Title: Overheard Conversations on Serenity Spying over Me while I’m writing

________________________________________________ Mal: "What is she doing?"

Inara: "Let her be, Mal. She needs time."

Mal: "For what? She should continue those stories she started!"

Inara: "I'm sure she will. She's just a little insecure."

Mal: "Why? They looked good to me."

Inara: "Ever tried to write something in another language? It's not just something you just do, you know."

Mal: " No but She's doing just fine, so far. Besides, she has someone to beta-read everything, right?"

Inara: "So? That doesn't mean that she's not trying to write as flawlessly as possible."

Mal: "I was finally getting a big part in all three of those stories. She has to continue them. I'm the Ship Cap’n; I deserve more attention. Why does she always write about Simon?"

Simon: "Because she likes me better."

Inara: "Simon! Don't sneak up on people like that!"

Simon: "I wasn't even trying, Nara. It's because you're feeling guilty spying on her."

Mal: "We're not spying!"

Simon: "Whatever."

Zoe: "Hey guys! Have you seen Kaylee?"

Inara: "No--"

Kaylee: "I'm here!"

Zoe: "Oh, Hey Mei Mei! I'm going to the commune room. Wanna come?"

Kaylee: "Thanks Zoe, but I'm going to hang out here for a while. Hey Mal, why are you spying on her?"

Mal: "I'm not spying!"

Simon: "He's jealous because she's always writing about me."

Mal: "I'm not jealous. I just think I deserve an important part as well."

Kaylee: "She'll write about you too, Mal. I'm sure she likes you."

Mal: "She does?"

Inara: "Of course, honey. Who wouldn't?"

Simoon: "Hmph."

Wash: "Whoa, it's crowded in here! What are you doing?"

Zoe: "We're watching Mal spying on *her*."

Mal: "I AM NOT SPYING!"

River: "What's with the noise, here? Did I miss something?"

Inara: "Cut it out, you guys. Mal, calm down. Hi `River. You're not--"

Mal: "I am not--"

Zoe: "Yeah, yeah, you're not spying, but I think this is getting interesting. I'm staying."

Kaylee: "Alright. I'll make us all a hot cup of coffe."

Simon: "I'll take a beer, bao bei."

Wash: "I'll take a beer, too."

Mal: "No, you won't."

Wash: "I'm over the age of eighteen! In *her* country it's legal to drink a beer from the age of sixteen!"

River: "You can? Oh my God, what are we waiting for? Let's go to Holland!"

Simon: "It's legal to smoke grass there, too."

Inara: "Simon, that information is not helping--"

Zoe: "Whoohoo! It's fucking Utopia over there!"

Mal: "They're all junkies. Stupid Europeans."

Jayne: "Actually, that law works quite well in the Netherlands. In Germany however--"

Inara: "Jayne, that's enough!"

Simon: "Jesus, you're getting just as stuck up as Mal, Inara."

Zoe: "Heh, I know where I'm going next summer!"

Kaylee: "I might even join you, Zoe."

Wash: "I thought we were going on a holiday together?"

Kaylee: "Oh. Um - yeah. I forgot, sorry. Cocoa, anyone?

River: "Yes, thank you, Kaylee. So, Mal? Any progress in her writing?"

Mal: "Nope. She just sits there staring at a picture of Simon."

Simon: "Heh."

Zoe: "What's so hard about writing fanfiction, anyway? It's just a bunch of people having piss-drunk orgies all the time, right?"

River: "Not really, Zoe. Some have a little more depth than that, you know."

Kaylee: "Yeah. All *her* stories are about Simon and me and we're not getting drunk, let alone ending up in orgies."

Simon: "Yet, hehe."

Wash: "What's up with you and Simon, anyway? Everybody knows you're my girl!"

Kaylee: "I'm not anyone's property, Wash. They all have their favorite pairing. Apparently hers is Simon and me."

Simon: "Heh."

Mal: "She's isn’t a pervert, that's what she is. Simon is no too old for Kaylee."

Simon: "Hey, I'm not even touching the kaylee"

Kaylee: "Yet, heh."

Zoe: "Go Kaylee!"

Wash: "Shut up, Zoe."

River: "Favorite or not, she could write about all of us for once."

Inara: "She is. She's just thinking about how to develop all of us the right way."

Simon: "Poking around in someone's head again, Inara?"

Inara: "No. I just know her."

Simon and Kaylee: "Riiiiiggght."

Inara: "I do!"

Zoe: Sure you do. Anyway, I've read a bunch of those stories yesterday on some fanfiction site. All the characters in those fics were screwing around like bunnies. My God, orgies everywhere!"

Wash: "Where is that website?"

Zoe: "Wash!"

Wash: "What?"

River: "Well, if she's not writing, let's just make up some stories right here. I'll start."

Simon: "Oh, fuck."

Mal: "Watch your language!"

Simon: "Fuck you, too."

Nara: "Simon! Mal!"

River: "Shut up all of you! Okay, uhm. Once upon a time--"

Jayne: "What's this? A fairytale?"

River: "You're distracting me. Now where was I?"

Kaylee: "You weren't anywhere. Just `once upon a time.'"

River: "Oh yeah, right. So uh. Once upon a time, there was uhm - a girl named Kaylee and she had a crush on a guy named--"

Wash: "Wash!"

River: "--Simon."

Kaylee: "Oh, fuck."

River: "Not yet, chica. But I'm getting there."

Zoe: "River Tam--"

Wash: "Damn it! It's always Simon!"

Simon: "Heh."

River: "Shut up, shut up! Okay, so. Kaylee tried to get Simon’s attention, but the guy was really stubborn and saw her as only a kid."

Kaylee: "Hmm, sounds familiar."

Mal: "That's `cause you still *are* a kid."

River: "Can I, please, have my three minutes of fame, here? Geez. So, one night, she slipped into his bedroom, where he sleeps completely naked--"

Kaylee: "Simon doesn't sleep naked, at least--not here in the Mansion."

River: "So what? This is my fiction, I'll decide whether he sleeps naked or not."

Nara: "No, River. You have to try to write about the characters as authentically as possible. So if Simon doesn't sleep in the nude, you have to make him wear something."

River: "Fine, have it your way. Okay, Simon sleeps completely naked, except for his socks and--"

Kaylee: "River!"

River: "Okay, okay. So, like, what do you wear, Simon?"

Simon: "Here? Sweatpants or boxers."

River: "Right. Simon sleeps in his boxers and Kaylee entered his room. She carefully walked up to his bed because she wanted to surprise him. So, when she bent over his sleeping form--"

Simon: "He jumped up."

*silence*

Simon: "What? Authentic, right? That's what happens when you sneak up on me."

Kaylee: "He's right."

River: "Damn, so much for mind blowing sex. Well, it's your turn, Mal."

Mal: "Why?"

River: "Because this is your chance to make yourself important."

Kaylee: "Yeah, Mal. Tell us a story."

Mal: "Fine."

*Silence*

Jayne: "Well?"

Mal: "I'm thinking."

Simon: "Hurts, doesn't it?"

Mal: "Want to know what hurts?”

Inara: "Mal!"

Mal: Okay, okay. You know what? Let Simon tell us one, Mr. Know-it-all."

Simon: "No problemo. Once upon a time there was this annoying yellow piece of shit. Until she met Simon. The End."

Jayne: "Whoa, that's deep!"

River: "Shut up, you dork!"

Inara: "Come on, everybody. Let's just behave like adults here, okay?"

Kaylee: "I thought I was still a kid."

Mal: "Sshh! She's writing again!"

Wash: "She is? About who?"

Mal: "Don't know. Looks like all of us."

Zoe: "That's good. I'd like to see what she makes of me."

Wash: "I just want one story with my girlfriend. Is that too much to ask for?"

Mal: "You're mentioned in all of her stories. You even have two from your point of view. What are you complaining about?"

Wash: "I don't like them! She's always making me the loser!"

Simon: "She's got you all figured out, bub."

kaylee: "Come on, Wash. I like they way she's making a tragic hero out of you."

Wash: "I don't want to be a tragic hero. I just want the girl!"

Simon: "You're a whiner, just like One-Eye MAL."

River: "Shut up, Simon. It's easy for you to say. You're getting all the women."

Simon: "Heh."

Inara: "Don't worry, Mal. He's not getting me."

Simon: "Yet, heh."

Kaylee: "Hey! You're not getting Inara!"

Mal: "You stay away from my woman!"

Simon: "What? It's all up to *her*, you know. She's the one writing it."

Zoe: "He's right."

River: I don't care. He's not getting me, either."

Simon: "Thank God."

River: "Hey! I'm desirable!"

Wash: "Yeah, she is!"

Zoe: "I am?"

Wash: "Um."

Kaylee: "What's this?"

Wash: "Um."

Inara: "It's nothing. Now, why don't we all be quiet and let her write, huh?"

Kaylee: "No, wait a minute! Wash, do you have a crush on Zoe?"

Wash: "No! I just said that she *is* attractive!"

Zoe: "I am!"

Inara: "Yes, you are. Now--"

Kaylee: "Don't talk to us like that, Inara!"

Inara: "Like what?"

Simon: "You're patronizing them."

Kaylee: "Thanks, sugah."

Simon: "Anytime, darlin'."

Inara: "I'm not patronizing anyone. I'm just trying to--"

Wash: "Damn it! I can't stand that!"

Kaylee: "What?"

Wash: "That "sugar-darling-thing! You're always so - so--"

River: "Understanding?"

Wash: "Yeah! Thanks, `River."

Simon: "What? So, we're two of a kind. Sue us."

Zoe: "You know what? I'm out of here. Jesus, I *am* damned attractive. I know I am!"

River: "Zoe, wait a minute! Zoe!"

Jayne: "River! Wait up!

Mal: "Can you all be quiet now? I'm trying to concentrate here."

Inara: "Leave her, Mal."

Simon: "Yeah. Let her write. I can use a new adventure. Bored out of my mind, lately."

Kaylee: "Do you think she'll write about us again, Simon?"

Simon: "Of course. We're her favorites."

Wash: "'We're her favorites.' Blegh! I'm sick and tired of that tragic hero-shit. You know what? You two deserve each other. I'm stepping out of this stupid goody-goody character and I'm going after Zoe. How's that, huh?"

Kaylee: "Wash! You're overreacting!"

Simon: "Let him, He's just upset."

Kaylee: "He's my boyfriend."

Simon: "Not anymore."

Mal: "You insensitive asshole--"

Inara: "Mal, language! Kaylee, maybe you should talk to him."

Kaylee: "I don't know."

Simon: "Don't. He'll be back for you, crawling on his knees, begging you to take him back."

Kaylee: "You think so?"

Simon: "Sure. Who would want to leave someone like you, huh?"

Kaylee: "Aww, that's sweet, sugah."

Simon: "I have my moments."

Inara: "You know what? I'm out of here, too. I have some work to do and Book is waiting anyway."

Mal: "Book again? You're always with Book nowadays!"

Inara: "Maybe that's because we're working together?"

Mal: "I don't like it."

Inara: "What? You're jealous of Book, too? Come on, Mal. You know I love you."

Simon: "Yeah, pansy ass. She loves you."

Mal: "What do you know about love, anyway? I thought lust was your department."

Inara: "Damn it, I'm leaving kindergarten now. See you, Kaylee."

Mal: "Inara! Come on, babe, I didn't mean to--Inara!"

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