"Kaylee, I really can't say anything." Simon said. "I mean it. There's a thing called doctor-patient confidentiality, and I'd be breaking it if I told you."

Kaylee sighed. "Bad news, ain't it? It ain't fair, y'know. 'Nara an' the Cap'n wasted so much time not bein' together an' now they're gonna get cut short. Life just ain't fair."

Simon smiled. He loved how Kaylee managed to take everything so personally - it mattered just as much to her that Mal and Inara got their slice of happiness as it did that she and Simon got theirs. "It's been my experience that all things happen for a reason - and not everything is always as it seems." It was the best he could offer her, for now.

~*~

"What are these?"

Wash smiled at Kate. "Flowers. Y'know, pretty things, commonly sold in bouquets to suckers like me who've really screwed up?"

A smile spread across Kate's face. "Nobody's bought me flowers since... nobody's ever bought me flowers before, actually," she recalled. "What - what do I do? With them?"

"Putting them in water would be a place to start," Wash chuckled. "After that I would say putting them somewhere you can look at them would be a good second step."

"Where did you get them?"

Wash grinned. "I docked the ship, ran out to a vendor, bought them, and rushed back. I made the captain promise not to tell you we'd docked yet until I came back. So I was thinking then, after you put them someplace, you could follow that up by forgiving me, and possibly thanking me for the flowers."

Kate gave him a lopsided smile. "Don't push your luck. Flowers will only get you so far."

"But no one's ever given you flowers before, so it's up to me to figure out just how far that is."

~*~

"Ain't speakin' to ya," Mal said stubbornly. "You hurt me somethin' awful, an' I ain't ready to forgive ya."

Xue cocked her head. "Mrrow?" She asked.

"You made me bleed!" Mal insisted. "Look at my thumb. Ain't my fault you looked like a sock. I had soap in my eyes!"

Xue looked, and licked the tiny wound her claw had created when Mal had startled her a few moments ago.

"You think that's just gonna make it all better?" he grumbled. Xue started purring and climbed into his lap. "Well, when ya put it that way, I ain't inclined to argue."

Inara stood in the doorway, silent and unnoticed. "Kittens can be very persuasive, can't they?" she grinned.

"I ain't speakin' to you just now, neither, an' you ain't gonna get off so easy as lickin' my thumb."

"You just did," she pointed out. "Speak to me, that is. And since you're already speaking to me, we might as well talk."

"Nothin' to talk about," Mal said tersely.

"The hell there isn't," Inara replied. "You're angry. You have every right to be."

"Damn right I'm angry, 'Nara," Mal snapped. "My momma always told me some day I'd meet a lady who'd get me so turned around I'd never know which way was up. Losin' ya so fast was never part of the bargain."

Inara ached to tell him Simon's suspicions, but she still dreaded they'd find he was wrong. "I'm here now," she said softly. "Don't turn me away."

~*~

"Hi."

Kaylee looked up. "Hey, Simon." Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail and she had a smudge of grease that stretched from the middle of her forehead, down over her eye, to the middle of her right cheek. "What's up?"

Simon shrugged. "Bored, I suppose. Came to see what you were up to."

Kaylee held up the object she was piecing together. "Makin' crybabies," she explained. "Used all our reserves up gettin' away from the Operative when we picked 'Nara up," she added. "Had one left, and Mal figured it'd be best if we had some on-hand for the Vegas job."

Simon nodded. "Any idea what the plan is, besides cramming my feet into heels and stuffing a wig on my head?"

Kaylee giggled. "You mean we gotta have more of a plan than that? I figured we'd just pick a casino, walk in, and grab all the money while you, 'Nara, River an' Kate shake your booties up on stage, and get outta there."

Simon arched a brow. "As distracting as my backside is in spandex," he laughed, "I really don't think it will be that easy."

"Cap'n's plans rarely are," Kaylee admitted. "Don't know how he plans to pull off any kinda heist with Jayne still healin', though."

Simon snorted, and laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh," he said, trying to sound casual. "It's nothing, really."

Kaylee narrowed her eyes at her husband. "You ain't a very good liar," she told him. "Not to me, at least."

Simon flushed a little. "Jayne's contributing in a... different way."

It was Kaylee's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Whaddaya mean?"

"Well," Simon said, searching for a way to explain. "He's been figuring out ways we can hide weapons on our person... in our costumes."

~*~

"You're pretty forthcoming with the presents today," Kate noted, as Wash handed her something wrapped in grey flannel. She unwrapped it carefully. "Wash... what is this?"

Wash gave her a blank look. "You're kidding, right? It's a gun. I know you've seen guns before. I've seen you use guns before."

"I knew it was a gun, just... why, exactly, are you giving me a gun? And a teeny little baby gun, for that matter."

Hannah, who was doing a fair impersonation of a toddler napping on the couch nearby, siezed upon the magic word. "Baby, mama?"

"Not yet, sugar plum," Wash told her. "I keep telling your Mom, but -"

"We're workin' on it, sweetie," Kate said, giving Wash a meaningful look. "Baby brothers and sisters can't be rushed."

Wash grinned widely. "Are my girls ready to go shopping?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"Jayne said... well, he thought it would come in handy, on the Vegas job. Small equals easy to conceal, right?"

Jayne, hearing his name as he passed by, stuck his head into the common area. "You stick that 'tween your tits, ain't nobody gonna mess with ya, darlin'."

Wash rolled his eyes. "What he said."

"Tits?" Hannah said, perking up a little more. "Tits tits tits, ass ass tits."

"Here we go again," Kate sighed. "Jayne, I swear I'm going to cut out your tongue in your sleep one of these nights. I'll wait 'til you piss off River somehow so she ain't keen to stop me. Just you wait."

"Ass ass g'ram ass, ass ass tits!"

~*~

River tossed and turned. She hadn't slept at all that night, and Jayne had made her promise to nap, but she was plagued by nightmares.

"Simon, run," Kate said. "Now! Go!"

Simon shook his head. "Kaylee will skin me if I turn up without you. If I go, we both go."

"I have a gun," Kate pointed out. "You don't. Get the hell out of here, and get back to the ship. I need you to make sure my baby and your babies are okay."

Simon sighed. "Kate -"

"Do it!"

Simon ran, a ridiculous sight in his spangled corset and wig - thank god he'd ditched the heels. Kate saw a bullet strike his left thigh, but he kept running. She prayed he'd make it back safe.

Kate dashed from the crate they'd been using for cover and with one shot took out the man holding Wash. His eyes met hers with a grateful smile, but it faded to fear when a shot rang out and he realized she was hit.

"What the hell part of 'stay with the boat' didn't you get?" Kate said, her hand pressed against the bullet wound. The white satin brocade was blossoming red despite her attempts. There was one more shot, followed by silence.

"That's the last of 'em," Mal said, relieved. "I think the lady's question deserves an answer, but it can wait 'til we get back to the ship."

"This is the last time," Wash said angrily. "I've had enough of your si wang di yuan wang, and this is the last time I let one of my women get this close to death because of you."

"Wash, stop..." Kate whispered, and her eyes closed.

River sat up, gasping.

The Mandarin: si wang di yuan wang - death wish