BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - HUMOR

MANICGIRAFFE

Dino Tales: Supply Lines
Monday, January 16, 2006

The dino army needs a resupply, and calls upon a specialist.


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2880    RATING: 9    SERIES: FIREFLY

A/N: I don't onw them, I just play.

A quick recap on the dino army: Steggy - Stegosaurus: strategic planner, blowhard Monroe - T-Rex: sergeant, hand to hand combat Lucy - Brontosaurus: cannon fodder, dumb as a post Steve - Pterodactyl: aerial operations Julia - Velociraptor: covert ops

And possibly a few more (field medic, combat engineer, chaplain, demolitions expert)? *******

Julia slunk down a little lower, keeping below the lip formed by the cross-brace meeting the hull. This was an important mission which could not fail, or the saurian cause could be set back for weeks.

Up ahead, she spied her target: the food stores the humans so cruelly hoarded in the small kitchen off the dining room. The dinosaur army had been starved for weeks, cut off from their resupply by the tall one's devious use of padlocks on the fridge. The humans could no longer be allowed their strategic advantage.

This was the third attempt at a raid to feed the ravenous troops. The first attempt - Plan E - had been aborted when the invading lizards had encountered the stuffy one and greasy one in various states of undress on the small couch, sending the cute and funny god running in terror and cursing the mission to failure. Plan F had met a similar fate when the glamorous one arrived to make tea just as the strike team made it to their objective, forcing the dinos to assume nonchalant, nothing-going-on-here poses. Julia had been plucked out of special ops training for this mission - Plan G - and was eager to prove that she could run with the big boys.

Moving forward quietly, Julia peeked up from the small cover afforded by the door frame. Excellent. The galley was empty, and the funny and cute god had coerced the Amazonian goddess into giving up the combination to the food locker. She didn't stop to reflect on how the god had accomplished this coup: she assumed it had something to do with sweaty mammalian sex, a concept that Julia found repulsive. Regardless of the sacrifices the god had made, Steggy had considered it a boon to the cause, and had immediately ordered a surgical strike on the cookie jar. Her orders were explicit: bring back chocolate chip cookies, or, failing that, oatmeal raisin. Protein crackers were not acceptable.

She quietly hoisted herself over the doorway, senses primed for danger, recalling Monroe's words of wisdom if she was discovered: "Just hold still! The puny humans are unable to see things tha do not move! This is why they must constantly flap their jaws and gesture wildly at one another!" Julia had nodded grimly, thanking Monroe for his advice. Truthfully, she was glad she didn't need to put his theory to the test: Monroe was a ferocious warrior, no doubt, but somewhat lacking in the brains department.

Julia scuttled across the floor, using the chairs and dining table as cover. Yes, this plan was genius! As she approached the counter, she repeated the combination the god had aquired for them: 1-2-3-4-5. Using her sharp claws as crampons, she quickly scaled the vertical face of the cabinets and was soon perched on the countertop, ready to strike a blow for saurian kind everywhere. 'Soon, my dino brethren!', Julia silently crowed, 'We will be fed and happy while our human oppressors starve in the streets!'

A flicker of movement caught her eye. Someone was coming in from the aft hallway! The plan could not be aborted at this crucial juncture, so Julia quickly took cover in the only available place: a large, black box set on the counter. Peering through the conveniently placed glass window, she looked back out into the room. The tall one and the burly but stupid one tromped in, yelling at each other in their gutteral language. She wasn't able to make out their nonsensical mammalian speech, but understood the gestures to mean that they were arguing. Petty humans! The dinos were assured victory if there was so much dissention in their ranks!

The burly but stupid one approached Julia's hiding spot and opened the door, tossing a small, plastic packet in with her. There were a few muted beeps, and Julia heard a brief whirring noise. Ha! Was that the best they had? Julia smirked, but it was short lived as she quickly found it getting rather warm....

**

"Oh my God!" Wash ran in to the kitchen from the cockpit, screaming all the way. "Jayne! You're nuking Julia!" He dashed to the microwave and retrieved his slightly melted toy from alongside Jayne's microwave popcorn. "Hang on, Julia! We'll get you to a medic!"

"Wash?" Mal was confused. "What the gorram hell was your toy doing in the microwave?"

"Uh, I think I forgot her when I was, uh, looking for something...." Wash blushed a bit before returning his attention to his stricken dino.

"Raidin' the cookie jar, little man?" Jayne grinned. He was no stranger to raidin' the cookies himself, and could see it a mile away.

"Uhhh....no? I gotta go!" Wash ran from the room.

"You know the cookie jar code, Jayne? Truthfully, I didn't figure you for the code breakin'." Mal seemed impressed.

"Aw, hell, Mal. Weren't nothin'. Your 'secret' code's been the combo to my luggage for years."

COMMENTS

Monday, January 16, 2006 7:12 PM

RIVERGODDESS


OMG. I love you. Seriously, this fic is brilliant. Is there going to be more? This must continue. I had my stegosaurus named Steggy (wow, quite the coincidence, there ;P) in my fic, too, but he got caught up as River's slave and was forced to balance on her nose.

Monday, January 16, 2006 7:46 PM

SAMEERTIA


Okay. I just laughed so hard it triggered an asthma attack. Please tell me there is more of this!

Monday, January 16, 2006 8:17 PM

JACQUI


Heee. The microwave!!

1-2-3-4-5??

That's the kind of code an idiot would have on his luggage! (If he wasn't combing the desert... don't worry, I'll stop now... funny, she doesn't look druish... ok, now, really).

I can't believe how much this one made me giggle.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006 12:40 AM

CAPTBRYAN


Excelent...reading this has brought me and piece of joy and happieness...

but it aint done nothin for my spellin...



Tuesday, January 17, 2006 12:45 AM

BURNANDBOIL


This made me laugh out loud in just the first paragraph! It's very well written, more! :D

Tuesday, January 17, 2006 1:37 AM

BOOKADDICT


More, more! The stuffy one, the greasy one et al must be defeated. And the microwave, will Julia ever be the same again?

Tuesday, January 17, 2006 6:25 AM

CLIOMUSE


Yes, she'll be fine. Oh, you were talking about *velociraptor* Julia, not *me* Julia. This is fantastic. I can see a bored Wash playing all this out in his head as an internal monologue about his shipmates.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006 6:32 AM

MANICGIRAFFE


I figure Wash has a lot of time to kill on the late watch, and he gets the munchies while he's there.

This was, of course, Wash sneaking into the kitchen for a snack, but to make it more exciting he brings his dinos with him and makes a game out of it.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006 7:32 AM

LORDGECKO


Dammit. You cheat. You can't use Spaceballs ch. 11 to make me laugh. . . . . Well, yes you can, but it's still cheating. Especially when you use the dinos to accomplish it. Keep writing, we'll keep reading.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006 9:51 AM

LVS2READ


As funny as always! Love your dino scenarios! Wash has so much fun with his friends. *g*

A couple of typos, though. Should be "ferocious" and "countertop".

Otherwise? Perfection!

"I love my captain."

Tuesday, January 17, 2006 9:54 AM

BELLONA


"Plan E had been aborted when the invading lizards had encountered the stuffy one and greasy one in various states of undress on the small couch, sending the cute and funny god running in terror and cursing the mission to failure."
oh. god. i bow at your feet. *bows*

b

Tuesday, January 17, 2006 12:06 PM

CAPNZOE


These are by far my favorite stories!!

You are the shiniest!!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006 6:19 PM

JOY


Even my boyfriend cried from laughing so hard! MAAAAADDD props for the Spaceballs references! You're brilliant! Keep 'em coming, though i fear what happens to dinos in engine rooms.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006 2:25 PM

SILEESPACEMONKEYS


AAHHH! THESE ARE HILARIOUS! The combination of nicknames for the crew, the dinosaurs, and spaceballs quotes is makingme die!!

Saturday, June 3, 2006 6:08 AM

AGENTRUSCO


a-ma-zing!


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