“Mornin’ Wash,” Mal said, a little too cheerfully. “You ain’t plannin’ on flyin’ us into no asteroid belts or moons or nothin’ today, are ya?”

Wash glared at him. “That stopped being funny weeks ago. I’m not going to kill myself, I’m not going to kill everybody. I might snap and kill you, though,” he added. Wash knew that if Simon didn’t think he was stable, he’d still be in the infirmary, and if Mal really thought he was a danger to the crew or himself, he wouldn’t be at the helm. “Why are you so cheerful, anyway?”

Mal grinned. “I ain’t cheerful.”

Wash raised an eyebrow; it was a gesture he’d picked up from Zoe that more or less meant, ‘you’re lying,’ or ‘you’re an idiot.’ “Mal, if you smile any wider, the top of your head is gonna just fall off.”

“Maybe I am a little,” Mal conceded. “No reason not to be; my boat’s in the sky, my crew’s happy, got food in my belly… ‘Nara’s retirin’-”

“Aha!” Wash said, jabbing Mal in the chest with his index finger. “I knew something was going on!”

“Nothin’s goin’ on,” Mal said. “Just a statement of fact. ‘Nara’s retirin’ from the guild is all. Got some harebrained notion to feed the hungry or clothe the nekkid or somesuch with her pension money.”

Wash nodded, only half-listening. He could feel Mal staring at him with that gorram foolish grin. Wash pretended to ignore him for a while, until it became clear he wasn’t going anywhere. “Would you stop that?” Wash shuddered. “Mal, you’re creeping me out with this… giddyness.”

“Mal Reynolds don’t do giddy,” Mal beamed. “Wash, I don’t think you’re hearin’ me. Said ‘Nara’s retirin.’”

“I got it, Mal. I’m happy for you. Really. But forgive me for not leaping out of my seat in unrestrained glee, okay? It’s not exactly easy for me to watch the whole crew pair off into neat little happy couples when my wife is dead,” Wash snapped. “For Christ’s sake, Mal, did you really think I needed to hear this today?”

Mal’s smile faded while his mind searched for the significance of the date. “Today? Wash… I-”

“If anyone besides me an’ Zo was gonna remember what today is, I’d think it’d be you,” Wash said quietly. “It woulda been our anniversary.”

Mal chuckled softly. “You blacked my eye.”

“Well, I ended up with a loose tooth and a bloody nose,” Wash said fondly. “I have rags up my nose in all the wedding photos. And besides, you deserved it; you were drunk and hysterical.”

“I weren’t the only one,” Mal pointed out. “An’ anyway, you’re supposed to slap someone who’s hysterical, not sock ‘em in the eye.”

“I tried that first,” Wash laughed. “That’s why you punched me. I only hit you back so Zoe wouldn’t think I was a wimp.”

“An’ then she knocked our heads together-” Mal snickered.

“-and that’s how my tooth got knocked loose. I’m lucky I didn’t lose that tooth, I wouldn’t be anywhere near as attractive with a gap in my brilliant smile.” Wash shook his head, chuckling.

“She was a hell of a woman,” Mal said wistfully.

“Sure was,” Wash agreed. “Hard to believe she’s been gone almost five months,” he sighed. “Seems like a heartbeat sometimes. Others…”

“A lifetime,” Mal finished for him. “For all our differences, Wash, you an’ me got one thing in common. That gorram feng le woman loved us both somethin’ fierce.”

Wash nodded. “She must have been crazy.”

~*~

“Kaylee,” Inara warned, “it’s not final. My application hasn’t been accepted yet. We shouldn’t say anything until-”

“Hey, ‘Nara,” Wash smiled as he walked into the kitchen. “Kaylee.” He poured himself a glass of water. “Feel free to continue discussing your retirement,” he winked. “I won’t tell a soul.”

Inara closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose as though she had a headache. “Mal.”

“Aw, he’s excited, ‘Nara,” Kaylee squealed. “It’s so romantic, you givin’ up your career for true love-”

“This isn’t about him,” Inara insisted. “This is about what’s right. It’s about my conscience.”

“Never worried ‘bout yer conscience when you was sexin’ up all them fancy rich guys,” Jayne commented as he entered the room. “Don’t seem like to start botherin’ ya now.”

“Argh,” Inara growled.

“I’ve never heard that particular syllable so well enunciated,” Simon teased as he came in on Jayne’s heels. He went immediately to Kaylee, placing a hand on the small of her back and kissing her cheek.

“’Nough o’ that mush,” Jayne complained. He was more jealous than disgusted, though. River wouldn’t let him kiss her like that in front of no one.

“Infuriating,” Inara sighed, throwing her hands up. “There’s no such thing as a private conversation on this xiao-le ship!” They heard her scream in frustration as she passed Mal in the corridor.

“Did I miss something’?” He asked the others. “I’m pretty sure that weren’t her happy face. That was more of a ‘come any closer and I’ll beat you to death with the wet end o’ your arm after I tear it off ya’ face.”

Everyone shrugged. “No privacy,” River sighed. No one had heard her come into the room. “Too much privacy. No secrets, too many secrets.” She turned to Mal. “She’s in her shuttle. You should go see her. But don’t apologize. It isn’t nice to lie, and you’re not sorry she’s quitting.”

Mal sighed. “I haven’t got a clue what in the ruttin’ hell you’re talkin’ about, little witch, but I reckon you’re probably right, as usual. ‘Scuse me, folks.” He followed in the direction Inara had headed.

“Too many secrets, huh?” Jayne said meaningfully. “Reckon you’re damn right about that much. There’s things on this boat need sayin‘, an’ that’s for shit sure.” He stormed off, and Wash heard him smash a fist into the bulkhead in the corridor, followed by a string of colorful Mandarin phrases. Wash put his empty glass into the sink, shot River a disapproving glance, and followed after the angry merc.

Jayne was still standing in the hallway, sucking his bloodied knuckles. “You kiss little River with that mouth?” Wash demanded quietly, so Kaylee and Simon wouldn’t hear from the kitchen.

Jayne glared at him. “What, you’re psychic, now, too?”

“No, but I’m not blind, either,” Wash replied. “The others don’t see it because they’re too involved with their own love lives and crises. I’m just not… romantically impaired. Anymore.”

“Whatever,” Jayne grunted. “Just get outta my way, little man, or your face is gonna be my next target.”

“She’s gotta have a good reason not to tell, Jayne,” Wash said.

“Yeah,” the big man replied. “I reckon she’s ‘shamed of me.”

~*~

“Babies?” Inara asked, shocked. “My retirement request hasn’t even been approved and you’re talking to me about babies?”

Mal nodded. “Yeah. Little things, red and wrinkly? Smell really good even though all they do is sleep and shit? Only asked if you wanted any, didn’t say when or who the daddy’d be,” he smirked.

“Right,” she sighed, calming down. “I’m sorry, it’s just… I’m on edge right now. The guild might not approve my early retirement, and then… I don’t know what.” She paused. “I never gave it any thought.”

Mal blinked. “’Nara, you’re soundin’ a little River-ish this moment.”

“Babies,” she clarified. “I never thought about having any, because I never saw myself leaving the guild, let alone falling in love. I rather thought love was an out-moded concept, at least in civilized - on core planets.”

“People in the core get hitched, have families,” Mal pointed out.

“True,” Inara agreed, “but for them it’s about money, about prestige. Marriage is a business arrangement. Children are assets. Simon and River could attest to that.”

“Wash an’ Zoe never changed your head about that?”

“There’s an exception to every rule, Mal. You of all people should know that.” Inara smiled. “What about you? I never pictured you as the marrying type, although I could imagine you with kids. You’ll be an amazing daddy.”

“Will be?” Mal asked hopefully, closing the space between them.

“Not tomorrow,” she laughed softly, kissing his nose, “but someday, yes. I promise.”

“I hope they have their mama’s eyes.”

~*~

“Could just be a fluke, Simon, you said it yourself,” Kaylee insisted.

“There’s at least one way to be sure,” Simon said testily. “But I can’t draw blood without your consent.”

Kaylee frowned. “I ain’t consentin‘. ‘Least, not yet. Give it a week or two, Simon, please?”

“Kaylee-”

“Simon, I don’t wanna get my hopes up yet, okay?” Sighing, Kaylee placed her hand on her stomach. If there’s someone there, they’ll let us know soon enough. If there ain’t, well, we’ll know that soon enough, too.”

~*~

“Happy anniversary, xin gan,” Wash murmured, throwing the last article of Zoe’s clothing into the last crate of her belongings. “I love you.” He paused. Sighed. Picked the shirt back up and hung it in the closet with his gaudy Hawaiian shirts. “I’m just not ready to let go.”

The Mandarin: feng le - crazy xiao-le - too small xin gan - darling