Title: When You Say

Rating: NC-17

Synopsis: Simon sings River a song that brings more than just one woman to tears.

Timeframe: After ‘Objects in Space’. This story completely discounts the movie.

Disclaimer: This story is not meant to infringe on the copyright of any person or company related to the trademarked characters and situations depicted in the Serenity movie or Firefly series. I make no money from this. OnIy done for fun - and a desperate craving to have more stories told about this wonderful ‘verse Joss Whedon created.

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“Want to dance, Simon. Sing to me like you used to.” River’s eyes were large and full of expression as she held the small playback device out toward her brother.

Simon glanced up from the flat panel cortex screen he’d carried into the common room to study and was taken aback by the familiar, happy look in River’s eyes. River almost sounded like the normal, intelligent sister he had known. Unfortunately, it rarely lasted. But he tried to encourage it whenever he saw the remnants of his sister’s true personality. But today, he just wasn’t in the mood.

“I don’t sing, mei mei.”

“Yes, you do. I remember. Mamma made you learn.” She pushed the playback device into his face, reminding him of the insistent, bratty sister he had grown up with.

He tried again. “I haven’t sang in a long time.”

“But you will for me.” River’s face held a smug smile as she pressed the device into Simon’s hand. She turned her back on him and walked back to the center of the room, tilting her head and glancing at the ceiling. These last words were said beneath her breath and Simon didn’t hear them, “and for Kaylee.”

Simon sighed and flipped on the playback, wondering what songs she had chosen for him to sing to her. He listened for a few moments before River turned around and smiled at him, her eyes bright.

“Tracks one, four and five will do for now.” She posed herself into a familiar dance position and waited expectantly.

Simon rolled his eyes and glanced around the room. Fortunately, the crew was out on a job. And those who weren’t on the job, with the exception of Wash, were out shopping. No one would hear him.

“All right, mei mei. For you. Just this once.”

Simon started the music and took a breath. It had been a long time since he’d sang anything for his little sister. The words of the song were in a long dead language; Italian, and they spoke of love and lost dreams; sad words, for their astonishingly similar new life.

As the music began and he started to sing, he remembered all of those times that River would come to him, while he was studying, doing homework, talking with their parents, and beg him to sing for her while she danced. Simple music recordings weren’t enough. He knew she wanted to feel the closeness of her brother’s voice, comforting as it seemed to be for her, directing her every movement.

He lost himself in the memories of his former life, the words to the song coming to him as easily as breath, and he stared unblinking as his sister completed her own exquisitely choreographed dance. If Simon had wanted to admit it, the words to the song that River had chosen paralleled their lives, and the lives of those who had become inexplicably bound to them.

So lost were the siblings in their own wash of memories, they didn’t notice Kaylee, Inara and Book return from their shopping excursion. The three said nothing as they watched, astonished at the deep, rich sound of the doctor’s voice leading the movements of River’s dance.

When the song ended, the three simply stood there, transfixed, while River walked to her brother’s side and depressed the channel number on the playback device, indicating another previously chosen song.

Simon sighed and grinned at his sister. “Three songs, mei mei. That’s all.”

“Yes, Simon.” River tossed her hair over her shoulder and purposely didn’t look toward the passenger dorm hallway, where the newly arrived crew members had remained standing in silence.

Simon squinted as he remembered the words to this song as well; again, another language; Spanish this time. “Is there a reason you chose love songs for me to sing to you?”

“Not love songs.” River muttered, posting yet again in the center of the room.

Simon raised an amused eyebrow. “Yes, because ‘Si volvieras a mi’ does not mean –“

River glared at her brother and he chuckled.

“All right. All right.” He grinned in defeat as he pressed the control and the music began.

Again, as Simon sang the familiar song, he marveled that the words to the song paralleled his life – and River’s. He could never return. He could never go back. And he could never live without his little sister. His heart. His reason for giving up everything that he had spent his life working for. He failed to recognize the meaning the words had on another part of his life. His new life. The life that he had found here on Serenity.

While Inara, Kaylee and Book didn’t understand the words to the song, they could feel the resonating tone in Simon’s voice and knew that they came from his heart. Kaylee gripped Inara’s hand as tears welled in her eyes, more from the sadness in Simon’s voice and the look on River’s face as she danced, than her understanding of the words to the song itself.

This song lasted a little longer than the last and they stood in silence watching Simon and River, rooted into place and unable to move.

River smiled over at her brother and held up her fingers, indicating the track number for the last song.

Simon sighed and started the music. This time, the words were in English, and they were the saddest of them all. He frowned at River but she simply smiled and held another pose until he began to sing.

He didn’t notice the women standing in the hallway, reduced to tears by the sadness in his voice, the words to the song stealing their very breath. As they listened, memories, thoughts, and feelings bubbled to the surface and escaped in the form of large teardrops that slipped down smooth, pretty cheeks.

The lyrics spoke of love and shelter, of meeting, of loosing and finding again; the moving of heaven and earth to find the one you love. That destination was not the important part. It was the long, difficult journey it took to get there.

Simon and River had found shelter and love on Serenity. They had lost everything; their home, social position, money, sanity, but they had gained so much more. It didn’t matter where they went, as long as they went there together. Simon had moved heaven and earth to reach his beloved sister, uncaring as to the consequences.

When you say you love me, in that moment, I know why I’m alive.

Inara had found a home on Serenity, away from the complicated trials of her life. She relished the journey, sailing into the unknown. And she had found love, if she could only bring herself to acknowledge its existence.

Book had found a place among the crew, a shelter of sorts from the demons that haunted his past. It didn’t matter to him the destination. Life would take him where he was needed the most.

Kaylee had found everything she could have possibly dreamed on Serenity; love and friendship. She had lost so little compared to the rest of the crew, but she loved so deeply and so completely, that she took their hurt into her own self and tried to heal it, much like Simon did with physical injuries. Only Kaylee healed those not easily seen. Tears dripped down her cheeks and she sobbed as the song came to an end.

When you say you love me, do you know that I love you?

Inara, Book and Kaylee watched as River embraced her brother tightly, wrapping her arms around his neck, tears stinging her own eyes.

“I love you, Simon.”

“I love you mei mei,” they heard him say as he buried his face in her neck and closed his eyes. “So very much.”

A sob broke the sibling’s embrace and Simon’s eyes darted toward the hallway where Inara, Book and Kaylee stood.

River leaned out of her brother’s arms and flattened one hand on his cheek. Her eyes were all knowing, all seeing, as she looked straight into his heart. “Does she know?”

Simon gave her a confused look to which she simply shook her head and called him a boob.

She repeated the last line of the song, resisting the urge to smack him upside the head. For all his smarts, he could be so dumb. When you say you love me, do you know that I love you?

Simon shook his head, clearly not willing to discuss his complicated feelings with his sister. “This is not something –“

“Not complicated.” River scowled. “You make it complicated. It’s so easy.”

Simon sighed and closed his eyes. “Nothing in our life is easy anymore, River.”

“Love is.”

River turned to smile at Book, Inara and Kaylee drawing Simon’s eyes toward them as well. But Kaylee couldn’t meet his eyes and simply turned away from them and walked back up the hallway.

River scowled at her brother. “Made her cry. Go fix it.”

Simon shook his head, truly at a loss. “I’m not – I don’t know what –“

“Fix. It.” Her eyes bore into his.

He shook his head. “It’s not so easy.”

“It is.”

Simon was tired of this conversation. His bratty sister could be so infuriating. “Fine.” He walked determinedly toward Book and Inara. “Could you watch River for a few minutes?”

Inara delicately wiped the tears from beneath her eyes. “Of course.”

“Take all the time you need, son,” Book added with a kind smile. “We’ll be happy to watch River for you.”

“Thank you.” Simon took a deep breath and followed Kaylee, hoping that he would not mess up the words this time, like he had done so often in the past.

~*~

He found her in the engine room, tinkering with something on her worktable. He stood in the doorway for a long time, thinking that perhaps she was fine. She certainly looked like she was working with a specific purpose.

But he winced when she tossed the small part she held in her hand against the back of the table and buried her head in her hands. Simon took a deep, calming breath and walked quickly over to her. He took her hands in his and looked them over, thinking to find that she’d pinched the skin or injured herself in some way. It was his comfort zone, checking for injuries, and he hoped she would understand.

Kaylee stared at him wordlessly as he looked over her hands, gently prodded and rubbed her fingers before enfolding them in his own.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said, staring at their entwined hands.

“You didn’t do nothing.”

“I did. I’m not sure what. But I did. And I’m sorry.” Simon shifted his gaze to hers and was all of a sudden drawn into the tear-filled eyes so normally bright with energetic excitement.

“It was so sad,” Kaylee admitted with a sniffle.

Simon didn’t have to be smart to understand what she meant. “The song.” It wasn’t a question.

“Ain’t never heard nothing like that before. An you got such a pretty voice, and you sounded so sad and River looked so pretty and she was crying and she was sad too.” Kaylee knew she was babbling but she couldn’t help it. She wore her heart on her sleeve. She hurt when someone she loved hurt.

“I haven’t seen River so – normal since before she went to the Academy,” Simon admitted, unable to meet her eyes.

“You should sing for her more often then.”

Simon’s eyes slid slowly up to Kaylee’s and the raw emotion and pain he saw there made his heart ache. “Not if it makes you cry.”

Kaylee shook her head, downplaying his concern. “Aw, don’t matter. I’m such a softy. Always too emotional.”

Simon smiled gently and raised his hand to catch a stray tear that slid down her cheek. He brushed it away with his thumb, but the hand lingered, as did his gaze, on her sad face and her dulled eyes.

“That’s what I love about you.” The words slipped out of his mouth before he had a chance to stop them, to think about the implication.

“You – what?” Kaylee blinked in disbelief.

Don’t think. Just do. Just say. You think too much. “I –“ Simon leaned forward and touched his forehead to hers. “I – care about – I – think I love you.”

Kaylee swallowed nervously and closed her eyes, feeling his breath warm against her cheek.

“I – I don’t know how, or why, or – I can’t explain it, Kaylee.”

When she opened her eyes, he was gazing at her with profound confusion and his beautiful blue, blue eyes held more expression than she had ever seen.

“I didn’t expect this to happen. I – I don’t know what to do. I’m always hurting you – saying the wrong thing. I don’t want to hurt you – ever. But I don’t know how – You’re so beautiful and bright and I have no right to –“

Kaylee leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, silencing him. The kiss was tentative, just a brief brushing of their lips, but the tremors that rushed through his body and into hers were enough to shake them to the very core.

They’d both waited so long for this moment and now that it had finally come, Kaylee’s boldness beyond initiating the kiss fled her body in a rush of overwhelming emotion.

When his arms came around her and crushed her against his chest, Kaylee sobbed against his mouth and scrunched her eyes closed, hoping, praying this wasn’t a dream.

She parted her lips for his probing tongue, sighed into his mouth when he deepened the kiss, and melted against him when her knees buckled from the pure pleasure of it all. His hands slid from her shoulders into her hair pulling her deeper and it was all she could do to clutch his shirt and hold on, least she collapse into a whimpering puddle at his feet.

When they parted, their faces were flushed and their eyes glowed with unmistakable passion. But then, Simon seemed to come to his senses, and he shook his head. “I’m sorry – I didn’t mean –“

Hurt registered in her eyes and when she tried to pull away, Simon’s arms locked around her. “No, that’s not what I meant.”

Kaylee blinked, not sure how to feel.

Simon sighed and shook his head silently cursing his inability to talk to this lovely girl. “I’m doing this all wrong.”

“That kiss felt pretty right.” Kaylee said with a tentative smile as her arms slinked around his waist.

A smile spread across Simon’s face. “It did, didn’t it?” His hand began to rub circles at the small of her back.

“Hope it wasn’t just a one time thing.” Kaylee’s eyes sparkled mischievously and Simon laughed aloud this time, the tension and nervousness sliding out of his body.

He bent and pressed his lips to the corner of her mouth. “Not unless you want it to be.”

Kaylee trembled as his lips traveled down her neck and gently tugged at the sensitive skin. She tightened her arms around and pushed her hands into his dark hair. “Never lettin’ go now.”

He placed fluttery kisses up to her ear and whispered, “never let me go.”

When their lips met this time, the kiss was filled with passion and longing, long pent up desire ready to be released. She was instantly breathless as a flood of emotion spilled out of him. He sucked her bottom lip into his mouth, nibbling gently, causing her knees to buckle.

He was surprised when she stepped out of his arms and took his hand, her eyes burning as they gazed at him. He let her lead him out of the engine room and to her bunk, knowing what lay ahead and not wanting to stop even a moment.

Simon climbed down after her chuckling lightly as she slammed shut the hatch above his head as soon as he’d cleared it.

He’d never been in her room before today and he smiled as he looked around it now. It was so – Kaylee; so bright, vibrant, full of life. But then he was swept away into her arms as she drew him toward her bed thinking of nothing else but losing himself in her body and her love.

He was hesitant as he looked down at her, face flushed, eyes wide and excited. He didn’t want to take advantage of her. He didn’t want to use her. And he most of all wanted this act to be special. For the first time, he wanted it to mean something more than a sating of physical desire. It would mean more to him. Would it to her?

Talented fingers made swift work of his shirt buttons, having them parted from their holes before he had thought to look down. His hands rested on her neck, fingers lightly caressing the soft skin, brushing aside the flower-patterned top to gently brush across her collarbone. His mouth watered as he gazed at the soft skin beneath his fingertips. He wanted to taste her. Just touching her was not enough. Not now. It probably never would be.

The cold air hit his warm skin as she pried the shirt off his shoulders. At that moment, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to the place where her neck curved just below her ear and felt a rush of desire when she gasped and reflexively clutched his shoulders. He let his arms drop and his shirt slid to the floor.

He pressed soft, fluttering kisses along her neck and could feel her whimper softly when his hands gently rested at her hips, fingers slipping between the bottom of her shirt and the top edge of the coveralls tied around her waist. He slowly untied the arms of the coveralls and slid his hands around her back, lower, beneath the worn material, beneath her underwear, to gently squeeze the gentle curve of her backside.

Kaylee arched her head as his lips trailed a line of moist heat to the hollow of her neck. She moaned breathlessly as he pulled her against him and the sound reverberated through his mouth and straight into his groin. She felt him swell through the fabric of his pants and hers and the thought excited her beyond all reason.

When his hands slid up her back, bringing her top with them, she leaned away and let him lift it over her head. She didn’t care where it landed. It simply disappeared and then his mouth was on hers, drawing the very breath from her lungs. She wound her arms around his neck as his fingers slowly, teasingly danced along her arms to her sides. Her breasts were crushed between them and she relished the warmth of his bare chest as it seeped into her skin.

She shifted her hips impatiently, wanting desperately for him to remove this barrier. But he didn’t. He simply slid his hands over the coveralls this time, one hand squeezing her backside, the other dipping to stroke her through the material. She could feel herself getting wetter with each pass of his fingers, slicking her every layer with her arousal. She arched her hips against the motion, moaning against his mouth.

With each stroke of his fingers, Kaylee bit at his bottom lip, frustrated to be teased in such a manner. She thrust her tongue into his mouth and tugged his dark hair through her fingers, hoping to show him without words how incredibly maddening his slow pace was driving her.

She gasped a huge sigh into his mouth when he slid the zipper down far enough so that the coveralls just slid down her legs. They kissed, and he stroked as she kicked off her boots and shimmied the material off her body. By now her underwear was thoroughly soaked and she gasped when he curled a finger beneath the material and traced the outline of her wet lips with a single finger

“God, Simon, please,” she breathed as he pushed that finger into her and used his thumb to rub her swelling clit through the material.

“I don’t – I can’t – rush this,” came his breathless answer against her neck.

Kaylee understood, despite the desire humming through her body and the fire burning through every fiber of her being. Her proper, Core-bred doctor had far too many manners. After this, she would have to show him how things were done out here in the black.

She felt the backs of her legs touch her bed and then she was sitting on its edge, his finger still inside her, stroking, caressing, driving her mad. It seemed like forever until he curled his fingers around the waistband and slid the sodden material down her legs. She looked up at him and reached for his belt, hooking her fingers around it so he couldn’t move away.

She watched him, his flushed face and his swai mouth as she unhooked the belt and unfastened his pants. But, as he had done with her, she didn’t immediately push the material down his legs. As much as it pained her to delay it, she wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. She brushed the back of one hand across the front of his arousal, drawing a soft gasp from his lips. She held his gaze as she stroked him through his pants, feeling him throb and swell within the tightening confines.

When she finally drew down both underwear and pants at the same time, she could feel him tremble. Even more so when she fisted one hand around him and drew it up and down his length – multiple times. She guided him between her legs until he was standing over her like a lion ready to make a meal of its prey.

He leaned over her and she tilted her head up to receive his kiss. She still stroked him with one hand and with the other tugged at his waist, drawing him closer. She was wound so tight, had been waiting for him for so long, that she knew the moment they finally came together wouldn’t last long. Fleetingly, she realized he knew the same thing, which was why he had drawn these last moments out for as long as he had.

His hands slid around her backside, drawing her to the very edge of the bed. When he tilted her hips upward, she wrapped her legs around him and guided him into her, sighing heavily against his mouth as he sank deep, stretching and filling her like she had only ever previously imagined.

They groaned against one another’s mouths, panting with excitement and desire. But when he thrust his hips just once against her, she was lost; her mind and her body belonged to him, for as long as he wanted them.

He whispered her name, she whispered his as they rocked together, straining, spiraling quickly toward a release they knew would come all too swiftly. He brought her hips sharply against his as she wrapped her arms around him, holding desperately as the tight coil wrapped around her body stretched and snapped.

She cried against his mouth and pushed against him, eager to drive him deeper, to feel him hit her very core. Sweat dampened their skin as she raked her short nails along his back, feeling his body tense and his length pulse one last time before spilling into her. He buried his face in the softness of her neck, tugged the delicate skin into his mouth as he grunted out her name. His body trembled as she held him, weakened and exhausted from the release of such long-pent desire.

When he lifted his head and watched the delightfully sated expression cross her face, he chuckled lightly and kissed her swollen lips.

“That was – wow,” Kaylee breathed, tightening her arms around him.

“Wow – doesn’t begin to describe it.” He lifted her into his arms, still buried within her, and glanced back over his shoulder to the chair sitting in the corner of the room.

“’S all I can think of right now.” Kaylee held onto him as he took a few backward steps and sank weakly into the chair. She shifted and settled on top of him, arching her hips so that she could still feel him within her.

“You have this – uncanny ability to make me forget every carefully prepared word – every –”

“No need for words after great sex.” Kaylee snuggled against his chest and pressed her lips to his neck.

He pushed his hands into her hair and tilted her head up. “I suppose not. But – there’s so much I want to say.”

“And there’s so much I want to do.” Kaylee grinned coyly and shifted her hips, exacting a soft groan, which reverberated through his chest and into hers.

Simon chuckled softly. “I should have said all of this so long ago and –“

“Simon?”

He stared down at her, at her bright eyes, her swollen lips, her beautiful naked body curled around him. “Yes?”

“Stop talking.”

The words halted on his lips as she thrust her tongue into his mouth. She could feel him swell within her again and she pushed her hips against his, eliciting another groan from deep within his chest.

“More doing, less talking,” Kaylee breathed as his hands slid up her sides to teasingly cup her breasts.

“Yes, dear,” he murmured as he leaned her back and lowered his head to tug a nipple into his mouth.

She gasped and gripped his shoulders, realizing that her very proper, refined Core doctor may not be able to find it easy talk to girls, but he could certainly use his mouth for many other very improper things.

THE END

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End Notes: The songs used as inspiration for this story are ‘Oceano’, ‘Si Volvieras a mi’ and “When you say you love me’. All sung by Josh Groban.