Dino Tales: The Battle Of Pilots Chair
Friday, January 13, 2006

While the Captain's away, the dinos will play....


A/N: Not my characters, although I did name all the dinos myself.

I think I should at least get extra points for using the "Release the secret weapon" line.


"Fellow saurians, I have grave news!" Steggy paced back and forth across the radar screen, addressing the group. "The humans have struck back against us. The greasy one thwarted our last offensive: somehow she gained knowledge of our imminent victory over the Engine Thruster Gauge Panel, and chose the very moment of our triumph to surge the power. Her duplicity resulted in the tragic loss of Lucy's foot." He nodded gravely to Lucy. "For this, Lucy shall be awarded a medal of bravery. Monroe?" Monroe stepped forward and, with a bit of difficulty, placed a large, tin-foil necklace over Lucy's neck. Standing back, he snapped her a smart salute before returning to Steggy's side. "We honor you for your service, Lucy."

"But fear not, my friends!," Steggy continued. "For I have developed a new plan! It shall be called Plan D, and it will gain us much ground in the confrontation! For this plan, we have recruited a new operative, directly from the training grounds at the Persephone General Store. Steve! Step forward and be identified!"

A small, yellow pterodactyl shuffled forward, giving Steggy and the assembled dinos a salute. "Private Steve reporting for duty, sir!"

"Excellent, Steve! You will serve us well! But we have further surprises for this day's battle!" Steve stepped back as Steggy motioned to Monroe again. "Monroe, bring forth....the Secret Weapon!" Lucy swung her head and cheered in anticipation.

Monroe stepped forward again, this time dragging a large roll of tape. "I present to you....Duck Tape! Freshly stolen from the burly but stupid one's storage locker!," Monroe waved his tiny arms in excitement.

"Amazing!" Lucy wasn't sure exactly what Duck Tape was, but she was all for it. "But, Steggy, I don't see any ducks."

"Ah, Lucy! You have been fooled by the crafty humans! 'Duck' is obviously a code-name they use to keep the Secret Weapon a.....secret." Steggy felt he needed to explain the plan, since Lucy obviously wasn't going to figure it out on her own. "Today is a glorious day for our kind! Using our new Secret Weapon, Steve will fly from our largish, blinking land over to the plushy, pilot's chair land. Once there, the Secret Weapon will serve as a bridge so our troops may conquer the area! This will serve us well for the final battle with the humans!"

"Indeed, Steggy! And the cute and funny god shall smile upon us! Shall we begin our assault, my friends?" Monroe raised his arms in question and was met with a resounding affirmative from the other lizards. "Steve! Go forth to defeat the lowly humans!" Steve came forward and accepted the Secret Weapon. Monroe unfurled the loose end of the tape and stuck it to the console. "Come, Lucy! Your tiny brain and enormous bulk shall be handy today!"

Lucy struggled over and stood atop the tape, proud to be making a contribution despite her injury. "Excellent! Already the plan is working perfectly!"

"Indeed it is, Lucy! Steve! Begin the attack!," Steggy ordered.

Steve once again saluted, and with a mighty heave, took off and cleared the space between the console and the pilots chair, landing on one of the arms. He turned to yell back across the chasm. "Approach! Our time of victory is near at hand!" Monroe, Steggy and Lucy cheered. With Monroe leading the way, they began to cross the tape bridge to their destiny. Yes, this plan was genius!

But the earth started to shake, and the tape bridge became unstable. Monroe and Lucy looked around in confusion, but Steggy rapidly sized up the situation. "We are lost, my friends! The Amazonian goddess approaches, and we shall surely perish if she catches us not paying attention to the course corrections!" Steggy raised his voice. "Steve! You must persevere in the face of these odds! Release the Secret Weapon!"

With a grim nod, Steve gathered the roll of tape on his back, unfurled his mighty wings, and flew....


Mal sat in the copilot's seat, his face a mask of "I can't believe I'm hearing this". From behind Wash's chair, Simon and Kaylee could be heard quietly snickering as they worked with tools and solvents. Zoe said nothing, but the gleam in her eyes told everyone that she found her husband unbearably cute. Finally, Mal spoke.

"OK, Wash. Lemme ask again, an' I want a real answer this time." He pointed a no-nonsense finger at his pilot. "How'd you tape yourself to the chair?"


Friday, January 13, 2006 3:52 PM


This was freaking hi-larious! And an excellent extension of Plan C! The addition of Steve has endless possibilities for adventures for the Saurians. Keep 'em coming!

Friday, January 13, 2006 4:27 PM


Oh, that was wonderful! I was smiling throughout, but that last line had me laughing out loud! FUN-NY!

Quibble time, should be "copilot's" seat & "no-nonsense" finger.

"I love my captain."

Friday, January 13, 2006 4:37 PM


Got the typos. Thanks. That's what I get when I turn off grammar and spell check in Word (have you seen the grammar checker try to digest a block of Mal/Jayne/Kaylee dialogue? Sheesh. About killed my computer).

Friday, January 13, 2006 5:51 PM


Epic...Michael Crichton eat your heart out!

Friday, January 13, 2006 6:00 PM


After having a really crappy week You Dinos have succeeded where many have failed! Thank-you you are all wonderful creatures and can we hear more of your adventures in the future?

Friday, January 13, 2006 8:19 PM



(I lied)

It was brilliant! That Steggy always seemed like he had a good head on his shoulders...I loved it!

Friday, January 13, 2006 8:23 PM


this just made me really really happy.
I laughed lots..thanks for the fun story, looking forward to the next one :)

Friday, January 13, 2006 8:26 PM


I'm thinking of doing a running gag with the Dino bunch, where we check in on them periodically in their ongoing war with the humans aboard Serenity.

Kind of like Wile. E. Coyote vs. the Roadrunner or "Spy Vs. Spy", except all the humans (with the exception of Wash) are completely unaware of the battles.

Friday, January 13, 2006 11:05 PM


Shiny fun! The image of Wash taped to his chair will accompany me to my dreams tonight, lol. I'm totally rooting for the the continuation of the dino gag :-)

Saturday, January 14, 2006 12:50 AM


Now I know what goes on when noone else is around...

I see a PIXAR flim here

Saturday, January 14, 2006 12:57 AM


My favourite bit was Wash getting himself taped to the gorram chair in the first place! Yup, I think Firefly has a spin-off series in the making. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me

Saturday, January 14, 2006 9:00 AM


This what I am here for :-) Brillant idea, nice execution. I love the little references to the real world environment ("paced back and forth across the radar screen")

Saturday, January 14, 2006 3:39 PM



Oh, that was brilliant! I love this, I really do.

There must be more dinofic! More, I tell you!!

(hee, the greasy one, the burly but stupid one!!)

Saturday, January 14, 2006 4:31 PM


Amazing. I loved it. Great job.

Monday, January 16, 2006 2:45 AM


More dinos, more dinos! I loved the last line and the 'Duck tape'!

Monday, January 16, 2006 2:46 AM


More dinos, more dinos! I loved the last line and the 'Duck tape'!

Monday, January 16, 2006 8:10 AM


and these guys are extinct? the cute and funny god must have been off work that day...


Wednesday, January 18, 2006 4:48 PM


It is hereby declared that in no uncertain terms, ManicGiraffe is tryiing to kill us by forcing us to laugh until our lungs sieze.

I hereby declare war! Or something.
Okay. Maybe not war. Uh... a skirmish?
A uuh.. thumb wrestling match?

Sunday, February 12, 2006 1:00 PM


Awesome, it was hilarious and helped us delv deeper into to Wah's mind. The thing I love about the accurate fanfics that aren't about Mal and Simon love or Jayne and River affairs are that these ones are things that actually can happen in the shoow and they help us gain a better understanding even of what they r like. Great Job!

Saturday, June 3, 2006 5:57 AM


Loved this. Most amazing. I shall now indulge myself in reading more such things of yers.

Sunday, July 2, 2006 6:00 AM


brilliant more more more!

Saturday, June 6, 2009 6:57 PM


Thank you. I needed that.


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