Title: Peekaboo Rating: PG-13 Synopsis: Mal and Jayne get an eyefull. Timeline: Takes place 1 month after Miranda. Notes: Next part of a series beginning with : And So It Begins, Kiss Me, Coming Together, Tell Me, What’s Proper?, Tears, Peekaboo, Disclaimer: This story is not meant to infringe on the copyright of any person or company related to the trademarked characters and situations depicted in the Serenity movie or Firefly series. I make no money from this. OnIy done for fun – and a desperate craving to have more stories told about this wonderful ‘verse Joss Whedon created.

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“Soundproofing.” Mal growled as he stalked down the hallway to the infirmary. It didn’t matter where they were, he could still hear them. “I’m gonna make ‘em use every credit they have to buy some.” He scowled at his sore fist, where he had slammed it into the wall to make the sound go away. Foolish though it may have been to take out his annoyance with his innocent ship, he thought it would shut them up. It did. Too bad, he was only hearing them in his mind this time!

He scowled at the thought of having to admit to the doctor how he had bruised his hand, since there hadn’t been many injuries in the ship in weeks. He briefly considered purposely looking for work that would cause injuries, just to keep his medic off of his mechanic for a few hours a day.

Even Serenity herself had conspired against his peaceful sleep cycle. After Miranda, she’d been in pretty bad shape. Had taken a lot of work to get her in the air again. New parts and one hell of a talented mechanic later, she was runnin’ smooth as a baby’s bottom. Which meant Kaylee had a lot of free time to spend with Simon.

Of course, he’d never seen Kaylee so happy. He’d just have preferred not to hear how happy she was; repeatedly, daily, multiple times per night.

It didn’t matter that Jayne had rudely told the new couple that they were being too loud. They just found different times of the day, and different locations, to entertain themselves. Oh, no, they weren’t loud in Kaylee’s bunk anymore. Thankfully, he had never walked in on them. That was an image that he knew would forever be seared into his brainpan.

Unfortunately, his luck in that regard had just run out. Rounding the corner on his way to the infirmary, there were Simon and Kaylee – well, Kaylee mostly, couldn’t see much of Simon, sitting on the couch engaged in what could only be described as a very intimate position.

Unfortunately, Mal now had to deal with the pain from whiplash as he whirled away from the unsettling sight and ran straight into Jayne, who had, unbeknownst to Mal, been following the Captain.

“Hey Mal, what’s –“ Jayne looked around the corner after seeing the disgusted look on the Captain’s face. “Oh – well.” He paused for a moment, tilting his head to the side. “He’s doin’ that all wrong.”

“Oh, get away from there,” Mal growled.

“Oh, hell no. Gonna get a scorecard.”

“Jayne.”

Kaylee squealed which sounded like nails on a chalkboard to Mal’s ears and he backed further into the hallway in hopes that in taking a few steps away, the sound would simply stop. Jayne’s eyes were glued to the couple but he did arch his head back toward Mal. “Ain’t no place on the ship yer not gonna hear that.”

“Ugh, need to stop them.” Mal scrunched his eyes shut.

“Oh, don’t think that’s a good idea at the moment. I think they’re almost done.”

The excitement in Jayne’s voice made Mal nauseous. “Good God, Jayne, I didn’t need to know that. And – get away from there!”

“Oh no, I need a capture of this.” Jayne’s eyes hadn’t moved from the couch. “Thank God she’s on top. There ain’t no part of the doc I’d wanna see bare.”

Mal stepped forward to drag Jayne away but winced when he heard Kaylee crying out Simon’s name in a series of short, breathless pants. “Tian xiao de!”

“Ti wo de pi gu, he didn’t just –“

“Ahh!” Mal hissed, stopping that stream of thought instantly. He stared at Jayne, whose rapt attention to the act being performed before his eyes nearly unsettled him more than that act itself. “I don’t care what he just did, you need to –“

Kaylee squealed again and this time her cry was muffled, he assumed, by Simon’s mouth.

“Well I’ll be damned if he didn’t just get her off twice.” The awe in Jayne’s voice nearly made Mal want to look around the corner himself.

“Jayne!” Mal hissed. God, he didn’t need to know that. Even worse Jayne had watched it.

“Oh no, I don’t need to watch the doc do that.” Jayne turned around with a wince, caught one look at Mal’s disgusted face, and returned his attention to the couch. He put one hand up by his eye, as if trying to cut out half of what he was seeing, and smiled. “Ah, much better. Can’t see much of him this way.”

Mal groaned and pushed a hand through his hair.

“But damn isn’t she a squirmy one.”

“No, this isn’t happening. It’s not –“ Mal eyed the shipwide com on the wall a few feet away and sighed with relief.

Jayne whirled around with a depressed look just as the com unit clicked on. “I need all hands to the galley please. Everyone to the galley, now!”

“Aww, did ya have to do that?” Jayne whined. “Doc’s gonna be all grumpy now.”

Mal could see in Jayne’s eyes that he was just as disappointed at not being able to see the – end. “Yes. Your free sex show is over. You’ll need to go back to paying for it from now on.”

Jayne glanced down at Mal’s hand. “Doc gonna be grumpy you didn’t let him get off. Distracted even. Might hurt that hand of yours even worse than it already is.”

Mal grabbed Jayne by the shirt front and contemplated striking him, just as a very rumpled and harried Simon and Kaylee came around the corner.

Simon instantly flushed and Kaylee gasped out, “Cap’n, somethin’ wrong?” to cover her shock at seeing them not far from where she and Simon had been doin’ the deed. And it had taken her hours to convince him that the couch was a nice, comfy place and that everyone was still sound asleep.

Mal couldn’t look them in the eye as he turned around, dragging Jayne with him, and walked toward the galley. “Have some things need discussin’.”

‘K Cap’n.”

Mal didn’t see Kaylee clutch Simon’s hand as they followed quietly behind. Unfortunately, Mal turned around just as Simon settled himself gingerly into one of the dining area chairs. If he weren’t so disgusted by the reason for Simon’s discomfort, he would have laughed. Mal noted that he couldn’t see either of their hands as Kaylee settled in beside him.

Mal groaned inwardly and swore to himself that if his lil’ mechanic took care of Simon’s problem while they were all sitting right there, he wasn’t sure which of them he would throw into the airlock first.

THE END

Chinese Translation:

Tian xiao de - in the name of all that's sacred Ti wo de pi gu - kick me in the bottom