Disclaimer: They ain't mine. Didn't get paid. Thanks to Joss and all for inspiration, Jacqui for great beta and support, to my own big, bad man for "technical advice", and to all you great folks who've been so kind about a first piece of fanfic. Praise, gripe, throw chocolate - I'll grovel, honest. You can e-mail feedback at Lumenea@aol.com, or just click below.

Waited Long Enough Part Nine: Comin’ Clean

Kaylee’d sometimes heard fellas say they “saw stars” when they took a ‘specially hard punch. She’d sat out on her folks’ porch of a summer’s evening an’ watched the tiny points of light that came twinkling through the dusk, wonderin’ and dreamin’ of what it might be like to visit places so far away, so different from her simple little world.

Since she’d signed on as Serenity’s mechanic, she’d seen more’n a few stars herself, all manner of bright and sparkly ones strung out across the black, big blazing balls of gas an’ heat givin’ up their light against all that darkness. But never, in all the times since she first shared a romp with a gangly farm boy back home, had any man’s lovemakin’ ever made her see stars.

Then again, she’d never had a lover like Jayne Cobb.

****

His roar of release an’ triumph echoed through the empty ship, testimony to the pent-up longing he’d been doin’ his best to restrain. It was a defiant roar, made by a man who had received his heart’s desire against all odds, claimed it in open rebellion against direct orders. It was a joyous roar, an exultant celebration of his pleasure, a territorial roar, the claiming of this woman he’d wanted for so long.

The sound faded an’ his breath rattled in hard gasps, the rhythm slowing until he could speak. “Damn, girl, that gorram fool of a doctor ain’t got no idea what he done missed out on.” He leaned on the table for a minute, arms bracing, as he got his wind and Kaylee gave him that silly blissed-out grin again.

“Betcha say that to all the mechanics.“ She teased, then stretched elegantly like some large, curvaceous, rosy feline.

“Don’t generally make a habit a bangin’ mechanics.“ Jayne responded, shakin’ his head. “Wouldn’t mind an exception to that rule, in one particular case, ‘though.” He reached out to her an’ scooped her up against him, marveling at the warm softness of her body against his own.

Kaylee slipped her arms around his back, feelin’ the shift of hard muscle under his sweat-moist skin and the pounding of his heart against her own. Tuckin’ her face into the hollow under his jaw, she exhaled a long sigh. “That was down right amazin’…” She whispered.

He kissed her hair, breathin’ in her essence. “Yep. Amazin, fer sure.” He gently withdrew from her body, acutely aware of the sense of separation that flooded over him.

What did it all mean? She said she cared for him; he’d told her how much he’d wanted her. They’d finally done some of the things both of them had imagined and it had been way better than the imaginin’. But now that the deed was done, what happened next? Just play-partners? Bunkin’ together? Would they go to sneaking around like a couple a kids or just tell Mal straight out an’ let the shit fly?

Jayne’s mind was runnin’ a million miles an hour, the way it did when he was on a job and waitin’ for the heavy stuff to start. Or when he was strugglin’ to sort out feelin’ sorts of stuff, the kind that seemed to tangle in his gut whenever it came to hard choices.

He was good at simple things: maintaining his weapons; getting jobs done; looking out for those he cared for; pulling it together in emergencies.

Sexin’ was simple with a whore. Ya just zipped up yer pants, paid the girl or her madam and went on yer merry way. If she was ‘specially good, maybe ya saw her again from time to time. But trim was trim, a service rendered and paid for. No hearts, no flowers, no messy complicated attachments, no risk of loss or betrayal.

Jayne knew in his soul this was different, that lovin’ Kaylee wasn’t somethin’ he’d be able to do with just his cock an’ mouth an’ hands. That part was easy. But feelins’ wasn’t simple. That was the part that scared the go se outta him.

Crack the hull of a spaceship an’ you lost what kept you alive out in the black. Air gone, heat gone, shelter gone. There was no doubt about it, Jayne Cobb had led a hard, brutal, lonely life. Funny – it hurt, but he also felt safer that way. Hadn’t really let anybody in, hadn’t let himself care deeply for anyone other than his Ma and the younger brothers he’d left behind.

He thought back to the run-down shack he’d grown up in, how his ma’d struggled tryin’ to keep ‘em warm and fed, and how it was when his Pa’d been out drinkin’ and came home mean, wantin’ to take his frustration out on someone. For a long time, his target had been Jayne. His old man’d stagger in pissed and start whalin’ away on him just cause he could, an’ if his Ma tried to intervene, Pa’d beat her, too.

About thirteen, Jayne began to stretch out, filled out some, too, finally heavier and taller than the old man. Pa began to take his rages out more on Jayne’s Ma. He was drinkin’ more and the beatings had gotten worse. Finally a night came when Jayne could see it in the old man’s eyes, knew his Pa was gonna beat her real bad this time and knew he just couldn’t let it go on no more.

He’d put himself between ‘em, toe-to-toe with his old man, looked into those cold, rage-filled, bleary eyes and, with fifteen years of pent up fury behind a sharp right uppercut, knocked the old bastard out cold. From then on, his Pa’d backed off, drunken coward that he was, but Jayne knew his ma needed help, needed some source of income to make up for the scraps o’ pay his Pa brought in less and less often.

He had drifted young into rough work and petty crime. For a rawboned, lanky kid with no skills, it was the easiest way to make money. He carried a lot of rage in that perpetually hungry gut o’ his, done a lot of things he knew weren’t right just cause they paid well and gave him coin to send back home. He didn’t tell his Ma how he was workin’, just folded the money up in the short, simple notes he sent home from time to time.

“Dear Ma. Got paid today. Figured you could use this. Hope it helps you and the boys out. I’m ok. Love, Jayne”

Over the years he’d developed specialized skills that made him as asset in certain circumstances. He knew why Mal hired him, knew the captain didn’t trust him and why. Even knew why he didn’t always trust himself. Loyalty was a fluid concept for Jayne. He was loyal to himself, to whatever job kept him alive and paid and fed. It worked better to have his heart packed away in storage.

Even here on Serenity, where they’d all had to live an’ work together almost like family, he struggled with that part. Loyalty to anyone but himself meant vulnerability and a vulnerable mercenary stood a good chance a becomin’ a dead mercenary.

An’ here he stood after cummin’ his brains out, with Kaylee curled against his chest, just holdin’ her and breathin’, wonderin’ how come he was fong luh enough to get involved with a woman he stood a right fair risk of losin’ his heart to.

****

“Jayne?” Kaylee poked his chest. “Where’d ya go, bao bei?” You OK?”

He shook off the uncertainty, pulled himself together, and smiled at her. “Yeah, I’m just wool-gatherin’. You’re more’n a little distractin’, ya know.” No point in worryin’ her until he’d sorted out what he was feelin’ and what he had to do about it. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, pulled his pants up and fastened them, then grabbed up her coveralls and the shredded panties. “Off to the shower with ya, ya hot lil’ piece." He announced and swung Kaylee over his left shoulder, giving her a resounding smack on her bare rump.

She shrieked in mock outrage, wigglin’ like a bag o’ snakes and doin’ her damndest to get loose.

“Put me down, Jayne! I mean it, you wang bao dahn!!”

The merc laughed and smacked her again, just for good measure.

Kaylee started cussin’ like a sailor and raining blows with both fists on whatever she could connect with, mostly his butt, and kicking like a mule. Jayne kept a death grip around her waist and did his best to maneuver her thrashing so she couldn’t kick him in the gut or balls as he hauled her off to the shower, laughing the whole way.

When he got to the door that opened into Serenity’s small communal shower, he used his free shoulder to bump the door open, swivelin’ to keep from cracking Kaylee’s head on the frame.

“Girl, if ya don’t stop all yer wigglin’ I’m likely to drop ya, an’ it’s a long way down. Besides, this ain’t no way to act toward a fella who just sexed ya up so good.”

“Didn’t give you no cause to go spankin’ on me!” She sounded like an irate ten-year-old and it made him grin.

He dropped her coveralls, flipped her over and man-handled her down so that her back was pinned against his hip, then spun her around to face him. Before she could manage to knee him or swing a punch, he’d pinned her hard against the wall with his bulk and bracketed her face with both big hands.

And then he kissed her.

Kissed her right on the mouth, long and hard. Kissed her like he said he never did, devouring her soft lips and sucking at her tongue, kissed her as long and thoroughly as he’d dreamed of for all those months, kissed her until he felt all the fight go outta her and she clung loose and shaking against him.

Kissin’ her didn’t solve his problem, but he sure as hell enjoyed it. From the slightly boggled expression on Kaylee’s flushed face, so had she.

Jayne reached into the shower stall and flipped on the hot water lever. When the flow reached a comfortable temperature and steam began to billow forth, he steered Kaylee toward the spray. “Let me get m’clothes off, I’ll come on in.”

He unbuckled the straps on his boots and slid them off, then quickly stripped out of his socks and pants an dropped ‘em in a pile, before stepping into the shower behind her. For a few minutes they both stood silently enjoying the pounding spray of hot water, something Serenity reprocessed and had in plenty.

Kaylee leaned back into Jayne’s chest and he brought his arms up and around her, enjoying the sweet curve of her ass tucked just under his groin.

“Here, let me wash ya,“ he offered, mostly wanting any excuse to run his hands over her fineness, to explore her curves and hollows. He poured a little shampoo into his palm before working the fragrant cream through her wet curls. " Probably ain't as good at hair-washin' as Inara."

“Nah, feel’s good.” She wiggled her little butt against him, feeling him swell in response and then arched her neck to help him rinse the foam away. “You feel good, too.“

He grabbed the soap, not her lavender stuff this time, and began to glide it over her rosy skin, passing the bar from hand to hand and slathering the suds over her soft curves. Kaylee bowed her shoulders back against his chest, pushing her breasts into his soap-slick hands, and continued to tease his cock with her ass-cheeks, feeling his shaft fill and nudge against her.

“Ai ya, woman, but you’re bein’ mighty distractin’.”

“If you’re complainin’, I’ll stop…” she taunted, turning to face him.

“By no means do I want ya to stop. Jest warnin’ there may be consequences.”

She took the soap from him an’ began to return the favor, running her hands around an’ over him, soaping his shoulders an’ arms an’ chest, then lightly brushing over his small, dark nipples before working her way down his belly.

Jayne groaned an’ came to full salute, aroused even more by the light electric contact, her hot breath on his sternum. He placed his hands on her shoulders an’ bent his head against hers, then looked down at his erection.

In his low, gravelly voice he chided her. “Now see what ya went an’ done? Ya woke him up again.”

Kaylee ran her slick, soapy hand down to cup his balls, then grasped the thick shaft an’ stroked slowly all the way to the ruddy tip. “So I did. Hmm… Don’t seem to sleep much, does he?”

“Not with you doin’ that kinda stuff, he don’t!” He growled an’ bit her neck softly.

Jayne grinned wickedly an’ slipped his hand between her thighs, teasing his middle finger into her wet heat of her center, still slick with their juices, enjoying how she gasped. “Fair turn about, lil’ girl.” His thumb flicked softly at her clit while his searching fingers eased between her puffy lips an’ gently slipped into her hot passage.

The little mechanic squeaked in delight an’ ground her nethers against his caressing hand. With a dull bang, the bar of soap dropped to the floor of the shower an’ Kaylee raked her hands down the hard slope of his back, grabbing at his muscular ass as she began to tongue his nipple.

He hissed at the contact an’ wound his free hand into her wet hair, pulled her head back, and methodically ravaged her mouth, delighting as she shuddered to climax on his thrusting hand. “Told… ya… there… was… consequences.” He slipped his hand free, felt her sag against him momentarily an’ cradled her close.

The shower was small, built for efficiency, not rated for multiple occupancy or for recreational use, but Jayne was a resourceful man. Sheltering Kaylee from the steamy spray with his body, he cupped his hands under her ass an’ lifted her up so that her back was braced against the wall of the shower. Kaylee started to speak an’ he shook his head. “Just do what I tell ya. I want your legs ‘round me, girl.” He ordered.

She obliged him, crooked her legs around his narrow hips an’ felt him lodge himself in her wetness, the stony mass of him driven home in one fierce thrust, jamming her spine hard against the metal wall behind her, making her yelp at the force of it.

Her arms twined around his neck, crushing her breasts against the roughness of his chest. “Wu de tyen ah.” She moaned as he drove himself into her over and over, ramming his staff deep and hard. Seein’ stars, seein’ stars, she thought, trying to breathe with the force of his thrusts.

He bent his sleek, dark head over her shoulder, suckling along the side of her neck and mumbling to her. “That’s it, bao bei, take me, take it all. God you’re so sweet, so ruttin’ sweet… oh, baby girl, yes…”

Her eyes filled with tears, her heart ached, hearing his pleas as he sank himself into her body. Oh, how she hoped he meant it, meant the endearments, meant the tender whispers. Let it be true, let it be real, she prayed. I don’t just wanna be another of his whores, just another piece a’ Jayne’s trim.

He felt her hesitation, felt the sudden quiet that rose inside her, born of her hopes, of her doubt, an’ knew it for the mirror of his own fears. He stilled himself, cradling her between his body an’ the wall, his manhood deep within her. Better speak now, might not have another chance.

“Kaylee.” No answer. He felt her tremble.

“Kaylee-girl… look at me. Please.” Dark, hesitant eyes met blue ones.

“I know what yer thinkin. I ain’t exactly been a settled sorta man an’ I probably won’t ever be. My kinda work don’t lend itself to a settled life. I know you seen me whorin’ around a lot an’ maybe you’re wonderin’ where us’d fit into all that.”

She nodded ever so slightly, afraid to speak.

“I don’t kiss ‘em. Never did. It was you I kissed.”

“You got no idea how long I been waitin’ for some sign from you that you was willin’ to be with me, that you’d made a choice between me an’… him.”

“I don’t know how we’ll make this work. Hell, I don’t even know what to say to Mal or whether I’ll even have a job once he knows. But what I do know is what you mean to me. I’ll look out for ya, always have, an’ I’ll do my best to be there for ya however ya need me to. Ya ain’t got no reason to ‘specially trust me, so all’s I can say is I’m givin’ ya my word.”

She smiled at him, a fragile, tremulous little smile and raised her sunny face to him, wriggled herself even closer, riding hard on the root of him. “I love you, too.”

It was like when Serenity’s main drive kicked in, all thrust and blaze and power. Jayne began to move again, harder and deeper than before, sliding himself deep into her belly. The roughness of his pubic hair rubbed her clit with each entry an’ she could feel the swell of him as he flared inside her, his release imminent.

“Lord yes, Jayne, please.” She pleaded, frantic with desire. His breath came ragged, deep rhythmic animal grunts, almost sobbing with his approaching climax, her own song a high wail of delight.

Their burn started deep, like a pinpoint of light way out in the black, building in heat and mass, twin stars goin’ nova, her body clenching over and over as Jayne came hard inside her.

Seein’ stars… seein’ stars… seein’ stars…