There once was a doctor named Tam who got into a bit of a jam He helped his sister break free but then they had to flee And then found themselves on the lam * Mal Reynolds once fought in the war but now there ain't much to fight for He sails 'round with his crew and his passengers too And his true love, Inara, a Companion * There once was a man with no name at the crew sideways he came He was told "kill the girl to create better worlds" but the Reaver fleet thwarted his aim * Oh Wash was a pilot with pluck On a Firefly he tried his luck He pulled Crazy Ivans But there's no way of survivin' a Reaver lance--gorramit, that sucks * Yo-saf-bridge shacked up with three men She tired of all of them, then When she ran out of luck *Fox has censored this line* She tried it with Malcolm again * Simon was Kaylee's big flame but he never made good on his claim so we don't know whether what went 'twixt her nethers was better or worse or the same