Jayne lay on the pillows in the sitting room, all gussied up, looking to be the ugliest companion this side of Miranda.

Mal and Simon were finally able to compose themselves and while they were reveling in the success of the organization and execution of their plan, reality set in and both suddenly realized they had no exit strategy. The girls would be home any minute and even though it was Jayne lying there, they both had a sudden bout’ of conscience and wondered if even Jayne deserved to have humiliation heaped upon humiliation.

“Should we leave him here Captain?” Simon asked, “We’ve got pictures, I am not so sure the girls are going to think this is very funny”

“Dunno, Doc. I’m not much interested in undressing him again; maybe we should just move him to his room. Let’m sleep it off.” Mal replied still battling back hilarity. “But if we do, I really wanna be watching when he wakes up; a fair piece of distance between he and I, of course.”

Simon agreed, but before they had a chance to pick Jayne up, River came bounding into the room, followed by Inara and Kaylee.

“Simon! Look what Inara… Jayne is dressed like a girl.” River exclaimed, her exhilaration instantly turning to confusion.

Kaylee let out a giggle; while Inara marched right past Simon and Mal to ogle at Jayne’s grotesque get up.

“Are those MY things Mal?” Inara questioned, trying hard to sound annoyed, while holding back laughter.

“See Inara, its like this, we were playing this game, and Jayne got kinda, well out of his mind, of sorts.” Mal groped for the right excuse to explain Jayne’s get up.

“Ya Mal, but its my stuff!” Inara was unable to control herself and began laughing out loud.

“I hope a free months rent on the shuttle will settle up, cause that’s about all I have to offer” Mal groveled hoping to avoid further negotiations.

“Actually, Mal he can have it, this sight is far more valuable than a few undergarments”

Jayne began to stir, rolling over on his side, exposing his thong-adorned backside to the group. River’s gaze grew to disgust and she glanced back at Simon.

“Simon, you and the captain have been up to mischief!” A small grin broke on River’s innocent face.

“See, mei mei, sometimes, guys like to play tricks on each other, especially when they have too much to drink” Simon replied, feeling a little bad explaining to his sister he had a developed a deviant side.

“Jayne’s not gonna be very happy when he wakes up, Simon,” River cautioned “ you might have to give him a shot, make him sleep again.” she continued with a growing smile, her confusion turning to gleeful scheming.

Still in a drunken sleep, Jayne smacked his lips, and reached his arm back to scratch his backside. Kaylee looked away revolted. “That ain’t very shiny Captn’, do you think you could move him somewhere else?”

“I agree with Kaylee, Mal, if he moves around much more, he may expose more of himself than any of us wants to see.” Inara had obviously grown tired of the joke and was ready to move on.

Deciding Jayne’s humiliation had run its course, and dreading the possibility of Shepherd Book walking in on the scene, Mal and Simon decided to get Jayne back to his room, to give him an opportunity to sleep it off. With a heave, the two picked him up and labored him down to the crew quarters. After plopping him down on his bed, Mal and Simon decided it would be best if they kept an eye on him, so they left the door to his quarters ajar and agreed to take turns checking on him until he woke.

The hours crawled by. Mal and Simon alternated their spying missions on Jayne’s quarters, desperately wanting to be there to capture the moment of Jayne’s self-realization.

Simon saw it first, and came running to the Captain’s quarters. “He’s starting to wake, come quick!” Simon said with a hint of concern. Mal pulled his suspenders over his shoulders and quickly made for his ladder, following Simon.

Jayne’s head was pounding. He started to open his eyes, but the light in his room burned and he was forced to close them again. Every square inch of his body was wreathing in pain, and he was cold. Nausea set in quick and Jayne immediately rolled out of bed, stubbing his toe on the cold deck floor. “GORRAMIT!!!” He screamed crawling on his hands and knees to a trashcan near a closet by the door.

Heaving, and heaving, Jayne burst forth with a technicolor concoction of rum, and fruity oaty bars. Mal and Simon turned away at the sight, each secretly delighting in Jayne’s misery.

“He hasn’t noticed yet.” Simon whispered very quietly to the Captain, both trying to hold back laughter seeing Jayne actually moving around in his outfit.

Mal held his finger up to his quivering lips, mouthing “QUIET”.

After a couple of dry heaves, Jayne fell over from his knees on to his side and rolled up into a fetal position. He was still cold, and only then began to rethink his steps to figure out how he got there.

“remember drinking with the doc….” Jayne mumbled, “play’in some game…was winning, I think” A rush of pain ran up his spine to the crown of his head. “Oohe”. He brought his hand up to his head and rubbed. “I hope the doc has somethn for a hangover.”

Mal motioned to Simon that they should leave so quietly the two tip-toed off, knowing it wouldn’t be long before the cat would be out of the bag. Both decided that the safest course of action would be to put some distance between themselves and Jayne before he discovered his transformation.

Jayne began crawling back to bed, opening his eyes only long enough to see the direction he was heading. As he did he caught a glimpse of his face in a mirror on the wall. Instantly sober, Jayne jumped to his feet, the full-length mirror on the closet door revealed the extent of his new look. “What the ruttin hell!” Jayne’s eyes widened, “somebody’s out of their Gorram mind!”

Anger began to well up inside Jayne, as he back-tracked trying to figure out how he could have ended up with make up on his face, and in a thong and bra. “OH, there’s gonna be hell to pay for this, it musta been the doc, no, he ain’t got the jewels to try somethn' this stupid!”

Stumbling to the bed Jayne searched franticly for a pair of pants, at the same time trying to slide the thong off himself. One of the beads got caught up in the hair on his right thigh. “OW!!!” he howled falling towards the bed. His left shin caught the corner of the bed frame causing him to shriek in pain. “I’m gonna kill em!” he shrieked, the pain, topped off with the ever-increasing anger was beginning to wipe away any hint of a hangover.

Enraged, he yanked the thong from its tangled knot on his thigh and grabbed a pair of pants that had been folded neatly at the end of his bed. Seeing a towel near the mirror, he franticly wiped the make-up from his face. “Someone’s gonna die!” he roared and headed for the ladder.

“I think someone’s awake” River stated to the group sitting at the dining room table.

Pounding on the deck floor could be heard growing ever closer. “Simon, get the pictures, we may need them quick!” Mal exclaimed, now questioning whether the whole plan had been a good idea.

Simon ran to the sitting room to fetch the pictures. The pounding became louder and was now enlaced with expletives and threats. Inara, and Kaylee quickly got up from the table and made their way to the back of the room, leaving Mal sitting alone, with Simon standing next to him facing the opening to the room.

In a seething rage Jayne stomped into the room glaring at Mal and Simon. A sigh of relief immediately came upon them.

The entire room erupted in a chorus of belly splitting laughter. River looked over at Jayne from her position near the cabinets.

“Hey Jayne, I like your bra!”