way River messed with Jayne's mind. The character voices are spot on and it flowed perfectly.

Keep writing!

Monday, December 26, 2005 11:55 AM


that was really your first?
well done!
do more.


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