Dino Tales: It's A Trap!
Monday, March 6, 2006

Kaylee gets caught up in Plan L. The dino plot thickens.


I don't own 'em, I'm just playing.

This one's opposite of how they usually go: the main story follows the humans (Mal and Kaylee), and the little tag at the end is from Steggy and Monroe.

I do intend to continue this, once I figure out a suitable Plan M.


"OK. We got power goin' here, an' ain't nothin' wrong with these wires here. So if I cross the feed from here to here, then....ow! Gorramit!" Kaylee dropped her screwdriver and stuck her hand in her mouth, narrowing her eyes as she shook off shock number three. That damn power supply was still alive, but stubbornly refusing to do its job - namely, provide power to the pilot's console - and she'd been at it for several hours now. Frustrated and out of other options, she reared back and gave the plating a solid kick. Maybe she could jar something loose.

"You bangin' up my boat, Kaylee?" Mal popped his head in through the door, drawn to the area by an assortment of mechanical whines, human grunts, and a rather inventive string of Mandarin cursing. He gestured to the now slightly dented panel. "I mean, I 'm fair sure plenty of parts fall off this ship without you helpin' 'em along, so I'd take it as a kindness if you leave me some hull when you're done."

"Pft." Kaylee rolled her eyes at him, but didn't do anything to disuade him visiting. She could use a break. "It's called 'percussive maintenance', Cap'n."

"Percussive maintenance?"

"Yeah. The fine art a beatin' the crap outa somethin' 'till it works again. Kinda like you hafta do with Jayne." Kaylee punctuated her declaration with another whack to the machinery before sighing heavily and sitting in the pilot's chair. "But seriously, I don't get it. It's got power" - she held out her hand to Mal, who took it and frowned at the small burn marks but resisted the impulse to run for the burn cream - "but it don't seem to actually go anywhere."

"We expect the power to go somewhere? Ain't it supposed to stay inside the wires?"

Kaylee gave him the "you moron" look that River often used on Simon. "Does blood stay in one place, Cap'n?"

"Well, no. It circulates, I think. The power is like blood?" Mal couldn't quite get his head around this. Blood was....blood. And electricity was...well, invisible, for starters. "Hell, Kaylee. I ain't the one to ask 'bout medical stuff, though I suspect you're spendin' a lot of the time down in the infirmary and know all about it."

"You got the idea, though, Cap. This part" - Kaylee pointed to a vaguely rectangular hunk of black plastic - "holds the capacitors. An' as my hand'll tell ya, it's workin' great. An' over here is the LCD." She patted one of the video monitors. "So the power goes from there to here, with a few stops along the way: this part here conditions it so we don't brown out the screen, an' this piece here is a giant circuit breaker in case someone over-revs the engine or somesuch. It's a pretty simple design, ain't much can go wrong. So it shouldn't be broken 'less someone went an' fiddled with it."

"I see," Mal said, although he really didn't. But as usual, he wasn't about to let on that he was totally lost when it came to mechanical devices. "So...I would guess that it's one of those parts what ain't working right?"

"Yep. All I got for three hours of effort is a few burns, an' now my toes hurt, too. I almost wanna say it was booby-trapped, but your wife ain't been on the ship lately." Mal gave her a sour look while she grinned. "Got shocked near four times today, an' twice yesterday, too. Think someone's tryin' to knock me off?"

"I doubt it, but when you're done, march yourself down to that doctor you're so fond of an' get him to look you over." Mal paused when Kaylee smiled happily. "An' I do mean look over you hand, girl, an' not anything of a personal....ahem." Suddenly uncomfotable, he returned his attention to the console. "Let's just take a closer look in here..." He trailed off as something caught his eye. "Well. I'm no mechanic, miss Kaywinnet, but what's this dinosaur shaped piece do?" He pointed to what appeared to be a velociraptor tail peeking out from a pile of wires.

"Dinosaur what?" Kaylee leaned in and yanked on the tail, coming up with...a plastic dino toy. She looked at it in cofusion for a moment, but turned decidedly more sour as the LCD screen suddenly hummed to life and started its diagnostic sequence. Mal instinctively backed off as Kaylee's face clouded and she fired off another impressive round of curse words. "WASH!"


"Curses!" Steggy dropped his binoculars and sighed. "It seems our ruse was discovered before the humans were disabled, Monroe. The greasy one is more perceptive than we initially planned, and has cleverly avoided our trap. This confirms my suspicions. She is obviously the mastermind of the human defense."

"Indeed, Steggy. We may have to activate Plan M sooner than anticipated. Orders?"

"Julia may be injured. Alert Annie that we can expect wounded." Monroe saluted and ran off. Steggy returned his attention to the humans across the room. "Soon, my wily mammalian oppressors. Not even you shall stand against the might of....Plan M!"

TBC (once I figure out what Plan M actually involves)


Monday, March 6, 2006 9:04 PM


If it ain't obvious what happened:

In real life, Wash dropped Julia behind the console where she gummed up the works.

In Dino land, Julia was sabotaging the control panel in an attempt to electocute the greasy one (Kaylee) so they could more easily take over the ship.

Mal was just along as the butt of the one liners.

Monday, March 6, 2006 9:18 PM


Awesome blossom, can't wait for plan m, I hope Julia isn't to badly injured from her mission :-)

Perhaps plan M could involve the kidnapping of Mal's suspenders. I'm not sure how that would help the dinos take over the ship, but Mal not being able to keep his pants on just seems like a wonderful story to tell ;-)

Monday, March 6, 2006 10:40 PM


Teeeee. And as always. Heeeeeeeeeeee.

You are so the master of the dino fic.

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 12:24 AM



i bow at your feet...


Tuesday, March 7, 2006 1:40 AM


Yay! Nice reversal in this one!

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 2:22 AM


"Yeah. The fine art a beatin' the crap outa somethin' 'till it works again. Kinda like you hafta do with Jayne."

Percussive maintenance might work on my ruttin computer then, lol.
Love this line, and love your series :D
Can't wait for plan M.

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 2:50 AM


I just love the rhetoric! *giggles*

Steggy returned his attention to the humans across the room. "Soon, my wily mammalian oppressors. Not even you shall stand against the might of....Plan M!"

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 4:32 AM


I agree with shinytalent, that line just plain cracked me up!

Another great one.

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 5:40 AM


Hysterical as always! Looking forward to Plan M--whatever it may be!

"I love my captain."

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 6:29 AM


*Turns keyboard over to remove drops of spit coffee* You have made my day!

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 7:18 AM


Why did I jump up in my seat when I saw there was a new Dino tales? Can't wait for plan M.

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 9:56 AM


I always knew there was a name for the way I fix things...percussive maintenance! Shiny!

Loved this one. How about Plan M returning to the angsty romance that is Annie and Monroe. Will Annie make her move, will Monroe ever get a clue? Will the cute and funny god stop getting in trouble over their plans?

Need more.

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 3:30 PM


"Well. I'm no mechanic, miss Kaywinnet, but what's this dinosaur shaped piece do?"
I had to wait a couple minutes after that line before I could finish the rest. (It's hard for the eyes to focus on the text when you can't hold still from the uncontrollable laughter.

Saturday, June 3, 2006 7:20 AM


ah... percussive maintenance. Just grand.


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