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BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL
"In his efforts to impress the Captain and put coin in his pocket Jayne implements a cunning plan."
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 2109 RATING: 9 SERIES: FIREFLY
AUTHOR: Alison M. DOBELL
PAIRING: No specific pairing. A Jayne-fic.
ARCHIVE: Yes. Just let me know where.
SUMMARY: "In his efforts to impress the Captain and put
coin in his pocket Jayne implements a cunning plan."
The usual disclaimers apply. The characters and 'Firefly'
are the property and gift of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
No infringement of copyright is intended.
Written by Alison M. DOBELL
* * * * *
Mal was pacing, barely able to form words. "I can't believe this!"
Smug, Jayne looked pleased with himself. "Cunnin' plan, huh?"
Eyes widening even fuller, the Captain stared at him. "Jayne, you broke into a MUSEUM."
"They wouldn't be expectin' that."
"That's 'cause it was OPEN."
Jayne frowned at him. "Huh?"
The Captain started to turn away then spun back and hit him double fisted. More by surprise than force of impact, Jayne lost his footing and landed on his ass on the concrete floor. "What the *diyu* was that for?"
"*Shenme*? You weren't expectin' that?"
The mercenary got to his feet, all out of sorts now. "Don't know what you're so mad about. It was a good plan."
"It was a DUMB plan!" Yelled the Captain.
"Which is why," Said Zoe in a dry unamused voice. "We're in a prison cell."
Jayne looked at the Captain's back. "Mal?"
"Don't speak to me Jayne. In fact, try not to breathe either."
The big man turned to Zoe. "He mad at me?"
She stared at him. "You even have to ask?"
It was hours later. The Preacher came for them. No thrilling heroics or daring escape plan. Money. Every last credit they had stashed away and some they didn't. Jayne stomped out the building affronted. "Can't believe ya PAID 'em."
"We had to pay for the damage, Jayne. Which, I might add, was considerable." Book explained.
Mal and Zoe weren't speaking to Jayne. As they trudged back to Serenity the Shepherd paused to look back. Jayne hadn't simply blown the door of the museum ajar, he had blown it clean off its' hinges. The remains of the door were now hanging miraculously from the spire of the town's only church. Clear across the other side of the gorram square. All the way back to the ship Jayne tried to work out why in the hell everyone was so mad at him.
They got curious looks as they went up the ramp. The Captain stomped passed Wash, Kaylee, Simon, River and Inara. Zoe answered their unspoken question. "It was a bust. Jayne blew the door off the museum."
Wash's eyes widened. "He did WHAT?" The pilot looked at Jayne. "What were you thinkin'? It was a museum."
"Huh, I know that."
"Jayne, I'm curious." Said Simon as they stepped into the cargo hold and Book closed the door. "Why did you do that?"
"So's we could get inside, that's why."
"But it was a museum. All you had to do was turn the handle. Museums *want* visitors Jayne. They want to show off their exhibits."
"Yeah," Quipped Wash. "Because we so needed another planet we couldn't visit."
"*Wei*, ain't my fault. Least I was thinkin'."
Everybody stopped, the ship silent. The Captain looked stunned then walked back to the mercenary, the others parting like the Red Sea. Was kinda biblical if the Preacher was any judge. Mal didn't stop until they were only inches apart. "Thinkin'? That what you call it?"
"Yeah, thinkin'. 'Cause we ain't had a job in, in... in a long time."
There was a very unfunny laugh in the Captain's voice. "Job? That what you call this lunacy? *Zhe wanquan shi yichang zainan*, Jayne!"
"Well you weren't comin' up with nothin'. Figured it was my turn."
"We ended up in PRISON, Jayne! We were supposed to be on vacation."
"Yeah, but Preacher got us out."
Mal pushed his face up close to Jayne's. The big man did not so much as flinch, still confused over why the Captain was taking it all so personally. "He shouldn't have HAD to get us out, Jayne, because we shouldn't have been in there *dong ma*? Not only that he shouldn't have had to use the last of our coin, not to mention a goodly amount of Inara's - which you WILL pay back - to buy us out."
"But Mal, even the doc planned a job an' ya didn't yell at him."
"'Cause he wasn't STUPID. Fact is that was one of the best jobs we pulled. This? This was the worst."
"That's a bit harsh. *Diyu* Mal you even took a job from a whore..."
He didn't get to finish that sentence. The Captain so crazy mad he almost pulled his gun and shot him then and there. Mal was seething now. Zoe could almost see the steam coming off him. "You will shut that idiot mouth of yours before I do it for you."
But when Jayne's mouth was on a roll not nothing could stop it. "You can't yell at me Mal, what about them dolls?"
The Captain blinked at him. Inara Serra held her breath, hoping Jayne was not stupid enough to go there. "*Shenme*?"
Thinking he was gaining some moral high ground spurred Jayne on. Not noticing the hole he was digging himself was getting deeper and deeper. The rest of the crew stayed put. Not every day they got a free show. "The dolls, Mal. Them little geisha dolls? With the wobbly heads?"
"What about 'em? They made MONEY Jayne. You cost us the last coin we had."
"But they were DOLLS, Mal! How's a man supposed to hold his head up with a job like that?"
"Well it's better than BLOWIN' IT OFF!" The Captain yelled back.
A heavy silence followed. No one daring to move or say anything to start them off. All it would need was a spark and Volcano Mal would blow.
It was hours later. They were all in the common room. Book had made a meal and they were all sitting round the big oak table eating. The mood was more than a little subdued. A bit like the last supper. The Shepherd hoped it wouldn't be theirs even if they were now so low on protein they might have to start eating their shoes. But only the leather ones. Kaylee looked round at the sea of glum faces then at the Captain. "What was in that museum anyway, Cap'n?"
The Captain sighed. Even though he was still angry he just didn't have the energy to get all worked up again. Seething though, he could still do quietly. "It was historical Kaylee, could say prehistoric."
Seeing her blank look Zoe explained. "Early man. Bones an' fragments of weapons an' crockery an' such. We're talkin' thousands of years ago on Earth-That-Was."
"Wow! They had weapons then?"
Zoe nodded. "Primative ones. Arrows, spears. That kind of thing."
"An' dinosaurs." Chipped in Wash happily, his face alight with enthusiasm.
"The popular opinion is that the people came after the dinosaurs, Wash."
The pilot looked at Simon and shook his head. "A common misconception. Early man an' the dinosaurs lived side by side. Well, lived might be stretching it a bit but they existed at the same time."
"Oh," Said Kaylee, all innocent like. "That explains it."
"Explains what?" Said Jayne, his mouth half full of protein.
River beamed at him. "Jayne was just visiting his relatives."
That was it. The release valve that blew all the tension out of the room. Laughing so hard he was almost fit to bust, the Captain finally was able to see the funny side of it though he hadn't quite forgiven Jayne yet. Man was so beyond stupid it didn't have a zip code yet at other times he could swear he could see a genuine spark of intelligence. A dizzying round of Neanderthal jokes followed made funnier by the fact that Jayne wasn't following half of them. Eventually the laughter and bon homie died down and folk began moving to go and get some much needed rest. Jayne hung back until it was just him and the Captain.
"We good, Mal?"
The Captain bit back a sigh. As dumb and stupid as Jayne often was there was a core in him that was kind of a comfort to Mal. He wanted so much to be able to depend on the big man, to trust him. The past notwithstanding he was thinking that day was coming closer and closer. Stunts like this though made him rethink his whole 'bringing Jayne into the family' strategy. Maybe Jayne wasn't the dumb one here. Mayhap it was him. "That was about the dumbest thing you done, you know that Jayne?"
Jayne hung his head. "Was just tryin' to help, Mal."
"Do me a favour Jayne."
The mercenary looked up, a flicker of hope shining in his eyes and it hit Mal so hard he almost stumbled. He didn't have to work so hard to bring Jayne on to his side, the big man was already there. This whole idiot charade was the man's way of trying to impress the Captain. That still didn't fix the door on the museum but in some odd Jayne-like way Mal figured it helped.
"What's that, Mal?"
"Next time you wanna make an exhibition of yourself? Leave the gorram explosives at home."
Jayne stared at the empty doorway long after the Captain had left. It didn't occur to the mercenary that Mal was being sarcastic until he finally got to his bunk and was climbing into bed. As the notion hit him he huffed. "Huh, least it weren't no pansy-assed wobbly headed dolls." His grumpy expression began to smooth out into a smile as he closed his eyes and remembered. "Did make a nice explosion though."
CHINESE GLOSSARY (Mandarin - Pinyin)
*diyu* = hell *shenme* = what *wei* = hey! *dong ma* = understand?
*zhe wangquan shi yichang zainan* = it was a complete disaster
Friday, January 13, 2006 2:07 AM
Friday, January 13, 2006 2:33 AM
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Monday, January 16, 2006 7:39 AM
Monday, April 24, 2006 3:24 AM
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